From the Eyes of the Werewolf
by Alphie
Summary: The events of PoA and a few unseen scenes told from Lupin's point of view. COMPLETE!
1. The Offer

(AN:  I have spent endless hours fixing this fic up so that all mistakes are gone.  I owe a HUGE debt of thanks to Rage Point, who is still working on the final beta read for me.  And I also need to thank my mom!  Being a Harry Potter fan herself she offered to look the story over and tell me her own thought.  But the biggest thanks goes out to Durayan and Thing1 who have inspired me from the start.  You guys ROX and I would never have gotten this far without you.  Now, on with the show!)

**Chapter One**

**The Offer **

The sun shone brightly as Remus Lupin made his way downstairs that morning.  It was certain to be a good day as Katie would be over that afternoon for lunch and another lesson out in the garden.  He smiled, thinking about her arrival, and opened the front door to retrieve the _Daily Prophet_ from his doorstep.  Carrying the newspaper inside and closing the door behind him, Remus casually flipped open the paper and glanced at the headline.  

He froze in place and a gasp escaped his throat as he read the headline again, just to make sure he wasn't seeing things.  

Quickly coming back to his senses, he went to his office and grabbed up his quill.  It took a moment to find a clean piece of parchment as he fumbled through the drawers.  _Why can you never find what you need when it is urgent, he thought.  When he found what he wanted, he rapidly scribbled out a response to the question that had been weighing on his mind for days now._

Dear Professor Dumbledore,

I accept your offer to serve in the position as Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher for the next school year.  I saw today's headline and understand now why you need me there.  I will arrive after the full moon, on the first day of term.

Remus Lupin

He sent the letter off right away.  It all suddenly made sense to him.  

Later that day, Remus sat at his desk, ran his hand over the Daily Prophet's front page again, thinking about everything that had happened in the last few days.  The headline, while shocking to most people, brought an understanding to Remus that others didn't have.  This was why his new employer had sought him out so diligently.  This was why he was needed at Hogwarts.  

**Sirius Black on the Loose from Azkaban**

No wonder Dumbledore, who had probably been one of the first informed about Sirius' escape, had pressed the issue of Remus joining the staff.  Truly concerned for his students, Dumbledore had sought out the one person who might be able to understand the mind of Sirius Black.  But Remus didn't really understand Sirius.  He used to, but that was before Sirius had shown his true loyalties to Voldemort.  

Remus shook his head and leaned over the desk, resting his head in his hands.  _Why, Sirius, he thought.  __Why?  He looked over at the photograph of the four of them he still had placed on the mantle.  They were so happy, so young, and so unaware of how fleeting happiness was.  Remus had kept the picture, not to torture himself, but to serve as a reminder that you can never be too careful about whom you can trust.  _

He heard Katie in the kitchen rummaging through pans.  She was once again being so kind as to prepare lunch for him_. Lunch?  Where has the morning gone?  Time is moving very oddly today, he thought.  Should he tell Katie about Sirius?  Remus and his friends had made a promise years ago never to reveal their secret of being Animagi to anyone.  Lily had been told, naturally, after they all agreed that it would be impossible to keep it from her forever.  But then Lily was romantically involved with James, whereas Katie was just a friend.  _

The truth was eating at his conscience.  He should have told Dumbledore years ago rather than continuing to misuse the trust of such a dear friend.  To tell him now would disclose a twenty-year secret that could prove to unravel their relationship.  Remus had had the chance to tell him when he came about the job offer.  Why hadn't he told Dumbledore then? Every passing day made it harder to justify the deception.

******

Remus opened the door wide, shocked at the appearance of Albus Dumbledore on his front step.  "Professor Dumbledore?"  

"Oh heavens, Remus.  I think you can start calling me Albus."  The tall, thin wizard smiled from under a thick mass of white beard.  His eyes twinkled from behind his half moon spectacles.

"Oh…yes."  Suddenly remembering his manners, Remus stammered, "C…come in."  He gestured for Dumbledore to enter.  "Please, have a seat."  Remus wasn't used to visitors.  Katie would come over to help with the garden and would even stay for a meal every now and again, and occasionally Mrs. Noyes would visit with her.  But other than that, it was very unusual for him to have visitors in his home. 

"Thank you.  It's so good to see you again.  How have things been?"

Remus poured a cup of tea for his visitor, knowing that it wouldn't be refused, and joined him in polite conversation. "Things have been just fine.  I've been enjoying my stay here very much."

"And what are you doing with yourself these days?  It's been so long since I've seen you."  Dumbledore sipped at his tea.

Remus felt very awkward about lying to him.  Times were hard, but he certainly didn't want Dumbledore pitying him.  "Well, I've traveled quite a bit.  That's what comes from trying your hand at different jobs…you never stay in one place too long."  

Dumbledore leaned forward on his chair and looked over his spectacles at Remus.  "Come now, Remus.  You can be truthful with me."

_Truthful! Wasn't that just part of the problem I have been wrestling with recently?  _thought Remus.  Then, sighing deeply, Remus gave in and explained, "Well, to be honest, things haven't been so good."

"Oh, dear, I'm sorry to hear that.  But I had a suspicion that things may have been difficult at times."

"Well, yes, they have been.  Since most employers don't think it a wise decision to have a werewolf on their staff, it's been a while since I've held a traditional job. When I returned here about two years ago and took up the work my mother used to do of supplying the local apothecary with herbs from the garden, I thought it would be enough to keep me occupied.  At first I found it quite peaceful out here, shut off from the world.  But now I think I need something a bit more challenging."

"A situation which I intend to remedy."  The old wizard smiled again.  "Supplying herbs is indeed important.  But you're too intelligent a wizard to simply waste the other talents you have been given."

Remus was taken aback by his statement, and felt the need to correct him.  "You mean, I'm too intelligent a werewolf."

"Poppycock!  What difference does it make?"  He sipped his tea nonchalantly.  

"Unfortunately, it makes a great difference to employers," Remus said.

"It doesn't make a difference to me, and I am an employer."  Dumbledore looked Remus meaningfully in the eyes.

Smiling, Remus added, "Yes, but you aren't _my employer."_

"Another situation I intend to remedy."

Remus' smile faded.  Had he understood Dumbledore correctly?  "I beg your pardon?"

Dumbledore sat forward in his chair.  "Remus, we are in great need of a qualified and able Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts, and I feel that you are just the person for the job."  Remus started to object, but Dumbledore stopped him before he had the chance.  "And I know what you're thinking…and it isn't true.  The position is in no way jinxed.  We've just had… a run of bad luck, you might say."  

Remus was stunned.  "Actually, that wasn't what I was thinking."

"Oh good.  I thought you were going to turn me down."  Dumbledore chuckled and took another sip of his tea.

Remus studied him a moment before saying, "Headmaster, you realize, of course, that my…condition…does in fact limit…."

"It does no such thing, Remus.  I know that you are much more than that.  You were in the top of your class, a fine student, and managed to hand in all papers on time, 'condition' or no."  His tone became mischievous.  "I remember you having an extremely agile and creative intellect, especially when it came to helping your friends out of sticky situations." 

Remus also remembered getting_ his friends _into_ some sticky situations.  Not wanting to think about his friends, Remus asked, "But won't the parents object?  They certainly never would have approved of a werewolf attending the school.  Why would they now approve of one teaching at the school?"_

"Because just as they didn't know then, they won't know now. It simply is not their concern, and they are all satisfied, for the most part, that I have nothing but the best interests of their children in mind.  With the possible exception of some of the Slytherin households, of course, so there you are."

Remus shook his head.  "Not telling them puts the students in danger.  They don't know that they need to protect themselves from me.  I've endangered others before and I can't bear the idea of doing it again."  

Dumbledore sat down his teacup.  "In the seven years that you attended Hogwarts, I can think of only one incident where someone was in danger because you were a werewolf, and that had nothing to do with your own behavior.  Why ever should this bother you now?"

Remus sighed heavily.  Dumbledore of course had no idea that there were more dangerous times than Remus cared to admit.  Even more frightening was the fact that he had laughed about some of them afterwards.  No one got hurt, but there had been so many chances that it still bothered him to think about it. It was youthful recklessness and a desire to fit in that ruled him then.  He was not about to make the same mistakes again.

Thinking that it would be impossible to keep the wolf a secret, he added, "I'll miss classes every month.  Someone's bound to notice and figure it out."  Remus spoke from experience.  After all, that was how Sirius figured it out.  He wiped the memory aside and looked at Dumbledore.  

"Yes, but by then you will have proven yourself an excellent teacher, and the students will enjoy your classes so much that no one will want you to leave,"  Dumbledore said jovially.  

Remus knew all the arguments.  Heaven knows he had heard them all dozens of times.  He had spent his whole life convincing himself that it was impossible for him to lead a normal life.  There were many problems to consider and he pointed out another one in the hope that Dumbledore would soon give up on him and accept that having a werewolf as a teacher was indeed a bad idea.  "But my transformations…I could be a danger to the students.  I've been taking the Wolfsbane Potion for quite some time now, but it's very difficult to make.  So difficult, in fact, that I, myself, am unable to prepare it."

"Oh, I'm sure Severus could whip up something to help with that."

"Severus?  Snape?" 

"Yes, he is our potions master, and an excellent one at that."

That was a complication that Remus hadn't foreseen and an even better reason for Remus not to be at Hogwarts.  "I don't think that Severus will help me.  After all, we didn't get along too well when we were younger."  And he was certain they wouldn't get along as adults.  

"He will make the necessary potion if I ask him to," Dumbledore said matter-of-factly.   

Dumbledore had an answer for everything.  Could this really be possible?  Remus went over it in his mind a few times, barely allowing himself to hope that it would work.  He wanted it badly.  It would mean so much to him to be working side by side with some of his old teachers, even if Snape was one of them, now.  He thought how wonderful it would be to see Hogwarts, and all that came with it, again.

But it would be difficult, too.  There would be unavoidable memories lurking around every corner.  The faces of his old friends flashed in his mind.  He would see them everywhere he went…he was sure of it.  He could see the Great Hall filled with lilies as James gave his graduation address.  He remembered Peter falling down the stairs and landing on top of Portia Pratling, a girl who was twice his size.  The suit of armor that once served as Sirius' pretend girlfriend….

Dumbledore interrupted his thoughts.  "I can see you're still trying to make up your mind.  So, allow me to give you one more reason why you should come: Harry Potter."

Remus blinked.  Harry?  James and Lily's Harry?  Of course that's what Dumbledore meant.  What other Harry Potter was there?  "I'll have Harry in class?"

"Most certainly.  He's a third year currently…and into just as much mischief as his father was."

Remus looked away and said, smiling, "James would be proud."

"Come to Hogwarts."  Dumbledore was serious.  His eyes fixed on Remus and wouldn't budge.  "Come prove to all those who are prejudiced against werewolves that you are very capable of this position.  Come and teach your friend's son, and all of his friends, what you know about defending themselves against the Dark Arts."

A fire began to burn in Remus' belly.  His mind raced towards all the possibilities the job offered.  A chance to prove himself, to enjoy his work, and to shake off the loneliness was staring him in the face.  He would be foolish to refuse.

Dumbledore looked him in the eyes with a thoughtful grin.  "There is _nothing_ to worry about.  You know I trust you implicitly."

Remus darted his eyes away from the old man at that statement.  This was an unseen situation for Remus.  He had almost forgotten about the trust Dumbledore had placed in him in his youth.  It was something Remus treasured.  But it was also something Remus had betrayed when he allowed his friends to do what they had done for him.  

"Headmaster…" He had wanted to tell the secret for so many years but put it off not wanting to get his friends in trouble.  However, two of them were dead now and the other had committed far worse crimes than this.  The only one left to get in trouble was Remus himself.  "There is something I feel I should tell you."  

Dumbledore looked back at him with those sparkling eyes, full of hope.  How could he tell his mentor what they had done?

"I want you to know," he said, realizing that it was now or never, "that I…need some time to think about this."

***

"Remus?"

Katie's voice brought him back to reality and into the present.

"Remus?  May I come in?"

Remus quickly put the newspaper in a desk drawer where she wouldn't be able to see it.  He had never told Katie about Sirius.  It was all too painful to admit.  "Yes, please come in," he said in what he thought was a cheerful tone.  

"Lunch is ready, if you're hungry."

"I am."  He stood up and rubbed his hands together.  "It sounds like just the thing!  Thank you."  He hoped she would fall for his fake happiness.

Katie frowned at him.  "Are you all right?"

Remus sighed.  The more time he spent with Katie, the better she was at reading his emotions.  Obviously, he wasn't doing a very good job of hiding them right this moment.

"I'm fine, really.  Just thinking about Hogwarts."  It wasn't really a lie, but it wasn't the full truth either.

"Oh, then you've come to a decision?"  She smiled at him, but it wasn't the happy smile that Katie normally had on her face.

"I have.  I'm going to accept."  He watched her intensely, hoping to find some sign of her feelings about this.  But she just smiled.  "In fact, I've already sent Dumbledore my acceptance letter."

She nodded, turned, and led him out towards the kitchen.  "Well, it's about time you gave that tattered old briefcase some good use."  It was very like Katie to try and change the mood with a joke.

Remus laughed at this.  "You know, I've been thinking about my classes and what I learned while I was at school."

"You actually found time for learning in between your mischief-making?"  Katie came around the counter and brought the food to the table. 

With a smirk, Remus said, "I should never have told you about that.  But yes, we did learn much in Defense Against the Dark Arts."  He took a breath and added quietly, "We even had a lesson on werewolves."

Katie stood still at the table across from Remus, staring at him for a moment.  She blinked and sat down.  Remus felt instantly guilty.  Even though she had known for quite some time about the wolf, it was still hard for her to imagine, and Remus knew that.  He joined her at the table and said, "It was an interesting lesson.  Not 100% truthful, but interesting."  It was also the lesson that gave James the idea on how to help Remus by becoming Animagi, but Remus couldn't say a word about that to Katie.  "I'll have to teach about werewolves."

Helping herself to some salad, Katie smiled lightly at him.  "Well then, look on the bright side.  At least your students will all learn the truth."

He looked at her with quiet understanding.  She was right, but then she was usually right.  She was always able to focus positively when he was being too negative.  Her company had meant the world to him this last year.  

"What?" she asked, noticing him staring at her. 

Dishing out some potatoes for himself, Remus said, "Oh, just thinking about how much I'm going to miss…" Remus caught himself, and hesitated a moment before quickly focusing on his plate and saying, "our lessons together. "

There was a long pause where neither of them said a word.  What could they say?  His leaving, although hard on both of them, would be a good thing, he knew it.  Remus had often thought that Katie spent too much time with him.  He enjoyed her visits, but what could come of them?  She couldn't stay here forever.  She needed to find the right place where she belonged, and where she could build herself a better life.  He set his face and looked back up at her.

Very quietly, her voice shaking, Katie said, "I'll miss the lessons, too."  Looking carefully at him, she added, "You write if there is ever anything I can do."  

Remus simply nodded and went back to his lunch. Oh, yes, he would indeed miss her.  


	2. The Journey to Hogwarts

(A/N: Again I must thank Thing1, Durayan, and Beruna Ford for all their help as well as others in the chat room.  I also must say that this chapter, as well as several up coming chapters, will contain text written by JK Rowling and not me.  I use it so that I don't muddle the story too much, but I do not have permission to do it.  I do not want to get into a copy write debate and I hope all the readers will understand my reasons for using the original text.  I'm grateful to JKR for creating such a wonderful character for me to play with…Remus torture!!) Chapter Two The Journey to Hogwarts 

A month later, Remus found himself feeling foolish for accepting the offer.  He stood on Platform 9 ¾, looking at the scarlet steam engine and wondering once again if he were doing the right thing. After all, how wise was it to place such young students in such close proximity to a werewolf, even with the Wolfsbane Potion?  And how wise was it to employ a teacher against whom almost all the parents would certainly object?

He'd arranged to travel to the school on the Hogwarts Express after checking the moon charts.  Two days ago had been a full moon, and Remus wanted to wait until after the full moon to arrive.  One less full moon spent at Hogwarts would be a good thing, he thought.  Dumbledore had actually been the one to suggest he take the train.  Remus opened his mouth to say that he would have no trouble Apparating after a good rest, but the quiet and firm look on Dumbledore's face had stopped him.  Remus realized that what Dumbledore particularly wanted was an adult on that train who could deal with any 'unforeseen events'. 

There were so many students and families running around.  It was easy to spot the first years as they usually had pale faces and stared with wonder at everything that was going on around them.  Actually, that was how Remus imagined he looked right about now.  He was very nervous, but he couldn't let anyone of these students know that.  It would lessen his credibility, and he was already teetering on the edge of being credible.  

A moment later, he was gently pushed aside as a family of redheads passed him, heading for the last car.  Remus watched as they hurried by, caught by the glimpse of one black-haired boy in the bunch.  The boy not only had messy, black hair, but round spectacles, and a face that was unmistakable.  Remus didn't need to see a scar to know who the boy was.  Staring at the back of the boy's head as he followed the red-haired family, Remus felt his heart quicken.  

With sudden determination, he picked up his briefcase and stepped onto the train.  Most of the compartments were full of rowdy teenagers, but Remus found one at the end that was empty.  He packed his briefcase in the compartment overhead and took a seat next to the window.  Leaning back and shutting his eyes, he couldn't help but remember his first time on this train, when he met James and Sirius.  How young he had been then. 

Thinking of his youth, Remus Lupin fell asleep.

******__**

_"Watch where you're going!"_

_"Sorry."  Remus had almost been knocked down by the other boy, but seeing as how the other boy was older and much bigger than he was, he didn't argue.  _

_Dragging his trunk along the passageway, Remus looked in the compartments one by one, hoping to find a friendly face.  There was one compartment filled entirely with girls, and he felt his face get very hot when one of them said he could join them.  He said thanks, but kept looking.  As he approached a compartment in the middle, he heard a rather odd popping noise.  _

_"Hang off it, will you!  Everyone will hear and you'll ruin the surprise," a deep voice said._

_"Alright!  I just wanted to make sure it was still working," another voice said._

_Remus peeked in the compartment and saw two boys hurriedly trying to hide something.  _

_"What are you doing?  Knock next time!" the boy with the deep voice said._

_"I'm sorry," Remus started, "I was just looking for a place to sit.  All the compartments seem to be full."_

_"Oh, well you can join us," the boy with glasses said, nodding at the other boy with wide eyes.  The other boy didn't seem to want Remus to stay, as he was shaking his head at the boy with glasses, but heaved a deep breath and flopped back in his seat.  _

_"I'm James Potter," the glasses boy said.  He swatted at the other boy and said, "And this goon is Sirius Black." _

_"Remus Lupin, nice to meet you," he said, sitting in the seat next to James.  He shook both of the boys' hands, but Sirius still seemed reluctant to be friendly with Remus.  His handshake was less than enthusiastic.  He can probably sense me, Remus thought.  Most people can tell that something is wrong.  Great, I knew I shouldn't have come.  I'm just going to get made fun of again, and I'll have to go back home.  It's always the same story._

_"Er, don't mind Sirius.  He's just afraid you'll spoil his fun." Remus saw the two boys exchange wicked glances._

_"I beg your pardon?" Fun?  What were they talking about?_

_James leaned in close to Remus and explained in a voice just louder than a whisper, "He's got a new toy that he wants to try out on somebody."  James pointed over at Sirius who had a very innocent look on his face._

"Moi?  Would I play a trick on an unsuspecting individual?"  Remus could see he was hiding something behind his back.  "Don't worry about this," he said, referring to whatever it was.  "It's just a new invention of mine."

_Remus looked from one boy to the other, realizing that this could really be loads of fun.  "There's a whole compartment of girls two doors down."  Remus smiled mischievously._

_Surprised by the comment, Sirius leaned forward.  "What did you say your name was again?"_

_"Remus.  Remus Lupin."  _

_For a moment, Remus thought that Sirius was going to knock him down for suggesting it. But instead, he hit Remus on the knee and said, with a wide grin, "Remus Lupin, eh?  Well you're my kind of bloke!"_

******

In his drowsy, Remus felt the train slowing down and coming to a stop.  Surely they hadn't arrived yet.  He was certain he remembered the ride as being longer.  As he drifted back into consciousness, he heard all sorts of strange voices rummaging around in the compartment.  There was a loud thud and two distinct squeals of pain.

"Who's that?" a female voice said.

"Who's_ that?" another voice said._

"Ginny?" the first one said again.

"Hermione?" the second one answered.

The voices argued a moment while trying to find a seat, apparently sitting on one of the boys in the compartment.  Remus had had enough.  If he didn't do something quickly, he, too, would be sat upon.  "Quiet!" he said hoarsely.

He had obviously had an effect on them as none of them were talking anymore.  Remus gathered up his hands and magicked a small, blue-flamed fire in them.  He was anxious to find out what was going on and why they had stopped.

"Stay where you are," he told the students in the compartment as he stood up, intending to leave the compartment.  But before he even reached the door, he had his answer.  There in the doorway stood a dementor.  

_What ever were they doing here?  Dementors were usually only allowed at Azkaban, and Dumbledore would never allow…_

_Azkaban…Sirius…_

So, the dementors were searching the train for Black.  That must be the reason for the delay.  Dementors surely wouldn't be permitted on the train otherwise.  It appeared that the security around Hogwarts was indeed tight this year.  A sudden thought struck Remus.  Was Sirius now looking for Harry?  Is that why he broke out of prison?  He cursed himself for not thinking of it sooner and decided that he had better go and find Harry.

But before he could leave, he had to get rid of the dementor.  Remus felt the room grow cold at its' presence and decided that the students need not be subjected to it any longer.  His own mind had begun racing, the sound of a wolf chasing him.  He had to get the dementor out of here before it started to affect everyone too deeply.  But at that moment, one of the boys suddenly fell to the floor with a thud, obviously overcome with the effect of the dementor.  Remus looked down at him, and, for the first time, realized with whom he was sharing a compartment.  

It was Harry.  

The dementor was affecting Harry badly and Remus understood why.  He had to get that thing out of the compartment quickly.  Stepping over Harry, he approached the dementor and said, "None of us is hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks.  Go."  The dementor didn't move.  Remus pointed his wand at the dementor, and muttered "_Expecto Patronum_!" A brilliant, silvery-white Patronus shot out of the end of his wand, sending the dementor away from the compartment.  

Remus turned back towards the rest of the students.  They were all looking very pale, and the little redheaded girl in the corner was shaking very badly.  But his main concern was Harry, who was still lying on the floor.  

The lanterns flickered back on, and the train slowly began to move again.  One of the girls had bent down next to Harry and was slapping the side of his face, trying to wake him up.  Remus, however, knew that what Harry needed was a large piece of chocolate.  He felt in his robes and brought out a large bar he had with him just as Harry opened his eyes.  

"Are you okay?" the tall red-haired boy asked.

"Yeah," said Harry, looking around.  "What happened?  Where's that thing?  Who screamed?" 

_Screamed?   _Harry had heard someone scream?_  Remus couldn't help but be concerned at what Harry had just heard in his mind and wondered if it had anything to do with James and Lily._

"No one screamed,"the tall boy explained. 

"But I heard screaming…"

Remus needed to lighten the air of the compartment.  With a snap the chocolate chunk was in pieces.  "Here," he said, handing a rather large portion to Harry.  "Eat it.  It'll help."

"What was that thing?"  Harry asked him as he handed out pieces to the other students.

"A dementor.  One of the dementors of Azkaban."

Five sets of eyes were now staring up at him, and no one was eating the chocolate.  He put the wrapper in his pocket and looked around at them.  Harry's green eyes shone brightly, and Remus held his breath at the sight of them.  Remus felt suddenly nervous. 

"Eat," he finally said.  "It'll help."  Remus needed a moment to himself and made up an excuse.  "I need to speak to the driver, excuse me…"

He stepped out into the corridor and leaned up against the wall when he was out of sight.  Shutting his eyes, he took a deep breath.  James' face filled his mind_.  James…he looks just like you…he thought.  Remus had known Harry as a baby and they had all known then that Harry resembled his father, with Lily's big green eyes.  But nothing had prepared Remus for this.  It was like looking into the face of a friend he had thought he would never again see._

But then it occurred to him that Harry had probably never seen James' face at all.  Did he realize how much he looked like his father?  Remus ran his fingers over his eyes and back towards his temples.  Oh God, all the stories he could tell Harry about James.  All the information that Remus had on James would probably be a treasure to Harry, who had never had the chance to know him.  But the thought of going back in there and telling all this to Harry frightened him a bit.  To explain his relationship with James would mean explaining his relationship with Sirius and Peter.  And once all that was information was given, Harry would inevitably ask about his parents' death.  How could he ever explain something that he himself didn't understand?  Besides, it wasn't really his place to tell Harry all of that, was it?  But who else knew James as well as Remus did?  Oh, that one was easy….Sirius….

Remus ran his fingers though his hair, trying to block these thoughts from his mind.  Going to the front of the train, he asked the driver how long it would be until they arrived and if he could please use one of the owls on board.  Remus quickly attached a note about the dementor and Harry's condition to the owl and sent it off to Hogwarts.  Once Remus had an answer on the arrival time, he returned to the compartment, eager to check on Harry.  He made up his mind that he wouldn't mention Lily and James unless Harry asked.  Yes, that would be best.

Remus looked around at the students and decided that the red-haired boy and girl must be brother and sister, but he didn't recognize any of them.  He also noticed that none of the chocolate had been consumed.  "I haven't poisoned that chocolate, you know…" he said, trying not to smile too widely at them, amused at their caution, almost as if his youthful reputation had preceded him.

Everyone began nibbling on their pieces, slowly at first, but more rapidly as they began to feel better.  "We'll be at Hogwarts in ten minutes."  Without even thinking, Remus asked, "Are you all right, Harry?"

As soon as it left his mouth, Remus felt badly.  He should have introduced himself, and certainly not have called Harry by his first name without explaining how he knew who he was, first.  Remus had the feeling he was now going to have to explain all about Lily and James and how he knew them.  _Perfect, he thought.  __Didn't you just decide not to go into all this?_

But Harry didn't seem to mind that Remus knew his name.  He just said, "Fine," and looked slightly embarrassed.

Remus took his seat by the window and thought for a moment.  Certainly Harry was used to people recognizing him…he had that dreadful scar on his forehead after all.  Remus eyed him a few times as they approached Hogsmeade station, still stunned at the resemblance he shared with James.  

As they all left the train and Harry and his friends went off to get into their carriages, Remus couldn't help but smile to himself.  It was as if James were still alive.  If only…. 

"Professor!" a great burly voice boomed.  "Professor Lupin!"  It was Hagrid, waving and signaling Remus to come over to him.

"Hagrid!  How are you?"  Remus asked as great drops of rain fell on him.

"Wet! And I got to take the firs' years 'cross the lake yet!"  Hagrid was indeed a wet mess.

"What a dreadful journey to make this evening!" he said with a slight chuckle.

"Lucky fur you, Dumbledore sent 'is personal carriage t' bring you up to th' castle."  Hagrid pointed to a very fine coach at the head of the line and Remus, thanking Hagrid, set off to take shelter in the carriage.     


	3. The Severe Meeting

(AN:  I'm very glad that some of you Remus fans are getting a kick out of this.  Thanks again to Thing1, Durayan, and Beruna Ford for reading this over and egging me on to write more.  And as for my take on Snape…let's hope this works!  A special thanks to Dr. C for the suggestion.) Chapter Three The Severe Meeting 

****

Peering out the window, Remus watched as Hogwarts grew closer and closer.  This was really happening.  He was going to be doing what he had always wanted to do.  Soon, he would be seated at the head table and introduced as a new professor.  Oh, wouldn't his friends get a laugh out of this!  How many times had they each pretended they were one of the staff and were now able to order all the other students around?  

_ "What would you like to teach, James?"  Peter once __asked at dinnertime. _

_"Ah, that's easy!  Transfiguration!"_

_"Awwww."  Sirius scowled.  "That's boring! Besides, you only want to teach that so you can show off as Prongs!   I'd have to go for something more exciting, like Care of Magical Creatures where I could be the first teacher to bring in a Dragon!  Or how about Defense Against the Dark Arts?"_

_"With you teaching, Sirius," James said, "they'd have to call it Defense Against a Hot Head!"  Everyone snorted as Sirius jabbed an elbow in James' side.  _

_"What about you Remus?  What would you teach?" James asked, still laughing._

_Startled, Remus fell out of his giggling fit and became very straight-faced.  "Oh, I, er, don't think I'd be a teacher." How could he be?  Who would be foolish enough to give a werewolf a job teaching children?_

_Sirius rolled his eyes, "Moony, next to Fat Head Boy here, you know you're the smartest one in the school.  Why wouldn't you teach?"_

_"Oh, well," Remus stammered, "you know." Not wanting to go into it right then, he asked Peter what he would like to teach.  But as Peter droned on with his answer, Remus couldn't help notice that Sirius was eyeing him. Looking down at his plate, Remus had tried to avoid his eyes._

_When dinner was over and they were all heading up to the common room, Sirius pulled Remus aside.  "Why do you do that to yourself, Moony?"_

_Still not wanting to look him in the eye, Remus said, "Do what?"_

_"You think you have limited options in life, don't you?  Well you're wrong.  Hasn't seven years at Hogwarts helped you figure that out yet?"  Sirius wasn't known for being serious, and when he spoke like this, Remus was always taken aback.  "You can be anything you want to be, Remus.  You're smart enough, you're talented enough, and you're certainly brave enough.  I just hope that one of these days you'll realize it."_

They always tried to convince him that he could do anything, and he had always insisted that he was limited.  But time had proven them right, and he was going to be a teacher.  Of the four of them, Remus never expected it would be he who earned a position on the Hogwarts staff.  But then, James had never really been given a chance.

The carriage came to a stop and he hopped out with his briefcase over his head, shielding him from the pelting rain.  Noticing Harry and his friends having a confrontation with a blond boy, Remus stepped over quickly and asked if there was a problem.  The blond boy smirked at him, noticing the state of his robes, but not wanting to cause trouble, ran up the steps with two other very large boys.  Shaking his head, Remus darted up the steps as well and was met by Professor McGonagall.  

"Professor Lupin!"  Minerva McGonagall was waiting for the first years as always.  "How good to see you, again!"

She looked the same as she had when Remus was a student, and it made him almost laugh.  Shaking the rain off his cloak he said, "Thank you, but I suppose I look a frightful mess right this instant!"

"Yes, the weather is quite treacherous this evening.  Poor Hagrid and all the new first years; I shudder to think of the state they will be in when they arrive.  You, however, are welcome to help yourself to one of the spare cloaks in the staff room."  She pointed down the hall to where the staff room was.  

"I think I just might do that!"  

"I received your note about Mr. Potter.  Madam Pomfrey has been notified and will be tending to Harry."  Remus could tell that there was more she wanted to say, but didn't.  She knew that Remus had been friends with James and probably understood his concern for Harry because of it.  But, being polite, she didn't mention it.

"Thank you.  I'll feel better when he receives a clean bill of heath!"  He turned to go.

"Professor?" McGonagall said, stopping him before he left.  "Might I add that I am very glad to see you here and am sure you will make an excellent addition to the staff."

"Thank you."  His smile faded slightly, but her statement lifted his spirits.

"Dumbledore told me you were reluctant to take the job."  

Remus remembered that she always had an excellent way of getting people to reveal information to her that they didn't want to reveal.  "Well, there are complications, but I think I can manage."

"Manage?  You were one of the brightest students I ever saw pass through this school.  I think you do far more than manage."  A sudden bolt of lightning and a loud thunderclap startled them both.  She looked out across the lake for signs of the first years.  "Oh dear, I hope all is well."

"I'm sure Hagrid is taking good care of them."  Thanking her again, Remus headed toward the ever-elusive staff room feeling better than he had imagined.  He smiled as he approached the great wooden door.   The Marauders had broken into this room a few times while they were here, looking for things a good student shouldn't be looking for.  But this time, he entered with ease, amused at the thought that he was now _allowed_ to be in the room.  But his breath caught in his throat as he looked up to see a man sitting at the table, reading.

Their eyes locked and neither spoke for a good long while.  Remus felt his heart quicken as the black eyes looked him up and down.  Those eyes always gave him a cold chill, and it was only years later that he had discovered why that was.  After all, werewolves didn't tend to get along with creatures like Snape.  Deciding that they would have to speak at some point, Remus broke the silence.

"Hello," he started, "Severus."

"Lupin."  His voice was lower than Remus had remembered, but then it had been a few years.  However impossible it seemed, his skin was actually the palest Remus had ever seen it.  One look at his hair had told Remus that he still hadn't learned how to properly wash it – greasy as ever.

Going to the wardrobe by way of the other side of the room, he tried to avoid Snape's piercing stare.  It made the hair on his arms stand on end.  If he could just get the cloak and leave, he could go into the Great Hall and Snape wouldn't be able to bother him.  Remus had almost reached the wardrobe when Snape spoke again.

"What are you doing here?"

"I beg your pardon, Severus?"  He spoke more clipped than he had intended to.  

"You heard me.  What are you doing here?"  His eyes were still fixed on Remus.

"I just thought I'd get a dry robe."

Snape glanced him up and down once more before saying, "Yes, interesting choice of apparel.  I would recommend not only dry robes, but new ones as well."  He brushed at the front of his own robes and Remus noticed for the first time how costly and fine they were.  _You always wanted to appear better than you were.  _

Glancing down at his own robes, Remus said, "Perhaps I'll get the chance to go to Hogsmeade one weekend."  The old robes were indeed tattered, but he had always mended them carefully.  They weren't nearly as nice as the average teacher's should be, but then, Remus wasn't your average teacher.  

"Let's only hope the visit doesn't fall during the full moon."  Snape said, knowing exactly which buttons to push.  But then, Remus knew a few secrets about Snape that he was certain very few people knew about.  He could always mention….

Having experienced getting in trouble for fighting with Snape on the first day of term, Remus wasn't anxious to relive the experience.  Of course, he wouldn't receive a detention for it this time, but he still didn't need the reputation of being a troublemaker.  He decided to ignore Snape's stinging personal comments for the time being.  "I was told you would be making the Wolfsbane Potion for me.  Thank you."

"Don't think of it as kindness as it is nothing of the sort.  It is a mere necessity."  His words were crisp and threatening.  "I fought long and hard against your appointment to this position, but it seems Dumbledore trusts you.  Though I can't see why.  So, I will make the potion for you every month, but only because I know too well the dangers of having a werewolf around.  Especially one with criminal friends."

Very rationally, with a calm experience had forced him to practice, Remus said,  "I know what you're implying, but I have nothing to do with Sirius anymore."

"Just like you had nothing to do with that little trick he decided to play on me?"

"As if you, of all people, were ever in danger."  Remus said with a soft lilt to his voice.  "I know you have ways of protecting yourself, Severus, the same way I have _my ways.  And just as I wanted to keep my secret, I can only assume that you would like to keep your secret, too."  Snape stood abruptly and looked Remus right in the eye.  He knew that it had always bothered Snape that he could remain so calm, and right now, Remus was doing an excellent job at it.  Neither man moved for moment until Remus decided he had had enough.  Quietly he said, "I will not argue with you about this anymore."  He turned quickly to the wardrobe._

"I know why you're here, and I'll be watching you."  Snape swept angrily toward the door.  

"What are you talking about?" asked Remus, now standing next to the wardrobe.  

Snape stopped and turned slowly and deliberately to face Remus.  Speaking in an icy voice, Snape explained, "Hogwarts has certainly become a dark place lately.  Dementors, an escaped prisoner, and now a werewolf are all possible guests for dinner.  Just know that you are not welcome at my table."  Snape left the room in a swirl of black cloak.

Remus looked at the wardrobe again.  He opened it, ran his fingers over the soft material of the stunning robes, and closed the door again.  Why should he pretend to be something he was not?  _Just wear your own robe_, he thought.  Putting on airs would be stooping to Snape's level.

"Professor Lupin?"   A small, squeaky voice came from the doorway.  It was tiny Professor Flitwick, dressed just as handsomely as Snape had been.  Although Remus would never describe either man as handsome.  "We're waiting for you to join us at the staff table."

"Professor Flitwick, How very good to see you again," Remus said, approaching him.

"The feeling's mutual!  It always does my heart good to see a fine student return to Hogwarts.  Especially one who can help me with a little task I've been asked to take care of."

"What task is that?"  Remus asked curiously.

"There is a boggart living under the Great Stair.  Nasty thing.  Dumbledore asked us to get rid of it after the Feast.  I'm not looking forward to seeing another Lethifold, but then, my Patronus charm is quite strong, you know!  I didn't gain my position as charms teacher based on my height, after all!"  He chuckled at his own joke.  "Being the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, I wondered if you would be of assistance?"

Boggarts never bothered Remus.  In fact, he enjoyed them in an odd way.  They always changed into the moon at the sight of him, but being a fake moon, it had no effect on him.  It was his one chance to look at the full moon as a human and not a wolf.  Smiling, he replied, "I would be delighted to help out.  I enjoy boggarts immensely." 

"You do?  How very odd."  He seemed stunned that someone would actually want to see a boggart. 

Trying to find a plausible excuse to explain his excitement to Professor Flitwick, Remus said, "I had hoped to find one about the castle, actually.  I think it would be an excellent learning opportunity if one of my classes could try their hand at it. It is a dark creature after all." It seemed quite ridiculous at the time to consider that Remus, a dark creature himself, would be teaching defense strategies against another dark creature.  But that was his job now.

Smiling up at him, Flitwick squeaked, "It's nice to know that we might actually have a knowledgeable Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher this year!  A far cry from what we've had the last two years."  He turned around and started out into the hallway.  "Come along then, or we'll miss the Sorting."

Remus nodded.  Giving once last glance back at the wardrobe, he followed Professor Flitwick out to the Great Hall.


	4. The Werewolf in the Hat

(AN: Much of this chapter was written out in a chat between Thing1, Durayan, and myself.  Hence, I cannot take full credit for some of these ideas.  But I must say, this is my favorite chapter in this story so far.  Well, the next chapter is pretty clever, but I so enjoyed writing the Sorting Hat song.  I hope you like this as much as I do) Chapter Four The Werewolf in the Hat 

**__**

The Great Hall was always an exquisite sight to see on the first day of term.  Even after all the years he spent in his youth here, Remus still held the place in awe.  It took his breath away, especially after being away for so long.  He glanced up at the enchanted ceiling, and the condition of the sky outside, and marveled that they would still require the first years to cross the lake in this weather.  A bolt of lightning shot across the ceiling, brightening the room briefly.   The candles were still floating in the air, but on a dark night like tonight, the castle would seem more dimly lit than usual.  

He started toward the front table where the staff always sat.  Without even realizing he was doing it, his eyes fell upon the Gryffindor table, currently empty.  The students had yet to arrive, and the table seemed unused to the quiet.  Soon, excited students, begging for the feast to begin, would crowd around it.  

"Ah!  Remus, my dear fellow!"  Professor Dumbledore headed for him with his hand outstretched.  "So good to see you here, finally!" he said jovially, shaking Remus' hand.  "Allow me to introduce the rest of the staff."  He turned, keeping a hand on Remus' shoulder, and guided him down the table, naming each professor as they went.  

"I believe you already know Professor Flitwick and Professor Binns, let me start with Professor Sprout, our herbology teacher."

A short, round witch came bounding up to him and shook his hand rather enthusiastically.  "Yes, yes, Professor Lupin.  Very pleased to meet you."  She leaned in close to him and whispered, "And we're all stocked up on wolfsbane!"  She smiled at him, but Remus didn't feel at all comforted by her statement.  Dumbledore had alerted them about the wolf.  Why wouldn't he?  But Remus had never been surrounded by so many people that knew about his condition before.  He had always kept it to himself.  There was one birthday he could remember where all his friends who had known and his parents were in attendance, but that was different.  These people here were almost total strangers, and their knowing about the wolf set him on edge.

Dumbledore continued to introduce the staff, and everyone was pleasant towards him, but they all looked at him in that all too familiar way that Remus had grown accustomed to.  It was a cross between pity and wonder.  Most people, once they knew the truth, found it very difficult to believe.  But as Remus proved it to them, they would always start to pity him if they didn't shut him out and shun him completely, and he hated that.  That above everything else was why he wanted to keep the wolf a secret.   He could deal with people hating what he was, but the pity was too much for him.  He had survived twenty-seven years like this, graduated Hogwarts, and had never in his life hurt another human being.  That wasn't something to pity.

The names of the professors were dancing in his head now, as students started making their way into the school.   He was going over them again and again, determined to have them down pat and not appear a fool that couldn't remember names.  Sinistra, Vector, Sprout, Hooch….but someone was missing.

"Excuse me, Madam Hooch, but do you know where Madam Pomfrey is?"  He wanted to catch up with her so badly.

"I believe she is still tending to Mr. Potter.  Awful creatures, those dementors."  

"Yes indeed," added Professor Vector. "Weren't you on the train when it happened, Professor Lupin?"

"I was.  It had quite an effect on him, I'm afraid."  

"The innocent are usually affected badly by dark creatures."  The comment had come from Snape, who met Remus' eyes without fear.

Without skipping a beat, Remus said, "Yes, they are.  Which is why I will be sure my students can protect themselves against _all dark creatures.  Wouldn't you agree, Severus?"  _

The comment had the desired effect.  He was certain that Snape understood his underlying meaning as Snape turned away from Remus and took his seat at the table.  Remus smiled to himself, his suspicions confirmed.  Apparently, the rest of the staff was unaware of Snape's little secret.  This gave Remus quite a bit to play with and he knew it would be his way of keeping Snape in check this year.  Very interesting that Dumbledore would inform the staff of a werewolf and not about this.

The hall was now full and Remus looked around for Harry, but didn't see him.  He did, however, spot the red-haired family.  As he took his seat, he asked Professor Sinistra who the family was.

"Those are all Weasleys!  Their father, Arthur, works for the Ministry of Magic.  Very talented, the whole lot of them, but beware of the twins.  I've not had them in class myself, but I've heard they can cause quite a fuss!"

Remus had heard of Arthur Weasley of course, and was pleased to know that Harry had found friends in such a good family.  How many times had Remus been thankful for his own good friends?  As he watched them, he saw one of the twins try to frighten the little girl with something in a box.  She made a face, rolled her eyes at her bother, and turned to catch up with a friend.  Remus chuckled to himself.

Everyone grew suddenly still as Professor McGonagall entered the Hall, leading the first years up to the front.  Remus noted how scared they all looked as she took out the stool and placed the Sorting Hat upon it.  The quiet of the hall was thick as everyone waited for the hat to sing its song for the year.

_It may seem strange it may be silly_

_But here is what I do._

_I sort you into houses Based upon your own virtue._

_Don't be afraid, there's naught to fear_

_What should you do, you ask?_

_Just listen close and I'll describe_

_Just how to do this task._

_Place me boldly upon you head_

_Your ears I'll slip around,_

_I'll have a look inside you head_

_To see what can be found._

_If brave and daring you seem to be_

_Then to Gryffindor you'll go,_

_But a wise and learned person_

_Will be in Ravenclaw, you know._

_To Hufflepuff I place all those_

_Who love to work and labor,_

_But in bold Slytherin you will find_

_Your cunning, ambitious neighbor._

_Each house __has noble qualities_

_Divided as they may seem,_

_But understand that each is held_

_With the utmost highest esteem._

_I promise this won't hurt a bit,_

_If I could, I'd cross my heart._

_So take a breath as off we go, _

_The Sorting __is about to start!_

The hall erupted in applause as the hat finished singing. McGonagall wasted no time in calling out the first name.  The student nervously approached the hat, placed it on his head, and sat on the stool, waiting.  As Remus watched, a twinge of nervousness hit him in the stomach as he remembered all too well what it was like to be sorted. 

_"Black, Sirius." _

_Sirius exchanged a nervous glance with James before he headed for the stool at the front of the hall._

_"Come on, Sirius.  Don't let that hat see your mischievous side or you'll be in Slytherin," James said to himself in a barley audible voice. _

_"GRYFFINDOR!" the hat shouted, and Sirius beamed over at James proudly and joined the other Gryffindors __at the far table._

_Now it was Remus and James' turn to exchange glances, and it was clear they were thinking the same thing.  Please, let me get into Gryffindor!_

_Remus felt his hands go numb as they approached the "L" names and his own name grew closer.  That hat had said it could see inside your head and read your thoughts.  What would it say when it discovered the wolf?  Remus didn't want anyone to know, especially James and Sirius, who had been so nice to him on the train.  Please, don't let that hat see the wolf!_

_"Lupin, Remus." _

_He felt his knees go weak and he took a timid step forward.  He could feel hundreds of eyes on him as he sat down on the stool.  Professor McGonagall dropped the hat on his head and it slipped down, covering his eyes.  Everything went very dark as he waited, terrified.  _

_"Interesting…" he heard a small voice say.  "Very interesting.  I've never had one of your kind before."_

_'One of your kind' it said.  Oh no, it could tell he wasn't like the others.  _

_"No, indeed, you are not like the others."_

_More than ever, Remus wished to be just like everyone else that very moment.  _

_"Why should you want to be like everyone else?  Your intelligence is to be admired.  A quality not found too often.  I would have put you in Ravenclaw, if not for the wolf."_

_Would have put?  __WOULD have put?  He knew it.  He was going to have to make a run for it once the hat revealed his secret.  He could just imagine the hat shouting out "WEREWOLF!" instead of a house name, causing all the students to run from him.  Oh, why did he ever think he could come here and pretend that he was normal?_

_"Yes, why did you come?  Your presence here shows great courage and strength of character."_

_Remus only hoped that his legs would show great strength when he was running out of the Great Hall, and that he would have the courage to tell James and Sirius that he had enjoyed the train ride and was sorry for not telling them the truth.  _

_"Hummm…" he heard the voice mumble.  "Well then, the bravery is the stronger factor here, so it best be…."_

_"GRYFFINDOR!"_

_Remus blinked as the hat was removed from his head.  He looked around the room stunned.  The Gryffindor table, Sirius included, clapped and waved him over.  Was this real?  Did the hat __actually see the wolf and find Remus brave enough and worthy enough to stay at school?  His now wobbly legs managed to carry him over to the table where Sirius gave him a swift congratulatory pound on the back.  As he sat down with his fellow Gryffindors, his heart calmed down, and he felt for the first time ever, a sense of really belonging somewhere._

_They watched as a stumpy boy named Peter Pettigrew was Sorted into Gryffindor.  He took a seat next to Sirius and Remus.  Then it was James' turn with the hat. It only took a moment for the hat to place him in Gryffindor as well.  Remus beamed at his new friends as the Sorting was concluded and Dumbledore began addressing the crowd._

"Welcome!" said Dumbledore, snapping Remus out of the past and back into the present.  As Dumbledore explained the presence of the dementors, Remus glanced around to the Gryffindor table and found Harry sitting next to the Weasleys.  He appeared to be fine and not the least bit bothered by what had happened.  But then, he probably didn't want anyone to know if he was bothered.  

Remus drew his attention back to Dumbledore's speech as he heard, "On a happier note, I am pleased to welcome two new teachers to our ranks this year.  First, Professor Lupin, who has kindly consented to fill the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."

Remus rose from his seat slightly and gave a nod to the students, who were clapping with rather scattered enthusiasm.  He had to smile to himself, knowing that they were probably looking at him and thinking, "Here we go again – and it looks like this one won't make it past Christmas, this time."  He noticed that most of the noise came from the Gryffindor side of the room, and that pleased him.  _At least I managed to handle the dementor __well enough for them, he thought.__  But he also noticed other students eyeing him suspiciously and heard a whisper concerning his choice in robes.  Never being a vain person, Remus chuckled to himself._

From the other side of the table, Remus felt someone staring at him.  A quick glance down was all it took to realize it was Snape.  He wasn't just staring, he was giving Remus a look of such anger and hatred that, once again, Remus felt a chill.  

Intent on enjoying the feast, Remus ignored his glare and turned to Hagrid, who was also being introduced as a new teacher.  Overjoyed at his appointment, Hagrid actually appeared to be blushing.  Remus was delighted to hear about this, and so were most of the students, who now applauded and cheered loudly.  

"Well, I think that's everything of importance," said Dumbledore happily.  "Let the feast begin!"

With the usual sudden pop, the golden plates on the tables began filling with delicious treats and culinary masterpieces.  Remus began helping himself as discussion from enthusiastic voices filled the hall with noise.  The small talk that followed pertained to course schedules and classroom assignments.  Most of the classrooms were in the same places that Remus remembered them to be, but the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom had been moved after a rather grueling incident with a Streeler left the room covered in poison.  The room, Remus found out, had been removed from the castle, and the new DADA room, with an adjoining office, was located on the second floor across from the bathrooms.

As the feast came to a conclusion, Remus found himself being instructed on how to get into the staff wing of the school.  This was something that the Marauders would have done anything to know back in their day.  The staff wing, located off the Great Hall to the north, was one of the most heavily enchanted areas of the castle.  Each member of the staff had their own suite of rooms in which they could have or do whatever they pleased.  Seeing as how no students were ever allowed in this area, Remus was quite interested in what he would find there.

Unfortunately, it wasn't as spectacular as he had hoped.  The enchantments were indeed difficult, and only an advanced wizard would be able to perform the necessary _Sayseame Openais charm to obtain passage to the Suit of Armour standing guard at the door.  Upon his recognition of the staff member, he would rap once on the large oak door, and it would open up to a large corridor filled with door after door.  Remus' suite was at the far end.  Apparently, the longer you had been at the school, the closer your suite was to the main door.  _

He took a deep breath as he entered what would be his home for the next year.  It seemed to be a comfortable set of rooms with a sitting room and living area connected to a bedchamber.  There were shelves of books along one wall.  Remus glanced over and found an entire collection of Lockhart books.  He chuckled at them and decided to save "Wanderings with Werewolves" for another night.  The bedroom contained a familiar fourposter bed with red drapes.  _They must decorate the rooms according to the house you were Sorted into_, he thought.  His trunk had been brought to the foot of the bed, which had been readied for sleep.  

The setting, though apparently comfortable, was far from that for Remus.  He always had a bit of difficulty moving to a new location, as the wolf didn't easily adapt to unfamiliar surroundings.  He remembered his first few nights at Hogwarts with a pang as he didn't get much sleep that first week.  Breathing in the slightly musky scent of the room, Remus tried to familiarize himself with his new surroundings.  

He decided that adding a few personal items would be the best way to start feeling "at home."  So he opened up the large trunk and rummaged around until he found the items he was looking for.  Dusting them off, even though they weren't dirty in the slightest, he walked over to the fireplace and set them upon the mantle.  They were all photographs.  The first was of his parents, waving up at him with they pride they always had.  He hoped that they were looking down on him now as he began this career that he always had wanted.  

He watched his mum and dad for a long moment, smiling sadly as he watched them laugh and wave, even as they had their arms wrapped around each other; his father's draped over his mother's shoulders, his mother holding his father tightly around the waist.  As was his custom, he spoke out loud to the picture, standing here in the solitary space of his new room.

"Well, I'm back at Hogwarts, you see.  I'm a professor now…Defense Against the Dark Arts.  Can you believe it?"

He smiled at the picture and gave a little wave himself at the figures as they beamed back at him.

"I miss you…" he whispered.  "And I still love you.  I wouldn't be here without you; thank you. Oh, I still love you so very much…."

They had loved each other very much, and Remus couldn't help but think that even though he still missed them with all his heart, he was glad that they were at least together again.  His father had been devastated when they confirmed that Gwendolyn Lupin's cancer was something not even the most advanced healer's magic would cure.  She had been young, only 62, and there was every chance that his father was going to face a long, lonely time without her; Remus couldn't even name a time from his childhood when they had been apart for more than a few hours in the working day.  Edmund Lupin had never been the same after his wife's death, and his sadness had brought Remus to tears many times.  It was almost a blessing that his father had died only 10 years later, still only in late middle age at 87.

He finally understood the true depth of what they felt, really, he thought to himself, as he slowly reached up and placed the second picture on the mantle gently next to his parents.  This one was of Katie.  Mrs. Noyes had snapped it one day taking Katie by total surprise.  That shock showed on her pictured face as she wiped a stray hair out of her eyes, finally smiling.  Did she realize how very charming she was?   

The last was the picture of Sirius, James, Peter, and Remus taken after the N.E.W.T.s when they left Hogwarts.  Lily had refused to get in the picture, insisting instead that it should be a Marauders-only moment.  Maybe the picture was a bit inappropriate, all things considered, but Remus owed so much to his friends, even if things didn't turn out as they had planned.

He glanced around the room once more before heading to the bedchamber.  He had done it.  This was real.  He was going to be a teacher.  NO!  He WAS a teacher at the finest school of witchcraft and wizardry in the world!  If only he could share this with his friends.  Actually, he could share it with one friend, but he didn't want to write to her just yet.  Besides, the feast had made him groggy and he needed his rest so that he would be fully alert for his first class tomorrow.  He would have the Gryffindor fifth years and all the teachers had told him to watch out for Fred and George Weasley.  Thinking about the tricks they might choose to play on him tomorrow, Remus fell into a deep sleep.


	5. It Takes One to Know One

(AN:  Thanks to Thing1 and Durayan for helping me come up with the material for this chapter.  If you aren't a Star Trek fan, you might not get the inside jokes, but I still hope it makes you laugh!  I know I was giggling when I wrote it!)

**Chapter Five**

**It Takes One to Know One**

****

Sitting alone in his new office, Remus looked through file after file of student information.  How he was ever going to learn all these names he simply didn't know.  Lucky for him, being a new teacher, his classes were being assigned one house and year at a time.   Today he would meet the fifth year students, who he discovered were far behind in preparation for their up coming O.W.L.S.  Gryffindor would be the first house to meet the new teacher, and it made Remus slightly nervous.

He had decided to start the class on defenses used in dueling.  From what he read about the Dueling Club that was started a few years ago, there hadn't been much practice in this area.  Remus knew that to pass the O.W.L.S., a wizard was required to be able to properly defend himself in a duel.  Some of the curses that would be thrown at these students were very complex and dangerous.  The rumors he heard as a boy about tragedies that could happen during the testing still left him feeling a bit uneasy.

He could hear that students were filing into the room now.  There were some excited screeches from a few girls out in the hallway followed by a boy's voice calling after them, "It's only a little baby!  It doesn't even have teeth yet!"  Remus rolled his eyes and got up from his desk to investigate the commotion, although he had a pretty good idea what and who was causing all the fuss.

As he exited his office and entered the classroom, he was greeted by a handful of students all huddled together, looking curiously at a jar being held by a boy Remus could only assume was Lee Jordan.  A few of the girls gasped and started yelling at him to put it away.  As Remus drew closer to the group, Lee tried to hide the jar behind his back as he flashed a supposedly innocent smile towards Remus.  Not falling for it one bit, Remus walked around the boy's back and got his first look at the creature in the jar.

It was a baby Doxy, no bigger than an index finger, but still potentially dangerous.  Remus shifted his eyes from the black, hairy creature to Lee and back to the jar.

"Professor Lupin, I can explain," started Lee.  "I thought I'd bring this to class so that you could show us how to defend ourselves against them.   I got it while I was out in…" 

Holding a hand up to silence him, Remus said, "That's quite all right, Lee.  I don't think I really want to know how you got a hold of it."  Remus had known from experience that you never want to give too much information to a teacher.  "Unfortunately, even though we will not be learning about them in class today, I'm going to have to take this away from you.  Although not dangerous as a baby, an adult Doxy's bite is poisonous and therefore Doxies are most certainly off limits to students."  He took the jar from Lee and placed it on his desk.  

One by one, the students filled in and took their seats.  Remus stood in front of his desk as they quieted down and directed their attention towards him.  Remus felt his stomach give a small lurch as a pang of nervousness hit him.  But he only smiled and began on his introduction.

"Welcome to Defense Against the Dark Arts.  I'm Professor Lupin, and I'm quite honored to be here this year.  I hope I can serve in this position as well as your past professors." 

"I hope you can be better!" a girl sitting next to one of the twins said, causing her classmates to break out into laughter.  

Remus leaned to the side to get a better look at her.  "Judging from what I have read about your last two professors, I, too, hope I can do better.  Thank you for the encouragement…eh…Miss Bell.  Katie isn't it?"

She nodded and Remus thought it would be a good chance for him to run down the names of the students on the roster.  He headed around to the back of his desk and pulled out his chair.  From the corner of his eye, he noticed one Weasley twin elbow the other.  A glance down at his seat explained the action.  A large Wizzing Worm had been placed on it, just waiting for Remus to sit down on it.  He smiled and thought to himself, _Oh, this is going to be a fun class. _

Cautiously, he removed the unwanted item from his seat and placed it on his desktop, next to the Doxy in the jar.  He noticed the twins' mouths hung open and they exchanged confused glances.  Without saying a word about it, Remus sat down and opened his book and began calling out names, memorizing as he went.  

"Since I have already met Miss Bell and have established that she is indeed here, I will start with Miranda Hawk."

"Here, sir."  A shy looking girl in the back raised her hand.  Remus nodded at her.

"Dennis Henshaw?"  A boy in the front waved a hand at him, but said nothing.

"Ah, Mr. Jordan," Remus looked over at him, "we've met as well.  Pattie Pratling?"The name startled Remus a bit.

"Here," sounded a rather large-framed girl.

"Any relation to a Portia Pratling?" The image of the girl from his days at Hogwarts filled his mind.  She wasn't really an unattractive girl, but she was bigger than most of the boys and not afraid to show her muscles.

"She's my Aunt," Pattie said, looking quite a bit like Portia.

"The next time you see her, be sure to tell her I said 'Hello.'  John Rougechemise?"

Another shy student at the back raised his hand to confirm attendance.  Remus knew he would have to get him and Miss Hawk out of their shells by the end of the year.  "Alicia Spinnet?"

"That's me!" a pretty girl in front said with a wide grin.  

"Which brings me to Mr. and Mr. Weasley."  Looking over at the two grinning, identical faces Remus asked, "How will I ever tell you two apart?"

"I'm Fred, the good-looking one," the one on the right said.

"Yeah, and I'm George, the smart one," said the other.

"Well, that clears it up for me.  And that leaves Wendy Zeiss."  Remus looked at the last only remaining girl in the class, who was smiling back at him.

Closing the roster, Remus stood up and began the prepared lesson.  "I thought it would be to your benefit to learn how to block curses.  I am aware that some of you participated in a Dueling Club for a short time last year.  But, I would venture a guess that your skills are not up to standard if you want to pass your O.W.L.s at the end of the year.  So, today you will be taking notes and reading somewhat on types of defense techniques.  Then, over the term, we will be putting them into use."

The class opened their bags and started removing books, parchment, and quills.  There was a slight hum of chatter, but as Remus stepped up to the board, it stopped.  Only one voice was heard, that of Mr. Henshaw, asking to borrow a quill.  To his surprise, Remus saw Fred hand Dennis his extra quill.

Walking over to the students, Remus continued his lecture without missing a beat.  "When dueling, it is impossible to know what curse your opponent will use.  Several curses have their own blocking spells, but for the time being, we will deal with the strategies that will work for all curses." 

By this time, Remus was standing next to Dennis, who was poised and ready to take notes with the borrowed quill.  Removing the quill from his hand, Remus handed him one of his own quills to use.  There was puzzlement on the boy's faces, but he didn't ask questions.  Fred furrowed his brow at Remus, but Remus just went on with the lesson, placing the quill, which was enchanted to squirt ink up at the user's face upon writing, on top of the Wizzing Worm, next to the Doxy on his desk.

"If you would open your books up to page 314, the first counter-spell I would like to discuss is referred to as the _Mirrari Incantatum_.  Can anyone tell me why this spell is useful in dueling?"

Alicia raised her hand.  "It reflects a curse being directed towards you, and send it back at the other person."

"Correct."  Turning his back on the class, Remus wrote the words for the charm on the board while saying them out loud for the class to hear.  "_Ego deflectere tu viscosusium_.  Yes, it's a mouthful, but well worth the effort." 

Remus noticed George holding out a very fine looking wand.  It appeared to be brand new.  "Professor Lupin, could you demonstrate it for us?"  The innocent look on his face told Remus not to trust this wand.

"I will be happy to, George."  Remus took the expensive looking wand from the boy and added it to the growing collection mounting on his desk.  Turning around to face the class he added, "But not today.  We'll save demonstration for another day."  Fred and George stared at Remus with wide eyes.

"The other charm I think you will find useful is the Doubling Charm.  Mr. Rouguechemise, can you describe what it entails?" 

Surprised at being called on, John's face went red and his voice was soft when he spoke.  "Doesn't it make you appear to be in two places at once?" 

"It does indeed.  Very nicely put."  He rounded his desk and wrote on the board again.  "The spell we use to create this effect is _Decepto Picardus_, and much easier to say, I might add."  He turned back around, giving a slight pull on his front to straighten out his robe, just in time to see Fred passing a small object over to George.  

Remus walked over to stand between them.  "Both of these charms will help you immensely on your O.W.L.s.  Not only will you need to know how to perform them, but also the history behind them and where they originated from."  Remus reached down and removed the dungbomb from George's hand.  "For the rest of the class period, please read up to page 320, taking notes in preparation for a quiz over the material the next time we meet."  The dungbomb was added to the stack of tricks.  "I will be wandering the room to observe your progress."

The class did as they were instructed and soon all that was heard was the scribbling of quills on parchment and the turning of pages.  Remus looked over the shoulders of his students, correcting notes as he saw errors here and there and answering individual questions as they arose.  

As the class neared an end, Remus heard a shuffling sound coming from over near Fred's desk.  Casually working his way over to him, he paused at the student's side, took out his wand, and snuffed the lit wick of the Filibuster Firework.  Making no comment to Fred, Remus removed the item and placed it with the other confiscated items on his desk.

A few minutes later, the bell sounded and the students began packing up their bags to leave.  Remus smiled at them as they left, pleased that things went so well.  Fred, George, and Lee lagged behind, sour expressions on their faces.

"Ah, boys, a moment please.  I'd like to have a word about these rather interesting items I've been collecting all period."

"Yes, sir," all three boys chorused.  Their heads almost bowed in preparation for the points that would be removed or the detention they were about to receive.

"It may benefit you better if you bring real wands, real quills, and books to class in the future.  I noticed that you forgot your book today, George."

"What?  Oh, er, yeah, see it wouldn't…er." 

"Fit in your bag?"  Remus raised an eyebrow at him.  "I understand completely."

After passing a look to his twin, Fred said, "Professor Lupin, I have to ask, how did you know?  I mean, we can usually get away with at least one trick in a class, especially if it's a new teacher.  But you seemed to know what was coming the whole time.  How did you do it?"

Scratching at the back of his neck, Remus answered with, "Let's just say it takes one to know one."  He gave them a bright smile, and they smiled back.  "Now, I believe you have Potions next?  As I don't want to spoil any more of your fun, I will return all of these items to you…except the Doxy Mr. Jordan, that stays."  With total surprise, the boys gathered up the Wizzing Worm, Spitting Quill, Fake Wand, Dungbomb, and Filibuster Firework and headed out into the hall.  Remus shook his head as he heard Lee say as he left, "Professor Lupin sure is cool!"

All alone in the empty classroom, Remus said to himself, "If only I could see the look on Severus' face when that dungbomb goes off."  


	6. Fun With the Boggart

(AN:  Once again I have to use quite a bit of the original text written by JK Rowling.  Please forgive me for "stealing" it.)

**Chapter Six**

**Fun with the Boggart**

****

The days were moving by quickly as class after class amused and amazed the new teacher.  The first year Slytherins had decided to demonstrate their sneaky nature by rearranging the desks before Remus entered the room.  They spent quite a while putting things back in their proper place, without magic, much to the dismay of the class.  The Hufflepuff seventh years were so concerned with causing harm to a fellow student that the class on curse breaking hadn't been very successful.  But it was the Ravenclaw sixth years that gave Remus the best run for his money.  He had assigned them all a paper on the Unforgivable curses due next class period.  That evening, he started receiving paper after early paper from the students, asking for advice or corrections to their nearly flawless work.  One student had been so detailed in her descriptions and intricate in her wording that Remus, who considered himself very well educated, found himself looking up several of the words in the dictionary and even rereading a few paragraphs, trying to decipher what her point was.

On Wednesday evening, he had arranged to meet Professor Flitwick at the trick stairs to help remove the boggart who had been terrifying unsuspecting students.  Grateful for an excuse to focus on something other than the Ravenclaw essays, Remus had arrived early only to find that the boggart was no longer hiding beneath the stairs. 

"It's moved!" a voice said behind him.  Turning, Remus found himself face-to-face with Professor Dumbledore.

"Moved?  Where?" Remus asked.

"One of the older boys had been taught the _Riddikulus_ charm by his parents years ago.  The boggart came out to scare him and some friends and the boy frightened the boggart instead.  Last I heard, it had lodged itself in the staff room wardrobe.  It gave Madam Hooch quite a fright this afternoon!  Professor Flitwick is trying, as we speak, to get rid of it."

This gave Remus an idea.  He asked, "I wonder if there would be any opposition to leaving it in there for a day."  Dumbledore, surprised by the request, questioned the need to leave it be.  "I have the third year Gryffindors tomorrow.  I think they might enjoy having a go at a boggart." 

Chuckling amusedly at the idea, Dumbledore agreed to let thebBoggart remain and Remus hurried off to stop Professor Flitwick from destroying it.  

Thursday at lunch, Remus positioned himself in front of the wardrobe just in case anyone tried to open it and settled down to his meal while reading through some more essays.  He was moving along quite nicely when he was interrupted by an unfamiliar staff member entering the room.

She was very thin, almost too thin to be alive, Remus thought.  Her hair piled up on top of her head caused the focus to be drawn to two very wide eyes, hidden behind spectacles that made her look a bit like a bug.  Draped in flowing robes and piles of beads and spangles, she looked to be something of a Gypsy.  

"Hello," Remus said courteously.  

In a hoarse voice that was almost a whisper she said, "The tea leaves alerted me that I would encounter a new teacher upon my arrival.  Sybill Trelawney, Divination."  She bowed her head slowly.

"Remus Lupin, Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"You will forgive me, Professor, for interrupting your reading, but an unforeseen chill has come over my classroom and I am in need of the shawl I left in the wardrobe."  

Before she was able to open the door, Remus stopped her.  "Professor Trelawney, there is a boggart in that wardrobe that I am saving for my next class."  Treawney looked shocked and surprised, whether by the boggart itself or at her lack of ability to foresee such a problem, Remus could not tell.  "But I'm sure you already knew that."  Her face lightened.  "Perhaps you were waiting for me to volunteer to fetch your robe for you?"

Without missing a beat she said, "Indeed I was, Professor Lupin, if you would be so kind."

Remus got up and went to the wardrobe.  As always, upon opening the door the boggart popped into the shape of the moon and hung eerily in space long enough for Remus to grab the shawl, pass it to Trelawney, and close the door again.

"How very interesting," she said.  "You have a fear of crystal balls?"

"No," Remus said, gathering up his papers, realizing that he was late for his class.

Not hearing him, Trelawney continued, "Perhaps if you allow me to crystal gaze for you, it will alleviate you fear and make you more comfortable."

"Thank you Professor, but I'm running late for class."  Not wanting to discuss his fears with an obvious fraud, he hurried out of the room and toward the second floor.  He couldn't help but think about Sirius' mother and how she was a true Seer.  Sirius would be appalled that a phony was teaching Divination, but Dumbledore must have his reasons.

He hurried down the hall to his classroom, excited by not only the scheduled lesson, but by the fact that he would have Harry in his class for the first time.  He had seen Harry wandering around the halls with his friends, but had never had courage enough to stop him and talk to him.  But it wasn't for lack of wanting to, as Remus couldn't wait for an opportunity to get to know Harry.  He hadn't spent much time with James and Lily after Harry had been born – something he regretted now.  Times had been very hard and James and Lily took great precautions to protect themselves.  Unfortunately, that protection backfired, and Harry had been left alone.  But now was his chance to get to know the son of some of his best friends, and Remus only hoped he wouldn't appear too anxious in meeting him.

Upon arrival in the classroom, Remus told the students to put away everything except their wands.  They had all readied themselves to take notes, but as this was what Remus described as a practical lesson, he told them they would only need their wands.  After watching the students exchange some puzzled glances, Remus led them from the room and down toward the staff room, hoping that by the time they arrived, Professor Trelawney would be gone.

As he led the students around the corner, he was greeted by Peeves the Poltergeist, who was busy sticking gum in the keyhole to the broom cupboard.  He turned, and giving one look at Remus, broke out into the old teasing song that students had once tormented him with for missing so many classes.

"Loony, loopy, Lupin!  Loony, loopy Lupin!"  

Remus, ignoring the taunt, warned him about the gum and received a raspberry in return.  Smiling to himself at the thought that he was now a teacher and an adult and no longer had to be subject to Peeves' rude behavior, Remus got the class's attention before saying, "_Waddiwasi!_" at the unsuspecting poltergeist.  The gum shot out of the keyhole and lodged itself right up Peeves' nose.

"Cool, sir!" said Dean Thomas, obviously amazed.

"Thank you, Dean," Remus replied, keeping his cool, but wanting to cheer at his own behavior.  How many times had he wanted to do that to Peeves when he was in school?  It felt liberating knowing that he couldn't get detention anymore, but he also knew that he was setting an example for his students.  So Peeves got off easy…this time.

He led them around the corner and opened up the door to the staff room, letting them enter an area that he knew would interest them.  Unfortunately, they were not alone, as Remus had expected.  Snape was sitting at the table working on something.  Remus eyed him suspiciously as he was certain Snape had been told that the class would be in here at this time.  _Why is he in here?  Whatever is he up to?_

Remus began to close the door when Snape stood up and announced he would be leaving.  Sighing a breath of relief, Remus left the door ajar for Snape to exit.  But before he did, Snape turned to Remus and said, "Possibly no one's warned you, Lupin, but this class contains Neville Longbottom.  I would advise you not to entrust him with anything difficult.  Not unless Miss Granger is hissing instructions in his ear."

So that was his plan was it?  Embarrass an already timid student in front of yet another class.  _You always did enjoy this game, didn't you Severus?  Well, you're not going to get away with it in MY class._

Remus had read about Neville in his student file and knew that he was struggling in some of his classes.  Neville had gone red at Snape's torment and Remus didn't like that one bit.  Hoping to undo some of the damage Remus said, "I was hoping that Neville would assist me with the first stage of the operation, and I am sure he will perform it admirably."

Snape sneered at Remus, but Remus knew that he had won this little battle, for a moment later Snape had left without another word.  

Remus waved the class toward the wardrobe at the far end of the room.  He positioned himself next to it just as it gave a noisy wobble.  Calmly he said, "Nothing to worry about.  There's a boggart in there."  Gasps and a totally horrified look from Neville told Remus that the class was now very much worried.  Trying to sooth their nerves, he explained how he chanced to find this boggart and why it was still in the school.  _Now, on to business…._

"So, the first question we must ask ourselves is, what _is _a boggart?"

One of the girls Remus had met on the train held up her hand.  Hermione was her name and from all he had read about her, she was certain to answer correctly.  "It's a shape-shifter.  It can take the shape of whatever it thinks will frighten us most."

"Couldn't have put it better myself," Remus said, drawing a smile from Hermione.  "So the boggart sitting in the darkness within has not yet assumed a form.  He does not yet know what will frighten the person on the other side of the door.  Nobody knows what a boggart  looks like when he is alone, but when I let him out, he will immediately become whatever each of us fears most."  

Neville let out a whimper of fright, but Remus continued.  "This means that we have a huge advantage over the boggart before we begin.  Have you spotted it, Harry?"

Harry answered the question quite correctly, saying that it wouldn't know which shape to take because there were so many people in the room. Remus had prepared himself ahead of time for how he would manage the boggart around Harry.  He assumed that it would transform into Voldemort upon seeing Harry and decided that having even a fake Voldemort running around was not the way to start off a school year.  Instead, Remus had opted to make sure the boggart wouldn't get a go at Harry by calling the students forward for their turns.  

The class listened intensely as Remus expanded upon Harry's correct answer as to how to confuse a boggart.  "The charm that repels a boggart is simple, yet it requires force of mind.  You see," Remus knew they would love this, "the thing that really finishes a boggart is _laughter_.  What you need to do is force it to assume a shape that you find amusing."

"We will practice the charm without wands first.  After me, please…r_iddikulus!"_

The class chimed back the word and then he turned his attention to Neville.  He was shaking head to foot, even more so than the wardrobe.  _I wonder what he's afraid of?_  "First things first: what would you say is the thing that frightens you most in the world?"  

Neville muttered something but Remus had to ask him to repeat it audibly.  Neville looked as though he didn't want to say it, but eventually a quite voice sounded with, "Professor Snape."

_Oh, this is going to be fun!  Let's see…what else did it say in his file?  _"Neville, I believe you live with your grandmother?"

"Er – yes, but I don't want the boggart to turn into her either."

Wanting to laugh, Remus said, "No, no, you misunderstand me.  I wonder, could you tell us what sort of clothes your grandmother usually wears?"  _Please let it be something vile and outrageous!_

As Neville described a tall hat with a stuffed vulture, a long green dress, and a fox-fur scarf, Remus fought back laughter.  _Oh indeed this IS going to be a treat!_  He couldn't resist adding a handbag to the ensemble completing the outfit.

"When the boggart bursts out of this wardrobe, Neville, and sees you, it will assume the form of Professor Snape.  And you will raise your wand – thus – and cry '_Riddikulus'_ – and concentrate hard on your grandmother's clothes.  If all goes well, Professor Boggart Snape will be forced into that vulture-topped hat, and that green dress, with that big red handbag."

A roar of laughter filled the staff room, causing the wardrobe to wobble violently.  Remus was so pleased that he had picked Neville to start with.  He couldn't have imagined a better way to begin with the boggart.  Word of this was certain to reach Snape.  As far as Remus had been able to observe, Snape had never managed to develop a sense of humor, but he would have to deal with that later.  This was just too much fun!

He went on to instruct the class that once the boggart was done with Neville, it would move on to the next person.  He asked each student to think of the thing that frightened him or her most, and then a way to make it comical.  As the class fell quiet in thought, Remus glanced over at Harry.  How could Harry make Voldemort funny?  Shaking his head, Remus decided that he was right to keep the boggart away from Harry by not calling Harry's name.  Yes, that seemed to be the best way to handle it.  

After a few minutes of consideration, Remus told Neville that they would back away from the wardrobe, giving him a clear shot alone with the boggart.  On the count of three, Remus magicked the lock to open and a terrified Neville stood face-to-face with Professor Snape.

"R – r – _riddikulus_!" Neville let out with a squeak.

The familiar cracking noise came.  The Boggart Snape stumbled awkwardly and there, dressed head to foot in Neville's grandmother's outfit, complete with stuffed vulture hat and red handbag, stood a not quite so menacing Severus Snape.  The class roared with laughter, and Remus found it hard not to laugh himself, but he called the next student forward.

Remus was very proud of the images the students conjured up.  Parvati brought down a mummy by making him trip over his own unraveling bandages.  Seamus took a banshee by removing her shrieking voice.  Dean took a severed hand and clapped it in a mousetrap.  Ron, who received the most gasps, took the legs off an Acromantula, causing it to roll onto the floor.  

Unfortunately, it rolled right over to Harry's feet.  _Quick…do something!  _"Here!" Remus shouted, bringing the boggart over to himself.  With a snap, a full moon hung in the air.  Hopefully the class wouldn't understand exactly what it meant.  Remus hadn't intended for them to see his fear of the moon, but then he reasoned it was better than getting a glimpse of Lord Voldemort.  

Casually Remus said, "_Riddikulus_," and the moon fell to the floor as a cockroach.  He called Neville forward to finish off the boggart.  He couldn't deny the class one last peek at Snape dressed in that getup. With a loud, "HA!" from Neville, the boggart burst into smoke and vanished.

"Excellent!" Remus said over the applause of the class.  He awarded five points to each student who took on the boggart, giving ten to Neville for taking it on twice.  He also gave Harry and Hermione five points each.  

A very puzzled Harry said, "But I didn't do anything."

"You and Hermione answered my questions correctly at the start of class, Harry," Remus explained.  Surely Harry remembered doing that?  Remus assigned the reading on boggarts with a summary, and the class left chatting about their conquests.

Remus caught Harry's eye as he left the room.  He looked disappointed and cast his eyes down as he left.  Remus furrowed his eyebrows at this.  Did Harry _want_ toface Lord Voldemort?Wasn't he glad he didn't have to see him again?  Remus hoped that Harry wasn't really upset about this, but it did put a damper on the joy Remus felt from having the class go so well.  _I will simply have to talk to him about it later._

Closing the wardrobe, Remus left the staff room and headed back to his own room in the staff wing with a great smile on his face.  _Don't let this feeling go to your head.  They saw the full moon…and that Hermione is a smart girl._


	7. Catching Up

(AN: Alpha story time!!  Many MANY moons ago I met Thing 1 in the chat room and bogged her down with questions about her AU.  One of the questions I asked was, "If Remus and Katie have known each other for four years in 'This was Falling', then wouldn't that mean that he knew her before he went to teach at Hogwarts?"  This lead me to ask if they had any correspondence through letters while he was there, to which I received a hearty laugh from Thing1 as she told me I was spoiling her next fic!  She had written up a few scenes for the Goblin Market where Remus reads the letters Katie had sent him all those years ago.  This was the beginning of the Alpha Pac's discussion of everything Remus, and as they say, the rest is history!  So, I got Thing1's permission to use these letters as part of my own fic.  The letters from here on out are written by her, and I cannot claim them as my own.  Also, they will provide for a rather interesting crossover in Goblin Market that I hope everyone enjoys.  End of story time and on with the fic!)

**Chapter Seven**

**Catching Up**

****

As the end of his first week drew to a close, Remus realized that there were two things he desperately needed to attend to before any more time passed.  First he had promised Katie he would write to her, letting her know how classes had gone and giving a full account of changes at Hogwarts.  Katie had never attended Hogwarts, but she always listened intently whenever Remus would share stories with her.  Most of the tales involved experiences with James and Peter…and Sirius, and thus were too painful and emotional for him to relive.  But every now and then, a memory would fill his mind, and the desire to share it would press so heavily upon him that he would tell Katie.  He had so far managed to exclude the names of James, Peter, and Sirius, always referring to them as "my friends," and much to his pleasure, Katie never pressed him to reveal more.

The second task that needed addressing was a visit to Madam Pomfrey.  He had yet to see her since his return, and he was quite anxious to catch up with her.  She always had a calming effect on him, like his mother had.  Most of the students regarded her as an overprotective bother who would keep them in the hospital wing overnight for cuts on their fingers.  But Remus appreciated her doting and the care she always took in making sure he was well.  He knew she really did care about his safety.

On his first Saturday morning, Remus awoke with the sun and took great pleasure in lounging in his sitting room in his robe, sipping tea, and composing his letter to Katie.  He had taken out his quill and parchment and brought the only photo he had of her to the writing desk.

Amused, he wondered if Katie had any idea that he had this.  Mrs. Noyes had given it to Remus before he left as a reminder of home and friends.  Katie would probably put up a fuss if she ever saw the photograph, as she wasn't very well put together – a smudge on her chin and hair in her eyes – but she was still beautiful.

_Why are you thinking this?  It's just Katie.  __Stop it and get on with the letter._

Shaking his head at his thoughts, he began writing.

Dear Katie,

Well, as you can tell by the simple fact that you are receiving this, I have arrived at Hogwarts, and I have survived my first week of classes. Some things never change, particularly when it comes to such important matters as 'breaking in' new professors, although being at the receiving end as opposed to the delivering end was an interesting change.  I seemed to have startled two of the more active pranksters here at the school by being fully cognizant of what their trick quills, fireworks, and other whatnots were about to let loose.  I think, however, I gained a few points by returning most of the confiscated objects to them at the end of the session.  Of course, I was delighted to hear that the returned firework was in fact utilized in Professor Snape's class….

I think I told you at some point about Severus Snape.  I was rather startled to actually see him again; I thought I was prepared for it.  I wonder, when he looked at me, was he as shocked to realize I was _not the young man he had last seen?  In many ways Snape hasn't changed at all (particularly his charming personality, which actually seems to have become rather more testy), but I am still vaguely surprised when I look at him, and suddenly remember exactly how much time has in fact passed.  I think…Katie, so much time was lost for me; it all just blended together.  I think I see that now._

It is both terrifying and overwhelming to be back here; I'm remembering so much, good and bad.  I won't bore you with maudlin details.  I will simply say that I _am having a good laugh here and there in odd corners as I suddenly remember something particularly silly or daring that happened there.  And it feels good, in a bittersweet way, to feel those things again.  You were quite right about that.  _

By the way, you would be amused to know that I have in my class the son of two people I knew here at Hogwarts, and it rather startles me how much he reminds me of them both.  I guess, quite a long time has passed since I've been here after all.

You had asked I describe the castle to you with fresh eyes, not as I remembered it.  I think my remembered physical descriptions still do it justice, but the sensations I did not impart to you with the same intensity.  Perhaps I did, and what I tell you now are the new sensations that I feel as a grown man who has seen much returning to the cherished home of his youth, remembering a time when everything was much simpler.  The Great Hall, with its huge high-enchanted ceiling, is as breathtaking as ever.  I found myself staring up at it and watching the sky change and move just as I would as a boy.  It is rather odd to be up on the dais at the teachers' table looking down on the students as they eat.  We had a pretty good idea that the teachers had a good view of everything we were up to from that vantage point, no matter where you sat at your table.  Now I can confirm that in fact they had an excellent view of what was going on, and it's no surprise that I ended up in detention faster than you can say 'ridiculous' that time I hexed the Slytherins' dinner plates; MacMillian saw my every move.  At least he was good enough to let me finish what I was doing before he put a stop to it.  I've watched Snape nearly break his neck twice leaping from the dais and descending on some poor Slytherin student under the impression Snape can't see what's what.  Rather entertaining; I notice that McGonagall has her Gryffindors under the same situation MacMillian had us; don't even bother to try it.  

The layout of the Castle remains essentially the same, through what with all the moving staircases and wandering rooms about the place, it took me a day or two to get used to it again, despite how well I knew this place from my youth.  And I have finally seen the one place we never managed to gain access to when we were boys: the staff wing.  As you might imagine, it is probably the most heavily guarded section of the castle.  My rooms are comfortable; they are decorated as my dorm was in Gryffindor when I was a student, which I find oddly comforting.  But they lack the warmth of the house, of course, and I've no garden to stare out the window at as I work.  I wish you could see the school, as I know you would love it.  Someday, perhaps, we might be able to arrange that.  I think Dumbledore would be happy to show off his school to you.

It has been tiring, what with all the nervous energy of being back and the full class schedule I manage.  The older students are dreadfully behind, thanks to not having a proper DADA professor for two years, and they are going to have a long year getting caught up.  I'm working on making it as enjoyable as I can for them, despite the workload I'm going to give them.  Speaking of making classes more enjoyable, can I ask a favour?  Remember the Grindylow we discovered in the pond beyond the close? Would it be too much to ask if you might round him up and send him to me?  I'm trying to give the students some practical experiences, and the Grindylow would be good for the third years, who are worse off than most of the others, seeing as they've only had Quirrel and Lockhart to teach them, and should be much further along than they are.  If that's a little too disgusting to ask, never mind.  If you do go after it, remember to focus on breaking its fingers.  Don't worry if you do that – they grow back rather quickly and I won't need him for a few weeks.

Say hello to Mrs. Noyes for me.  Write and let me know how things are down there if you've a spare moment here or there.

Hope you are well.

Remus

He looked over the letter and realized that he had gone on for quite a bit.  He hadn't planned on writing such an extensive letter, but it felt comforting to be able to share these things with her.  He folded up the letter and, glancing down at his robe, decided upon dressing before heading off to the owlery.  He hadn't been there since his own Hogwarts days and was hoping he would find it in the same place it had always been.  As he told Katie, things like to move around at Hogwarts, including entire rooms.  He dressed and managed, much to his surprise, to find the owlery right where it should be.  

_Now to find Madam Pomfrey.  The hospital wing was at the opposite end of the castle, which gave Remus the opportunity to see some areas of the castle he had yet to revisit since his return.  On his way, he passed the History of Magic classroom, which was empty, and couldn't resist the urge to peek inside.  His mind had been on Sirius far too much lately, and this classroom brought back one very fond memory.  Smiling, he nodded at the suit of amor in the far corner and returned his journey to the hospital wing.  Would she recognize him?  Surely she had been told he was returning.  She hadn't made an effort herself to visit him.  Perhaps she didn't want to visit him._

_Now stop that, __Remus.  Why wouldn't she want to see you?  She always was extremely polite and friendly._

His mind drifted to the first time he ever met with Madam Pomfrey.  That week leading up to his first full moon at Hogwarts had been dreadful_.  He had never spent a full moon away from his parents and was quite fearful for what would happen.  Before he had left for school, Dumbledore had met with his parents and informed them that he had a private place for Remus to go, where no one would disturb him and he would be safe.  But he was nervous to find out where that place was.  At first he had thought they would put him in one of the dungeons, but at his initial meeting with Madam Pomfrey, she had shown him just what they had in store for the transformation._

He came to a stop outside the doors to the infirmary.  This place he would never forget for as long as he lived.  This was where he spent every day after the full moon.  How many lies had he thought up to try and dissuade his friends from knowing the truth?  How many times did they come and visit him after they knew the truth?  With a deep breath, he opened the door and poked his head in the room.

_"Hello?" he said softly._

_"Mr. Lupin?" the woman behind the desk said.  Remus just stared back__ at her.  "Are you Remus Lupin?"_

_Not saying a word, Remus shut the door behind him and nodded._

_"Well, don't be shy, my boy, come in!"  She stood up and walked over to him, grinning widely.  Remus took only a few steps toward her before she met up with him, placing her hands on his shoulders.  "Well, let me get a look at you.  Such a fine boy you are, and I've been told you're off to a excellent start with your __classes."_

_Remus shrugged.  "I guess."  He wasn't used to people knowing about the wolf.  So far, his parents, a few doctors, the local apothecary, and Professor Dumbledore were the only ones who knew.  He always expected to feel hatred from someone once they knew the truth, but so far, everyone had been remarkably kind._

_"So, the Headmaster and I have worked out a plan that we think you'll find satisfactory.  Come, look out this window."_

_She led him to the far window overlooking the Hogwarts grounds to the south.  Pointing at rather vicious looking tree she said, "Do you know what kind of tree that is?"_

_"Er," Remus stammered, "it looks like a willow."_

_"It is a willow, and a very rare breed at that.  It's a Whomping Willow."  She looked down at Remus for a sign of understanding, but he just frowned up at her.  "That tree will swat at anything that comes near it…unless you happen to know that there is a knot located on the base of its' __trunk that when prodded will cause the tree to freeze.  The Headmaster had it planted just for you."_

_"You're going to stick me under a tree?"  Remus didn't like the sound of that as he wouldn't be very protected._

_"No, heavens!" she chuckled, leading him over to one of the beds where he could sit down.  "Underneath that tree is a secret passage way leading all the way to Hogsmeade.  At the end of the tunnel is an old, abandoned house.  I will take you there on the evenings of the full moon and bring you back here afterwards for a recovery."_

_Remus looked down at the ground feeling his face getting hot from embarrassment.  _

_"There's nothing to worry about, dear.  You'll be just fine.  And I'm a good one for secrets, so yours is safe with me!"_

Madam Pomfrey had been true to her word.  She had never mentioned anything about Remus and his "condition," as she referred to it, to anyone.  Not even after Remus had told her that his friends had found out about it.  She still managed to never speak about it without Remus' consent.  

As he glanced around the room he noted that nothing had really changed, including Madam Pomfrey.  She darted over to him with arms wide.  "Hello, dear!  So good to see you!"  She hugged him fully and made Remus feel like a kid again.  

"Good to see you, too.  Sorry I haven't been up here sooner, but…."

"No need to find an excuse.  I, myself, should have gotten down to see you."

Remus grinned at her.  "Well, you do tend to get busy with the start of term, so no need for _you to make any excuses either, Madam Pomfrey."_

"Oh!" she said, startled.  "How dare you!  Make me feel old like that?  Madam Pomfrey indeed…" she teased.  "I expect you to call me Poppy from now on.  After all, we're more than just co-workers…considering how much we've been through."

Remus nodded.  She was considerably much more than a co-worker to him.  "Poppy it is then, although it may take some getting used to.  Do forgive me if I muddle it a few times."

They talked for almost an hour, catching up on the lost years.  For the first time in ages, Remus felt free to actually share some of his fears with someone.  He knew that Poppy would keep them in confidence and some how that knowledge eased him into sharing more about his life with her.  He told her about some of the Muggle jobs he had worked, his return home, and even a bit about Katie.  She told him about the last year with the petrified students and all the dangers of that incident.  

After a while, a student came in complaining about a sprained ankle received in a fall down the stairs.  Poppy, knowing that the conversation had come to an end, went to tend to it dutifully.  Remus thanked her for the chat and headed back to his rooms.  _Some people never change…I just wish I could say that about everyone._


	8. The Visitor

Chapter Eight The Visitor 

****

The weeks were passing quickly.  Remus had grown accustomed to the schedule and routine of teaching and had started to truly feel as if he had come home in a way.  Most of the staff were pleasant and held him in high regard, as he apparently knew what he was doing…something they weren't used to in a DADA teacher.  Snape caused a few problems, mostly based on complaints about the boggart situation.  Remus couldn't blame him really, as word of how silly Snape looked in a dress spread rapidly through the castle.

His own classes were going more smoothly as one by one he was able to bring the classes up to speed with where they should be.  He was certainly most concerned with the third years, as they had never had anything but bumbling idiots for teachers thus far.  Remus was concentrating on teaching them to defend against dark creatures, which was turning out to be successful.   Well, except for the Kappa assignment.  Neville had been unable to make his Kappa bow, and when it tried to bite him, all the students ran for cover and upset the table holding the Doxy in the jar.  With the Doxy free, Remus had to dismiss the class early to avoid them being hurt any further.  Fortunately, Doxies, like Vampires, don't like the taste of a werewolf and it did not attempt to bite him when he finally captured it.

But the problem now was that Remus had started running low on appropriate creatures to defend against!  Since he had asked Katie to send him the Grindylow from back home in Devon, he hoped she would come through for him.  He anxiously awaited the arrival of the creature and looked forward to reading the letter he expected would accompany it, but alas, such was not the case.  The Grindylow arrived on Halloween morning and Remus immediately filled a tank with water and let it out to swim.  He then searched through the package for a letter from Katie, but all that he was able to find was a slip of parchment with a short scribbled message on it.

Remus – 

Hope your class enjoys this, as he was quite a monster to catch.  Sorry I can't write more but I will catch up with you later.

Katie

Frowning with disappointment, Remus placed the note carefully in his desk drawer and began fussing over the Grindylow.  He had collected a few fish to feed it and was certainly going to need more, as it gulped down the first one with out really swallowing.  Its long, scaly fingers reached out from the water for more. 

A clatter out in the hallway startled Remus, and he went to see what had caused it.  Students were pouring down the stairs obviously filled with excitement over the first Hogsmeade weekend.  Remus smiled to himself as he watched them go, the sound dying out with them, and then returned to tend to his new guest.

But another sound halted him from doing so and he glanced back out into the hallway.  More students, Remus suspected.  And indeed it was.  But it wasn't just any student…it was Harry.  He was alone and looked as if he'd just lost his best friend.  _Funny, I know just how he feels._

Remus wanted so much to talk to him privately, to get to know the son of Lily and James as more than just a student, to see how the baby he had barely known but loved so well had fared after…after everything went so wrong for both of them.  Should he invite Harry in?  Would he even want to chat for a while with a teacher? Remus knew very well Harry didn't remember him, or he would have said something.  _But how could he have remembered?  He was a baby!  And…oh stop wondering and do something about it!  You'll never get to know him if you don't at least talk to him!_

"Harry?" he said, stopping the messy-haired boy in his tracks.  "What are you doing?"  It wasn't like Harry to be without two certain appendages.  "Where are Ron and Hermione?"

"Hogsmeade," Harry said half heartedly. 

"Ah," was all that Remus replied.  He remembered now that Professor McGonagall had told them all that Harry wasn't allowed in Hogsmeade and figured that was why he was looking so downtrodden.  This actually came as a relief to Remus, who worried about Harry being out in the open with any one of Voldemort's servants free to find him.  Hoping to cheer him up, Remus invited Harry in to have a look at the Grindylow.  He led Harry into the room and over to the tank in the corner.  The creature had its face pressed up against the glass, waiting for a chance to wrap its spindly fingers around its fresh prey.

"Water demon.  We shouldn't have much difficulty with him, not after the Kappas.  The trick is to break his grip.  You notice the abnormally long fingers?  Strong but very brittle."

_Oh come now, Remus.  Is this why you invited Harry in here; to lecture to him about water demons?  Just chat with him without trying to teach!_

"Cup of tea?" Remus said out loud.  _What on earth are you getting at?  Tea? Do you even know where you've put the kettle?  "I was just thinking of making one."  Remus hoped Harry wouldn't see right through his plot to have a chance to small talk with him._

"All right."

Harry didn't seem to want to talk very much, and sat there politely and silently as Remus collected his kettle and tea things.  But then, why would he want to talk to Remus?  He didn't really know Remus except for the fact that he was his teacher.  A hole was opening up in Remus' heart as he contemplated just how little he knew about Harry…and how different things could have been. He wanted more than anything to make sure Harry knew that this wasn't what was supposed to have happened; that Harry knew how much he had been loved.  Remus could only imagine what Petunia had said him; he could still hear her bitter and scathing voice himself.  

"Sit down," he said after tapping the kettle with his wand, creating a burst of steam.  "I've only got teabags, I'm afraid…" Remus suddenly remembered the story Minerva had shared with the teachers over breakfast earlier in the term.   She told of how poorly the third years responded to her transformation in light of Trelawney's announcement that Harry's tea leaves foretold his death.  "But I daresay you've had enough of tea leaves?"  He chuckled to himself.

Harry was surprised by this and asked him how he knew about that.  Remus explained and handed Harry a cup of hot tea.  "You're not worried, are you?"  Remus wanted to tell Harry what he thought of the Divination teacher, but bit his tongue at speaking out against a fellow colleague…fraud or not.

"No," was all Harry said.  Remus smiled, thinking what a wonderful job he was doing at conversing with Harry as the boy had barely even said five words to him!  Maybe he shouldn't have mentioned the tea leaves.  Something apparently was bothering him, for Remus was quite familiar with that look – a look that says 'I have something to say but don't know how to say it.'  Remus was the master of hiding that look from people.  "Anything worrying you, Harry?"

"No."  Another one word answer.  _You certainly know how to make him feel comfortable, don't you!_

But then Harry suddenly said, "Yes," and set his cup down on the desk.  "You know that day we fought the boggart?"

"Yes," Remus replied slowly, hoping that Harry wasn't going to ask about the boggart changing into the moon upon seeing him.

"Why didn't you let me fight it?"  The question was said with a touch of anger and it startled Remus.

"I would have thought that was obvious, Harry."  _Of course it was obvious!_

"Why?"

"Well, I assumed that if the boggart faced you, it would assume the shape of Lord Voldemort."  Remus noticed that Harry didn't flinch at the sound of the name, but rather looked up at him in wonder.  "Clearly, I was wrong."  Remus was starting to feel very guilty for not allowing Harry the chance to face the boggart, as it seemed to have affected him deeply.  Hoping to ease Harry's mind, Remus explained, "But I didn't think it a good idea for Lord Voldemort to materialize in the staff room.  I imagined that people would panic."

Hesitantly, but honestly, Harry said, "I did think of Voldemort first, but then I – I remembered those dementors."

This surprised Remus and smiled at the thought.  "I see.  Well, well…I'm impressed."  And he was.  But he wouldn't have expected less of the son of James and Lily Potter!  "That suggests that what you fear most of all is – fear.  Very wise, Harry."  

Remus watched him in awe as he drank some of his tea.  Maybe that was why Harry wasn't warming up to him.  _Harry probably thinks you think he isn't very brave_!  "So you've been thinking that I didn't believe you capable of fighting the boggart?"

"Well…yeah."  Remus noticed that he seemed a bit happier now.  "Professor Lupin, you know the dementors…" 

But Harry never finished the question as there was a knock at the door that interrupted him.  

"Come in."

It was Snape.  _Of all the people…. _

But then Remus noticed what he was holding; it was the Wolfsbane Potion.  Remus frowned slightly at the reminder that the full moon was only days away.  Hopefully Harry wouldn't suspect anything.  "Ah, Severus.  Thanks very much.  Could you leave it here on the desk for me?"  

Snape was looking from Harry to Remus suspiciously.  _No, Severus.  I am NOT telling him nasty stories about you!  Although I could very well do so, but that would be stooping to your level.  "I was just showing Harry my Grindylow."  _

"Fascinating.  You should drink that directly, Lupin."  Snape eyed Remus again as if to warn him of something.

"Yes, yes, I will."  _Does he honestly think I don't know the consequences of not taking the potion?_

"I made an entire cauldron full.  If you need more."  

_Of course I'll need more, you git!  "I should probably take some again tomorrow.  Thanks very much, Severus."_

"Not at all."  But he said it in a way that told Remus he was only doing this because Dumbledore had asked him to.  His eyes told the truth of his feelings, not his words, but then he nodded and left the room.

An uncomfortable pause filled the air and Remus saw Harry looking at him peculiarly.  "Professor Snape has very kindly concocted a potion for me," he offered as an explanation.  So what if it wasn't the full truth?  "I have never been much of a potion-brewer and this one is particularly complex." 

Picking up the goblet, the stench filled Remus' nostrils.  How awful it smelled, not to mention the taste!  It was just his luck that something as foul-tasting would be the only think to help him – a werewolf with heightened senses.  "Pity sugar makes it useless."  Forcing the goblet to his lips, Remus took his first sip.

"Why…" 

This wasn't good.  Harry was going to ask too many question now and Remus wasn't ready to explain.  "I've been feeling a bit off-color.  This potion is the only thing that helps. I am very lucky to be working alongside Professor Snape; there aren't many wizards who are up to making it."  Maybe making everything sound pleasant would stop Harry from asking anything else, Remus thought as he sipped at the potion again.

"Professor Snape's very interested in the Dark Arts," Harry blurted out quickly, giving him an earnest look.  It wasn't a question, but Harry had said it very matter-of-factly.  Remus had the impression that Harry was trying to tell him something. 

"Really?" _Oh, Harry…if you only knew just HOW interested he was!_

"Some people reckon…some people reckon he'd do anything to get the Defense Against the Dark Arts job."

Harry was hinting at something that Remus didn't want to discuss.  Remus finished off the potion and said, "Disgusting."  Unfortunately, he would have to end his chat early as he didn't think it wise to continue from this point.  He would certainly let something slip that Harry wasn't supposed to know.  "Well, Harry, I'd better get back to work.  I'll see you at the feast later."

Harry looked concerned as he left the room with a simple, "Right."

Now alone in his room, Remus sighed heavily.  Harry was such a smart boy.  James and Lily would be very proud…if only they were here.

***

The Halloween Feast that evening was spectacular, as always.   This wasn't just due to the food and the décor, but also to the company.  Remus had found the staff to be much more entertaining than he had suspected, as it seemed there was a new story everyday about something silly a student had done in class. McGonagall and even Dumbledore had pointedly looked Remus in the eye once or twice during such tellings and asked him in amused tones if anything sounded familiar.  Today it was Flitwick's turn to bring the teachers into chuckles as he told them of the silencing charm and how several students couldn't work the reversal spell.  His class had never been so quiet in all his life!

Remus enjoyed himself immensely.  It would have been a perfect evening if Snape hadn't been giving him the evil eye throughout the feast.  What ever Severus was thinking, Remus didn't like it.  Trying his best to ignore him, Remus wandered over to the other end of the staff table to chat with Hagrid about how classes had been going for him this year.

After a rather comical display of Nearly Headless Nick's botched beheading, the pangs of sleepiness started to set in and students moved towards their common rooms.  Remus and the rest of the staff departed for their own rooms, but they didn't get too far.

A Gryffindor fourth year came running up to Dumbledore in hysterics and Remus could just make out that there was something wrong with the Fat Lady who guarded the common room entrance.  Concerned, he followed McGonagall and Snape up to the portrait.  Once there, he peered over the heads of students, trying to see what all the commotion was about.

Professor Dumbledore was giving instructions to McGonagall to go and get Filch as Remus arrived.  He still couldn't see the actual painting, though.  It seemed to Remus that the Fat Lady had run off somewhere…which wasn't like her.  He did see Peeves, however, floating above them and grinning from ear to ear.

"You'll be lucky!" he said in response to Dumbledore's suggestion that they try to find her.

"What do you mean, Peeves?" the Headmaster asked, causing Peeves to drop his smile.

"Ashamed, Your Headship, sir.  Doesn't want to be seen.  She's a horrible mess.  Saw her running through the landscape up on the fourth floor, sir, dodging between trees.  Crying something dreadful.  Poor thing." 

As the crowd began to shift, Remus could now make out what all the fuss was about.  The painting had been slashed so violently that bits of it were scattered on the floor.  The Fat Lady was nowhere to be seen.  Even Snape scowled at the idea of someone damaging a portrait so viciously.  _Who would do such a thing?_

"Did she say who did it?"  Dumbledore wanted to know the same thing that Remus did, it appeared.

"Oh yes, Professorhead.  He got very angry when she wouldn't let him in, you see.  Nasty temper he's got, that Sirius Black."

Snape's head turned with a jerk toward Remus and his look shot daggers at him.  Remus stood frozen to the spot, stunned.


	9. The Search

AN: I'm getting to the "meat" of the story here and would like to thank all of you who have been rooting me on.  The Alpha's have been such a great help, but Beruna Ford, Caitlyn, JK, and Remus Lover…you guys have been such great reviewers and cheerleaders!  Thanks so much.  Hope you like this one…as the next chapter won't be so nice. 

**Chapter Nine**

**The Search**

_Sirius?_

_Sirius was here?_

_Sirius did…this?_

Remus' mind raced as he tried to grasp what Peeves had announced.  It was unfathomable!  How could Sirius have gotten into the castle, let alone in so far as the portrait hole.?  And it just didn't fit with what Remus knew about him to slash the Fat Lady!  She had always been polite to the Marauders….

Of course, it didn't fit that Sirius would betray James and Lily either, yet he had done that. 

Remus noticed that Snape was staring at him with great ferocity.  Their eyes locked and neither of them said a word as Dumbledore sent the students into the Great Hall and ordered the other houses to be assembled there as well.  As the last student passed them, Snape took a step forward.

"Well, Lupin?  What explanation do you offer?"

"I have none," Remus said shortly.

"Is that so?  You don't find it a coincidence that Black manages to get past our security after you have been hired as a member of the staff?"

Remus snapped at him, showing true anger for the first time.  "I know what you're getting at, Snape, and I resent the implication!"

"I'm sure Black finds you, his good friend, quite useful right about now."

Temper rising, Remus spat out, "I will remind you that not only was Sirius my friend, but so were _James_ and _Lily _and _Peter_!  And I do _NOT_ forgive Sirius for what he did to them!"  Snape flinched at the mention of the names.  "If you _honestly_ believe that I could ever turn my back on my fallen comrades…then your heart is blacker than even I have imagined it to be!" 

Not letting Snape say anything more on the subject, Remus turned and strode back to the Great Hall where Dumbledore was giving instructions for a search of the castle.

His heart was beating fast in his chest and his breathing was unsteady.  As much as he didn't want to admit it, Snape did have a point.  Remus was the only living person who knew that Sirius was an Animagus.  Shouldn't he go and tell Dumbledore that they should be looking for a dog and not a man?  For certainly Sirius had transformed by now.  Was he still in the castle?  If he was, Remus would be the only one able to catch onto the scent of the dog rather than that of the man.  

How much he wished for the map right now!  _Wait a minute!  The Marauder's Map!  Why didn't I think of it before? I'm sure Filch still has it tucked away in one of those dreadful filing cabinets…._

But before he could come up with a way to get into Filch's cabinets to look for the map, Dumbledore was asking him to help in the search for Sirius.  Thinking quickly, Remus told the Headmaster he would take the fourth floor.  That way he'd have easy access to the third floor as well, as both places held secret passages that Sirius knew about and could have used to gain access to the castle.

With his great speed, Remus darted up the stairs to the fourth floor and headed for a room at the very end of the corridor.  His eyes glanced from side to side as he passed vacant rooms, ears on alert for any sound that might be out of the ordinary.  He entered the last room on the right quietly and paused in front of the large mirror.   _Fourth year…we found this one our fourth year.  Wonder if any students still use it?_

The mirror was very large and had brass trim all around it.  Shapes of various animal faces had been molded into the frame and they looked back at Remus with their cold eyes.  Reaching out his right hand toward the fox on the side, Remus pushed in the face and the mirror slid open.  

It was dark in the passageway, too dark for Remus' liking.  _Had it always been this dark?  _

"_Lumos_," he muttered and stepped inside.

But he didn't get too far, for the passageway had caved in just a few feet down.  There were visible signs that someone had been using this at one time, as there were remnants of fireworks on the floor.  But from the look of things, the cave-in had happened a few years ago and the passageway was useless.  He turned to head back out when he suddenly caught a familiar smell….

He turned back and examined the rocks blocking his way.  The scent was very faint, but it most certainly was there.  Sirius…Sirius had been here.  But he had been on the other side and wasn't able to get past the rocks!

Feeling his heart rate quicken, Remus sniffed just to make sure he wasn't picking up on a very old scent from his childhood.  No, he didn't smell Peter or James…just Sirius.  Or rather…Padfoot.

"Damn it!" he swore out loud to himself.

He exited quickly and shut the mirror, satisfied that Sirius wasn't getting in that way.  That only left the witch on the third floor to check now, as Filch had found out about the other ones in their seventh year.  

He took the stairs two at a time and rounded the corner towards the statue of the one-eyed witch only to meet up with the last person he wanted to deal with again tonight.  He nearly ran right into Snape, who apparently had been assigned the third floor for his own search.

Not wanting him to suspect anything, Remus asked, "Found anything?"

Snape eyed him with a sneer, "Not yet…why do you ask?"

"Concern, Severus."

"Concern for Black or for yourself, Lupin?  Because if I ever find that you _have_** been helping him…."**

Cutting him off Remus said, "I have not spoken to Sirius in twelve years, Severus!  How can I make you believe me?"

"By telling me how he got in!"

Remus froze.   "How would I know – "

"You and your little gang were always sneaking in and out of the castle.  If anyone knows how he could pull off such a stunt, it would be you, wouldn't it?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."  Remus lied, but he hoped Snape wouldn't catch onto him.

"Why are you even down here?  Is there something you needed to check with your own eyes?"  Snape looked around at the portraits and classrooms and finally the statue of the witch.  

Remus fought very hard against looking at the hump-backed statue right then and said calmly, but with a growing edge to his voice, "I was just going to offer my help as the third floor is larger than the fourth, where I was.  Merely being polite."  Remus nodded at him and brushed passed down the hallway.

He heard Snape turn the corner and start down the stairs.  Stopping his own path, Remus turned and stealthily walked back to the statue.  He sniffed heavily and found no trace of Sirius here.  Giving a look around to make sure the coast was clear, he took out his wand and went to tap the witch.  

_Hold it…this requires the use of a wand!  Realizing that Sirius had had his wand snapped when he was taken to Azkaban, Remus heaved a sigh of relief.  __He couldn't possibly be using this passageway, as it requires a wand to work it!_

Satisfied that the passageway behind the statue was safe, he replaced his wand in his belt and headed down the stairs to the Great Hall.  With the new information about the two passageways, Remus now knew just how Sirius had gone in and out of the castle.  He had used the front door.

But how?  There were dementors guarding the doors day and night!  Sirius wouldn't possibly be able to walk right past them without them noticing him! 

A thought chilled him to the bone.  What if the dementors didn't recognize him?  What if he was coming in disguised as the dog?  

Remus brushed the thought away quickly.  The dementors would certainly be aware of any strange animal that made its way up the main steps of Hogwarts.  Surely they would scare a dog off with ease.  No, Sirius had to be using some sort of dark magic to get into the castle.

Having been giving the "all's well" signal from Dumbledore, Remus went to his chambers in the staff wing.  He flopped down in his armchair and closed his eyes tightly, trying to erase the scent of his old friend from his memory.

_Sirius had been right here…he was right here!_

Remus sat forward and rubbed his eyes, feeling the tension build up in his shoulders.  The full moon was only a day away and this was not the way he wanted to face it.  Standing up, he began to pace his rooms.  His mind was racing over all the different types of spells Sirius could have used to get past the dementors.  Naturally, the Dark Lord had probably taught Sirius a thing or two while he was still in his service.  It was quite possible that Sirius knew spells and curses the likes of which Remus couldn't even fathom.  

He felt a growl growing in the pit of his stomach.  He had never understood why Sirius had done what he had done to their friends.  He had been angry with him for so many years.  But it wasn't until tonight that he felt the full weight of that anger.  Sirius was using all the resources he had at his disposal to get to Harry…for Remus was convinced that Harry was Sirius' target.  Not only was Sirius using what his master had taught him, but he was also using the tricks and secrets Remus himself had helped him discover.

He stopped pacing in front of the picture sitting on the mantel of the fireplace.  The four smiling faces waved back at him with joy, unaware of how short their time together would be.  Unaware that the boy in the middle would betray them.  Unaware that two lives would be shortened and lost forever senselessly.

Rage like he'd never felt before swelled within him and Remus smashed the picture down on his desk.  The glass shattered into pieces.  "Damn it, Sirius!  DAMN IT!"


	10. Full Moon

Full Moon (Chapter 10)

**Full Moon (Chapter 10)**

Katie looked up from her cauldron as Remus entered the shop.She smiled warmly at him and motioned for him to join her in the back room.Following her, Remus was surprised at how nervous he was.This would either be a breakthrough…or a major disappointment.

_ _

_As he entered the back room, Katie had her back to him, pouring the mixture into a goblet. She turned around and met his eyes before offering him the potion._

_ _

_"It took me forever to get it right, but I think I finally managed."_

_ _

_She had worked all day yesterday on it.It was her intention to take the potion over to Remus' house last night for dinner, but it had failed.Instead of smoking normally, it had boiled away and ruined one of her cauldrons.Katie had apologized numerous times over dinner, but Remus had merely said that he didn't mind at all and was thankful she was even willing to help.But of course she was willing to help…that was Katie._

_ _

_Remus, put the goblet up to his nose, sniffed at the liquid and drew back quickly. Katie gave a small half-hearted laugh and nodded._

_ _

"I know. It stinks to high heaven, but I'm reasonably certain it's supposed to smell like that," she frowned.

_ _

_"It's revolting."Remus looked into the goblet with disgust. _

_ _

_"Well, I tried to use sugar, thinking it would help the taste, but when I added it the potion turned a violent green color.I think the wolfsbane root and the sugar cane have a negative effect on each other.Apparently, sugar might make it taste better, but it would also make it useless."She looked up at him regretfully._

_ _

_Remus sighed.Seeing Katie look at him like that broke his heart.She was feeling sorry for him and that was the last thing he wanted.Why had he ever told her the potion was for him?Why had he ever told her abut the wolf?WHY?_

_ _

_Because she means the world to you, you twit…so just down the potion and get this over with!_

_ _

_"Have you tasted it?" he asked her out of curiosity._

_ _

_"No," she replied."It's a very strong mixture and from what I can tell…" she paused and looked down at her feet, "it would put me…or any normal human…right to sleep."Her voice had gone very soft when she mentioned the human bit, not wanting to upset Remus.It did upset him, however he wasn't willing to let Katie see that._

_ _

_Normal human…._

_ _

_"Well, then.I guess the only way to find out if it tastes as badly as it smells is to try it."He lifted the goblet up and said, "Cheers."_

_ _

Pressing the goblet to his lips, he downed the potion as fast as he could, trying to ignore the disgusting taste of it.It burned his throat as it slid down into his gut.He could feel the sting of the wolfsbane, an ingredient that could kill him if taken in large doses.He swallowed hard as the last drops of potion passed over his tongue.His eyes were shut tightly and he knew he was making a wretched face.

_ _

_Blinking away the awful flavor of the potion, Remus looked at Katie again.She had covered her mouth with her hands and was watching him very cautiously.He smacked at his lips with his tongue, trying to get the taste out of his mouth, but to no avail._

_ _

_"So?"_

_ _

_"It tastes worse than it smells, but then…it's probably worse for me."_

_ _

_"What do you mean?"_

_ _

_"You see, my senses are heightened by the wolf."_

_ _

_"Ah," was all she said, and her eyes fell to the floor again._

_ _

The potion had indeed tasted bad, but when Katie made it for him it tasted much better than the mixture Snape brewed.Funny how that works, Remus thought.He had been taking the potion now for almost a year, and he still wasn't used to the taste.

There were things to be learned from his experiences with the potion as well.For the first time, he could think as himself while in the wolf form.It didn't stop his thoughts from running wild, but he could reason them out.Sometimes when he was feeling overly anxious the wolf would become more like the animal that it was and Remus would have to force himself to stay calm.But at least he was able to control himself now some what…control the urge to hunt and kill.

Tonight was going to be one of those nights when the wolf would be exceptionally restless.Remus could feel it pulsating through him.The harder he fought to push back his anger, the more the wolf wanted to express it.And it was all because of Sirius.

The break in and the knowledge that Remus had concerning Sirius' animagus form was eating away at him.He was so angry at Sirius, not only for breaking into Hogwarts, but also for the damage he had done to everyone's lives.Remus knew that the wolf would want out tonight, and no matter how much of the potion he would drink, the wolf would most likely become violent.The potion allowed him to think, but it didn't stop the wolf entirely.

Slipping out of the castle and down to the Whomping Willow, Remus returned to the one place he had avoided since his school days.It was the one place he was certain to be safe, no matter what happened.The one place that he could go and know for a fact that he wouldn't hurt anyone.

The Shrieking Shack.

He hadn't been here in years, but he would never forget this place.He glanced around at the ruined walls and broken furniture with grief.He had done all this damage a long time ago.How much more damage would he do tonight?

He walked from room to room, making sure the house was still secure; locking all the doors and solidifying the windows that had cracks in them.All was in order.But he still wandered from room to room.

Pacing… 

_ _

_It always starts with pacing._

_ _

_And wild thoughts._

_ _

_How did Sirius get out of Azkaban?_

_ _

How did he get past the Dementors? 

_ _

_What kind of dark magic was he using?_

_ _

_It had to be something that didn't require a wand…but what was it?_

_ _

_Think Remus!You're supposed to be the Defense Against the Dark Arts expert!You should know this!_

_ _

The pull of the moon had started as moonlight stretched its fingers through the cracks in the boards covering the windows.Remus felt himself shaking.His limbs began to tense up rigidly.

_ _

_Dark magic…_

_ _

_It HAS to be dark magic._

_ _

_Sirius…why?_

_ _

He fell to the floor on all fours as his back arched upwards.The pain of the transformation hit him with full force.He grabbed at his stomach feeling as if he might wretch.The frustration he was feeling turned to real anger that Sirius had ever brought this upon them.

Damn you, Sirius Black! 

His face contorted and lengthened slowly as he felt the hair begin to prick at his arms and legs and back.

Dark magic… 

_ _

Not Padfoot…

_ _

He tried to grip at the tattered rug with his hands, but all he could do was scrape with his paws.The wolf threw back its head and with a mighty howl expressed the anger Remus had been suppressing.

Free….

_ _

He ran to the other side of the room and back, searching for a way out of the house.The wolf wanted to hunt and he certainly knew who the intended prey would be.

You can't get out and you know it! 

_ _

This upset the wolf even more, for the wolf had better senses than Remus.He would be able to track down Sirius in a heartbeat.But if he found Sirius, then what would he do?Kill him?

Remus, you've never hurt another human being in your whole life!You are NOT going to start now!Besides, if there is one person who knows how to defend himself against the wolf, it's Sirius Black…or Padfoot rather.

_ _

Running from room to room, the wolf knocked over a chair and tore at the leg of it, biting and knowing in frustration at his predicament.

Let me at him!Never hurt anyone else!Attack him…stop him!

The wolf spat out the wood chunks and made a choking noise as some bits lodged in his throat.

That's it… WANT OUT!

_ _

The wolf threw himself at the wall and a yelp in agony.He tried again, but to no avail.Once more, and still nothing.

Padfoot…stop him…attack…

This is doing no good.You'll only hurt yourself! 

_ _

Hurt Padfoot…want to attack!

_ _

Please!Stop this! 

_ _

NO!MINE!OUT!

_ _

Oh God…I can't…I can't win… 

_ _

ATTACKPADFOOT!Hurt Prongs and Wormtail…hurt Padfoot….

_ _

Now clawing at the already torn walls, Remus tried as he could to stay clam, but the wolf was in control…and it was going to be a long night.

***

Sunlight fell across his face as Remus slowly opened his eyes.He was lying on the floor, cold and aching head to foot.He must have passed out at some point.He shook his head trying to clear his confused mind.Had he actually slept through a transformation?It had been a long time since that had happened.Only when he had badly hurt himself had he managed to sleep through the setting moon.

And after those nights he was usually rescued by Sirius…but who would come now?

Pushing himself up with stiff arms, he tried to stand.A searing pain shot through his left arm and back.Grabbing at his shoulder, he realized he must have broken it while throwing himself at the wall.Managing to finally stand, Remus surveyed the damaged.His knee was also aching and bleeding from a deep cut.Touching a sore spot on his head, he found a large welt forming at his temple.His could feel his pulse beating in his head as a headache settled in.His stomach lurched from the dizziness.

Poppy…I have to get to Poppy… 

_ _

But he couldn't walk.He collapsed to the floor once again, wondering what that distant sound was?It sounded like footsteps?

Sirius? 

_ _

He felt a hand brushing the hair out of his eyes and through blurred vision he could make out a white beard and a wrinkled face.

"Oh dear," the man said."I was afraid that something like this might happen."

It was Dumbledore.He had come to help…but how did he even know?Remus didn't know what was going on, but he knew he had to explain this somehow.

"Sirius…I kept thinking about Sirius…"

Dumbledore pressed a finger to his lips to quiet him down, But Remus had to tell him before it was too late.

"He's…animal…he's….dog…"

"Yes, I see that the wolf was not very tolerant last night.Not to worry, Madam Pomfrey will have you better in no time."He conjured a stretcher out of thin air.

Remus couldn't believe it.Dumbledore thought he was talking about the wolf?"No…Sirius…he…"

"Shhh.Rest."And with a wave of his hand over Remus' face, he caused Remus to drift off into sleep.

To be continued…


	11. Recovery

Recovery (11)

AN: A very special thanks to the Alpha's for helping me through this chapter.I want to get to the next part so badly that this chapter was suffering somewhat.Once again, the letter is Thing1's with special modifications from Durayan!Thanks to JK for a final proof read.And thanks to all of you who have been reviewing this.I promise to bring a more exciting chapter next time, but this one needed to be done.I'll be away for a few weeks so don't look for an update before Nov. 1.

** **

** **

**Recovery **

** **

** **

Head pounding, Remus awoke, and squinted painfully at the brightness of the room, confused about exactly where he was.It took his eyes a few seconds to adjust to his surroundings and then he knew…he was in the hospital wing.Slowly, the memories started to flood back into his head one by one and he was able to piece together what had happened.Dumbledore must have brought him here to recover.Licking his dry lips and feeling very hungry, Remus sat up and looked around for Poppy.

The curtains were drawn around his bed and he couldn't move much._She probably didn't want to alert the students that I am ill.How long have I been here anyway?_

_ _

Remus threw back the covers and tried to stand, but he felt a wave of nausea hit him and he sat back down.Apparently he physically wasn't out of the woods just yet.He shook his head and leaned back against the pillows again.It had been a long time since he needed rest in the hospital wing.Too many days had been wasted here…he had missed out on so much of his youth that he wasn't about to let this affect his adulthood in the same way.He had classes to teach and responsibilities to meet after all.

Before the thought could venture much further, the drapes were pulled back and Poppy looked down at her patient with worry."I thought I heard you up," she said, taking his pulse.

"I got up, yes…and then I laid back down," Remus admitted rubbing is head.

"Um hum," she mumbled, now checking his temperature."I would have thought that you would know better by now then to get up too quickly after something like this."She handed him a potion to drink.Not asking what it was, he sat up and gulped it down slowly, trusting her judgment, and feeling slightly better for drinking it.

"What time is it?" he asked through swallows.

"Noon"
    
    "I've missed my first two classes."He started to get up again and Poppy placed a hand at his shoulder stopping him.
    
     
    
    "Today…you've missed your first two classes today.You missed all of them yesterday."
    
     
    
    Remus was stunned."What?What day is it?"
    
     
    
    "It's Friday."
    
     
    
    He didn't' need any more explanation.He had been out for almost two days.He slumped over, resting his head in his hands with a sigh of exasperation."Two full days of classes…"He looked up at Poppy questioningly. "What did you tell the students?"
    
     
    
    "The truth."Remus went pale at her words, but she smiled and added, "That you were ill and unable to teach just now."
    
     
    
    He flopped back down on the bed and ran his fingers through what he supposed was a very messy head of hair.And then a thought struck him that didn't bode well at all."Who covered my classes?"
    
     
    
    "Professor Flitwick was able to take some of them.But I believe Professor Snape was needed for a few classes that had conflicting schedules."
    
     
    
    _Oh God…_
    
    _ _
    
    "They were both very eager to help out.And both are quite knowledgeable where defense is concerned."
    
     
    
    _I'll **bet Snape was eager.As if being sick isn't bad enough, now I have to clean up whatever mess Severus has left for me!**_
    
    _ _
    
    Wanting to get back to normalcy as quickly as possible, Remus asked, "Poppy, would it be alright if I returned to my room?I really could use a rest in my own bed."He expected her to refuse, so he wasn't surprised that she was now glaring down at him.He added, "I promise I won't do anything strenuous.I'll just stay nice and quiet in my bed. Please, Poppy…I'm not a child any more."
    
     
    
    "Indeed you are not.You're a grown man who thinks he knows better than I do what he can and cannot do.But I have the feeling I won't be able to talk you out of this.So I'll make you a deal.You may rest in your room, but I WILL be by to check up on you from time to time."
    
     
    
    A small smile formed on Remus' lips and he agreed.He hated that he needed to be looked after, but he was willing to do anything to get out of the hospital wing.Slowly, and not without pain, Remus moved to the fireplace, tossed a handful of glittering powder from the jar on the mantle into the fire, and stepped into the green flames .A moment later he found himself stumbling out of the fireplace in his room.Not even bothering to brush himself off, he headed for the bedroom where he collapsed on his bed and drifted off to sleep. 
    
     
    
     
    
    He didn't wake again until the next morning.At his bedside was a goblet with a note next to it reading: "Drink this when you wake up", and he decided his physician had visited him in the night.Again, he drank the potion and started to feel a bit better.
    
     
    
    A thunderclap startled him into glancing out the window.The storm raging outside beat against the window and Remus wondered if it was yet morning, seeing how dark it was.His clock told him that it was indeed morning and that he had better get up and get moving.His joints still felt stiff and he was certain he would be worse off with the weather being what it was.
    
     
    
    He fixed himself some tea and sat at his desk looking at Katie's picture.It made him feel as if she were with him, having her own cup of morning coffee, as she didn't care much for tea.Saturday mornings were always the times when he missed her the most for they always had breakfast together before heading out to the garden to work.Trying to carefully avoid thinking too much about Katie, he ran his hand through his hair again and decided that he better take a shower before his hair turned as greasy as Snape's.Besides, there was a Quidditch match he wanted to attend.Surely Poppy wouldn't think watching the game would be too strenuous.
    
     
    
    But the shower didn't prove as relaxing as Remus had hoped.He was still tired and although his mind was clearer now, his minor aches and pains were still bothering him.If a shower could prove to be exhausting, then going out in the weather was certainly a bad idea.He wanted to watch Harry play more than anything, but his promise to Poppy held him back.He'd just have to wait for a play by play later._If Harry is anything like his father, he'll be talking about the game for weeks to come!_
    
    _ _
    
    Deciding upon a more leisurely way to pass his time in solitary confinement, Remus opened up his writing box and began composing a letter to Katie.She was on his mind far too much lately and he needed to communicate with her some of his feelings.In the recent past, she had been the one person who always managed to make a gray day a little brighter.
    
     
    
    _Dear Katie;_
    
    _ _
    
    _First off, thank you so much for going to all the trouble to get that Grindylow to me.It was actually quite well received.I seem to be doing all right as a teacher, would you believe.Most of my students appear to be enjoying my classes, and I even flatter myself to think they are finally learning something useful.The older students should be able to turn out some decent OWLS and NEWTS when we get there._
    
    _ _
    
    _There was a little scare among the 6th years when they were set to counter true dark magic for the first time (they were really too young to do it when the last decent DADA class was taught) but they have come along nicely.Actually, it is rather amusing to watch how each house deals with it.The Hufflepuffs have basically rolled up their robe sleeves and charged ahead as a unified front; They approach every problem with dogged determination and an unequaled flair for team work.The Ravenclaws continue to bombard me with the oddest questions and esoteric ponderings about things, but their sharp wits thankfully force them to respond to challenges with an intellectual vigor that I am starting to see finally transferred to their physical actions.I knew a few Ravenclaws well in my day; this is a pretty standard reaction for them.The Gryffindors, of course, charge ahead where angels fear to tread and actually seem to be enjoying themselves more the trickier I make the problem.I am tempted to pair up the Ravenclaws and the Gryffindors for a double class session some time and watch them each deal with both problem.The Slytherins are, quite frankly, the most interesting group to watch.True, many Slytherins are more trouble than they are worth, but not all.Each and every one of them is very focused and very driven to succeed, of course, but I have started to notice they each go about it in different ways.Some bully others into doing their work for them (but now at last I have the authority to do something about that!); some simply put their head down and stoically go about finishing the problem on their own, and some - a select few - will work together by dividing up the problem to be solved by each one playing to their own strengths._
    
    _ _
    
    _I should tell you - I finally had the chance to speak with my friend's son.His name is Harry and he's ... quite remarkable, Katie, and a little frightening.He looks almost exactly like his father; though he has his mother's eyes.His resemblance to James is so striking that when he speaks I always half expect that I will hear his father's voice.But he behaves, in a way, like both of his parents, depending on the situation, even though he has no clear memories of them.Yet Harry is very much his own person, and frankly I am staggered that he has turned out so well considering the hell he had to live through._
    
    _ _
    
    _I'd intended to write a longer letter, really, but I am quite tired.Madame Pomfrey has been supplying me with a potion containing what I believe is a combination of __Valerian, Petasites, and Calendula…__and I do not think it agrees particularly with me.Further, in spite of the reputation Severus Snape has as a master potion brewer, I am fairly convinced he is doing something that makes the Wolfsbane Potion even more noxious than ever.If I ever complained about the taste when you were making it, please accept my heartfelt apologies.I promise if I am ever so lucky as to have you brew my Wolfsbane again, I will relish it as if it were the sweetest nectar._
    
    _ _
    
    _I miss you sorely.Please say hello to Mrs. Noyes._
    
    _ _

Remus 

P.S.: We've a rather impressive storm going up here at the moment, so I can't help but think that the weather will turn down there very soon, if it has not already.Do please take a little more care not to get quite so many colds this year, won't you? I promise to show more sense in this matter myself as well.

Remus had hoped that he would feel better writing to her, but as he sat there and finished his letter, he actually started to feel a little more saddened.As he reread his words, he actually felt himself flush a bit as he realized he had been rather …fussy, for lack of a better term.Katie would pick that up as well.

She'll see right through you and you know it! 

_ _

Ignoring his own voice of inner warning, Remus sealed the letter and sent it up to the owlery with a house elf who came to bring him lunch on Poppy's orders. The rest of the day was spent reading and planning lessons for future classes…and wondering what Snape did to his classes while he was gone.

By evening, Remus was thoroughly bored and dying for a visitor.So when a knock came to his door, he rushed to it hoping it would be someone he could chat with for a long time, but instead it was Poppy._She'll rush right out of here.She hates being away from the infirmary._

_ _

"So sorry, Remus, but I can't stay long."_Just what I thought! _"I just wanted to check up on how you were feeling."

"I'm better, still achy but better."

She handed him another potion to drink and felt his pulse again."Good, well I must get back to my other patient.For the first time, Remus, I believe I have a patient in worse shape than you are."

Curiosity got the better of him and he asked, "Oh really?And just how bad off is this patient?"

She sighed sadly, "Well, he fell almost 50 feet off a broom in the Quidditch match today.Poor dear."

"Good lord…who fell?"

His worst fear was confirmed when she said softly, "Harry Potter."

_Fell off his broom?I thought he was a fantastic flier! _"What happened?"

"Dementors."Remus cast his gaze downward with a heavy sigh.Poppy turned suddenly and asked, "Weren't you there when the Dementor came into his compartment on the train?"

"Yes," he said, looking back up at her."Why?"

"He passed out then, didn't he?It appears that the same thing happened this time, only he was up on his broom chasing after the Snitch."

Remus felt himself go numb."He's…Harry's alright isn't he?"_Please don't let him be hurt!_

_ _

"Physically he'll recover in no time.But the poor boy is still clutching at the shattered remains of his broomstick.I told him there was no hope of fixing it, but…"

"What happened to his broom?"

"Oh Remus, it was blown into the Whomping Willow and smashed to bits."

With this news, Remus sat down into a chair, mouth hanging open in disbelief."This is all my fault."

Poppy made a tutting noise and pointed a finger at him."I don't want to hear that kind of talk.How could this ever been seen as your fault?Did you send the Dementors out there to the field?Did you cause the wind to blow the broom in the direction of the Willow?Good heavens Remus, this is nonsense!"

"The willow wouldn't be here if it weren't for me."

Poppy turned sharply and opened the door."I can tell you're in one of _those _moods and no amount of my chattering will ever convince you that not everything is your fault.Drink your potion and get some rest."

To be continued…..

PS: If you liked this and are looking for other Remus stories, visit my home page at www.werewolfregistry.net


	12. Two Rolls of Parchment

Two Rolls of Parchment Ted Joffs Ted Joffs 5 16 2001-11-05T19:18:00Z 2001-11-06T02:30:00Z 4 2027 11555 96 23 14190 9.3821 

AN: I have several more chapters that were written while I was up on Michigan, but I'm adding the finial touches.  This chapter is one of those that required me to use quite a bit of dialogue from PoA.  I have several chapters coming up that will be like this…Conversations written by JKR but from Remus' PoV instead of Harry's.  I am not making a profit off of this nor am I trying to pass if off as my own work.  With all the plagiarism going on in fan fiction, I sincerely hope that you do not feel offended by my use of the dialogue.  Also, many thanks to Durayan and Thing1 for their help with this one, as usual.  And thanks for waiting for this next chapter as long as all of you have.  I promise the next chapter will be out more quickly…and it has a letter from Katie in it!  Enjoy! 

Chapter 12 

**Two Rolls of Parchment! **

****

The castle was full that weekend with chatter about the match and what had happened to Harry.  All the teachers were upset, but non so much as Professor Dumbledore.  He actually had punished the dementors by shining a bright light upon them for a few hours that couldn't be extinguished.  This did not please dementors, who hate the light.  Dumbledore was about to get rid of them entirely, but McGonagall and some of the other staff had to talk him into letting them return to their posts around the castle.  

Dumbledore wasn't the only one who had to pick up the pieces from the week before.  When Remus returned to his normal class schedule the next Monday he found some classes to be easier to resume teaching than others.  The classes Flitwick covered were right on schedule and resumed their lessons without missing a beat.  But the classes Snape had covered were another story.  Snape had seen fit to take it upon himself to ignore lesson plans and teach whatever he felt necessary and reasonable.  No class was affected as greatly as the third years.

Upon entering the classroom, Remus was greeted but a storm of protests from the students.  The first came from Seamus Finigann.

"Professor Lupin!  Are we glad you're back!  Professor Snape skipped to the end of the book and assigned us all essays on stuff we haven't even covered yet!"

"What section did he skip to?" Remus asked, standing at the front of the classroom.

"Werewolves!  Can you believe it?" Dean said.

Feeling his heart quicken, Remus frowned and tried to act natural as the class continued their complaints.

"He assigned us two rolls of parchment, Professor!" Parvati said.

"It's not fair," chimed Lavender Brown, "he was only filling in, why should he give us homework?"

"We don't know anything about werewolves-" Neville said.

"-two rolls of parchment!" Parvati stressed again.

As upset as the class was about the assignment, none of the students seemed to realize that their teacher was a werewolf.  Remus calmed down slightly and asked, "Did you tell Professor Snape we haven't covered them yet?"

"Yes," said Hermione, "but he said we were really behind-"

"-he wouldn't listen-"

"-_two rolls of parchment!"_

Remus smiled.  _Your little trick didn't work, Severus!  "Don't worry.  I'll speak to Professor Snape.  You don't have to do the essay."  __But you wait, Severus.  I will repay you for this somehow._

To Remus' disappointment, Hermione sighed heavily and said,   
"Oh no!  I've already finished it!" The class continued as planned.  Remus had brought in a hinkypunk to show the class and they seemed to have a good time experimenting with following it around and laughing at the squelching noise it made.  But Remus found it difficult to concentrate.  Hermione had finished her essay.  Given the thoroughness of her research in the past, Remus was worried that she might have discovered his secret.  But her behavior wasn't any different from before, and that left him feeling a bit better. 

He was also concerned about Harry, for even though he looked well, his spirit seemed to be low.  Remus needed to talk to him and to apologize for what happened.  He didn't care what Poppy said.  He felt responsible for the fact that Harry no longer owned a broom.  So, when the bell rang, Remus called Harry over for a brief word.

Just be casual about it! 

"I heard about the match," Remus said, picking up some of the books from the desk and placing them in his briefcase.  "And I'm sorry about your broomstick.  Is there any chance of fixing it?"  He couldn't apologize any better than that without telling Harry about the wolf.

"No, the tree smashed it to bits," Harry said with a frown.

Remus sighed at this and said, "They planted the Whomping Willow the same year that I arrived at Hogwarts.  People used to play a game, trying to get near enough to touch the trunk.  In the end, a boy called Davey Gudgeon nearly lost an eye, and we were forbidden to go near it."  _Except me…I was allowed near it.  "No broomstick would have a chance."_

Harry's face fell and he asked in a shaky voice, "Did you hear about the dementors, too?"

Not expecting Harry to change the subject so quickly, Remus looked at him with a bit of surprise.  "Yes, I did.  I don't think any of us have seen Professor Dumbledore that angry.  They have been growing restless for some time…furious at his refusal to let them inside the grounds…I suppose they were the reason you fell?"  Of course they were the reason Harry fell off, but Remus didn't want Harry to feel as if his teacher were putting him down.

"Yes," Harry said quietly.   He paused and then in a burst of frustration, as if he couldn't hold it back any more, he asked, "_Why? Why do they affect me like that?"  Remus could see where this was going, so when Harry started to ask, "Am I just –"_

Remus interrupted him with, "It has nothing to do with weakness."  He wanted Harry to understand that he most certainly wasn't weak.  He explained further, "The dementors affect you worse than the others because there are horrors in your past that the others don't have."

Remus paused as Harry looked up at him with the first signs of hope on his young face.  "Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth.  They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them.  Even Muggles feel their presence, though they can't see them.  Get too near a dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you.  If it can, the dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself…soul-less and evil.  You'll be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life."  He thought briefly about Sirius and how he must have been experiencing just what Remus was describing.  But the he noticed Harry looking up at him still with a questioning look.  "And the worst that happened to _you, Harry, is enough to make anyone fall off their broom.  You have nothing to feel ashamed of."  He smiled at Harry, hoping his explanation would make him feel better.  _

But Harry only look down at the desk and said, "When they get near me – I can hear Voldemort murdering my mum."

Oh God!  He can hear Lily?  He can actually hear her dying? 

Remus wanted to hug Harry, to tell him that everything would be all right even though Remus wasn't certain of that himself.  But, as he went to touch him, he held himself back.  Giving a student a hug wasn't exactly the best thing to do under any circumstances, even if he was the son of one of your best friends.   

Harry stood in silence for a second as Remus tried to figure out what he should say to him.  For the first time ever, Remus actually felt deep hatred for Sirius Black.  He did this to Harry.  And now Harry had to relive that awful night…and it was all Sirius' fault.   Remus had been able to keep Sirius the Marauder separate from Sirius the servant of Voldemort for so long, but now they were melded into one…Sirius the killer.

Harry broke the silence by asking, "Why did they have to come to the match?"  His voice was full of bitterness.

Remus turned back to his desk and shut his briefcase, trying to brush aside the dark thoughts he was having about Sirius.  "They're getting hungry.  Dumbledore won't let them into the school, so their supply of human prey has dried up…I don't think they could resist the large crowd around the Quidditch field.  All that excitement…emotions running high…it was their idea of a feast."

"Azkaban must be terrible," Harry said under his breath to which Remus had to agree.

Remus had been there once after Sirius' capture.  He had wanted to talk to Sirius about what happened, but they wouldn't let him in.  The Ministry didn't think it a good idea to let Voldemort's most devoted servant speak to his long time friend who happened to be a werewolf.  But the memory of what he did see was forever ingrained in his memory.  "The fortress is set on a tiny island, way out at sea," he described to Harry, "but they don't need walls and water to keep the prisoners in, not when they're all trapped inside their own heads, incapable of a single cheerful thought.  Most of them go mad within weeks."  

Remus went to pick up his briefcase just as Harry said, "But Sirius Black escaped from them.  He got away – "

The sudden mention of Sirius' name from Harry's lips startled Remus causing him to almost drop his briefcase.  Did Harry know more about Black than Remus was aware?  As far as Remus understood, Harry had never been told much about Sirius.  He wasn't supposed to know that it was Sirius who betrayed Lily and James.  He wasn't even supposed to know that Sirius was his Godfather.  Why the sudden mention of Sirius' name?

Harry was looking up at Remus with raised eyebrows.  Placing the briefcase back on the desk he said, "Yes, Black must have found a way to fight them.  I wouldn't have believed it possible…" And he didn't believe it still.  _What kind of magic did you use, Sirius?  "Dementors are supposed to drain a wizard of his powers if he is left with them too long…"_

Before he could continue with the thought, Harry suddenly said, "_You made that dementor on the train back off."_

_So I did.  Good point.   "There are – certain defenses one can use."  __But Sirius couldn't have conjured a Patronus without using a wand. And besides… "But there was only one dementor on the train.  The more there are, the more difficult it becomes to resist."  __More proof that Sirius had to use dark magic to get out of Azkaban!_

"What defenses?  Can you teach me?"  The hope on Harry's face was evident.

"I don't pretend to be an expert at fighting Dementors, Harry…quite the contrary…" he said.  Indeed, he wasn't.  When ever he got too close to a dementor, Remus always relived the moment that wolf had bitten him when he was little.  It was always frightening, even after all these years, and his Patronus wasn't exactly strong because of it.  The real expert in the group had been James.  James could conjure the best Patronus of them all.   

"But if the dementors come to another Quidditch match, I need to be able to fight them – "

Remus looked down at Harry's determined face with a small smile.  He really was like his father in more ways than just looks.  James wouldn't give up on something this easily.  No, he would have done everything possible to make sure he could play in the match.  Giving in, Remus said, "Well, all right.  I'll try and help.  But it will have to wait until next term.  I have a lot to do before the holidays."  _Papers to grade, exams to write, not to mention Christmas gifts to buy if there is time.  "I chose a very inconvenient time to fall ill."_

Very happy that Remus had agreed to help him, Harry scampered off to his next class looking more at ease.  As he watched Harry disappear around the corner, Remus couldn't help but smile.  As much as he didn't like the idea of being around a dementor, he had just been given an excuse to spend some time with Harry.  Maybe he would get a chance to actually talk to him and tell him a bit about James someday.  

But talking about James would lead you to talk about Sirius, and you certainly don't want to talk about that.

He returned to his briefcase, picked it up, and headed back to his own room.  What a strange day.  He thought about his conversation with Harry and about how he would teach him to fight the dementors.  He thought about the class and was still worried one of the students would figure out that he was a werewolf.  And then he thought about Snape…

It's time to put you in your place, Severus!

***

The staff table bustled with chatter as usual as Remus sat down to his dinner that night.  Professor Flitwick kindly discussed the lessons he covered and some of the discoveries the students had made and happenings that he thought Remus should be aware of.  Snape sat at the far end of the table, avoiding Remus' eye.  Every now and then, however, Remus would chance a glace down at him trying to get him to look his way.  

As he finished with his meal, Remus excused himself and walked, purposefully, right past Snape. Casually he said, "Thank you for covering my class Severus."

"It was my pleasure, Lupin."

Turning suddenly as if remembering something, Remus added, "Oh, and I also would like to thank you for taking it upon yourself to teach my third years about werewolves.  Seeing as how I certainly don't know much about the topic, it was a good thing you came along and made sure they understood it properly. "

Looking up at him over his shoulder, Snape said, "Well they were behind.  I thought it important information that they should all know by now."

"Indeed it is," Remus nodded.  "That's why I've decided to cover Vampires next term.  Would you like to help with that lesson as well?"  

Snape froze.

"No?  Well, I guess you'll have to trust me to teach them from my own experiences."  Sarcasm dripped from his voice as he said, "Thanks again, Severus."

Before Snape even knew what hit him, Remus was walking away with a great smile on his face.   He felt better than he had in weeks! 

_To be continued…_


	13. Wandering Hogsmeade

AN: Story time…about oh…seven months ago, I was chatting on line and asked some stranger using the nick tgrrxtn "Who are you Ted Joffs Ted Joffs 4 39 2001-11-12T02:03:00Z 2001-11-12T03:55:00Z 5 2244 12794 106 25 15711 9.3821 _AN: Story time…about oh…seven months ago, I was chatting on line and asked some stranger using the nick tgrrxtn "Who are you?"  Imagine my surprise when it turned out to be my favorite author in fan fiction, Thing1.  I know she was annoyed by my inquisitive nature, but I kept bugging her for information about her fics.  I eventually started e-mailing her almost every day.  In one e-mail I asked if Katie knew Remus while he was teaching at Hogwarts.  It didn't exactly say, but if they had known each other for three years then the answer would be yes.  I also asked if they had any correspondence during the time he was at Hogwarts.  Much to my surprise, Thing sent me back a "sneak peek" at something she was working on which involved a scene where Annie (Remus's youngest daughter) reading a letter Katie had sent Remus many years ago while he was teaching at Hogwarts.  I just about died…where was the rest of the story?  After many conversations, we developed a good friendship and I asked permission to use her idea the of letters in my own fic.  So here it is folks…the letter that started it all.  Kind of…the bit I read seven months ago stopped with Annie asking who Parson was.  I hope you enjoy this now and I hope you all get to read the snippet Thing has sitting in the files on her computer someday.  It really is an excellent scene and Remus is in fine comedic form._ Wandering Hogsmeade 

The term moved forward quickly and rather uneventfully and soon the whole school was buzzing with excitement over the upcoming Hogsmeade visit and the Christmas holidays. Remus, as well as most of the staff, was looking forward to a leisurely afternoon and the chance to possibly pick up a few items at Hogsmeade for gifts.  It had been some time since he'd had money enough to spend on frivolity and he really wanted to get Katie something special for Christmas.  

He took his time dressing and nibbled on his breakfast in his own room, reading the _Prophet and going over some notes for future lessons.  He wanted to wait for a while before heading over, as Hogsmeade was generally crowded early in the day.  By late afternoon, the students would run out of money and grow tired from their fun.  It was something the Marauders learned quickly when they were at Hogwarts.  The best time to visit Hogsmeade was after lunch, and Remus wasn't going to break with tradition. _

Hogsmeade was still rather crowded when Remus finally arrived.  Even though the sun was bright, the day was quite a cold one, but the weather didn't seem to have discouraged many people from enjoying the day in Hogsmeade.    Remus, undecided on just what he wanted to purchase, took a few moments to window shop before heading into _Madam Rowling's Robes for All Occasions.  His own robes were well worn, as it had been a few years since he had purchased new ones.  It would be nice if he had a new outfit to wear for the holidays.  Choosing a simple set of plain black robes, he had them altered and fitted.  The seamstress told him he could pick them up in about an hour when they would be finished.  _

Before he left the shop, his eye caught sight of a beautiful blue cloak in the corner.  It was made mostly of wool, with embroidery of the finest quality.  It glistened as if it were made entirely of sapphires.  _Probably enchanted. Remus touched it delicately as if handling it too roughly would cause it to shrivel to shreds.   _

"It's softer than it looks, isn't it?" the seamstress said from behind.

Remus had to agree that he had never felt anything quite as soft before.  "It's beautiful."  _But it would be even more beautiful on Katie. _

"That it is.  And any lady would be certain to adore it."

_How did she know I was thinking about that?  "How much is it?"_

The price named was far too high for Remus' pocket, but still…. Katie had always complained about the cold on the moors during the winter and how she needed a warmer cloak.  She spent far too much time outside, even in the winter, collecting roots for her potions.  This would be a perfect gift for her, even if it were a bit expensive.  

_But then…Katie would never wear it to work in.  She probably wouldn't wear it unless it was a special occasion.  _

It didn't take much to convince himself that the cloak would have to remain in the store.  Some other woman would be given the opportunity to enjoy it and he would have to find something else for Katie. He thanked the seamstress and left, still feeling a little down-hearted that he hadn't purchased the cloak.   

Shifting his mind to other necessities, he headed over to Honeydukes Sweet Shop.  Not bothering to look at the wide variety of fantastic candy, he went right for the chocolate.  He had promised Harry he would help him learn how to fight off the Dementors and that meant being in the same vicinity as Dementors.  Considering how Harry was affected by them, Remus knew he would need a supply of some of the finest chocolate Honeydukes had to offer.  He made his purchase and headed out the door, back into the cold.

He walked along the busy street filled with students, pausing every now and then to glance at something in a window.  He felt a bit childish for pausing so long at Zonko's, but like James had said all those years ago…once a Marauder, always a Marauder.    There were loads of new items he was itching to get his paws on.  _How would Fred and George Weasley react if I played a trick on them?  Maybe they could even learn a few things.  But no, I'm a teacher and I can't encourage that sort of behavior now.  Or can I?_

He went in the store and picked up a few Filibuster Fireworks.  Smiling mischievously, he paid for the items and pocketed them casually.  They would be an excellent Christmas present for Fred and George, but Remus wouldn't say who they were from and he would include instructions that they were to be used only in classes where large cauldrons would be used.  Pleased at his clever idea, Remus smiled and exited the store heading toward the south.

His smile faded quickly and he gasped at the sight of what lay ahead of him.  It had been so long since he'd seen it from the outside, but it looked the same as always.  It looked the same as it did the first time he ever saw it.  He had been going in the Shrieking Shack for over two years for the transformation before he saw it from the outside.  And now, as he stood and looked up at it, he couldn't help but recall his first impression.

"That's it?" 

_"What?" James asked from behind._

_"That's the house?" Remus stared at the shack._

_"Talk about your fixer upper," Sirius joked._

_"It's not funny, Sirius.  I thought it was bigger…more…I dunno…sturdy."_

_"Of course it's sturdy, Remus," Peter said, "Dumbledore wouldn't put you in a dangerous place for the full moon."_

_James turned to Remus and added, "Peter is right.  It's got all those enchantments on it, hasn't it?  To protect you."_

_"And you have to admit," said Sirius, "it isn't much nicer on the inside.  You surely didn't expect it to be…"_

_"I don't know what I expected," Remus said with a sneer.  He shook his head and frowned in repulsion.  "I just…"  He made a noise that vocalized his disgust and turned away from the shack.  "I can't look at it." He walked away from his friends, determined not to talk about this any further.  This was their first visit to Hogsmeade and Remus wanted to enjoy himself.  _

And he wanted to enjoy himself this time as well.  Turning his back on the tattered house, he paused to listen to a group of fourth years discussing the possibility of being the first to actually get into the Shack.  

"Are you mad?  Spend a night in there?" the tallest boy said.

"Why would we ever even want to break into it?" a blond girl said.

"Because, no one has ever done it!  Think of the fame we'd achieve!" the boy beamed.

"You're nutters," the blond girl said.

"If Fred and George Weasley can't get in there, what makes you think you can?" the tall boy asked.

Remus smiled and shook his head.  He knew they would never get in.  That place had more enchantments on it than Filch had confidential files in his filing cabinet.

Filch… 

I need to get that map out of his office!  The sooner the better!  

Heading over to the Three Broomsticks, Remus began plotting a way to get into Filch's office and return the map to one of its rightful owners.  After all, if he could look at the map, he'd be able to see if Sirius was on the grounds at any time.  And if Remus ever did spot him, it would prove to be the most useful bit of information the map ever yielded.  

 He entered the Three Broomsticks and took a seat at the bar.  Madam Rosmerta soon approached with a sad look on her face.  She frowned at Remus and sighed heavily.  "Remus Lupin," she said in a languid tone.

"Madam Rosmerta, you remember me."

"How could I ever forget you…and your friends."

_Why is she looking at me like that?_

She poured him a mug of butter beer and placed it in front of him.  "You missed Hagrid, Professors Flitwick and McGonagall, and Cornelius Fudge.  They left…about fifteen minutes ago."

_Fudge was here?  "Why was the Minister of Magic here today?"_

Remus was just about to take a drink from his mug when Rosmerta said, "Sirius Black."  Remus paused and looked at her curiously.  "I suppose he's investigating what happened on Halloween."

Remus nodded and sipped the warm drink slowly.  Rosmerta was still looking at him, but her look had become a suspicious one.  _She wants you to talk about Sirius.  She would ask, but she's afraid to.  _

"I don't know what happened on Halloween.  I was just as shocked as everyone else." He sipped again, feeling as if this was becoming an interrogation rather than a casual conversation.

"Like I told the Minister, I still have trouble believing it."  She shook her head and her curls bounced around her face.  

"You and me both, Rosmerta."  

***

Later that day, after he had unpacked his new robes and hung them in his wardrobe, emptied his pockets of the chocolate, and hidden the fireworks safely in his trunk, Remus retired to his favorite place…in front of the fire with a cup of tea.  As he passed his desk, he noticed a letter laying on top of it that hadn't been there earlier.  _Humm…the owl must have left it here not knowing I was in Hogsmeade.  He recognized the handwriting at once and smiled happily._

Taking the letter over to the sofa, he opened it gently, trying desperately to ignore the scent of it.  But he couldn't.  This had probably been in Katie's hand this morning and Remus could still make out the soft scent of the wet earth from the garden, the pungent smell of parsley used in some potion, and a whiff of the smoke from her fires.  Her image filled his mind as he began to read.

Dear Remus,

 Glad to hear the Grindylow was a success with your younger students, as it was rather disgusting to catch and I've a bit of a sniffle still from standing in that mucky water for so long trying to net the wretch.  Mrs. Noyes was exceptionally unamused to have the thing in the front parlor while I figured out how to best get it up to you, but said nothing other than to mutter 'about time' once I'd handed it over to the delivery wizard.

I had dinner with Parson last night.  I had to travel up to Exeter anyway to obtain some supplies and decided I'd just drop by and deliver his usual order, as I do every month.   He asked if I would join him for dinner and frankly wouldn't take "No" for an answer.  As there was no need to rush back home, I decided it would be a reasonable way to spend the evening.   He took me to a very fine Muggle restaurant where we enjoyed an exceptionally good meal.  I need to remember to bring more wine back with me the next time I visit as the wine shops there have a much better selection than our one licensee.  Parson went on about his decidedly egocentric family and their various accomplishments, as usual, but at least he's a highly amusing storyteller so the evening wasn't a total loss. I tried to discuss a little gardening and healing arts with him, but he doesn't care too much for either so that conversation wasn't particularly successful.  I miss having you to speak to about these things, Remus.  By the way, I see the white mums have bloomed.  Weren't they your mother's favorite?  I can see why.  They are extraordinarily beautiful.

I think about you up there at Hogwarts, but it sounds like you are happy despite your trepidation about going, and I am very pleased about that.  I imagine you get that vague, happy little smile about your face more often.  And certainly, as you're inside teaching your students, I don't have to worry about you being outside giving yourself a dreadful cold.  Speaking of colds, this potion your Madam Pomfrey has you on sounds rather aggressive.  Valerian is a sedative, Petasites are painkillers, and Calendula is used in anti-trauma remedies.   Have you suddenly gone frail and simply haven't informed me?  I shall be most upset if you return here in the summer without all your limbs.  As to my own warmth, don't fret.  I'll get around to purchasing a new cloak once Christmas has past.  Until then, the one you refer to as the "ratted old puffskien pelt" will just have to manage.

Keep me up to date on how things are going for you.

Love,

K

The last rays of the day's sun poured in through the window and turned the room and its contents red and gold, casting a shadow over Remus' face.  He reread the letter once again, wincing at the references to Parson and the enjoyable evening she had spent with him.

_Parson Parolles.  Why did it have to be him?  Please, Katie…anyone but him!_

Yes, Remus decided he was jealous of the time Katie spent with Parson now.  He had never been jealous of him before as he always felt Katie preferred his company to that of Parson's, but Remus wasn't there to visit with her right now and Parson was.  Beyond that, Parson could afford to take her to fancy restaurants and, if she asked, would have probably bought her that beautiful cloak without thinking twice about the cost.  

But the thing that bothered Remus the most was that Parson could offer her a future…something Remus could not do.  This was not a matter of money now that he really began to ponder it.  It was the fact that he was a werewolf and utterly undeserving of any relationship with this wonderful woman.  Remus had no right to even consider bringing Katie into his life permanently.  His lycanthropy wasn't something that he felt she needed to deal with for the rest of her life.  She deserved better.  She deserved everything that life had to offer.  She deserved everything Parson had to offer.  

The hand holding the letter instinctively came up to his nose and he sniffed at it, taking in the smells he associated with Katie.  How he missed her.  He closed his eyes and imagined he was watching her tend the garden…the white mums surrounding her like a heavenly cloud.  She turned and smiled up at him.  How beautiful her face was when she smiled.  How happy it made him to just look at that smile.  

And how upsetting it was that another man was currently enjoying that smile.  It was even more upsetting that it was an insufferable git like Parson!

Remus opened his eyes and realized he had crumpled the letter in his fist.  He smoothed it out, took a deep breath, and reread her last paragraph.  Cringing at her comment about getting a new cloak, Remus looked up at her picture on the mantle.  _Katie love, you deserve the best in life.  If only I could give it to you._


	14. Christmas

****

**Christmas **

****

****

The next morning, Remus woke to find he had fallen asleep in front of the fire.  Katie's letter was still crumpled up in his hand.  There was silence out on the grounds even though the sun was shining brightly.  _Wonder where everyone is?  _But it only took his mind a second to remember that it was the start of the Christmas holidays.  Naturally the school grounds would be quiet as most of the students were probably at home.  Remus only spent one Christmas holiday at Hogwarts in his youth, so he didn't quite know what to expect now.  

Dressing and getting something to eat were first on his agenda for the day.  Once that was taken care of, he set his mind to figuring out just what he should send Katie for a gift this year, seeing as how he failed to find anything special in Hogsmeade.  He read over her letter again and paused at the words "I think about you up there at Hogwarts"…

Katie's never been to Hogwarts.  She has no idea what it even looks like.

He smiled at the thought because he now knew exactly what he should give her…or rather make for her.  It would take a few special items, and it would probably mean bothering a few teachers for them, but the idea was too good too pass up.

He first stopped by the library to pick up a copy of 'Hogwarts: A History'.  Contained within its pages was a beautiful, nearly realistic picture of Hogwarts.  _Perfect! _ His second stop was to the Muggle Studies classroom.  As usual, there was a healthy supply of building materials the students frequently used to create Muggle items for display.  Remus asked if it would be all right for him to nick some of the supplies and was told to help himself.  

He dropped the items off in his room before donning his heavy cloak and heading outside.  He walked in the brisk air out towards the Forbidden Forrest where some of the trees were still green.  Choosing carefully in order to get a nice variety, Remus plucked small amounts of greenery from the plant life and trees.  When he had what he considered to be an ample amount, he headed back into the castle.  

Once he was at his desk, Remus began crafting a miniature three-dimensional model of the castle, complete with the grounds, out of the items he collected.  He took his time to study the details he could find from he photograph.  He cast spell after spell to achieve the right coloring and textures.  He worked diligently at his project for hours, oblivious to time passing.  He paused late in the afternoon to rest his eyes and realized with a start that the afternoon sun was slipping away.  He lit candles and continued.  By the time he finished with the model, it was dark outside.

Feeling as if he had been anti social, Remus decided on dining in the staff room that evening.  His stomach rumbled, as it had been a long time since breakfast.  The castle was festively decorated complete with Christmas Trees and Mistletoe, and it brightened his already happy mood.  The decor reminded him of his mother and the care she had always taken in making sure the house had properly decked halls for the season.  

But the smile that had been on his face for most of the day faded as he entered the staff room and saw who was already dining.  Professor Vector was engaged in conversation with none other than Severus Snape.  Fortunately, Snape had his back turned to the door and didn't see Remus open it.  Hoping to slip away undetected, Remus closed the door and turned to leave.  _Dinner alone is better than dinner with Snape._

"Lupin, a word."

Remus stopped in his tracks and groaned inwardly.  Turning slowly, he met Snape's black eyes reluctantly.  "Yes, Severus?"

"I have your potion ready."

"Thank you, Severus.  I'll be down to your office shortly."  Remus smiled politely.

"It would be a great tragedy if we had a monster loose on the grounds on Christmas Eve."

Remus kept his smile, but his good mood began to fade.  "Indeed it would, Severus.  But I don't intend to allow that to happen."

"The Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures is already addressing that Hippogriff incident of Hagrid's.  I'd hate for them to have to deal with another one of our staff members."  Without another word, Snape disappeared back into the staff room leaving Remus alone once more.  

_A full moon for Christmas…just what I wanted.  But I'll be damned if I'm going to let you spoil what fun I can have, Severus._

With a sigh, Remus ran a hand through his hair and decided he'd head for the kitchen.  Just as he started down the hall though, Professor Flitwick came bustling around the corner.   He wished Remus a Happy Christmas and began chatting excitedly about all the enchantments he had performed for the castle this year.  Remus smiled, glad for the chance to ask him for advice on a spell for Katie's gift, and Flitwick was eager to help.  He even volunteered to cast it for Remus, but Remus turned him down.  Remus wanted to make this gift on his own.  Flitwick's smile and pleasant demeanor cheered Remus up again, especially since he now had the final ingredient needed to complete Katie's gift.

Remus slipped into the kitchen and helped himself to a few items from the elves and headed off to the dungeon for the potion.  Snape, luckily, was nowhere in sight so Remus filled a goblet and returned to his rooms once again to continue his work on the gift.  He needed to get it out tomorrow or else he risked it arriving late.  Hopefully this charm wouldn't be too tricky and all would work out well.

He sat himself down at his desk with the model of Hogwarts in front of him.  He placed it on a wood base and picked up a small glass dome he had taken from the Muggle studies classroom.  With a wave of his wand, Remus muttered, "_Aerius effingo brevis_".  A cloud began to form in the dome, swirling around and floating on its own.  Not wanting it to escape, Remus quickly covered the model of the castle with the dome and watched to see what would happen.  The cloud hovered up at the top and soon began to drop tiny white flakes to the ground. It was snowing.  

Remus glanced out the window and saw that it was, indeed, snowing.  Flitwick promised that the charm would replicate whatever weather Hogwarts was having, but keep it in a small, containable form.  It was the same type of enchantment they used on the ceiling of the Great Hall, but in smaller form.  

Pleased with his work, Remus sealed the glass dome to the base with his wand and sat back to enjoy the effect.  The tiny castle began to turn white under the snow and soon the ground was covered as well.  The green trees were dusted white and the whole scene look like something out of a portrait.  

He sent the gift off the next morning along with a rare book of unusual healing potions for Mrs. Noyes.  Madam Pince had two copies of the book and since she said no one ever checked either one out, she was glad to give it to Remus who could find a good use for it.  Once the owl left with the package, Remus returned to his room to wait out the approaching full moon alone.

****

December twenty-fifth had come and gone before Remus emerged from his chamber again.  The full moon had been on Christmas Eve and thus the house elves and owls who delivered his gifts had been instructed to place them in his office and not to take them to his room.  If they had, they would have met the wolf, and that wasn't the sort of thing anyone wanted to deal with on Christmas.  So it wasn't until the twenty-sixth that Remus found his gifts stacked neatly in his classroom office.  

He sat down at his desk and began unwrapping the gifts slowly as to make the moment last longer.  The first gift he unwrapped was from Fred and George Weasley.  He couldn't stifle his laugh as he unwrapped the Filibuster Firework.  Mrs. Noyes sent him a pair of gloves along with a note that her gift was supplemental to Katie's.  With a knowing smile, Remus opened up the gift from Katie to find a thick scarf and hat that matched the gloves perfectly.  They were resting on top of a batch of homemade brownies that smelled delicious and still felt warm.  _She must have magicked the plate to keep them fresh._  A letter tumbled to the floor when he pulled out the brownies.

Remus – 

A scarf and hat to warm your neck and head.

Brownies to warm your heart.

Love,

K

_Ah Katie, I don't need you to give me brownies to warm my heart.  You do that yourself.  Wait…where did that thought come from?  _Remus stared at the note with a puzzled expression, trying to figure out what it was he felt at the moment.  Her gift, although simple, meant the world to him.  And the way she phrased the letter…could she possibly…what if she felt…

_Stop it right now!  She is your friend, and that is as far as the relationship will ever go - no matter what your feelings are for her.  But what **are** your feelings for her? _

Slowly and thoughtfully, Remus leaned back in his chair and sighed.  He swallowed hard and looked back down at the flowing handwriting – particularly the word _love_.  "I love her", he said softly to himself.  

"S'cuse me, Perfesser –" a deep voice sounded from the doorway.

Remus turned to see Hagrid bending down so that he could fit through the opening, looking tentatively at him.  "Hagrid!" He forced a smile.  "To what do I owe this visit?"  Remus stood up and motioned for him to enter the room.

"Wanted ter speak to yeh about summat."  The giant held out crumpled letter bearing the insignia of the Ministry of Magic.   "Dumbledore suggested you might be able ter help."

A bit confused, Remus took the letter and began reading.  The parchment had water stains all over it and the ink was smeared in several places, but the message was clear.  Buckbeak, Hagrid's hippogriff, was going to be brought in front of the Committee for Disposal of Dangerous Creatures for the supposed damage that was done to Draco Malfoy's arm earlier in the year.  Hagrid looked at him hopeful that he might have a suggestion as to the course of action he should now take to prevent them from killing Buckbeak.  

Remus knew the committee very well.  Being a werewolf, he was subject to laws not as a "being" but as a "beast".  If ever he were to place one toe out of line he could be handed over to the committee himself.  It was a fear that haunted him almost every day of his life.  No wonder Dumbledore sent Hagrid to talk to Remus.  There probably wasn't anyone at Hogwarts who knew the laws better than Remus…especially since he had been called in to prove his own innocence many years ago.  

"Is this your first time dealing with the Committee, Hagrid?"

"Yes, sir.  But I know it's run by them gargoyles and they don't like interestin' creatures much."

"Gargoyles aren't the most forgiving judges, and certainly with the influence of Lucious Malfoy they will be ready to pass judgment on your hippogriff before you even begin your defense. "

"Don't I know it.  What should I do?"

_"What should I do, dad?"_

_"The only thing you can do - go in there and tell them the truth.  That's what they want to hear." _

_"But I can't tell them…I mean…if I tell them everything…"_

_"Remus, you have to do what is necessary to protect yourself.  You didn't have anything to do with this and you know it."_

He remembered it like it was yesterday.  How could anyone ever forget something like that?  He stood there like a stone, frozen in place as the gargoyles asked him question after question after question.  His father spoke on his behalf when they asked for proof that he had never caused any harm to anyone before. 

"Is there a history of violence from the accused?" 

_"He is a werewolf, your honor," Edmund Lupin said.  "Yes, there have been violent moments, but he has never brought harm to any human or creature in his life."_

_"So you admit that he is violent?"_

_"No, that is not what I said."_

"They will want to know if the hippogriff has ever harmed any creature before this incident.  You'll have to present a history of nonviolence for him as best as you can."

"Dunno if I can do that.  Only had 'im a while myself."

"You'll just have to do your best, Hagrid, because they _will _ask you for information about his past."

"Right.  Anything else?"

_"What was the state of mind of the accused when the incident happened?"_

_Remus glanced over at his father before saying, "I was transformed.  I really don't remember much."_

_"Are you admitting you had lost all reasoning abilities?"_

_Remus licked his lips.  "I went into the house with a clear mind, your honor.  I knew exactly what was going to happen and I went there so that I wouldn't be a threat to anyone.  I didn't know someone was following me.   When I came under the influence of the full moon, however, I…I transformed.  I don't really remember…"_

_"Were you or were you not able to reason?"_

_"When I decided to go to the house, yes."_

"They will want to know about Buckbeak's state of mind when all this happened."

Hagrid furrowed his brows.  "How'm I s'posed to know that?"

"Honestly, I don't know.  The gargoyles are fixated upon a creature's ability to reason.  But either way, it's a catch twenty-two.  Does the creature know that they can cause harm?  If they do, did they cause the harm on purpose?  If they don't, why would anyone keep such a creature?  You really have to be precise in how you answer the questions, Hagrid."

"That's what I'm afraid of.  How'm I su'posed to talk in front of all them committee folks?  I don' know what ter say or how ter even stand!"

"Well, I suggest you rehearse your statement before you face them.  Practice what you need to say so that it flows smoothly.  If you know what you're going to say, you'll be less nervous.  But above all, you must remain calm.  You cannot afford to give them any reason to believe you or Buckbeak are dangerous in any way.  So whatever you do, do not panic."

That was probably the one thing that saved Remus when he had his trial.  He stood so still and kept his face so calm that the committee had a difficult time believing that he was dangerous.  At the time, he actually felt that showing little emotion was proving him to be more of a monster.  He honestly was holding it all inside for fear that he would break down and cry.  But his father told him once it was all over that the committee was very impressed by his strength of character and poise.

"Don' panic.  That's what Dumbledore told me."  Hagrid sighed deeply.  "I just don' want Beakey ter be killed for somethin' he didn't really do."

"Remus really had nothing to do with it, your honor.  It was my plan.  I'm the one who told Snape to go in there."

Remus pressed the memory back in his mind and tried very hard to concentrate on Hagrid.  But he could still hear Sirius admitting to the fact that he instructed Snape how to get past the Willow and into the shack.  Remus never understood why Sirius had done it, but looking back it should have keyed him into the idea that Sirius would someday betray Lily and James…and Peter.  Sirius was just too reckless and unfeeling towards his friends.

'Hagrid, I have a book that you might like to read on cases where the creature in question wasn't necessarily the one to blame for the incident.  There might be something in there that could prove useful.  I'll have to dig it out of my things, but I'll get it to you as soon as possible."

"Thanks, Perfesser.  Yer a might better fellow than most people think."  With a wink and a nod, Hagrid turned and left the room leaving Remus alone once again to dwell on his thoughts.  

And how alone he felt!  He glanced down at the desktop where Katie's gift lay open and shuddered that he had just moments before admitted he was in love with her.  _I can never have that life.  I almost killed a man once…how dare I think I can bind Katie to a life with someone who could kill?  _He sank back down into his chair as his thoughts flowed back to his father…and the trial…

"I'm so sorry, Dad.  I really am." Remus fell into a sob against his father's chest and felt the loving arms embrace him.  "I should have never gone to Hogwarts.  Why did I ever think that…that…"

"You have nothing to be sorry about, son."  His voice was very calm and soothing.  "You were invited to Hogwarts because you deserved to go."

"But I'm a monster!"

Edmund pulled Remus away from him so that he could look him in the eyes.  "You are not a monster!  And I don't' ever want to hear you call your self that again."  He paused briefly.  "I love you.  Your mother loves you.  And we didn't raise you to think of yourself this way."

Remus sniffed.  "If I was normal, this would have never happened."

"No, that's not true.  This has nothing to do with you being a werewolf, Remus.  This is about your friends not getting along with certain classmates.  This wasn't your fault.  Thank God Sirius admitted to that."

Remus wiped his nose on the back of his hand and sniffed again.  "Why do you suppose he did this to me, Dad?"

"I don't know."  His face saddened with the thought that a friend of Remus' had put him in this sort of danger.  "You're going to have to ask him that yourself."  Edmund raised his eyes and glanced over Remus' shoulder to where Sirius was standing, looking pale as a ghost.  Wiping the tear from his cheek, Remus stared at Sirius…seeing him in a different light now than he had ever seen him before.  

"I'm sorry…" Sirius said weakly.  "I…I don't know…I just…" 

_"I don't' want to talk to you right now."  Remus looked away from him.  "I don't even want to **see **you right now."_

_"Remus…"_

_Turning quickly, Remus said, "Go away, Sirius!"_

He winced at the memory.  It had taken them one very long summer to accept each other again.  James and Peter were constantly used as go-betweens, delivering angry messages from one to the other until James forced them to come face to face and talk it out.  Their friendship wasn't the same for a long time, but at least they weren't fighting anymore.  Remus never did understand why Sirius did what he did, but he came to accept his apology.  

But Sirius had done him damage…and Remus had almost been executed for being a dangerous creature.  It's hard to think of yourself as anything else once a committee has declared you as such. 

 Remus ran a hand over the scarf Katie sent him.  "You sent a scarf to a werewolf.  You made brownies for a werewolf.  You are friends with a werewolf."  He paused.  "But I can not let you love a werewolf…no matter how much _he_ loves _you_."


	15. The Secret

_AN:  I got such a big response to the "flashbacks" that I felt it was time to share this with you all.  I wrote this on the plane home from NYC in late August and have been looking at it thinking…how can I fit this into my story?  So, here it is…a nice long flash back for you all.  I hope it lives up to your expectations._ The Secret 

Christmas break didn't last very long in Remus' eyes.  He had much to concentrate on and loads of work to do.  He spent his time marking papers and setting up future lessons for all of his classes.  He also took it upon himself to look up some information that might be of use to Hagrid with his case concerning the Hippogriff.  It seemed that other people were taking up the cause as well, for Hermione had stopped in on more than one occasion asking for clarification on various cases she had read about.  

Remus thought it was very kind of Hermione to want to help Hagrid.  He knew that she would do an excellent job of researching cases and that Hagrid had a much better chance of winning his case with Hermione giving him notes about information she had found.  After all, there was no one who was more thorough in her research than Hermione Granger, and it was that fact that was starting to cause Remus to worry.

Hermione popped into Remus' office several times over the holidays and each time Remus got the impression that she _knew_ about him.  On her first visit to his office, she informed Remus that Hagrid had told her no one understood what it was like to be misjudged better than Professor Lupin.   That was the initial cause of worry.  But on her second visit, Hermione hinted that she knew Lupin would be the one teacher who really knew what this "trial" meant.  Remus asked her to explain her comment.  

"Oh, just that you deal with dangerous creatures all the time," was her response, but she said it while looking down at her feet as if she were hiding something.

Remus thought about Snape's essay and how Hermione admitted to having finished it.  _What if she **does know?  But she never acts as if it bothers her that her teacher is a werewolf.  Certainly, if she knew, she would say something to her classmates…to Harry.**_

_It's very hard to keep the wolf a secret.  _

It wasn't the first time something like this had happened.  Over the years, it became much easier for Remus to keep the wolf a secret.  However, in his youth it had been something very difficult to do…especially while he was at Hogwarts.  Naturally, his friends noticed that he disappeared once a month and questioned him on several occasions.  Most of the time Remus could get away with a lie about a sick relative, but he wasn't able to keep it up for very long.  And by the time he had started his second year, his friends confronted him about it.

More precisely, Sirius confronted him about it.

"Moonglow."  Remus groaned as he muttered the password to the tower.  Of all the passwords for her to pick…

_Another full moon and come and gone.  Another lie had been told.  You'd think I'd be used to this by now…_

_It was the middle of the night and Remus had spent the day healing in the infirmary.  He just wanted to slip up to his own bed and fall fast asleep.  The common room was virtually empty except for one figure slouched back in the big armchair on the far wall.  Sirius…Sirius was the only one in the room and he didn't look very happy.  Curious as to what was wrong Remus asked, "Hey, what's up?  Why the long face?"_

_"Nothing," was the only reply.  He didn't look up._

_Remus frowned.  "What did Peter do this time?"  Peter was always getting into trouble.  It wasn't his fault that he wasn't as quick as James and Sirius.  They all knew that Peter was nowhere near as talented as the others, but they didn't dare tell him that too his face.  Peter tried, hard, to fit in…but he was always messing something up._

_"This doesn't have anything to do with Peter."  Sirius kept his face down, but his eyes rose slowly to meet Remus'.  It made Sirius look fierce and Remus suddenly felt afraid.  "I was waiting to see when you would return this time."_

_Oh no…._

_Swallowing hard, Remus said, "Well, I'm back.  And I'm going to go off the bed."  He turned and started for the stairs but Sirius' question held him back._

_"Just what exactly was wrong with your Aunt?"_

_"Huh?  My Aunt?  OH!"  Dear lord…I almost gave myself away…_

_"Yes, Your Aunt.  It was your Aunt that was sick this time, wasn't it?  I can never keep track.  Sometimes it's your mother, sometimes it's your father…cousin…uncle…"  Sirius leaned forward.  "You know, you sure do have a number of ill relatives."_

_Not liking where this conversation was heading, Remus shook his head and started towards the stairs again, hoping Sirius would just let it go.  _

_"You know what else I find interesting?"_

_Now in the doorway, with his back to Sirius, Remus paused and asked, "What?"_

_"You never talk about them except to tell us they are sick.  If you're so concerned about sick relatives, I would think you'd talk about them more than just…once a month"_

_Slowly Remus turned to face him.  The way he had said 'once a month' sent a chill up Remus' spine.  "Sirius…"_

_"You don't even have any photo's of family other then your parents!  You don't get letters or Birthday and Christmas presents from them.  My God, Remus, just who are these mysterious sick relatives whom you care so much about but they don't seem to care about you?"_

_"Look, I don't want to talk about it.  I just want to go to bed."_

_"NO!" Sirius stood up with such command that Remus felt his pulse race.  "We're going to talk about it now, Remus.  I am not about to let you lie to me one more time!"_

_No…no…please no…_

_Licking his lips, Remus tried to think of something to say but words had left him.  Sirius was slowly advancing closer, while Remus took a few timid steps sideways and away from he doorframe.  _

_"It isn't a relative that's sick…it's you."_

_Remus could only stare in shock._

_"You don't have to admit it, Remus.  I know.  James knows.  We ALL know."_

_No…you can't know…you can't!  Still, Remus said nothing, his eyes trying desperately not to look at Sirius.  He grabbed at his neck and rubbed nervously.  _

_Sirius spoke again.  "Oh come on, do you think we're so daft as not to notice!"  There was a quality to his voice that Remus had never heard before.  What was it?  Fear?  "Every month you…change."_

_Change…oh god…._

_"You stop smiling…stop laughing…you keep to yourself.  Sometimes you're gone for days.  And every time when you return, you look like you've been beaten up."  He paused before adding, " You look like hell, Remus!"_

_A sob was stuck in Remus' throat.  He didn't want them to know about this…and he didn't want to cry in front of Sirius.  Sirius would laugh at him if he did.  Crossing his arms, Remus turned his back to Sirius, his head held low.  _

_Frustrated, Sirius sighed with a loud, "Awh, bloody…"_

_Silence lasted for what seemed like an eternity until Sirius nearly whispered his request.  "Why don't you just tell us the truth?"_

_Remus, still unable to face his friend, shook his head defiantly._

_"That's what I thought.  James was right.  You aren't going to ever tell us, are you?"_

_Another pause.  Remus knew that Sirius was waiting for him to answer, but he just couldn't.  If he spoke now he would most certainly cry.  How stupid he would look crying in front of the bravest and most talented student in the school._

_"We knew you'd never tell us.  We had a theory as to why you disappeared, but needed some proof.  That's why we took it upon ourselves to find out for sure if we were right."_

_What?  No…they didn't…_

_"So, last night…seeing as how it was a full moon… we used the invisibility cloak to follow you and Madam Pomfrey."_

_Remus gasped and turned with a jerk to look at Sirius in horror.  Panting, heart racing, Remus managed to mutter, "W-w-what?"  Full moon…they know…_

_"What's under the Whomping Willow, Remus?"_

_"Oh my God!"  Remus covered his mouth with his hand in an attempt to hide his fear.  Immediately, his eyes swelled with tears._

_"Is it a room?  A cage?" Sirius was now shaking his head in confusion.  Very softly he said, "Just tell me they don't put you in a cage."_

_Remus looked up at his friend and noticed that tears were swelling up in his eyes as well.  He had to explain it now as Sirius had seen it with his own eyes.  "It's not a cage," he said almost under his breath.  "It's a tunnel.  It leads into Hogsmeade…to that old house on the hill."_

_"The haunted one the Prophet goes on about?"_

_"It's not haunted."_

_"But witnesses have heard…"  He stopped, realizing what Remus was saying._

_"Trust me, it's not haunted."  Remus sighed and wiped at a tear falling down his cheek.  "You know, it wasn't any of your business.  You shouldn't have followed me."_

_"Not my business?   You're my friend, Remus, and I take it personally that you don't think I care what happens to you!"  Sirius' voice was rising._

_"Friends don't spy on each other!" Remus spat._

_"Friends tell each other the truth!"_

_"Well, I couldn't this time!"_

_"Why the hell not?  What did you think we would do?  Ignore you?  Abandon you?  Hate you?"_

_"YES!"  It was a shout unlike any Remus had ever uttered.  Sirius froze and stared, mouth open, at Remus.  "This isn't a joke, Sirius.  This isn't some little prank.  This is real…and it will never go away!  There isn't even a cure!  And everyone I've ever met treats me like a monster once they know the truth!"_

_"Now that isn't true," a voice from the stairs sounded.  James took a step out of the door, revealing himself.  "Sorry, couldn't help but over hear.  Not everyone treats you like a monster."  Peter was standing on the steps behind him._

_Remus rolled his eyes.  "Oh, well aside from my parents, a few random physicians, and Professor Dumbledore."_

"You forgot some people," James said, standing next to Sirius.  "Sirius, Peter, and I have known for over two months that you were a werewolf."  He looked over at Sirius and with a puzzled face asked, "Do you recall ever treating Remus like a monster?"

_"Er…there was that time that we didn't talk to each other for days.  But that was because he tripped me down the stairs."_

_"Yes, and you admitted to deserving that."_

_"True."_

_Looking to Peter, James asked, "How about you?"_

_"Me…treat Remus like a monster?  And lose the best study partner I've ever had? Not likely."_

_Sirius sighed heavily, "So, we are all agreed that the answer to the original question pertaining to the treatment of Remus Lupin as the aforementioned monster would be 'no'."_

_They turned their heads to look at Remus who was trying with all his might not to smile, even as he started to cry freely now.  _

_"Mr. Lupin, we put at your feet all evidence to the contrary that we have never treated you like a monster," James said, "and pledge from this day forth to help you fight off all injustices that you may face."_

_"Let it be noted that Mr. Black would like to add to Mr. Potter's statement by pointing out that Mr. Lupin is one of the cleverest pranksters he's ever met and would be doing himself a real injustice if he let something like this ruin their friendship."_

_Remus snorted as he tried to wipe the tears from his cheeks._

_"Agreed, Mr. Black," James said._

_ "In addition, Mr. Pettigew would like to point out that Gryffindors are above such back stabbing behavior.  We should leave that in the capable hands of the Slytherins."   The four friends stood quiet for a moment with smiles on their faces.  _

_Quietly Remus said, "Thanks."_

_Through a yawn, Peter said, "Well I don't know about you but I'm dead on my feet."_

_"Duly noted," James said.  "Let's go upstairs."_

_"I'm never going to pass that Defense test tomorrow," Peter sighed._

_"Don't worry," Remus said.  "I'll help you study over breakfast."_

_"Hey," Sirius said, "if you're offering to do other people's homework…Binns assigned us that Goblin Rebellion chart that I just don't…"_

_"Watch it," Remus said, giving him a little shove._

"Excuse me, Professor?" Hermione Granger said from the doorway.

"Yes, Hermione, I didn't see you there."  Remus stood up and invited her into his office, wondering how long she had been waiting and watching him whilst he was lost in his thoughts.

"I just came by to drop off this book.  I don't think anything in it will help Buckbeak.  The cases are all about creatures that were eventually killed, and that's not the outcome we're hoping for."

Remus took the book form her.  "I'm sorry about that."

"But the other book you lent me has several things I think we can use."  

"Wonderful.  I'm glad you found it helpful."  Hermione stood looking at Remus as if she wanted to say something but just didn't know how.  _Maybe she wants to ask you if you are a werewolf?  "Is there something else, Hermione?"_

"No – yes – er…why do even have all of those books?"

_She's certainly suspicious.  Clever girl.  "I was involved in a case against a dangerous creature once.  After that, every time I found a book that I thought might come in handy someday, I bought it.  Mind you, I haven't read them all cover to cover, but you never know when one of them might come in useful – especially when you teach Defense Against the Dark Arts."_

"Naturally," Hermione replied.  "Well, I better show Hagrid what I found."

She turned to leave when it struck Remus that every time she had been in his office over the break, she had been alone.   Where were Ron and Harry? He asked her about it and was met with a surprising answer.

"They're upset with me for telling McGonagall that Harry received a Firebolt  for Christmas.  She took it away and now…"

"A what?"

"A Firebolt.  It's a racing broom that – "

"I know what it is, Hermione.  I'm just puzzled…who would send Harry a Firebolt?"  _James would if he were alive.  He always had the best broom for Quidditch.  But James isn't alive so who could have sent it?_

"Well, I'm not certain, but I think Sirius Black sent it to him."

Remus froze.  "Why do you think that?"

"Because…because he's after Harry and wants him killed.  What better way to do it than with a jinxed broom?"

Remus quickly looked away from Hermione.  He knew that he had gone pale and he certainly didn't feel now was a good time to discuss why.  Keeping his back to her, he excused himself and headed out into the hallway and down to his own chambers.  A new determination filled his soul.  He couldn't let Sirius get to Harry.  He couldn't let Sirius do to Harry what he did to Lily and James and Peter.  He had to find Black and stop him once and for all.

_To be continued…_


	16. Filch's Forbidden Files

_AN: For some reason this chapter was very hard to write.  I guess it's because I've been very distracted lately by work and the holiday.  But this is one of the chapters I have had in my brain since I first decided to write this story…and one that I was very excited about!  It's my response to a line Remus has on page 236 of the American PoA: "I found this one lurking inside Mr. Filch's filing cabinet."  Um…why was Remus in Filch's files?  Well, here's MY answer!  Also, someone…and I'm sorry that I can't remember who…mentioned that we as fan fic writers don't use the ghosts enough.  So I put the ghosts into this very briefly as a salute to them._ Filch's Forbidden Files 

****

****

When classes resumed once again, Remus found most of his students returned with a lighter step and bold smiles from all the excitement they had encountered over the holiday.  Class schedules and routines returned to normal without a hitch.  Fred and George Weasley even received a detention on the first day back; something about fireworks going off in Transfiguration.  They complained all through class on Monday about how they would be spending all Tuesday night with Filch cleaning out the broom closets…using no wands.  

Harry, on the other hand, was not himself.  He seemed out of sorts and a bit distracted in Defense Against the Dark Arts.  His face was glum and there just was a lack of energy to him.  Remus thought it had to have something to do with the Firebolt and how it had been taken away from him, but he was wrong. 

After class Harry approached Remus tentatively and asked, "Professor Lupin…do you remember telling me that you could help me with anti-dementor lesson?  I was wondering when we could start?"

_Goodness…I almost forgot!  _"Ah yes.  Let me see…how about eight o'clock on Thursday evening?  The History of Magic classroom should be large enough…I'll have to think carefully about how we're going to do this…We can't bring a real dementor into the castle to practice on…"

No indeed.  Not only did Dumbledore forbid the dementors on the Hogwarts grounds, but Remus also knew that a real dementor would be a very dangerous thing for Harry to face.  He would have to find a good alternative.  Maybe it would be possible to just teach Harry the Patronus Charm now and not worry about finding a real dementor just yet.

Besides, there were for more important things to worry about right now…like Sirius Black for instance.  Remus couldn't get his mind off of the fact that Sirius had broken into the castle somehow.  And now it looked as if he had managed to get a package to Harry.  He was around here somewhere.  He had been on these grounds and Remus didn't think he was far away.  He had to be here… somewhere.

Sirius had to be found and soon.  The person who could help Remus the most was Dumbledore…and that was one of the last people Remus wanted to talk to.  Telling Dumbledore meant admitting to taking advantage of his trust.  It meant admitting to deception beyond anyone's imagination.  It meant possibly losing Dumbledore as a confidant.  No, Remus could not go to him with this.  He would have to find another way.

The only other option Remus could think of was to use the Marauder's Map.  He had considered just making a new one.  After all, he had been there to help cast the original spell to enchant the thing.  But then, he wasn't quite sure of he could get all the details of the castle correct after so many years.  It had taken the four of them over three years to put it together.  Three years were spent finding secret passages and tunnels out of the castle.  Three years adding details like which staircases moved, whose offices had hidden chambers, and which doorways worked as portals to opposite ends of the castle.  Remus couldn't remember it all off the top of his head…after all, isn't that why they wrote them down on the map…so they wouldn't _have_ to remember?

No, creating a new map would take too much precious time.  He had to find Sirius as soon as possible.  He needed to get into Filch's office, into his files, and take the map back.  And he would do it Tuesday night when Filch was off with the Weasley twins serving detention.

***

Night slowly fell across the castle. The sounds of people walking in the hallways grew fainter and fainter until there was little to no sound at all. Peeking out of his office, Remus checked to see if the coast was clear. With a sense of excitement in his chest, Remus left the comfort of his own office and headed towards Argus Filch's.   
  
Being a werewolf has advantages in cases like this, for with his heightened senses Remus could take in every creak of the floor as he made his way stealthily down the stairs. The dimly lit lamps that were scattered about the halls cast long, spindly shadows across the floor. A few portraits snored in their frames, unaware of the midnight prowler in their mists.  Remus' eyes darted from left to right as he passed empty corridors and abandoned doorways. What would he say if someone spotted him out and about this late at night?   
  
_First rule in being a successful Marauder – always have an excuse.  
  
_That's how James managed to get out of trouble so often; he was excellent at thinking up reasonable excuses that made him look like a responsible student rather than a mischievous prankster.

As he passed the Great Hall, Remus noticed that the ghosts were quarreling again.  It was common for Nearly-headless nick to argue with the Fat Fryer about which house would win the House cup, but never in such boisterous voices.  Remus was so intent on keeping out of their view that he didn't notice the Gray lady floating right in front of him.  He would have bumped into her if she had been solid, but instead, he passed right through her, chilling him to the bone.

"I beg your pardon, Sir," she said in her light, airy voice.

"No, no…excuse me.  I didn't see you there."

"A common occurrence for many of us.  Might I ask what you are doing up at this hour of night?  We don't usually see human folk out this late.  That is, of course, other than Mr. Filch."

Remus' heartbeat quickened at the mention of Filch's name.  "No, but I have important business to attend to that can only be dealt with in the dark of night" answered Remus, smiling rather mysteriously.  It sounded like an excuse Dumbledore would give.  Remus only hoped the Gray Lady wouldn't press him for more information.

She didn't.  In fact, she winked at him and floated off to try and break up the fighting that was still going on between the other House Ghosts.  Before he left, Remus noted that the Bloody Barron had joined the fray and was taking great pleasure in tormenting the others about the frequency of Slytherin's wins in recent years.  
  
_Down the hall, down the stairs, and to the left…_

Remus rounded the corner and set his sights on his goal - the door to Filch's office. He had encountered no problems in getting this far. His plan was working perfectly. _That's usually when the bottom falls out from under you.  _A loud hissing sound from behind him alerted him to the fact that he was no longer alone. Mrs. Norris stood facing him, spitting and poised for attack. Remus squinted at the cat. Werewolves and cats didn't get along very well, and Mrs. Norris had never made an attempt to be friendly with Remus. So he took his wand out and pointed it at her threateningly.  
  
"Go away, you mangy cat!" Remus whispered. The cat spit at him again and dug at the ground with her claws.    As tempting as it was, Remus knew he couldn't get away with actually doing anything to Mrs. Norris.  He had meant it as a threat to scare her away.  As that didn't work, he resorted to the tried and true way of causing a diversion…he lied.  "You know, I saw three students down in the Great Hall earlier.  I asked them to head back to their rooms, but I think they were up to something.  Maybe you should go…" before he said anything further, Mrs. Norris was off to hunt her prey. Remus knew that it wouldn't be long before Filch arrived however, for Filch was never far from Mrs. Norris.

Remus jiggled the doorknob and he wasn't surprised to find it locked.  He squinted at it, wondering if it was jinxed.  It would be just like Filch to protect his office with several spells and booby traps.   But then…Filch was a squib.  James had found it out when they were in their second year.  Maybe all Filch could do was a simple spell?  Pointing his wand at the locked doorknob, Remus quietly said, "Alohamora".   A lock, that had been invisible until now, sprang open.  Smiling, Remus grabbed at the doorknob and tried to pull the door open.  It was still locked.  "Alohamora," Remus said again, and another unseen lock popped open.  Five times Remus had to do this until finally the door came open with a heavy pull.

_That was easy…too easy._

The room was dark and the air was thick with the stench of rotten fish.  _Probably left over from Mrs. Norris' dinner. _Being careful not to enter the room just yet, Remus lit the small, hanging lamp in the center of the room with a wave of his wand and glanced around.  There, above his head, was the suspected booby trap.  Filch had hung a rope net that would fall on an unsuspecting victim if they weren't careful.  Lucky for Remus he saw it before triggering the trap.  A disabling charm was all it took and Remus could safely enter the room.

He hadn't taken two steps into the room when a loud rattling of metal caused him to turn around, startled.  Charging at him from the corner of the room was a suit of armor.  Remus quickly noted that the sword the knight was swinging did indeed look sharp.  Backing away from him as fast as he could, Remus rounded the desk, pointed his wand at the knight, and said, "_Dissendium!"_  

With a flash the knight shrunk to the size of a tiny chess piece.  He charged at Remus' foot, still swinging his sword.  Before the knight could do any real damage to his shoe, Remus picked up the miniature knight and placed him on the desk, under an upside down mug that obviously was Flich's favorite.  Wiping the beads of sweat off of his forehead, Remus glanced around the room.

  
Not much had changed since the last time he had been in here...the last time he'd seen the map. The carefully oiled shackles were still hanging on the wall behind the desk, waiting for the opportunity to capture some young student in their grip. The files against the other walls had grown in number and had been slightly rearranged. The drawer of honor held in reserve for the Marauders - specifically Sirius - was now labeled: "WEASLEY: FRED & GEORGE". Remus stifled a laugh and continued his search. Against the wall on the opposite side of the room stood the most coveted of all of Filch's files. "CONFISCATED AND HIGHLY DANGEROUS". Remus had no idea what all he would find in that cabinet, but he knew the map had been placed in there almost 15 years ago on the night that Gryffindor won the Quidditch cup in his seventh year.  
  
Everyone had been celebrating that night. Some, including Sirius, took it upon themselves to throw a "private party for two". He had swiped the map and ran off somewhere with Alasta Harker, one of the Gryffindor team's Chasers. James, Remus, and Peter slipped under the Invisibility cloak and headed off to spy and hopefully disrupt Sirius' little soirée.   
  
Sirius had taken Alasta into the Owlery.  There, the stars could be seen bright and clearly as there really was no roof overhead.  It was one of Sirius' favorite spots for "romance"…that and the astronomy tower.  For in both places he would be able to point out the star for which he was named, and girls always found that to be romantic.  James had told him time and again to get a new line, but Sirius said, "If it's not broken, then why fix it?"

Once James, Peter, and Remus reached the Owlery, they successfully managed to utterly infuriate a half naked Sirius, but they didn't really prepare for how Alasta would react. She screamed so loudly that Filch was bounding up the stairs in no time at all. They all scampered off in different directions. Sirius, tripping over his trousers, grabbed Alasta's wrist and pulled her down the set of stairs on the north side of the tower. James ordered Peter, who was closest to the map, to grab it and run.  James and Remus distracted Filch by shooting sparks at a few of the owls, which began swooping around with their claws barred.   Remus distinctly remembered watching Peter pick up the map off the ground before he and James followed Sirius back to the common room.  However, when they arrived at the portrait hole they found Mr. Filch waiting for them...and he was holding the map! At some point in all the commotion, Peter had unknowingly and quite carelessly dropped the map.   
  
Filch brought the five students to his office where he handed out detentions and took 20 points each from Gryffindor. That was 100 points total and it ruined the lead they had earned by winning the Quidditch Cup. But worst of all, five sets of miserable eyes watched unhappily as Filch placed the parchment in his files and locked the cabinet.   
  
Thankfully, Sirius had wiped the map blank, so they didn't have to worry about Filch ever figuring out how to work it. If his suspicions were correct, Remus would be able to open up the cabinet and find an old, yellowed piece of parchment still tucked away safely within.  

Slowly, trying to keep as quiet as was possible, Remus opened up the drawer and bent over it to have a look inside.  Suddenly, a bright glow popped up over Remus' head filling the whole room with white light.  It was the moon…a full moon…but…how?  It pressed down on Remus, growing closer and closer to him.  In his confusion, Remus backed away from it and tripped over a large, empty packing case on the ground.  

It's a Boggart.

"Riddikulus!" Remus shouted, pointing his wand at the moon.  With a pop it turned into a wedge of cheese and Remus was able to easily force it into the box he had conveniently stumbled over.  A moment later and the Boggart was sealed into its new cage.  He paused and brushed his hair out of his eyes before turning his attention back to the files.

One by one Remus began fingering through the mass of pages.  There was note after note concerning Fred and George, a few fake wands that had gone off and done some damage to a few of the files, and even a list of ingredients for a Memory Wipe Potion…but Remus saw no sign of the map.  He went through the whole lot once more, but to no avail.  Finally, he pointed his wand at the drawer and said, "Accio Map."

Nothing….

"Damn," Remus muttered under his breath.  _Where could it be?  It HAS to be in here._

A sound out in the hallway caused Remus to jump.  The sound of footsteps drawing close alerted him that he needed to get out of there quickly.  He pushed the drawer shut, snuffed out the light and headed for the door.

"Just what do you think you're doing?"

It was Filch…being led by a haughty Mrs. Norris.  Remus felt his stomach lurch at the sound of the voice.  How could he explain this?  Here he was standing in the middle of the last place he should be!  Filch would have no problem taking this intrusion up with Dumbledore.  Even a teacher has no right to go snooping through another staff members personal office.

_Think, man, think.  What are you doing here?_

The Boggart in the box gave a sudden rattle.

_That's it!  _"I chased this Boggart down from one of the classrooms.  Rather nasty this one was.  I managed to stuff him up in that box you had.  I'll take him away if you would like.  Or, if you would rather, I can leave him here for you to do with as you please."

Filch sneered at Remus, his eyes darting from Remus' face to the box shaking on the floor.  "That'll be quite all right.  No need to leave it here."

Pleased with himself, Remus smiled and picked up the box.  Just as he headed past Filch the Boggart rattled again and Filch went soaring back with a great leap into his office.  Remus laughed at kept walking up to his own office.  There was a cupboard under his desk that he felt would be a more comfortable place for the Boggart to stay.   Besides, with a Boggart, Remus wouldn't have to worry about how to get a dementor into the castle.  Harry could learn the Patronus charm on a Boggart dementor for now.

But there was this nagging feeling still in the back of his mind.  He hadn't managed to find the map.  He didn't know where it was.  Sirius had placed and anti burning charm on it after an incident where it almost caught fire, so Remus knew Filch hadn't burnt it.  Lily once grabbed it from James and tore an edge off, at which point James placed an anti-ripping charm on it.  There was no way Filch could have ripped it up.  It HAD to be somewhere.   If the map wasn't in Filch's files, someone had taken it out…

But who?


	17. Expecto Patronum

Return to Werewolf Essays

Chapter Sixteen

_AN:  Hey!  Look at this!  I actually updated…it's been a few weeks but I have had other things on my mind like the show I'm in, the show I took over direction on, and oh yeah…that whole baby thing! __J__  So I hope I haven't lost my readers in the vortex of unfinished fics.  It is my goal to get this thing done by Summer…and then move onto another project!  *giggle *  _

NOTE: Most of this chapter is taken directly from PoA.  I'm sorry if you feel I'm violating too much of the copy write, but I assure you that I am making no money from this story.

_Expecto Patronum_

****

The issue of finding the Marauder's Map was put on hold for a while as Remus tended to the promise he had made Harry.  He had decided that the best defense for Harry was the Patronus Charm.  It was a very difficult and complex spell to master, but James had mastered it earlier than any of the others, so Remus considered it a good possibility that Harry would inherit some of that talent and be able to master it as well.  

Remus himself wasn't all that shabby at the Patronus Charm, either.  His class had learned about them in their seventh year and took great delight in looking at the various forms the Patronus took depending on who was conjuring it.  When James got a good look at Remus' Patronus, he immediately wondered at why a wolf would be his defender.  But it wasn't the form of a wolf…it was a dog. 

When Thursday rolled around, Remus went to his office to gather up the boggart.  He quickly checked the time and saw that he was running a bit behind schedule.  He opened his desk drawer and filled his pockets with the chocolate he had purchased in Hogsmeade before Christmas.   Picking up the box, he headed down to the History of Magic classroom where he found Harry waiting patiently for him.

"What's that?" Harry asked, eyeing the box as Remus heaved it onto Professor Binn's desk.

"Another boggart," Remus said, taking off his cloak.  "I've been combing the castle ever since Tuesday, and very luckily, I found this one lurking inside Mr. Filch's filing cabinet."  _So that isn't exactly the truth…but Harry need never know that!_  "It's the nearest we'll get to a real dementor.  The boggart will change into a dementor when he sees you, so we'll be able to practice on him.  I can store him in my office when we're not using him; there's a cupboard under my desk he'll like."

"Okay."  Remus noted that Harry seemed apprehensive about all this, but if he had any objection to using this particular substitute for a dementor, Harry did not voice it.

"So…" Remus took out his wand and indicated to Harry that he should do the same thing.  "The spell I am going to try and teach you is highly advanced magic, Harry – well beyond Ordinary Wizarding Level.  It is called the Patronus Charm."

"How does it work?"  The nervousness in Harry's voice was quite clear.

"Well, when it works correctly, it conjures up a Patronus, which is kind of an anti-dementor – a guardian that acts as a shield between you and the dementor."  Remus watched as Harry scrunched up his face in thought.  "The Patronus is a kind of positive force, a projection of the very things that the dementor feeds upon – hope, happiness, the desire to survive – but it cannot feel despair, as real humans can, so the dementors can't hurt it.  But I must warn you, Harry, that the charm might be too advanced for you.  Many qualified wizards have difficulty with it."  _Except for James…he was always the one who could…_

"What does a Patronus look like?"  Harry's question interrupted his train of thought.

_Good question.  _"Each one is unique to the wizard who conjures it."

"And how do you conjure it?"

"With an incantation, which will work only if you are concentrating, with all your might, on a single, very happy memory."

Harry's eyes fell to the floor.  Remus waited for him to think of a happy memory, but it took a few seconds.  This brought a slight frown to Remus' face as it pained him that it was hard for Harry to think of a happy memory_.  His parents would have made sure his life was filled with fun times…but Harry hadn't been raised by his parents._

"Right." Harry finally said, having thought of something.

"The incantation is this – " Remus cleared his throat so that Harry would understand the words clearly.  "_Expecto patronum!_"

"_Expecto patronum, expecto patronum," _Harry repeated.

"Concentrating on your happy memory?" reminded Remus.

"Oh – yeah - _expecto patrono _– no_, patronum – _sorry_ – expecto patronum, expecto patronum – "_

A thin wisp of silver whooshed from the end of Harry's wand.  It was shapeless and weak, but certainly a good beginning to an actual Patronus.  Remus suspected that few of Harry's classmates would have been able to accomplish that much on their first try.

"Did you see that?" Harry shouted.  "Something happened!"

"Very good."  _Like father like son…_  "Right then – ready to try it on a Dementor?"

"Yes," said a determined Harry.  He positioned himself in the center of the room, holding his wand out in front of him defensively.  

Remus turned to the packing case and opened it quickly.  As predicted, a Dementor rose slowly out of the box towards Harry.  One of its bony hands was outstretched.  The room went suddenly cold and the light flickered before going out.

"_Expecto patronum!   Expecto patronum!  Expecto –"_

Harry's voice quivered and his face went pale.  Remus darted forward and caught Harry just as his legs gave out from under him.  The boggart took one look at Remus and snapped into the moon.  Once Remus had lowered Harry to the floor, he lured the boggart back into the packing case and closed the lid on it.  The lights flickered back to life.  

He returned to Harry's side and placed a hand on his shoulder.  "Harry!"  He gave a slight shove and Harry woke up instantly.

"Sorry."

"Are you all right?"

"Yes…" he said as he rose to his feet and leaned against a desk for support.

"Here –" Remus passed Harry a Chocolate Frog.  "Eat this before we try again.  I didn't expect you to do it your first time; in fact, I would have been astounded if you had."

"It's getting worse." Harry said taking a bite of the Frog.  "I could hear her louder this time – and him – Voldemort –"

_Voldem…this probably isn't wise.  _"Harry, if you don't want to continue, I will more than understand –"

"I do!  I've got to!"  Harry had stuffed the frog completely in his mouth.  "What if the dementors turn up at our next match against Ravenclaw?  I can't afford to fall off again.  If we lose this game we've lost the Quidditch Cup!"

Remus knew that this would be hard on Harry, but he had no idea just what Harry would be going through.  He marveled inwardly at the courage Harry had to get through this, despite what he was hearing and reliving.  Harry's eyes were wide and full of hope.  Remus couldn't refuse him this.

"All right then…you might want to select another memory, a happy memory, I mean, to concentrate on…that one doesn't seem to have been strong enough…"  _He is certainly determined to do this.  _"Ready?" Remus asked, one hand on the lid of the packing case.

"Ready."

"Go!"  Remus opened the lid to the case.  Once again the Dementor charged at Harry.  The room was icily cold and dark.  Harry's look of determination began to falter under the gaze of the hooded figure before him.

"_Expecto patronum!   Expecto patronum!  Expecto pat–"_

Harry held out longer this time, but just like the first time, Harry went pale and sank helplessly into unconsciousness.  This time, however, he shook a bit as Remus lowered him to the floor.  Harry had obviously been more deeply affected by the Dementor this time.  Remus quickly lured a moon shaped boggart back into the case.  He went to Harry's side to wake him up, but found it more difficult this time.  "Harry?  Harry?"  No response.  Remus placed a hand to Harry face and tapped it a few times.  "Harry!  Harry…wake up…"

_Oh no, if it was worse this time…what if he doesn't wake up?_

But he did wake up.  It was a slow recovery, but Harry did eventually open his eyes.  And then he mumbled something that sent a chill down Remus' spine.  "I heard my dad.  That's the first time I've ever heard him – he tried to take on Voldemort himself, to give my mum time to run for it…."

It was a piece of information Remus had never known.  He had tried to imagine what James and Lily had done in those few final moments of their lives.  And here, Harry was reliving it.  James had sacrificed his life for Lily's and Harry's.  And Harry had actually heard him?

 Remus swallowed hard.  "You heard James?"

"Yeah…why – you didn't know my dad, did you?"

_James…I used his name._  Remus mentally kicked himself for giving it away like that.  This was a door that Remus was most definitely not ready to open.

"I – I did, as a matter of fact", Remus offered neutrally. "We were friends at Hogwarts."  Remus changed the subject.  "Listen, Harry – perhaps we should leave it here for tonight.  This charm is ridiculously advanced…I shouldn't have suggested putting you through this…"

"NO!" he said standing up.  "I'll have one more go!  I'm not thinking of happy enough things, that's what it is…Hang on…" Harry fell into thought once more.

Remus marveled at James' son.  He certainly had his father's determination.  And his mother's focus.  

Reluctantly, Remus went back to the box and asked, "Ready?"  _This is against my better judgment, but how can I deny him the opportunity?_  "Concentrating hard?  All right – go!"

For the third time, the boggart turned into a Dementor and made his way toward Harry.  But this time Harry's strength lasted and he held his ground.

"_EXPECTO PATRONUM!  EXPECTO PATRONUM!  EXPECTO PATRONUM!"_

Suddenly, a huge silvery something shot out of Harry's wand and poised itself between him and the Dementor.  Harry's Patronus lacked a recognizable form, but was massive and had stopped the Boggart/Dementor's advance most effectively.  _Astonishing at this age! _  Remus looked back at Harry who appeared to be just about ready to collapse.  

Remus sprang forward, wand drawn.  _"Riddikulus!" _ With a loud crack the Dementor shifted into the moon as soon as Remus stepped forward.   Harry fell into a chair, exhausted and panting. In another moment, the boggart was locked away in the packing case once more.

"Excellent!" Remus said, walking over to Harry, who looked as if he had just run a lap around the castle.  "Excellent Harry!  That was definitely a start!"

"Can we have another go?  Just one more go?"

_How brave you are!  _"Not now, you've had enough for one night.  Here  -"  He took out the best bit of chocolate Honeydukes had to offer.   "Eat the lot, or Madam Pomfrey will be after my blood.  Same time next week?"

"Okay." 

Remus went from lamp to lamp, extinguishing them carefully as he waited for Harry to recover.  He didn't want to leave until he was sure Harry was steady on his feet again.  He was certain Harry had been through quite an ordeal tonight…reliving his parents' death couldn't be easy.

 "Professor Lupin?" Harry asked, looking at Remus with an odd expression.   "If you knew my dad, you must've known Sirius Black as well."

Remus turned with a start.  "What gives you that idea?"  _How does he know about that?  _He must have said it a bit more sharply than he intended because Harry flinched slightly.

"Nothing – I mean, I just knew they were friends at Hogwarts."

"Yes, I knew him," Remus thought heavily about that statement and decided to correct himself.  "Or I thought I did. "  Not wanting to open the door for a discussion about the topic of Sirius Black, Remus said, "You'd better be off Harry, it's getting late."

Harry left the classroom with his remaining bit of chocolate.  Remus watched as he rounded the corner and disappeared from his view.  He seems well enough, but really…how well could he be?  He had just heard James and Lily…and Voldemort.  He heard them die.  

Remus ran an unsteady hand through his hair, pushing out of his face.  He had dealt with many difficult things in his youth, but he had always had good and loving parents to help him through.  Harry had…no one really.  Harry had good and loving parents, but they weren't around to help him.  And why weren't they around to help him?  Because Sirius had betrayed them…he had betrayed them all.  

"There is no way to change the past," Remus mumbled to himself.  "You of all people should no that."   

***

February was just as cold as January and still Sirius hadn't been found.  The Daily Prophet tried to update the community, but there wasn't much to tell.  No sign of Sirius had been found anywhere and his status as a dangerous criminal was increasing as the days went by.  In fact, as Remus read one morning, the Ministry of Magic had decided that Sirius would be given the Dementor's Kiss if ever he were captured, a thought that sent a chill through Remus' body.  Spending a life sentence in Azkaban is one thing…losing your soul is quite another.  And as much as Remus despised the thought of Sirius running around free currently, he didn't much like the idea of Sirius having his soul taken from him either.  

But not everything was a gloomy thought.  Remus had been spending a great deal of time with Harry.   It was his chance to get to know the boy he should have already known very well.  Harry, however, was growing more frustrated by the lessons.  Remus knew it was because he hadn't yet conjured a true and stable Patronus, but the mere fact that he could conjure even a slight wisp of a Patronus was a great achievement considering Harry's age.   

However, Remus was concerned at Harry's growing interest at what he was hearing when the Dementor approached him.  It seemed as if he wanted to hear his parents' suffering.  But why would anyone want to hear their parents suff…

Then Remus began to understand.  Harry didn't want to hear his parents suffering…he wanted to just hear his parents!  Of course!  Harry didn't remember their voices.  He didn't remember what it was to have them talking to him, about him.  This was probably the only chance Harry had ever had to really _know_ his parents' voices.  No wonder Harry was having a difficult time fighting off the thing that was providing him with a small bit of something he really wanted.  

Now that Remus knew what part of the problem was, he couldn't quite decide what to do about it.  Harry certainly didn't feel comfortable talking about this as he had never mentioned it to Remus.  So Remus decided he would have to go about this in a casual way.  Maybe…invite Harry to stay and chat after one of their lessons.  Yes, that was it…and maybe some Butterbeer would set a good and calm mood for the topic.

So, at their lesson that evening, after a talk about how a Patronus should charge down a Dementor, Remus offered Harry something he was positive Harry had never tasted before.  He pulled out two bottles from his brief case and – 

"Butterbeer!" Harry exclaimed, much to Remus' surprise.  "Yeah, I like that stuff!"

Remus cocked an eyebrow at him.  _When did Harry have Butterbeer?_

"Oh – Ron and Hermione brought me some back from Hogsmeade."  It was a lie and Remus knew it.  But he didn't say anything.  

"I see," was all Remus replied.  Changing the subject to the upcoming Quidditch match and the whole reason they were spending so much time on this charm, Remus said, " Lets drink to a Gryffindor victory against Ravenclaw!  Not that I'm supposed to take sides, as a teacher…"   

Remus paused and lifted his glass to Harry.  They sipped in an awkward silence for a moment while Remus tried to think of a way to turn the conversation around to the real matter at hand.  But Remus wasn't given that change as Harry broke the silence with a very startling question.

"What's under a dementor's hood?"

Remus brought his bottle down and thought for a moment.  How could he describe this?  "Hmmm…well, the only people who really know are in no condition to tell us.  You see, the Dementor only lowers its hood to use its last and worst weapon."

"What's that?"  

"They call it a Dementor's Kiss," Remus said with a slight smile.  _Kiss…how can something so vile be named after something so pleasant?  _"It's what dementors do to those they wish to destroy utterly.  I suppose there must me some kind of mouth under there, because they clamp their jaws upon the mouth of the victim and – suck out his soul."

Harry nearly choked on his Butterbeer.  "What – they kill – "

"Oh no, much worse than that.  You can exist without your soul, you know, as long as your brain and heart are still working.  But you'll have no sense of self any more, no memory, no…anything.  There's no chance of recovery.  You'll just – exist.  As an empty shell.  And your soul is gone forever – lost."

Remus took a sip of his drink as Harry sat stunned.  And then for some reason he said, "It's the fate that awaits Sirius Black.  It was in the _Daily Prophet_ this morning.  The Ministry have given the dementors permission to perform it if they find him."

Remus and Harry sat quietly for a moment until Harry suddenly blurted out, "He deserves it."

Trying to remain distanced Remus asked, "You think so?  Do you really think anyone deserves that?"  Because, quite honestly, Remus didn't think anyone…no matter how horrid the crime…deserved that.

"Yes," said Harry defiantly.  "For…for some things."

Harry didn't say much after that, nor did Remus.  He just finished his Butterbeer with a polite thank you and returned to Gryffindor Tower.  But Remus was left thinking about Harry's point.  Were there, in fact, some crimes that should be punished with The Kiss?  And was what Sirius did one of those crimes?  Remus examined the crime from Harry's point of view and came to really understand the pain he must feel towards Sirius.  With a heavy heart, Remus disposed of the empty bottles and headed back to his own quarters.

Chapter Eighteen

Post a Review at Snape's Grade

Return to Main Map


	18. Happy Birthday, Padfoot

Return to Werewolf Essays

Chapter Seventeen

AN: Hubby and I have to make a mad dash out to Utah for a funeral this week and I wanted to update before I left.  This is something I've had since August and I've only now figured out how to work it into the story.  It doesn't really move the plot forward, but I had fun writing it and I think you will enjoy reading it.  I promise to get to more "meaty" material when I get back.

****

**Happy Birthday, Padfoot**

****

February Twelfth.  It was Sirius' birthday.  It was day that Remus looked forward to every year he spent at Hogwarts.  Well, except for this year.  With the news reporting that the dementors would be allowed to use the kiss if they caught Sirius…Remus couldn't keep his mind off of any thing else.   His lessons with Harry had been a good distraction, but today there was no lesson.  Remus was alone in his chamber, left with nothing but his thoughts.  And his thoughts were all about Sirius and how much fun this day had always been in the past.  

Hoping to take his mind off of the calendar, Remus scribbled out a note to Katie telling her all about his lessons with Harry and how far he had come in such a short time.  But once he got past Harry and the Patronus his mind wandered back to Sirius.  There wasn't much he could tell Katie about Sirius, and to be truthful, he didn't _want_ to tell her much about him either.  So he sealed up the letter and sent it off, short and simple as it was.  

He walked over to the mantle and examined the picture placed there.  The faces of his friends smiled back and him and he couldn't help but smile in return.  The image of Peter kept sticking his tongue out at the photographic Remus, who in turn would ruffle his hair and push him out of the way.  James, with that hair sticking up all over the place, was laughing as his glasses slipped from his nose.  And then there was Sirius…looking innocent as he always did, but he was obviously getting ready to pull some unseen prank on James.  

"Oh, Sirius…"

Remus didn't even realize he had spoken the words out loud because he was so lost in the memory of his youth.  These three people had been his world at one time.  These three people had done the impossible just to help him in his troubles once a month.  These three people…were all gone now…

He could remember those days like they were yesterday.   And lately all of the memories had been about Sirius.  There were good memories of pranks they had played and Quidditch games that had been won.  There were the bad memories of getting caught and serving detention for whatever stupid thing they were up to…and then there was Remus' favorite memory of all.

He turned from the mantle and headed into his bedroom.  He lit a candle on his bedside table and sat down on the four-poster bed still lost in thought.  Sirius had been the first one he had seen.  Sirius had been the first one to really get the hang of it.  Sirius had been the only one James didn't name.  Remus slouched over and allowed his head to rest in his hands as the memory of that night swept over him and forced him to relive the moment.

****

_Slumped over, head in his hands, Remus sat on the edge of his bed in Gryffindor tower.  The moon was rising late tonight.  Many would think that that was a good thing.  The transformation would happen later, giving Remus a few more hours of daylight.  Unfortunately, a late rising moon always meant extra tension and uncomfortable aching as he waited for the inevitable.  The pull of the moon would start at the same time, but the wolf wouldn't be let out until later.  Remus was especially on edge on nights like this, and his friends, well aware of his feelings, were always kind enough to leave him alone._

_He wanted so much to be with them instead of up here.  They had been working on the Animagus spell for quite some time now, hoping to be able to roam the Hogwarts grounds with the wolf and calm some of the tension Remus felt.  But it was a difficult and complex spell that few grown wizards had managed to accomplish.  Would three wise cracking fifteen-year-old wizards ever manage such a thing?_

_The loneliness was eating away at him and he wanted out of the castle.  He wanted to pace.  He wanted to roam and run wild, free out in the open – no – stop…_

_That's the wolf talking.  You need to sit still and wait for Madam Pomfrey.  _

_"Remus?"  The voice startled him._

_"Go away, Sirius."  He knew it wasn't safe to be around his friends when the wolf was so close._

_"I just wanted to show you something."_

_Remus shook his head. It wasn't like Sirius to bother him this late on the evening of a full moon and it rather annoyed Remus that his friend was being so inconsiderate.  "Can't this wait until later?"_

_"Come on, Moony, turn around."  _

_Moony.  It was a name that James had started using to refer to the wolf a few years ago and had become a nickname of sorts for Remus.  He didn't mind, seeing as how James had taken to calling Sirius "Snuffles" after he had suffered from a terrible cold three years ago._

_Sighing frustratedly, Remus turned around.  "Sirius, what could possibly be so important that…"_

_The words got lost on the way to his throat.  He could only stare at the sight that greeted him.  For it wasn't Sirius that stood in the middle of the room, but a large, black dog.  Not really knowing what to say, his mouth hung agape at the appearance of the animal._

_"Sirius?" he managed in a hushed voice._

_The dog wagged his tail at Remus and walked around, showing off his magnificent form.  Remus watched as his friend reappeared in a soft pop._

_Sirius smiled brightly at Remus, whose mouth was now hanging fully open.  "So, what do you think?"_

_Questions exploded in his mind and he didn't know which to ask first.  "Does it…er…hurt?"  Having his own experiences with transforming into an animal, Remus wondered if it was as painful to become an Animagus as it was to become the wolf._

_"Well, it's different. I wouldn't say it hurts, but it does feel a bit strange.  And I have to concentrate really hard to become the dog.  Switching back to my normal self is easy though."_

_"Do you…well…that is…" Remus didn't quite know how to ask this one.  It would reveal so much about the wolf that he was fearful for Sirius to know how it was for him.  "Do you…er….**know **you're a dog?  I mean…do you know that you're Sirius, but in a dogs's body?"_

_Sirius looked very puzzled.  "What do you mean?  Of course I know who I am."_

_"Oh," said Remus casting his eyes downward.  "So then, can you…er…think – rationally?  Can you say to yourself, 'I am Sirius Black, just in dog form'?"_

_The same confused look showed on Sirius' face.  "Sure.  How do you think I manage to switch back?"  There was a pause of silence as embarrassment filled Remus' heart.  He could feel Sirius staring at him.  "Remus," Sirius broke the silence, "can you?  Think, I mean…rationally?"_

_Slowly, Remus shook his head and softly said, "If I could, do you think I would have to be locked up in that ruddy house all night?"_

_Their eyes met and Remus could sense the empathy flowing from his friend.  "I never understood, I guess.  I'm sorry."_

_Wanting to change the topic, Remus asked, "What about other things?  Does the world look different?  How about your sense of smell?"_

_"Yeah, colors are strange, funny tints, you know.  And as for my sense of smell…" a wide grin spread across his face mischievously.  "Let's just say that it's going to be terribly easy sneaking around Filch from now on!"_

_Remus smiled back, "That good, eh?"  Sirius nodded.  "In your human form is it that good?"_

_"Nah, Remus," Sirius seemed shocked by the question, "I'm human.  I can only smell as a human would.  It's the dog that has the keen sniffer."_

_"Ah, I see."  Again, he cast his eyes down._

_"But that isn't how it is for you, is it?" Remus looked up at him as Sirius ran a hand through his long, black hair.  "God, Remus, why have you never told us this?"_

_"Told you what?"_

_"THIS!  All this about the wolf?"_

_Remus shrugged, "I guess I thought you knew."_

_"Knew?"  Sirius sat down on the bed next to him.  "What would make me think that as a human you have the same senses as the wolf?"_

_"There's the error in your logic, Sirius, for technically, I am not human."  There was another long pause before Remus continued.  "The wolf is only visible once a month, but deep down, he's always here.  Why do you think I dislike Potions so much?  How many times have you complained about the stench in that room?  Imagine what it smells like to me!"_

_After a moment of thought, Sirius shifted and asked, "Well, I have a question for you concerning your animal form."_

_"What?" Remus was almost afraid to ask._

_"Do the pads on your feet hurt like bloody hell?"_

_"What?" Remus began to chuckle._

_"I went for a run outside before I came up here, you know, just to test it out.  And good lord, the pads on my feet were aching after a while!"  Remus laughed out loud.  "Stop laughing!" Sirius said.  "I'm being honest here!"_

_"I'm sorry, it's just that I wasn't expecting you to ask that.  And no, the pads on my feet do not hurt.  But then, mine are course and warn from wear.  Where as yours are probably soft and uncalloused…like a puppy."_

_"I am not a puppy!"_

_"Yes you are…with your ickle puppy padded feet!" Remus teased._

_"Shut up!" Sirius said with a smile._

_"Pad foot!  Ickle puppy pad foot!  What till James and Peter hear about this!" he rose from the bed and opened the door to go down stairs._

_"You wouldn't?" said Sirius standing._

_Remus shot a glance at him over his shoulder.  "As if I could possible keep this from them…Pad Foot!"  He added the last bit as a tease, but Sirius just rolled his eyes._

_"Great, another humiliating nickname.  At least Padfoot isn't as bad as Snuffles!"_

_***_

"Padfoot…"  Remus said to himself, "how young we were then."   Letting himself fall backwards, Remus lay on the bed looking up at the ceiling.  "Young Mr. Black.  I can still hear Dad calling you that you know?"  He chuckled to himself.  "Young…I haven't felt young in a long time."

He sighed deeply and let the quiet of the room sink in as he drifted off into unconsciousness.  The candlelight flickered across the room, but Remus didn't bother to snuff it out.  He just lay there still as could be, except for his eye lids that were fluttering closed.  Before sleep over took him completely he muttered, "Happy birthday, Padfoot."

Chapter Nineteen

Post a Review at Snape's Grade

Return to Main Map


	19. A Chance to Tell the truth

Return to Werewolf Essays

Chapter Eighteen

AN: Sorry this took so long to get out. We were gone for over a week with the funeral and then I had a case of writer's block. Thanks to Durayan for getting me inspired again and really helping me out with the Veritaserum scene. She deserves the credit for that little bit. 

****

**A Chance to Tell the Truth**

As February progressed, Remus could sense the growing excitement from the Gryffindor students due to the Quidditch match fast approaching. The Firebolt Harry had been given over the Christmas holidays had been returned to him and he was sure to be unbeatable on such a magnificent broom. Everyone was talking about Gryffindor's chance to actually win the Quidditch Cup this year…if only Harry could avoid any more dementors.

That thought wasn't just on Remus' mind, but it seemed many of the staff took an interest in Harry's ability to defend himself against the dementors. In fact, Dumbledore himself came to Remus office the day before the match to talk with him about that very matter. The Headmaster usually doesn't visit a teacher in his classroom, so it was understandable that Remus was surprised to see him there. After a few pleasantries, Dumbledore got right down to business.

"I know you have been instructing Harry on the Patronus charm. I was curious to know how he was faring."

"He's doing surprisingly well, considering how young he is."

Dumbledore nodded and gave a small smile. "Yes, he has a certain knack for accomplishing things that should be beyond his ability. How very much like his father he is."

It was hard to talk about James to anyone, but it was especially difficult with Dumbledore. James had been very close to the Headmaster, working beside him as a part of the Order of the Phoenix. Remus knew that Dumbledore had taken the Potters' death very hard.

It had been Dumbledore who had come to Remus on November the first and told him what had happened at the Potters' house the previous evening. That Halloween had been a full moon and therefore, Remus had been locked up in his private room at his parents' home. He had no idea when he awoke the next day of the tragedy that had befallen his friends. 

_"No, it can't be true!" Remus' face went white._

_"I find it hard to believe myself. But it is in fact the truth."_

_"And you say that Sirius…Sirius did…but…" He felt his knees going weak, unable to support his body. The very idea that Sirius could have done such a thing was unimaginable._

_"He was caught and taken to Azkaban."_

_There wasn't anything more to say. Unable to stand one moment longer, Remus sat down, buried his face in his hands, and began to weep._

Bringing Remus back from his thoughts, Dumbledore asked, "How strong is Harry's Patronus?"

"Well, it's getting stronger…but right now it has an undetermined form. If Harry could just manage to complete the form I think he would stand a real chance against a dementor."

"And how are you handling working so closely with Harry?"

Puzzled by the question, Remus replied, "I don't know what you mean?"

"Having been so close to James, it must be difficult to work with Harry and not tell him everything you know about his father…everything you know about Sirius."

"I swear! I didn't know!" 

_The Judge still didn't believe him. He tried as hard as he could, but no one seemed to believe that he had known nothing about Sirius' involvement with Voldemort. _

_"If you refuse to give us the information we need, we will be forced to use Veritaserum."_

_"Your Honor," Dumbledore said from behind Remus, "May I remind you that the use of Veritaserum is strictly controlled by Ministry Regulations. Further, to my knowledge, Veritaserum has never been tested on a werewolf. We have no idea how it will effect Mr. Lupin."_

_The Judge narrowed his eyes coldly at Dumbledore. " The Ministry regulations regarding the use of Veritaserum pertain only to its use on humans. I see no violation of these regulations by using it on a werewolf. If he continues to refuse to cooperate, he gives us little choice. Now, Mr. Lupin, tell us what you know about Sirius Black and his relationship to You-know-who!"_

_Tears welling up in his eyes, "I already told you. There isn't anything to tell. I didn't know he was…"_

_"SILENCE! Bring me the Veritaserum!" A vial of clear liquid was brought before Remus. The judge, showing no sign of compassion instructed the guard to have Remus drink it. _

_Dumbledore's voice was icily calm: "You realize you may kill him?"_

_"If truth is so alien to this dark creature, he deserves little better than to die."_

_"I won't drink it! I'm telling you the truth! I didn't know Sirius was working…"Remus gasped._

_He was grabbed on both sides and forced down into a chair. The men holding him down were quite muscular, but Remus had the strength of the wolf. He struggled against them until a third man approached and held Remus' face still. Slowly, he poured the liquid into Remus' mouth._

_A vile taste filled his senses as the Truth Potion slid down his throat, burning its way down as it went. He nearly gagged on the stuff, but the guards were holding his mouth shut until he swallowed completely. A sudden light-headedness took over and Remus stopped struggling, staring out into thin air, waiting for the questions to begin again._

_"What is your name?"_

_"Remus Lupin."_

_"How do you know Sirius Black?"_

_"He is a friend of mine from Hogwarts."_

_"What do you know about his relationship with You- know-who?"_

_Remus hesitated. Tears burned in his eyes. "Sirius turned Lily and James Potter over to Voldemort."_

_"How do you know this?"_

_"I…I never would have believed it. Professor Dumbledore told me what happened."_

_"WHAT ELSE! How long has he been working for You-know-who?"_

_"I don't know."_

_"Do you consider Sirius Black to be a close friend of yours?"_

_Remus thought back on the years in which Sirius had been his friend. Rash and bold, reckless and utterly loyal. "Yes."_

_"How can you not know that your friend has been working for You-know-who?"_

_Remus had asked that question of himself endlessly since Dumbledore had told him what Sirius had done._

_"Sirius is good at keeping secrets," Remus finally offered._

_"Really? And what kind of secrets does Mr. Black have exactly?"_

_Remus felt himself trembling as the Veritaserum seemed to burn through his very veins. Our greatest secret. We swore we'd never reveal…what matter now? Who is left to betray?_

_"What secrets, Mr. Lupin?" The voice seemed to come from a great distance._

_"Sirius is a… dog." Remus' tongue was thick, and he was having trouble seeing._

_"Any man who betrays his friends the way Black has deserves to be called worse, but you are correct…he's a lying, murderous, deceptive dog!"_

_The judge asked more questions about where Remus was the night of the murders and who could verify his alibi. Questions about Remus' knowledge of suspected Death Eaters and whether he himself was one. Endless questions…._

_Remus finally heard what he thought must be Dumbledore's voice from very far away. "You will get nothing further from him tonight."_

_The Judge eyed Remus with disgust, but finally dismissed him. Dumbledore's hand on his arm guided him from the courtroom and Remus knew no more_

"Remus?" 

Bringing his mind back to the present, Remus focused on Dumbledore's curious face. "I'm sorry, what did you just say?"

"I wanted to know how you were dealing with Harry and my request that you not talk to him too much about James…and Sirius."

Remus sighed. "Well, that part is a trial." Then, without reason, Remus added, "You know, he relives the night James and Lily died every time he gets close to a Dementor."

Dumbledore grew very still and quiet, his mouth hanging open ever so slightly. Very carefully he said, "Oh dear. I knew it had to be something like that."

"At first he just heard Lily, but later he heard James and then even Voldemort." There was a long pause before Remus continued. "I always wondered what really happened that night. It seems James told Lily to take Harry and run. James tried to hold Voldemort off so Lily could get away. But…it didn't work…" Keeping his eyes down cast, Remus said quietly, "I should have been there."

Dumbledore placed a hand on Remus' shoulder. "Remus, there was nothing you could have done. As I told you all those years ago, this was not your fault."

"I don't know about that. "

The statement shocked Dumbledore.

"If I had been more attentive, maybe I would have noticed a change in Sirius' behavior. I should have caught on that he was up to something. I should have been able to see that he wasn't…"

"Now Remus…" Dumbledore interrupted. "No one…not even James, who knew Sirius better than anyone, saw a change in him. It's no wonder that you have been having thoughts like these now with Sirius breaking into the castle, but Remus," Dumbledore looked over the top of his glasses at him, "I trust you." The words almost stung Remus. "I also know that you are doing everything in your power to protect Harry from any danger. Despite what you think about the past, Remus, you are where you need to be now. "

Dumbledore patted Remus' shoulder and turned to go. "I will require all staff to be in attendance at Gryffindor's next Quidditch match just in case the dementors decide to make another appearance. I'll see you there."

Remus sat down at one of the student's desks and rested his head in his hands. Dumbledore was right, if anyone knew Sirius, it was James. And if anyone was going to see a change in him it would have been James. Yet James trusted his life and his family's life to Sirius. _You've got to stop beating yourself up over this! You've got to move on!_

Tomorrow Remus would attend his first Quidditch match since James and Lily died. Tomorrow he would watch Harry fly and hopefully all would go well. Tomorrow would prove to be a good day; he just knew it.

***

On the day of the match, the teachers were divided and seated throughout the crowd. Dumbledore had asked them to be sure all positions of the pitch could be reached in good time. However, this didn't mean that Remus had to sit squished up among the student body. Quite the contrary, for he took a place on the Gryffindor side in what usually served as the Professor's box. Dumbledore himself was seated in the box as well. 

Remus couldn't help but feel his stomach tighten from the familiar excitement of waiting for a match to begin. The teams walked out onto the pitch and the captains shook hands before mounting their brooms and kicking off to start the game. 

Every eye was on Harry, but it was difficult for anyone to keep a steady focus on him due to the speed of the Firebolt, but Remus smiled at how wonderful it felt to watch a Potter on a broom again. It had been too long he noted to himself. He also made note that Lee Jordan, who was commentating, was actually giving more of an advertisement for the Firebolt than he was commenting on the actual game. McGonagall had to scold him several times just to keep him focused on the game. 

In the next second Harry was diving for the Snitch. Remus, and everyone else in the stands, leaned forward hoping to see Harry catch it and make this the shortest game of Quidditch in the history of Hogwarts. But it wasn't to be. A Bludger came pelting towards him and he veered off course. 

Gryffindor took an early lead but Ravenclaw was quickly catching up with them. With each goal that was scored, by either team, Dumbledore would give a cheer of delight. He obviously was trying to be fair to both houses as the headmaster should. Remus, knowing he should be fair as well, tried to show support for Ravenclaw, but it was no use. He wanted Gryffindor to win!

Cho Chang, the Ravenclaw seeker, began marking Harry as he sped around the game looking for the snitch. She even managed to block him from getting at it once. It was obvious to Remus that Cho knew she didn't stand much of a chance next to Harry's Firebolt, so she was doing everything she could to stop him from catching the Snitch. 

Harry, on the other hand, decided that to play along with her little game by diving as if he had seen the Snitch. Cho followed but didn't have the maneuverability that Harry did. As he pulled out of his dive, a tiny gold flicker could be seen down at the Ravenclaw end of the pitch. Harry darted after it, but a distraction down on the ground caught everyone's eye. 

Dementors.

Three tall, black, hooded dementors were standing right in the middle of the field looking up at Harry. Remus stood up in his seat, taking out his wand instinctively. Dumbledore did the same. Remus kicked himself mentally for not paying more attention to the ground. He should have spotted them coming onto the field. But it was too late to think about that right now. He needed to concentrate on keeping Harry on his broom and safely away from the dementors.

Eyes fixed on Harry, Remus watched as Harry pulled out his own wand and shouted, "_Expecto patronum!"_

What Remus saw next made his heart skip a beat. Harry's Patronus was very real and quite distinctly formed. There was no mistaking that shape or what it represented. But just to be sure he wasn't seeing things, Remus blinked and refocused on the Patronus, now charging down the dementors as Harry headed off to catch the Snitch.

"My word," said an astonished Dumbledore next to Remus. "I thought you said his Patronus didn't have much of a form."

Remus licked his dry lips. "It didn't…until now."

Smiling, Dumbledore said, "Well, I'd say he has managed to conjure a perfect stag. How unusual. I wonder why he chose that particular form?"

_Prongs…Harry's guardian would naturally be his father. _Remus could feel his forehead starting to bead up with perspiration.

"Are you feeling ill, Remus?" the Headmaster questioned, looking at him with concern.

"No, I'm just…nervous for Harry."

Dumbledore leaned over, cocked an eyebrow at Remus, and smiled mischievously. _He knows I'm lying! He knows I'm not telling him everything! I should just tell him and get this over with!_

Then, quite casually Dumbledore turned and said, "Ah! It appears that the Patronus wasn't really needed in this case." He pointed down at the ground where the dementors were. Remus glanced back at the pitch and saw that the dementors were actually students in disguise.

With great excitement and energy, the whole crowd gathered around Harry and the Gryffindor team down on the pitch. Remus made his way to the ground as well, stopping to see just who it was under the false Dementor's hood. It was Draco Malfoy and his friends from Slytherin. 

A short distance away, Remus could hear the congratulatory remarks still being showered on Harry. All of them pertained to the game, but Remus knew Harry had accomplished something far greater than catching the Snitch. He took a moment to walk over and quietly say in Harry's ear, "That was quite some Patronus."

Harry turned around, his face beaming with joy. "The dementors didn't affect me at all! I didn't feel a thing!"

Remus didn't want to spoil Harry's euphoria, but he had to tell him the truth. "That's because they – er – weren't dementors. Come and see – "

Remus led a confused Harry over to where Draco and the others were crumpled up in a heap on the ground. Professor McGonagall was standing over them giving them the sort of scolding no student ever wanted to receive. 

"You gave Mr. Malfoy quite a fright," Remus said, desperate to laugh but somehow managing to hold back. 

Ron Weasley soon made his way over to see what was going on. He doubled up in a total fit of laughter upon seeing the Slytherins in such a state. They were stuck in the robes, unable to pull themselves out. 

Harry was slowly pulled away and off towards the Gryffindor Common room where there was sure to be a full out party. Remus sighed and looked back down at the tangled mess that was Draco Malfoy, Marcus Flint, Crabbe, and Goyle. 

"Professor Lupin!" Sounded Professor McGonagall. "Since these boys seem to know so much about the Dark Arts, perhaps you could think of a worthy detention for them?"

Remus looked from worried face to worried face. "Oh, I think I might be able to come up with something."

Chapter Twenty...coming soon

Post a Review at Snape's Grade

Return to Main Map


	20. Look Before you Leap

AN: A many thanks to my alpha readers on this one!  This chapter is a bit different from anything I've written as I've interspersed the letters with thoughts.  I hope it works and that you all are able to follow the train of thought.  Also, I had great difficulty writing a "mean" Remus.  I can give him snappy come backs to a mean Snape, but a Remus who is mean to Katie is another thing!  Durayan and Thing 1 spurred me on and helped me come up with the angsty feel for this chapter.  

****

**Look Before you Leap **

****

The excitement from the Quidditch Match continued as the students made their way from the Pitch on into the castle.  The Gryffindors cheered, laughed, and caused general ruckus all the way to their common room, where they was sure to be a very enthusiastic party.  Even some of the students from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff were chattering away at how astounded they were to see Harry's perfect Patronus and the effect it had on Mr. Malfoy and the other Slytherins.  Indeed, it had turned out to be an event to remember for all the students.

The teachers were also quite impressed at the outcome of the event.  Remus himself couldn't hide the pride he felt for Harry in conjuring that Patronus, no matter how stunned he had been upon seeing the actual form it took.  No, this was truly a happy day and even a scowl from Snape wasn't going to ruin it for Remus.  In fact, Remus was so delighted that he even whistled quietly on his way to his chamber in the staff wing. 

Felling happier than he had in a long time, Remus lit the fire in his study and went to his desk where an owl had dropped off the Daily Prophet, as usual.  Another letter lay next to the newspaper on his desk, which brought a smile forming on his face ear to ear.  It was a letter from Katie.  Remus hadn't heard from Katie since Christmas and was eager for any news from home.  Sitting by the fire he ripped open the envelope and pulled out the letter.

Dear Remus

It was a delight to come home from a decidedly tedious day just last week to find your letter waiting for me. Your timing is wonderful, thank you, for there hasn't been much going on here as of late.  The Christmas holiday kept us busy with all the outbreaks of sniffles and worried mothers rushing out to get that healing potion for their child, but now things have slowed down and resumed their normal pace.

Remus chuckled upon reading this.  It was always busy in the winter as mothers fretted over their children.  Katie would spend hours brewing simple healing potions for what she referred to as the "sniffles".  _Just wait, Katie.  One of these days you'll know just how it feels when your own child is sick! _

Remus went very still for a moment, gazing off into space.  The hand holding the letter fell as he sat in silence.  Then, quite purposefully, he brushed the thought from his mind and continuedreading.

As for the subject of Hogwarts, it is always nice to hear that you are doing so well with your work. It sounds as if Harry is a very determined young man; I wish him the best of luck with his efforts.  I'm sure with your help he will eventually be able to conjure a true Patronus.  

_Oh Katie, you should have seen it today!  He did it!  I can't wait to tell you about it!_

The ability to teach well, and to earn the trust and respect of your students, is a gift Remus, and you seem to be exceptionally talented at it.  I expect that they will extend your contract and invite you to stay on for the years to come.  Professor Dumbledore would be mad not to keep a teacher like you on staff; and while I cannot argue with his good sense, I am of course aware that it comes with a cost to those of us who wish you were home.

Remus paused for a moment.  He hadn't really considered that.  Staying at Hogwarts permanently meant staying away from Katie.  As much as he loved his work at Hogwarts, he missed Katie sorely.  On the other hand, being away from Katie meant that she could start getting on with her life without Remus.  _Truth be told, she needs much more than you can give her._

I've actually had some opportunities to get out to Exeter and off the moors here for reasons other than business.  I've even given in and joined Parson for a bit of traveling here and there lately, 

_Parson?  She is **traveling** with **Parson**?_

as it has been years really since I took the opportunity to dedicate time to simply enjoying the Island.  Our latest excursion took us into London for the weekend.  

_Weekend?  She spent a weekend with him…ALONE?!_

Parson's family owns a small cottage just outside of The City where his mother was kind enough to insist we stay at for our visit. Considering the cost of rooms in London these days, I decided to take her up on her offer of hospitality.  Besides, I didn't want to actually risk going to a hotel with Parson and letting him get 'ideas'.  Some men may make passes in front of their mother, but Mr. Parolles is not one of them.

_So instead of staying in a hotel, she stays in his house?  Two adults alone in a big house…I'm sure you were very comfortable.  And I'm sure Parson was very pleased with himself._

We had dinner at another one of his much-loved fancy Muggle restaurants.  I had offered to make us a simple home cooked meal at the cottage, but he insisted that we see the town and that one does not cook when on vacation.  I thought that a bit rich, and I really don't see the fuss in all that overly priced food, but Parson really enjoys it and I guess that's what mattered. 

_Rich…oh I'm sure he showed you just how rich he is!  I can see him now ordering all that Muggle food cooked with God knows what as ingredients.  He probably doesn't care what it is just as long as it's the most expensive thing on the menu. _Remus let out a mock laugh.  _He probably doesn't even like the Muggle food!  He just orders it to prove he can afford it and hopes he can manage to eat it!  Maybe he'll do us all a favor and choke on some of that greasy muck one of these days!_

 I did, however, enjoy the opera that he took me to see.  It was breathtaking!  I didn't understand the language, but I couldn't help but feel the emotion.  How powerful and romantic it all was!  I really wish you had been there to hear it, as I can just picture the look on your face as I listened to their exquisite almost transcendental voices.  You would have been enchanted right there beside me.

_Oh yes, imagine me tagging along with you and Parson to the opera!  Watching him dote on you.  Watching him put his arm around you.  I would have really enjoyed that Katie.  Thanks for thinking of me!  Be sure to invite me for Valentines Day, will you?_

One thing, however, rather surprised me about the weekend, in that I seem to be growing used to Parson.

_Oh no…please no…_

 At least, he doesn't addle me quite as he used to.  Horrors!   I should be fair, it's never been that there is anything exactly 'wrong' with Parson, but as you pointed out once he does rather drain one at time.

_He's a boring twit, that's what he is!_

 And he is rather enamored with studying for his estate tax exams.  I cannot make polite small talk about legacy clauses at any price, and however you have managed to do so with him over the years is beyond me.  You are a better man than I am, Gunga Din.

I suppose that the real fact of it is that it's nice to have someone to talk to one-on-one.  Mrs. Noyes is a dear, but she can get side tracked by work.  Parson has always tried to be attentive, and he does dote on me quite a bit, which no sane woman can really find fault with.  

_All the money in the world doesn't change the fact that Parson, as an individual, is as interesting as my little toenail!  But then…all the money in the world wouldn't change the fact that I'm a werewolf either.  Even if I had his money, I still wouldn't be…human…or able to be with you like he can be with you._

I know there is more to him than meets the eye.  His family, I will say now that I have had the chance to spend time with them, truly is wonderful and very open to my work and loved to talk about it!  Considering Parson has never really wanted to, I didn't expect they would either.  I dreaded meeting them at first, but now I seem to fit in with them easily.  His mother was telling me she was very happy to finally meet me, as she has seen a change she has seen in her son since we've been spending time together.  I found that odd myself because Parson hasn't changed in my eyes, but I suppose it's flattering to know I've had a good effect on him.  

_Well, anything would be an improvement.  The only good taste the man seems to have is the fact that he chose you over the other woman who probably dangle themselves in front of him.  He's only an overstuffed pocket book full of money and no real interests._

I'm sorry that I've rambled on about this, but honestly, there isn't much to tell unless you want to hear more boring stories about potions and Parson.  

_And we all LOVE to hear stories about Parson.  He is, after all, the most fascinating man I've ever encountered!  Please Katie, I beg you…MORE PARSON!  More bloody boring stories about the damned fool who can give you everything you've ever dreamed of!  Tell me all about your love affair with this complete idiot!  I'm really happy for you…both!_

I promise to find something interesting to tell you about in the next letter.  

_What?  And miss out on all the fun you and Mr. Wonderful have had?  No Katie, I enjoy watching you fall in love with an ass!_

Until then, take care of yourself and of Harry.  And try not to think about whatever it is that is worrying you.  I got the feeling from your last letter that there was something you weren't telling me.  Whatever it is, Remus, I'm here for you if ever you need to talk.  

_I'm sure you have loads of time to devote to me!  I'll just have to make sure I don't interrupt one of your extravagant soirées with the honorable Mr. Peebrain._

I look forward to hearing from you and I miss you.  But now that Christmas is over, I have your return in the summer to look forward to, yes?  I'm pre-ordering the Pym's Cup so it will be ready for us to celebrate your return to the South.

Love,

K

Remus crumpled up the letter and threw it on the floor.  A rage had built up inside of him unlike any he had ever known.  He stood up and began pacing the room like a caged animal.  His fists were clenched tight and his lips were so tightly pursed together that they went white from the pressure.  

A chuckled escaped his throat.  "Oh, this is grand!"  He laughed out loud through the frustration.  "You go off to teach and SHE falls in LOVE!"  With sudden fury, he picked up a glass off of his desk and threw it in the fire, the sound of shattered glass ringing through the room.

Remus stared at the fire, panting…trying to calm himself.  He had never felt like this before and couldn't really manage to comprehend why he felt the way he did.  He had no relationship with Katie outside of friendship, and certainly no promise had been made that this wouldn't happen.  She was bound to fall in love sometime, wasn't she?  "Why did you have to pick…him?"

His head suddenly jerked toward the desk as he eyed his quill.  "She said she wanted to hear from you, well by all means, let's tell her what we think about her choice of companionship."  He flopped himself down at his desk and began scratching out his wild thoughts, his hand shaking from the anger he felt.

Katie,

How nice it is to hear all about your sudden interest in our dear friend Mr. Parolles.  I was especially interested to hear that you actually stayed the night with him in his home in London.  I'm sure you enjoyed every waking minute.

_And dare I say "sleeping" minutes as well?_

I'm glad you have found someone to talk to, as you put it, because true friends really are hard to find in this world.  Parson sounds as friendly as friendly can be, and I'm sure you have the full attention of his ear.

_And some other body parts as well._

I'm also ecstatic that you don't find him dull.  After all, he really has no good qualities besides the fact that he is disgustingly wealthy and can ramble on for hours about nothing important to anyone.  Mainly he talks about himself, does he not?  It's nice to know that you find him as interesting as he finds himself.  

_Monotonous, sterile, tedious prat!_

How wonderful that his family has accepted you into the group!  You know, I've always believed that you deserved to be part of a family that comes from such a fine and respectable background as the Parolles family.  They really have so much to offer you.  They must think you mad for putting up with the likes of me and my meager world for so long.__

Personally, I'm not sure if I'll be returning to the house anytime soon as my responsibilities here at Hogwarts have grown too numerous.  In fact, I may stay on over the summer to help with some odds and ends around the castle.  I have begun to think of this place as a home and have a family of trusted colleagues here now.  I can't imagine leaving my work here to return to the less important task of merely weeding the garden. 

So you see, I am doing quite well.  You needn't bother yourself with thinking about me.  I'm sure Parson has a few surprises up his sleeve yet and wants your full attention.  You shouldn't be wasting your time sending letters to someone like me when you obviously have more pressing things on your plate.  If you feel the need to tell me all about your next escaped with your love, I will be here to listen.  But if you find you haven't the time between dinner parties and the theatre, I will be no worse off for not having your correspondence.  

Until your next available moment,

Remus

He sat back and examined the parchment, still in a rage but feeling a bit better for getting some of his anger off his chest.  He smiled at his handiwork and began reading the letter out loud to himself, just to make sure he had achieved the desired result.  But as he got about two lines into the letter, his smile faded as he realized just what he had written.  

Had he really said these things?  Did he really mean to suggest that Katie was in an intimate relationship with Parson?  How could he ever tell Katie that he didn't want to return home to his garden…and to…her?  His eyes roamed over the hastily written words, ink blotted here and there from drips Remus hadn't bothered to avoid making.  His handwriting looked fevered and rash…just as he had intended it to look.  _You can't send this letter, Remus.  _

He sighed deeply and folded up the messy parchment, placing it aside.  _What were you thinking?  You were thinking she has forgotten you…but…really…is that true?_  He rose from the desk and retrieved the crumpled letter that Katie had sent him.  His eyes scanned over it again.  This time, he focused on the things he didn't see upon his first reading.  

"She said '…extend your contract and invite you to stay…it comes with a cost to those of us who wish you were home.'  Wishes you were home, Remus, not at Hogwarts."  His eyes jumped down the page. " Ah…'I really wish you had been there to hear it'.  So you see, she's out with Parson, but thinking about you.  That's something." he said out loud to himself.  "And look at this bit at the end.  She says right here that she wants you to come home."

Then his eyes fell and lingered upon the words he himself had muttered many times.  "'I miss you.'  I miss you too, Katie." 

His mind raced back to the last time he had reacted without thinking clearly.  It was before Katie knew about the wolf on the evening of a full moon.  He had shooed her out of the house hastily and with out explanation.  He had yelled at her.  _I told you to wake me at four. Why are you still here?_  He had cursed at her and she had run away thinking the worst.  He almost lost her that night.  He only earned her trust by telling her the truth…and apologizing.  _You can NOT send that letter!_

With out hesitation, Remus found himself seated back at his desk with quill in hand.  This time he was able to keep his hand quite steady over the parchment.  He dipped his quill into the ink and paused to think a moment before he wrote:

My dearest Katie,

I am writing to you as a man put in his place.  Your last letter took me somewhat by surprise and I regrettably admit that I reacted in a manner I am not proud of.  Though it may make little sense to you, I feel I need to apologize for my thoughts and the letter I so rashly wrote, but had the presence of mind to crumple up and throw away upon reading. 

I am so fond of hearing about your day to day life, that when you suggest that your letters might become a bore I can only laugh.  How exciting for you to visit London.  It is indeed an exquisite city filled with exciting things to do and places to go.  I am happy that Parson was able to share some of that with you as I know you deserve all that the world has to offer you.  But I am regretful that I was not the one fortunate enough to share the experiences with you.  I must confess that I find myself to be jealous of the time Parson has been spending with you.  I know nothing will ever come between us as friends, Katie, but you'll forgive me if I pity myself for a moment that your off having the time of your life and I'm here in a classroom all day.

Don't misunderstand me, I do enjoy my work and I see the benefits daily.  In fact, just this afternoon I was able to watch Harry conjure a true and strong Patronus!  It was amazing and I can honestly tell you that I wouldn't have missed that moment for all the Muggle food in London.  But if you had been here to see it, too, that would have made the moment perfect.

Please forgive my faults in this matter and realize that I am only…

The quill froze at the spot.  He had almost written it!  _Human…_  Remus reconsidered and decided upon a more honest choice.

Please forgive me and realize that I am only a man trying to keep hold of one of the best friends he has ever had - one of the best things that has ever come into his life.  I truly am sorry for my behaviour and I assure you it won't happen again.  I miss you and look forward to the time when we celebrate my return home.

Yours,

Remus

Feeling much more content and at peace, Remus folded up the second letter and placed it on the corner of the desk to be sent in the morning.  He yawned and looked out the window at the black sky.  Was it really this late in the evening?  Going to the mantle, he checked the clock only to be astounded that it was actually very late at night!  He hadn't even realized that the time was passing.  In his fury, he hadn't even bothered to notice the time.  Deciding he must get some sleep, Remus started for his bed chamber.

"Profesor Lupin!!" 

Startled, Remus turned toward the door.  The sound of a fist rapidly banging was joined with the fearful voice outside.  "Professor Lupin!  Hurry!"  

Remus opened his door to find Professor Vector in her nightdress, looking as if she had seen a ghost.  "What's the matter?"  A quick glance down the hall told Remus that the whole staff was being gathered.

"It's happened again.  He broke into the castle!  Professor Dumbledore wants us all to meet in the Staff Room."

He?  He who?  Oh no… 

The witch had turned to leave and awake the next staff member.  "Wait!" Remus called after her, unbelieving what he was hearing.  "Are you saying that Sirius Black broke into the castle again?"

"YES!  And this time, He attacked one of the Gryffindor third year boys!"

_Oh God!  Harry!_  Not even bothering to close his door, Remus darted off to find out exactly what had happened…and how badly Harry had been hurt.

To be continued… 


	21. The Second Search

**The Second Search**

****

_AN: Many MANY thanks to Durayan on this one.  This chapter is loaded with dialogue and I just wasn't doing a good job of it!  She really nit picked it until I got it right.  Also, thanks to Thing for suggesting the bit with the animal at the end and JK for the alpha read.  And as for the ending…well, I can't remember who came up with that, but the Alphas have had that one brewing for quite some time.  I feel I'm into the home stretch of the fic as we're getting to the "good stuff".  I promise to get back to Parson soon.  I know you're all DYING to meet him!_

"What happened?"  Remus burst through the door and into the staff room.  He glanced from face to face searching for an answer.  He didn't see McGonagall or Dumbledore in the room.

"Sirius Black has broken into the castle again," Professor Sprout said from the corner.

"Yes, I know that, but what happened?  Where's Harry?"

"Harry?  Harry Potter?" Professor Sinestra asked.  "I assume he is in the Gryffindor Common Room with all the other Gryffindor students."

"Then he wasn't harmed.  He's fine?"

The door had opened again as McGonagall joined the group.  "Mr. Potter is in perfect health, although he and the rest of Gryffindor Tower probably won't be getting much sleep tonight."

"What exactly happened then? Did Harry see Sirius and go for help?" Remus asked, his voice full of concern.

"No," replied McGonagall.  Before Remus could question her she added, "It wasn't Mr. Potter who saw Sirius Black."

"What do you mean?" Remus frowned.

"It was Ronald Weasley who saw him.  Apparently Mr. Weasley awoke to find his curtains torn and Sirius Black standing over him with a large knife in hand."  McGonagall looked extremely grim, and rather pale.

"How did he even get into the castle let alone Gryffindor Tower?" asked Professor Vector.

"He would have had to have the password!" Professor Flitwick said.

"And I wonder who would have given Black that information?"  Snape took a step toward Remus and glared at him.

"If you are suggesting I had anything to do with this, Severus, then I'm sorry to disappoint you.  I don't even know the password into Gryffindor Tower myself.  How could I have given Sirius information even I don't know?"

"Then how did he get in?" hissed Snape.

"I don't know how he got into the castle," McGonagall sighed, "but I'm afraid I do know how he got into the tower."  She paused a moment.  "It seems that the new guardian of Gryffindor Tower has taken to changing the password every day.  One of the students couldn't keep track of them all, so he wrote them down."

"What?" Snape said.  "Let me think…who would be so stupid as to do something so utterly foolish?"  His tone was dripping with sarcasm.

"That really isn't important," Remus said pointedly to Snape before McGonagall could answer.  "What we need to know is how Sirius got that list from the student."

"Apparently, the student lost the list sometime yesterday," McGonagall said stiffly.

"And Black must have found it," said Professor Sprout.

"Which would suggest that Sirius has been on the grounds for some time.  At least long enough to find that list." Remus pointed out.

"Well that explains it then," Professor Vector said, taking a seat.

"Not really," objected Remus.  "It doesn't explain why he would attack Ron."

"He didn't 'attack' Mr. Weasley," McGonagall corrected.

"I'm sorry, I was told that one of the students was attacked," explained Remus.

"You were misinformed.  Black did not have the chance to carry out his attack. Mr. Weasley awakened, saw a filthy man hovering over him with a knife, and screamed.  Probably saved his own life."  Her hand rested on her chest showing her thankfulness that Ron wasn't harmed.  

"Got the wrong bed, did he?" Madam Hooch said after a stunned silence.

"It doesn't make any sense," sighed Remus, shaking his head.

"It makes perfect sense," said Professor Sinistra.  "Black thought it was Potter's bed.  But when he saw Mr. Weasley he knew he'd made a mistake."

"And he ran away?" Remus said in disbelief.  "He comes face to face with the wrong boy and he's so frightened that he runs away?  No…"

"What are you suggesting?" Snape said, folding his arms.

Remus turned to look at him.  "Just that I find it peculiar that he ran."

"Why?" sneered Snape.

"Because, Severus, Sirius is a convicted murderer.  He killed his friends…and many innocent Muggles, as well…why would he not kill an unarmed thirteen year old boy?"

Professor Flitwick stepped forward.  "Because he wanted to kill Mr. Potter, not Mr. Weasley.  It's as Madam Hooch said, he got the wrong bed."

"But, consider this:" Remus slowly began to pace about the room, thinking out loud so that all of the staff could follow his train of thought.  "This is a man who supposedly doesn't care who he kills in order to get to his target.  Why would he go through all the trouble of breaking into the castle and getting up to Gryffindor Tower only to run when he realizes he's at the wrong bed?  I mean, I hardly think Sirius Black could have developed a conscience during his stay in Azkaban.

Upon seeing his mistake, why didn't he just kill Ron and then move onto Harry?" 

"An excellent point," Dumbledore said from the doorway.  "Indeed, why didn't Sirius Black kill Mr. Weasley?"

There was a long pause as one by one each member of the staff looked to Remus to answer the question.  "Well, I can only think of one answer.  Sirius simply didn't _want_ to kill Ron Weasley." Remus thought for a moment and then said the most puzzling thing of all.  "Which leads me to believe, and I know this sounds mad…but it makes me believe he didn't want to kill Harry either."

"That goes against the logic you yourself just pointed out!" exclaimed McGonagall.

"To some degree, yes."  Remus turned to look at Dumbledore.  "I don't claim to understand the motives behind his actions, but if Sirius had wanted Harry dead, then I wholeheartedly believe that Harry would be dead!  He would have killed whomever stood in his way."

"But we _know_ he's been after Harry all this time," said Madam Hooch.

"Do we?"

"Why else is he here?" she countered.

"I don't know!"  He looked from Snape to Dumbledore.  "I know this sounds absurd.  I've been going over this and over this, and I don't have a good explanation!  But I do know that Sirius was always a determined individual, and by God if he had wanted to kill Harry then one thirteen year old unarmed wizard wouldn't have stopped him."

"He was afraid of getting caught," suggested Professor Vector.

"Possibly," Remus took a deep breath and exhaled slowly and ran a hand through his hair, "but…I…I just can't see it.  I _know_ he wouldn't have gone that far and not finished the task, if that were indeed his objective.  If Harry had been his target, then Harry would now be dead."  

"Professor Dumbledore," Flitwick said breaking the tension, "we could debate Black's reasoning all night long.  What we really should be doing is looking for him!"

"Agreed," said Madam Hooch.  

"Should we split up and search the castle again?" asked Professor Sprout.

"Why?" said Remus.  "Sirius wouldn't be in the castle still."

"And how do you know that?" Snape said suspiciously.

"Because if I was an escaped convict who had just been spotted, I wouldn't stay put and wait to be caught."

"Where do you think we should look, then?" asked Flitwick.

Remus glanced out the window.  "The only place we haven't yet looked…the Forest."

This surprised McGonagall.  "No man could survive in the Forbidden Forest!"

"Hagrid would disagree with you," Professor Sprout pointed out.

"Indeed, but Hagrid has spent years building up an understanding with many of the creatures that live in the Forest.  Black has not.  He wouldn't last longer than one night alone in there," McGonagall said.

"Unless he was desperate enough to try…and it was the only place no one was sure to look for him…"muttered Remus.

"He has a point," sighed Professor Sinestra.  "We should have Hagrid search the Forest."

"No, I'll go.  I…" Remus hated to admit it, but this was one time when being a werewolf was to his advantage.  "I can…that is…I know…his scent."  Remus looked pained, as if revealing such a detail about his animal nature made him less human.  But at a time like this he had to put that thought aside and move on.  "If he's in there, I'll find him faster than Hagrid."  Remus had already opened the door when Snape stopped him.

"I'll join you, if you don't mind."

"It's too dangerous," Flitwick said, trying to talk some sense into them.

"Professor Flitwick, I assure you that there is nothing in the Forrest that would do much harm to me…or Severus."

"I still think we should search the castle," Madam Hooch said.  "We still don't know how Black is getting into the castle.  We might find something…some clue that could show us just how he's doing it."

"Agreed," Dumbledore said softly.  "While Professors Snape and Lupin search the Forest, we will search the castle for any sign of Black.  I'll alert Mr. Filch that all secret passageways need to be checked and rechecked."

***

The two men walked in silence out of the castle and began crossing the grounds heading into the Forest.  The only sound came from their feet as they tromped across the slightly damp earth.  Snape took a deep breath and exhaled loudly.  Remus kept his focus ahead, but could feel Snape's eyes on him as they walked.  

"We'll want to stay quiet in the Forest, so I suggest you say whatever it is you need to say before we get there," Remus sighed.

"Very well," Snape said.  "I'm not letting you get away from me in the Forest.  We will stick together."

"I didn't think we would separate."

"Didn't you?  Don't you have plans to meet up with your old friend at some previously decided upon location so that you can plan his next attempt to kill Potter?" Snape accused.

"No," was all Remus replied.  He really didn't want to get into this argument again with Snape.  

"I know you're helping him.  I know you've had contact with him."

"And just how do you know this, Severus?" Remus said, stopping to look him in the eye.  "You keep accusing me of this and yet you have no proof of it."

"Proof?  Consider that we haven't had a break-in at Hogwarts in years.  You become a teacher here and now, all of a sudden, Black is on the run and breaking into the castle.  Two old friends…working together after all these years."

Remus pursed his lips.  He knew nothing he could say would convince Snape that he wasn't in league with Sirius.  How many times had they discussed this very issue?  It was a waste of time to go into it again.  "I am going into the Forest to look for Sirius, the man responsible for the deaths of my dearest friends. I hope to find some trace of him so that we can put this to rest once and for all.  Now, are you coming with me…or are you just going to stand there and accuse me all night?" 

Snape squinted at Remus as if trying to see something hidden from him.  He scowled, nodded, and then the two men resumed walking towards the Forest.  As they reached the border of trees, a small, furry something scuttled past them.  The hurried movement caused the ruffled leaves on the ground to crackle and both men froze at the sound.  Snape eyed the animal as it ran off into the forest.  Remus, raising an eyebrow, asked, "Hungry?"

Snape shot an angry glance at Remus.  "Not at all.  You?"  He flashed a wicked look at Remus, baring his teeth.

"Not to worry, Severus.  _My _thirst for blood only comes once a month."  They stood staring at each other for a moment before Remus broke the gaze and moved deeper into the trees.  "I suggest we get started."

They hardly said another word as they went about their task.  The search was as complete as any search could be at night.  Remus had to acknowledge that Snape was capable of moving with extreme stealth, his footfalls were as silent as Remus'.  They moved as much undergrowth as possible, looking for any tunneling that Sirius might have created.  They searched the larger trees for signs of a hiding place within the branches.  Remus even kept an eye out for imprints on the ground that resembled a dog's, even though he told Snape he was looking for footprints.  But they found nothing.  

Soon dawn was approaching and the first rays of morning sun were starting to cast an orange glow over the grounds.  It was actually Snape who suggested that they head back for the castle.  They were both covered in dirt and grime from the search and since they had been at it all night, they both needed some rest.  

But as they entered the castle, they were surprised to be met by Dumbledore.  "I think there is something that you should see…now," he informed them. They followed him up the stairs and down the hallway towards some of the usual classrooms.  "We found it a few hours ago.  Professor Flitwick thought that we should alert you about this right away, but I felt you needed to finish your own search.  Did _you_ find anything?"

"No, Headmaster.  Has something else happened?" Remus said.

"What is it you found?" Snape asked.

Dumbledore did not answer him.  Instead, he stopped outside of Remus' own classroom and signaled for Snape and Remus to go in.  One step inside the room and Remus knew why Flitwick had been so worried.  On the chalkboard was scrawled a message.  A message even Remus didn't understand.   But even though the handwriting was messy, Remus recognized it instantly as Sirius'.  

Peter is Here

To be continued… 


	22. Detention with the Slytherins

AN: This is a long AN…sorry! I don't know why it has taken me so long to get this out but sometime this last month I just lost focus and had absolutely no desire to write. It is my goal to have this whole fic finished by summer time and one month of not writing didn't help me to reach that goal. But here it is at long last – thanks for waiting for me!  
  
Also, this chapter serves one purpose and almost one purpose only. If you are reading this fic, then you are most likely familiar with Thing1 and her Draco. In her fics, Draco still manages to be a Slytherin, but he has great respect for Remus. Why? Well, after re-reading some of her Draco scenes and talking to her about it, we can up with this idea. As several members of the WWR have pointed out, fics where Draco is suddenly nice really bothers many fan fiction readers. This is my attempt of helping Draco make that transition from the wretched Slytherin that torments Harry to the wonderful DADA professor that he is in Goblin Market. How this little snake slithered his way into my heart I have NO idea!  
  
Thanks to Durayan and Thing1 for all the suggestions. You guys ROX! And thanks to JK for the beta read. She ROX, too!  
  
Detention with the Slytherins  
  
Peter is here…  
  
Peter is here…  
  
Remus ran over the words again and again in his mind as he stared at the words scratched out so quickly on the chalkboard. What did it mean? Why did Sirius write this? Why would Sirius even dare to mention Peter's name? And why would he say that Peter was here? It was unbelievable and quite disturbing; it seemed to Remus it only showed how addled and detached from reality Azkaban had made the man who had once been his friend.  
  
Snape stood with his arms crossed over his chest, his fingers lightly rapping on his forearm. He waited for Remus to offer an explanation while casting a most vicious look in Remus' direction. Dumbledore, as well, waited for Remus to collect his thoughts, but he was polite enough not to stare at him.  
  
After an uncomfortable silence, Remus admitted, "I don't know what it means."  
  
"Convenient, don't you think," Snape said with a hiss, "that he chose your classroom to post his message."  
  
"Well, one thing is for certain," Remus said. "He seems to know I'm here."  
  
"Obviously!" Snape bellowed. "What is this Lupin? Some sort of secret code the two of you have worked out? You and your little band of troublemakers were always sending secret messages to each other. Is this how he's been communicating with you this entire year?"  
  
"Severus," Dumbledore interrupted calmly, "I think it would be best if Remus and I could discuss this on our own. Would you be so kind as to excuse us?"  
  
Snape was fuming, his nostrils flaring, but he knew better than to challenge Dumbledore. With a furious glance at Remus, Snape strode from the room.  
  
"Now, perhaps we can discuss this more rationally," Dumbledore said, looking over his spectacles at Remus.  
  
"I honestly have no explanation. I don't know what this means nor why Sirius Black would even say such a thing. We all know what happened to Peter."  
  
"Unfortunately, yes. Perhaps it isn't the message itself that is important. Azkaban is a terrible place and most men go mad after a short time of being in the constant presence of the dementors. It is indeed likely that Sirius has fallen victim to this madness and this message is the proof."  
  
Remus nodded in agreement. "True. That might even explain the curious events that occurred in Gryffindor Tower earlier this evening." Remus looked back at the writing and a thought suddenly occurred to him. "In what position is Ron Weasley's bed?"  
  
"I beg your pardon?"  
  
"His bed? Where is it located? Is it next to the door?" Peter's bed was the one next to the door. If Sirius thought that he saw Peter…  
  
"I'm not certain," Dumbledore said curiously. "What are you thinking?"  
  
"If Sirius has lost his mind, perhaps he mistook Ron Weasley for Peter…although they look nothing alike…but even still, the mind can play tricks on you. And the room was dark."  
  
"Are you suggesting that Sirius thought he saw Peter Pettigrew up in Gryffindor Tower and that is why he didn't continue with his supposed attack?"  
  
Remus turned to look at the older man. "Is it possible?"  
  
"Anything is possible." He sighed and turned toward the door. "My dear Professor, I recommend that we call it a night. It is very late and there is much work to be done come morning. We will be making sure the castle is more secure than ever and I will need your help is setting up some new defensive charms. I also suggest that you erase the message and be certain not to mention it to anyone. We don't want the students getting word that Black has been in the classrooms as well."  
  
"Professor – " Remus took an anxious step forward, not knowing just what he was going to say, but knowing what he should say.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"About the security of the castle…" Remus cleared his throat in nervousness. "I think I might know how Sirius is getting in."  
  
Dumbledore lifted his in eyebrows. "Oh?"  
  
"Yes. You see, when we were students…we…well…we snooped around a lot." Remus felt his face grow hot. "We spent many a night out of bounds, wandering the halls of the castle."  
  
Dumbledore chuckled. "I'm not surprised."  
  
"I suppose many students go looking for secret passages and what not, but you see…we actually found them." He paused as Dumbledore squinted at him. "We found several secret passages, all of which Sirius knew how to get in and out of easily. Now, I have gone looking down all of these passages since his first break in and I have seen no sign that he is getting in through any of them."  
  
"I agree. Mr. Filch has done a fine job himself in making sure all the passageways are protected. Sirius Black must be getting into the castle by some other means."  
  
"I've considered a few options - dark magic being one." Remus took a deep breath. " But we also must consider that if he's not using a secret passage, then that leaves only one other option."  
  
"The front door," Dumbledore said quietly.  
  
"Yes. It's the only other way he could be getting in."  
  
***  
  
Security around the castle was heightened. Dumbledore had given assignments to all the members of the staff. Everyone holding a class outdoors was to escort students across the grounds. Filch was to place extra attention on all secret passageways into the castle, just in case. Flitwick was in charge of making sure the front doors could recognize Sirius Black by showing them the picture from the Daily Prophet.  
  
Remus felt somewhat better having admitted to Dumbledore the fact that Sirius did indeed know all about the secret passageways, but something still nagged at his mind. Padfoot – Remus still hadn't told anyone that Sirius was an unregistered animagus. Yes, the front doors would be able to recognize Sirius Black…but would they recognize Padfoot?  
  
But on the other hand, Remus was starting to wonder if Sirius would even be able to perform the animagus transformation. If he had gone mad after all those years in Azkaban, and all the evidence pointed that he was most certainly mad, then how could he manage such a complex spell? After all, it was so dangerous that the Ministry kept tabs on everyone who even attempted the transformation. Having spent so much time around the dementors, Sirius was bound to have lost control over his mind. It would almost certainly kill him if he tried to transform under those conditions. Remus reached the conclusion that Sirius couldn't possibly be using his amimgus skills to get into the castle…but he still should have at least told Dumbledore about Padfoot. Remus tried to push away his guilt over holding back this secret by concentrating on other matters.  
  
For one thing, he had a detention to supervise. In Defense Against the Dark Arts class on Tuesday, he informed Mr. Malfoy and his cohorts that they would be needed Thursday evening and were to meet in the Great Hall for the punishment. He also instructed them to dress warmly and bring their dragon hide gloves with them.  
  
The fifth year class had been studying resistance to curses this year. A few weeks ago, Remus had noticed that a small group of Murtlaps had made a home at the edge of Hogwarts Lake. The growth on a Murtlap's head, once pickled and eaten, will provide a resistance to certain curses. They would prove to be an excellent lesson if he could catch enough for the whole class.  
  
On Thursday evening, a disgruntled group of Slytherins marched coldly into the Great Hall where Remus waited patiently. Crabbe and Goyle seemed, as ever, unwilling to say much of anything and hung behind Flint and Malfoy, obviously in deference to them. Marcus Flint managed to look more unpleasant than ever, and also remained silent. Only Draco Malfoy offered a very cold "good evening, professor" to him.  
  
"Gentlemen. Thank you for showing up right on time."  
  
Marcus Flint, a tall and gangly fellow sorely in need of a good dental potion, gave him a sneering smile, and asked brusquely what they were to be doing for Remus that night. Remus raised an eyebrow at him slowly, and Marcus did take the hint that his own head of house would have taken 10 points for that tone of voice, but Remus settled for Flint looking very slightly chastened. He then explained to them what the task was for the next few hours. With a sneer on his face, Draco rolled his eyes as he listened to Remus. "You will assist me in capturing several Murtlaps from around the lake," Remus began. "They resemble rat-like creatures, but with a rather peculiar growth on their heads. Do watch your step while at the edge of the lake as the Murtlaps will bite you if you accidentally tread on them," he warned.  
  
Draco huffed and folded his arms indignantly. Ignoring him, Remus continued, "We will also need to collect some crustaceans for them to eat. Dead or alive – they have no preference."  
  
"Mucking around in the lake? What kind of detention is this?" Draco grimaced.  
  
"The dirty kind, so I suggest you roll up your sleeves and wear those gloves for protection." Remus didn't wait for a retort. He turned and led the students out towards the lake.  
  
From behind him, Remus could hear Draco complaining. "He should have told us we would be getting dirty. That mud will ruin my new robes. But I suppose Lupin doesn't have a care about things like that. His robes are so old and torn that a bit of mud might actually do them good."  
  
Crabbe and Goyle sniggered.  
  
Once they reached the lake, Remus sent the students to different areas around the lake where he could keep an eye on them. It was easier to catch Murtlaps if you were alone, so he needed the students to spread out. He himself started looking for some crustaceans, leaving the more difficult task of catching the Murtlaps to the students.  
  
Remus paused every now to watch the students as they tried to do their work. Crabbe, while trying to dodge a rather pesky Murtlap, had fallen into the mud and was absolutely covered in grime. Goyle tried to help him to his feet but only ended up joining him in the mud when he slipped and fell in, too. Marcus Flint let out a yelp and jumped into the air when one of the creatures tried to sink its sharp little teeth into his over-sized foot. Draco was the first to actually succeed in capturing one of the creatures. He stuck out his tongue in disgust as he pulled it out of the mud and held it out at arm's-length while mud dripped off its wet body. Slowly the students got the hang of catching the Murtlaps and Remus paid more attention to gathering up the food for them. He whistled a bit as he waded through the water looking for his next victim.  
  
About a half hour had passed when Remus felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. Something wasn't right. He glanced around the lake at the students, checking to see that they were all accounted for. Another Murtlap was chasing Crabbe. Goyle was placing his recent capture in the container Remus had supplied. Flint was trying to wash some mud off his hands before moving on to his next creature. But where was Draco?  
  
Remus turned to look around at the surrounding area. Draco had wandered over to a far wall where he was sitting down resting. But there behind him, through the trees, Remus could make out in the shadows the unmistakable form of a dementor looming towards Malfoy. Remus watched almost in slow motion as Draco turned to look up at the black figure, gasped, and tried to run away. The dementor must have come through the gate earlier and was now heading straight for Draco. Instinctively, Remus darted towards him as fast as he could, holding his wand out in front of him. Draco fell to the ground and covered his head as he screamed for help.  
  
As he neared Draco and the dementor, the familiar pounding in his chest started and he could hear the howl of the wolf from so many years ago. He could feel his skin ripping under the force of the wolf's teeth. Focusing on the present and Draco, Remus reached the wall, pointed his wand at the dementor and yelled, "Expecto Patronum!"  
  
A large, silvery dog charged at the dementor, pushing it back and away from Draco. Remus could still hear the wolf snarling in his ear, but the sound was fading fast. Panting, heart racing, Remus fell to Draco's side as the dementor headed back through the gate and to the other side of the wall. Draco was trembling, his hands covering his head protectively.  
  
"Draco, are you all right?"  
  
Slowly, Draco rolled over onto his side and tentatively looked up at Remus. Terror filled his face. "Is it gone?"  
  
"Yes, it's gone. Are you all right?"  
  
Draco sniffed and wiped at his eyes. He looked over his shoulder checking to see that the dementor was indeed gone. "Those things…" Draco looked Remus in the eyes and then quickly back down at the ground. "It was…awful…"  
  
"You don't need to explain it to me, Draco. I know." Remus searched in his pocket and found a chocolate frog.  
  
"It was cold…"  
  
"Yes. That happens." He handed the chocolate over to Draco who took it unquestioningly.  
  
"And I saw…I saw…" Draco sniffed again, keeping his eyes downcast. He nibbled on the frog as an excuse not to explain just what he had seen.  
  
"Dementors make you relive the worst experiences of your life. For one so young, I don't expect you to have had too many awful experiences to relive. But then, you were effected quite badly."  
  
Draco shot an angry glance up at him. "What are you saying?"  
  
"I'm simply saying that no one can know exactly how a dementor will effect you. We can sympathize, but my worst experiences are certain to be very different then yours."  
  
"I have a wonderful life," he said, sitting up and brushing down his mussed hair. "What I saw…wasn't really all that bad…"  
  
"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?"  
  
Again Draco's head snapped around so he could send a piercing glance at Remus. "My family is one of the wealthiest, most respected wizarding families in history. My father is a very powerful man and I hope to follow in his footsteps!"  
  
Remus nodded silently, never taking his eyes off Draco. "That might be true, but whatever it was you saw doesn't have to have anything to do with your family."  
  
"I never said it did!"  
  
"Then why are you defending your father to me?"  
  
Draco paused. After a moment of silence he stood up and brushed off the dirt form his robes. "Look, it's none of your business what I saw."  
  
"No, it isn't. But maybe now that you have experienced a dementor first hand, you'll have a better understanding of just how cruel your joke at the Quidditch game was. Harry has lived though some very traumatizing moments. Based on what you felt tonight, I'm sure you realize now just how badly they effect him."  
  
Remus waited as Draco pondered what he had said. The silence was thick and Remus knew Draco was feeling some guilt for what he had done. "Don't worry, Draco. I'm not going to make you apologize to Harry."  
  
"I'm not going to apologize to him!" he said quickly.  
  
"I don't expect you to. But I do expect you to stop making fun of him for his own troubles with the dementor."  
  
Draco had turned away from Remus. "His troubled life isn't my problem. So what if You-Know-Who killed his parents!"  
  
Remus took a step closer to Draco and very softly said, "Draco, is there nothing in your life you wish you never had to face?"  
  
Over his shoulder Draco spat out his answer. "Of course not! I already told you, I am a Malfoy; there is nothing we NEED to fear!"  
  
Remus sighed and walked around to face him. "You know, Draco, it takes real courage and strength of character to admit our fears. That's one thing that impressed me so greatly about Harry. He not only was willing to admit his fear, but he willingly faced it head on."  
  
Remus started walking away when Draco asked, "What do you fear, Professor - poverty?"  
  
Remus froze in mid step. To tell him anything but the truth would be hypocritical. Didn't you just tell him that it's a courageous thing to admit your fear? With a heavy sigh Remus said, "No Draco." He turned to him slightly. "I fear loneliness. But the two often go together…so in a way, I suppose I do." Remus couldn't keep his mind from pulling up images of all the people that had once been so close to him, and then had been taken from him; his parents…his friends…Katie. Katie was still alive at least, but he could never have a real life with her.  
  
Remus started walking back to the lake and soon Draco was walking next to him, his head hung low. Remus knew that the conversation had affected Draco in more ways than he was willing to admit. Before they reached the other students, Draco said, "Sir, my father would have demanded to know what could have possibly scared me. But you still haven't asked me what it was I saw. "  
  
"I am not your father, Draco. As you stated earlier, what you saw is your personal business. But if you ever want to talk, my door is always open."  
  
The detention continued without event. They were able to capture more than enough Murtlaps, so Remus decided he would offer some to Snape to keep in stock. Once all the creatures were caged properly, Remus led the students back to the Great Hall and dismissed them to their Slytherin dungeon. But just before Draco rounded the corner of the Great Hall to disappear out of sight, he paused and gave Remus a respectful look. Remus almost had to do a double take, but he could have sworn he saw Draco smile politely before he left. 


	23. The Marauder's Map

_(AN: I have been worried about this chapter from the moment I started this fic.  This is my favorite scene in all of HP and I wanted to do it justice.  Also, again in this chapter I use quite a bit of actual text written by JK Rowling.  I'm not making money off of this fic…simply using the dialogue in order for the fic to fit into the real story.)_

****

**The Marauder's Map**

With security heightened around Hogwarts, Remus was almost certain that Dumbledore would cancel the Hogsmeade visit scheduled for the weekend.  However, much to his and most of the staff's surprise, the visit went as planned.  Saturday morning brought an exciting chatter to the Great Hall as students were anxious to get out into the fresh air.  Remus was grateful for the quiet that would eventually fall over the school and he looked forward to spending a peaceful and uneventful day relaxing.  

After breakfast, Remus spent the morning wandering the halls, catching up with some of the other staff members.  Poppy complained to him for almost an hour about Snape's sixth year class and how they had a disaster preparing the last assigned potion.  The whole lot of them ended up with purple spots and blue hair.  Later, when Remus bumped into Flitwick, he nearly knocked over an Easter display the tiny professor was working on for his classroom, complete with eggs, rabbits, and more flowers than Remus could count.

After joining Professor McGonagall and Madam Hooch for lunch, Remus headed back to his room and took up reading one of the many novels stored on the bookcase in his room.  Remus loved to read, especially books that took him away like this one did.  Several hours passed as he fell deeper and deeper into the story of this innocent man who found himself in the wrong place at the wrong time.   His best friend betrayed him causing him to be sent off to prison unjustly and without a trial.  The hero had just broken out of the prison when a rapping at the window brought Remus back to the real world.  An owl waited patiently outside the window with a letter clutched in her beak.  Remus sighed, reluctantly put the book down, and opened up the latch to allow the animal into the room.  He gave the owl a biscuit and took the letter from him politely.  Remus smiled happily when he saw Katie's handwriting on the letter.  He quickly tore open the envelope and began reading – his book lay forgotten on his desk.

Dearest Remus,

I'm glad that you are feeling better and that you seem to have calmed down.  It's wonderful to hear about Harry and the progress he is making.  I am so proud of all you have been able to do this year and flattered by your desire to share those moments with me.  Believe me, I do wish I could be there with you.  I look at the globe you sent me for Christmas and wonder why you didn't include a little figure of your self so I would know just where you were at all times.

After reading your last letter, I was concerned about why you would need to apologize to me.  Remus, I feel as if I have caused you pain in some way and perhaps it is I who need to apologize.  So let us simply admit to our odd behaviour and blame it on the fact that we both miss each other and hope to see each other soon.

I was thinking about you the other day when Mrs. Noyes asked me to fill an order for Erumpent Potion.  I remembered the last time I prepared it and you came into the shop, asking if you could help. I asked you to stir the Sleeping Potion and you stirred the Erumpent Potion in stead.  After it exploded, you explained that you were never very good in potions class!  Oh Remus, I can still see you, covered in green goo, your hair dripping wet and hanging in your eyes.  We must have laughed about that one for hours, and I admit to chuckling a little the other day just picturing your hair with streaks of green running through it!

I do miss you, you know. Before you left, I admitted that I would miss the lessons in the garden, but it's really more than that.  I miss just having you here to talk to.  I miss knowing that any moment you might show up unexpectedly.  I miss dinner together and laughing together and simply being together.  I missed you terribly over the Christmas holiday and am not looking forward to Easter without you, but I know that you are where you are needed.  It may seem selfish of me to say so, but I really wish you would come home for the Holiday – even if it were just for a few days.  

I hope this letter finds you well.  Please write and let me know if there is anything I can do for you or your classes.  As difficult as he was to catch, I have thought about that Grindylow several times and how I had a little part in at least one lesson at Hogwarts. I look forward to hearing from you soon.  And do consider coming for Easter.  It wouldn't be spring in the garden without you.

Love,

K 

A silly sort of a smile lingered on Remus' face.  She missed him - and that meant more to him than the world.  Her suggestion that he come home for the Easter holiday was an enticing one, but one that Remus didn't think possible.  He needed to stay at Hogwarts now more than ever.  The last break in had set the whole school on edge.  The whole staff was needed to keep things as safe as possible.  As much as Remus wanted to see Katie, he knew that it would be selfish of him to leave the school at such a critical time.

Still…perhaps he could mention it to Dumbledore and see what the Headmaster thought.  Maybe, just maybe he _could_ get away.  His heart was torn between what he wanted and what was necessary.  Was it really important that he go home for a few days?  Katie wasn't in danger like Harry and the other students were – unless you consider one Parson Parolles dangerous.

_Indeed…he is dangerous, but not in the same way as…_

"Lupin!" Snape's voice sounded, startling Remus.  "I want a word."

_What now?  _With a heavy sigh, Remus went to the fireplace, tossed in a handful of Hogwarts floo powder, and said, "Severus Snape's office."  Seconds later, Remus stepped out of the fireplace and into Snape's office.  "You called, Severus?" he said casually, brushing off some ash that had collected on his robe.

"I certainly did," Snape snapped furiously as he walked over to his desk.  It was then that Remus looked up to see Harry, looking very grim, sitting in front of the dask. "I have just asked Potter to empty his pockets.  He was carrying this."  Snape pointed at a piece of parchment on his desk.  Remus looked down at it and froze.  

**_OH!_**

**_MY!_**

**_GOD!_**

_Moony…Prongs…Padfoot…Wormtail…THE MAP!  _It was only by the grace of long years of practice in his youth that Remus managed to keep the surprise off his face and assume a decidedly neutral expression.  _Harry had this in his pocket?  How did **Harry** end up with it? Was Harry the one who took this from the Filch's filing cabinet?_

"Well?" said Snape. Remus didn't dare look up at him, keeping his eyes firmly on the map and trying to keep his expression as neutral as possible. _What does he want me to do?  Surely Snape doesn't recognize the names!  He couldn't…well, he could…but would he remember our old nicknames?  How do I explain this? And oh lord…look at what it says…large nose? Ugly git? **Slimeball?**_

"_Well?**" **_said Snape again.  "This parchment is plainly full of Dark Magic.  This is supposed to be your area of expertise, Lupin.  Where do you imagine Potter got such a thing?" Snape's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

_Dark magic…oh really…_ Remus risked a very brief glance at Harry, hoping he would stay quiet until Remus could get out a believable explanation.  _Now pay attention, Harry.  And please don't interrupt!  Just keep calm…_

Remus straightened up and assumed a calm and reasonable tone.  "Full of Dark Magic?  Do you really think so, Severus?  It looks to me as though it is merely a piece of parchment that insults anybody who reads it.  Childish…" _And damn funny! _ "but surely not dangerous?  I imagine Harry got it from a joke shop –"

Snape cut him off.  "Indeed?  You think a joke shop could supply him with such a thing?  You don't think it more likely that he got it _directly from the manufacturers?_"

_So he **does **recognize the names…oh dear…let's see…_

"You mean, by Mr. Wormtail or one of these people?"  Remus turned to Harry and decided to take a risk.  _Surely Harry doesn't know whom these nicknames belong to.  _"Harry, do you know any of these men?"

"No," said Harry quickly.

_Good!  But…you do know them Harry…_"You see, Severus.  It looks like a Zonko product to me –"  From the look on Snape's face, Remus could tell he didn't believe what he was hearing.  _He's not bying it.  You need to think of something convincing and FAST!_

Ron Weasley burst through the door at that very moment, out of breath and holding his side in pain.  "I – gave – Harry – that – stuff," he panted.  "Bought – it – at – Zonko's – ages – ago…"

_AH HA!  Right on cue!  _"Well!" Remus said, clapping his hands together signaling the end of the discussion.  "That seems to clear that up!  Severus, I'll take this back, shall I?"  Without even waiting for Snape to object, Remus folded up the Map and tucked it safely inside his robes.  _Now to get out of here quickly…AH!  I have just the thing!  _"Harry, Ron, come with me, I need a word about my _vampire_ essay – excuse us, Severus – "

Remus led them out of the room and all the way back to the entrance hall.  No one said a word, but Remus couldn't keep his mind from wandering while they walked.  _How did Harry get this?  How long has he had it?  Who else has seen it?  Most certainly he's shown it to Ron and Hermione…they've probably used it to sneak out of the castle!  Oh Lord…what if Harry had been out in Hogsmeade when Sirius was there?  What if he had dropped it where Sirius could have picked it up?  Then Sirius could have used it to get to Harry…waited until Harry was alone…Surely Harry realizes how potentially dangerous this Map could be if it fell into the wrong hands!  Harry should have given this to Dumbledore ages ago._

_Of course…Harry's not the only one who should have told Dumbledore the truth…_

When they reached the entrance hall, Harry started in on his excuse.  "Professor, I –"

"I don't want to hear any explanations."  _I think I'm better off NOT knowing!_  Remus glanced around to make sure there was no one who could hear the conversation.  "I happen to know that this map was confiscated by Mr. Filch many years ago.  Yes, I know it's a map," he said as Ron and Harry looked back at him in total surprise.  "I don't want to know how it fell into your possession.  I am, however, _astounded_ that you didn't hand it in.  Particularly after what happened the last time a student left information about the castle lying around.  And I can't let you have it back Harry."  _No…I can't let Harry have access to routes out of the castle.    _

"Why did Snape think I'd got it from the manufacturers?"

"Because…," _He probably thinks **I** gave it to you!  _"Because these map makers would have wanted to lure you out of school.  They'd think it extremely entertaining."  _Indeed, we would._

"Do you know them?" said Harry, looking very impressed at Remus.

_Er…well…how do I put this?   _"We've met," Remus said, looking at Harry, hoping he wouldn't question him further about how he knew Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs.

For some reason, Remus felt a wave of over protectiveness toward Harry at that moment.  Knowing that it was his duty to make sure Harry understood just what _could_ have happened, Remus decided he would leave Harry with something profound to consider.  "Don't expect me to cover up for you again, Harry.  I cannot make you take Sirius Black seriously.  But I would have thought that what you hear when the dementors draw near you would have had more effect on you.  Your parents gave their lives to keep you alive, Harry.  A poor way to repay them – gambling their sacrifice for a bag of magic tricks."

Before Harry could say another word, Remus turned and walked away.  He had meant to leave Harry feeling a bit guilty, but instead found that his chiding sounded very hypocritical considering the information he, himself, was with holding.  

Over come with guilt, Remus made his way back to his room.  Once inside and alone, he pulled out the map and looked at it closely.  The insults rendered towards Snape were still blazing on the parchment.  Taking out his wand, Remus muttered the words he had spoken so many times as a boy.  "I solemnly swear…"  He paused, choking back the emotion he was feeling…  "that I am up to no good."

The spidery lines spread out over the parchment, just as they always had.  Remus swallowed hard as he watched the curly lettering appear.  

Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs 

Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief – Makers

are proud to present

THE MARAUDER'S MAP 

A gasp escaped his throat as he remembered…he remembered…everything.  The way James would never push up his glasses until they were about to fall off his face.  The way Peter would snort when he laughed too hard.  The way Sirius would button his robes lopsided just to get some pretty girl to fix it for him.  And the way Remus felt when his friends would go running with him under a full moon.  

He looked back down at the map and, with his lip trembling, asked, "Oh Sirius…why?  Why did you do this?"

The squiggly writing that was "Padfoot" wrote out a response.  

"Mr. Padfoot acknowledges the great Professor Lupin and begs him kindly repeat the question."

Remus rubbed at his eyes, trying desperately to hold back the tears, but he just couldn't.  Even though he had been looking for the map for so long, he hadn't considered what would happen when he actually found it.  He certainly didn't take into account the memories it would bring back and the old wounds it would reopen.  

Feeling his legs going weak, he sat down at his desk.  Not wanting the map to "hear" him, he sat quietly brooding on his thoughts.  Thoughts about how naive they once were, even though they thought they could conquer anything.  Thoughts about how he would give anything to have his friends back.  And most importantly, he thought about how much he could help if only he would tell Dumbledore the truth.  

Not able to look at the map a moment longer. He wiped it clean with a shaky, almost inaudible, "Mischief managed."  As the text vanished from before him, Remus sobbed a guttural sound.   His hands fisted tightly around the map, crumpling it.  Leaning over his desk, he rested his head and allowed himself to cry mournfully for the friends he had lost…and for the life he had lost…and for the fact that he was too cowardly to speak up and tell the truth.

_To be continued…._


	24. A Pain in the Parolles

_AN:  About the last chapter.  No, Remus wasn't reading "Prisoner of Azkaban".  It was another book about a prison break – can you guess what one?  Now for this chapter: I was hoping to get this out by Easter, but alas it didn't happen.  So, happy LATE Easter to you.  Thanks again to Durayan, Thing1, and JK for the beta read and all their suggestions.  For more information about the "stink" coming form the couch in the study, I suggest you read the alpha chronicle posted at the Werewolf Registry: http://www.werewolfregistry.net/alphafic4.html_

**A Pain in the Parolles**
    
    * pop *

Home.  He was home.  _Apparating really is the way to travel!_

Remus looked around the garden, surveying Katie's handiwork whilst he had been away.  The early spring flowers were in bloom and the fresh scent was soothing in the morning sunlight.  He loved Apparating into the garden rather than into the house.  It was such a beautiful day and he hadn't seen the new blooms yet.  A smile found its way to his lips as he slowly walked up the path towards the house.

After he had managed to get ahold of the map, Remus had spent an awful night contemplating the events of the year.  He worked up several possible speeches he could take to Dumbledore explaining that Sirius was an Animagi, but each and every one of them ended with him having to admit that he had deceived Dumbledore for all these years.  Yes, he felt guilty, and painfully so.  But he just couldn't face a man who had trusted him so openly and tell him how that trust wasn't warranted.  Dumbledore's trust made a difference in Remus' entire life, and to tell his secret and lose that trust was simply more than he could bear.  After all, without Dumbledore, he'd never have been trained as a wizard.  Remus just couldn't bring himself to admit to the Headmaster that he had deceived the person he most respected.  _Besides, _Remus told himself, _Sirius must be using dark magic to get into the castle, not schoolboy tricks._

Wanting to put Hogwarts behind him for a while, Remus decided to take Katie's suggestion and go home for the Easter holidays.  This meant that he had to talk to Dumbledore anyway, but at least it wouldn't be as painful as admitting he had been involved in helping his friends do something illegal (and highly dangerous).  Remus simply had to ask if it would be possible to be away from the castle for a few days.  As the Easter holiday was a week long, Dumbledore quite cheerfully gave Remus permission and told him to enjoy himself.  

As he wanted to surprise Katie, Remus didn't tell her he was coming home.  He really wanted to do something special for her, as he still felt a bit upset for reacting so negatively to her letter.  He decided he would arrive at home, set up a nice luncheon before dropping in on her at the shop, and demand that she join him back at his house for a chat.  How he could have ever thought that he shouldn't go home for the holiday was unimaginable now.  Just thinking about spending an afternoon with Katie made him feel one hundred percent better.

He strolled into the house by way of the back door and found a vase full of fresh cut flowers from the garden.  Katie must have been here yesterday, he decided, bending to sniff the blooms.  He carried his bag into the living room and placed it down on the sofa.  Taking a good look around, he noticed that nothing had changed – and that was just what he wanted to see.  He needed to be where things were familiar.  The stress of recent events at Hogwarts had caused the wolf to be very temperamental at the last full moon.  Being in his own space always relaxed him – comforted him.  No odd sounds…no odd smells…

Remus sniffed at the air.  _Well, there shouldn't be any odd smells.  But what the devil is that? _

He moved down the hall toward the study where the scent was stronger.  It smelled like perfume…_bad_ perfume.  Remus wondered if Katie had brought a potion into the house for some reason during one of her visits and accidentally spilled it on the carpet.  Upon opening the door to the study, Remus was overwhelmed with the stench of the foul cologne.  No, this was not from a potion…this was certainly a perfume of some sort.  His brows furrowed as he considered who could have been in his house that wore such an unpleasant fragrance.  Katie didn't wear perfume very often as she complained about the way the smell would mask the scents of some of the potions she made.  She needed to be able to smell her potions to decipher if they had been made correctly.  So it couldn't have been Katie.  _Mrs. Noyes?  No…her perfume had a very light, floral smell.  _There was no other way to describe the odor.  _This STINKS!_

Deciding that he couldn't stand it much longer, Remus opened a window in order to allow a breeze into the room, hoping it would help air out the vile stench.  He left the office door open and went to set up for his luncheon.  Hopefully, he would get rid of that smell by the afternoon.

After an hour or so, Remus had whipped up some sandwiches, a salad, and some fruit cocktail.  Not a fancy meal, but then he hadn't gone shopping for a while and was at the mercy of whatever Katie had left behind in his cabinets.  He set the table around the beautiful arrangement of flowers.  Grabbing up his bag, he went up the stairs to his bedroom where he unpacked a few things and fixed a few stray strands of his hair.  _Bangs are getting long.  I need a trim._  

He glanced down at his robes.  He was wearing the old ones he had taken to Hogwarts with him.  He had purchased new robes in Hogsmeade a while back and thought about wearing them now.  But upon consideration, he thought of Katie and how she would probably be wearing something simple to work in.  Potion brewing could get very messy and she never wanted to ruin good clothes.  It wouldn't be considerate of him to arrive all dressed up while she was in her usual robes.  She might get suspicious.  Giving his reflection a nod, Remus decided to just go and surprise her looking as he did.  After all, they were only friends.  It wasn't as if this were a romantic date.  It was simply two people catching up after being apart for a while.

But I wish it were more than that.

Heading down the stairs, Remus took a deep breath to see if the perfume scent was diminishing.  It was – and that pleased him.  Not wanting to wait any longer, he walked out the front door with a wide grin on his face.  Katie was only a short distance away.  

He would have to walk, as it really wasn't safe to Apparate around Muggles.  Mrs. Noyes' shop catered to Muggles as well at the magical community.  It was in the heart of the village, right smack in the middle of several other Muggle shops.  Mrs. Noyes lived in the flat just above the shop and Katie rented out the flat on the third floor.  The street was busy this morning as people were probably shopping for last minute items for their holiday gatherings.  Remus walked briskly up to the shop window that read "Apothecary" and peeked inside.  To his disappointment, he didn't see Katie.

Mrs. Noyes was helping a family Remus didn't recognize.  He entered the shop and stayed in the background waiting for her to finalize the purchase.  The shelves weren't as stocked as they normally were, but then with all the shoppers out and about today, Remus didn't think it unusual.  Shroedinger, Mrs. Noyes' cat, sat up on the top shelf peering curiously down at Remus.  This was the only cat that didn't hiss at him upon seeing him.  Animals instinctively _knew_ what Remus really was, and most took no time in showing him how much they didn't like him.  But Shroedinger never complained.  He would simply appraise Remus with the same wide-eyed gaze he always used, and, on rare occasions, would actually allow Remus to scratch his ears.   Most of the time, however, Shroedinger would just sit and stare.  

"Remus?" a startled voice said from behind him.  He turned around to see Mrs. Noyes happily coming around the counter toward him.  "I _thought_ that was you!"  She chuckled as she approached and gave him a very motherly hug.  "You are the very last person I expected to see today!"

"Thanks…I think…"

"Oh, pooh!  You know what I mean.  How have you been?  And just what brings you home and away from your work in the middle of the school year?"

"Easter.  Katie suggested I come for a visit over the holiday and I decided I'd take her up on the offer."

The pudgy witch's face lit up in delight.  "Oh, really?  Katie went upstairs for a second…why don't you go and get her?" She said it very carefully; as if something wasn't exactly what it seemed to be.

"Is something wrong?"

"No!" She forced an obvious smile.  "Of course nothing's wrong."

Remus wasn't fooled.  "Hasn't Katie been into work yet?  You seem fairly busy to be handling the shop all alone."

Returning to her place behind the counter, Mrs. Noyes said, "Well, she has been here all morning.  She just went upstairs for a while to take care of a small problem."  She was smiling broadly at him.  It wasn't unusual to see her smile, but with the tone of her voice Remus knew something was up.  She leaned over the counter slightly and said, "You know, I don't know how long she'll be up there.  Why don't you just run up there and surprise her?  I hate to have you sitting here for who knows how long."

Something wasn't right.  Mrs. Noyes was behaving very strangely.  "I think I'll just wait.  I don't want to barge in on her when she isn't…"

Mrs. Noyes eyes went wide.  "NONSENSE!  You wanted to surprise her, right?  Well, there is no time like the present!"

"Mrs. Noyes, something _is_ wrong.  Is Katie ill?"  Remus' heart quickened at the thought.

"No, heavens no.  She's just…busy."  She turned and asked another customer what they needed.  Remus waited quietly for Mrs. Noyes to come back and finish the conversation, but there was a steady stream of people coming in needing this and that.   

Making up his mind to get to the bottom of Mrs. Noyes' suspicious behavior, Remus went outside and climbed up the stairs to Katie's apartment.  He had only been in her flat a few times as he always felt he was intruding.  His fist came up to knock on the door and hesitated.  He pulled back his hand, thinking…_Maybe I should wait.  Seeing her in the shop is one thing.  Seeing her in her own home…well…that's quite different._  With a shake of his head, he told himself to just get it over with and rapped lightly on the door.  

A moment later, a very weary looking Katie opened the door slowly.  Immediately, her eyes lit up in total shock, her jaw dropped in surprise.  "REMUS!" Her smile made Remus want to melt.  "How ever…why…what are you doing here?" she asked happily.

"You invited me.  Remember?"

"Yes, but you never replied that you were coming."  The sound of a chair moving across the floor sounded from inside the room.  Katie looked quickly over her shoulder and then back at Remus. 

"Am I interrupting something?" Remus asked looking over Katie and into the apartment, trying to see what…or _who_ it was that made the sound.

"No…well…yes…sort of…it's nothing."  She smiled tensely.  

"Katie?  Who's there?"  That voice…Remus recognized that voice.  And it belonged to none other than Mr. Parson Parolles.

He came up behind her, looking questioningly at Remus.  Katie's eyes darted between the two men as she tried to keep a comfortable smile on her face.  "Parson, you remember Remus Lupin?"

"Ah yes, the chap with the garden.  You run deliveries for Mrs. Noyes."  He stretched out his hand and Remus took it in a firm, but not friendly handshake.

"Yes, I have a garden.  However, I do not work for Mrs. Noyes.  I ran an order out to your house once as a favor for her when she was very busy."

"Oh…well…"

There was an uncomfortable pause as the two men stared at each other with Katie standing between them.  Still keeping a smile, Katie said, "Ah…Parson…Remember I told you that Remus works at Hogwarts now.  He's the Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor."  There was a hint of pride in her voice that made Remus stand up a bit straighter.  

"Hogwarts…oh."  Parson didn't seem impressed.  "So, why are you here, then?"

**I **was invited, you slime!  Why are **you** here?  "Easter. I'm on a break for Easter and just thought that I would come home for a few days."  Remus caught the scent of something familiar…something very much like what he found at his house.  And the scent was coming from…Parson?  "Excuse me but, what is that smell?" 

Parson let out a hearty laugh and rested his hands on Katie's shoulders.  "Oh Katie-kins…it seems that I'm not the only one who thinks your ointment reeks!"

Katie-kins?  Did I just hear that correctly? 

"Remus, why don't you come on inside.  I'll explain everything." 

Remus moved his eyes from Katie to Parson and back to Katie.  He couldn't deny that the position in which they were standing was very…well they looked like a happy couple.  "No, you have company.  I don't want to intrude."

"NO!  It's no problem…_really_!"  Her gaze was very focused on Remus' eyes, telling him to _please_ come in and stay.

"All right."

Once inside the apartment, Remus took a seat in the chair opposite the couch, where Parson had positioned himself.  Remus noted that Katie seemed a bit hesitant when she sat down next to him on the couch, but there was no other option for her but to remain standing.  "Now then, the smell you are…er…smelling is…well it's a long story.  Parson is allergic to Shroedinger."

"And that cat just won't leave me alone!" Parson interrupted.  "I went to pick Katie-kins up for dinner last night and the cat decided to simply maul me over until I was all red and puffy in the face."

I knew I liked that cat!  

"Well, I certainly couldn't go out to dinner looking like a tomato.  So Katie went to get some ointment to treat the swelling.  Unfortunately, she was all out of the…what was it again?"

"Fenugreek.  Mrs. Noyes was all out, but I knew you had some in your garden, Remus.  So I took the rest of the ingredients needed to make the ointment over to your house."

"And you went along with her?" Remus asked Parson.

"Naturally.  You wouldn't expect me to stay in that little shop with all those dirty plants and that awful cat, now would you?"  He said it as a joke, but Remus could tell that Katie wasn't amused by the fact that Parson, in a way, was criticizing her work place.

"So, Parson waited in the study while I mixed up the ointment and…and…once I applied it…then we left."

Parson eyed Katie mischievously.  "Oh, I remember it playing out a bit differently, Katie-kins.  But I'll take my cue from you and leave it at that."

Remus felt a bit ill at the way Parson was looking Katie up and down.  Apparently, so did Katie.  "Anyway, Parson…" she turned to face him.  "I haven't seen Remus in months.  You'd understand if I broke our dinner appointment for this evening, wouldn't you?"

Parson looked vaguely surprised by this request, but he said, "No, of course not."  And then, rather purposefully, he added, "After all, I've had you to myself all this time.  I can spare one night without you."

If Remus hadn't been a gentleman he would have snickered and rolled his eyes.  Instead, he smiled and thanked Parson for being so accommodating in rearranging his schedule at the last minute.

Katie showed Parson to the door where he kissed her on the cheek.  Remus couldn't watch and averted his gaze, trying with all his might to keep the growing sense of jealousy in check.  Once the door closed, however, Remus turned to face Katie only to find her rushing at him with her arms extended.

"Oh, thank you!"  She crushed into him with an all-encompassing embrace.  Her arms went around him, taking Remus quite by surprise.  

He had never hugged Katie before this.  He had touched her shoulder or arm, and there was even once when they held hands for a moment, but never had he been _this_ close to Katie.  He closed his eyes and inhaled the fragrance of her beautiful hair.  Slowly, he allowed himself to wrap his arms around her.  Her head rested gently on his chest.  The embrace only lasted a few seconds in reality, but to Remus it was a moment of sheer perfection.

"I was positively desperate to get rid of him and had no idea how I was going to manage it without being completely rude," she admitted, bringing her chin upwards to try to look at his eyes.  Remus looked down at her at the same time.  Her face was very close to his.  Remus held his breath, wondering what would happen next.

She is so beautiful! 

Slowly, they broke apart.  Remus tried to slow his racing heart and focus his thoughts by taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly.  "I take it his visit was just as unexpected as mine?" he asked.

"Actually…no.  I asked him to come over here today.  I needed to talk to him about something, but he had other…intentions."

There was a pause as Remus pondered what she meant by that statement.  _Surely Parson didn't…well…maybe he would – but Katie would never…_

Katie clapped her hands together and smiled brightly at Remus.  "It doesn't matter.  You're here.  You saved me from what could have turned out to be a rather uncomfortable afternoon.  And…"  She began laughing softly as she ran a hand through her thick, brown hair.  "Why on earth didn't you tell me you were coming?"

"That's the whole idea behind a surprise."

Now she laughed openly.  _Her laugh is like music and I could listen to it all day.  _"So how long will you stay?"

"Just the weekend.  I told Dumbledore I would return Monday late afternoon or evening."  He hesitated before saying, "I had hoped you would join me for lunch today, but I saw how busy the shop was and I –"

"Remus Lupin!  I just told you I took time out to chat with Parson and now you think I won't make time for you?  Don't be silly.  Of course I'll have lunch with you.  I'll check in on Mrs. Noyes, and once the rush has died down I'm sure she'll just shoo us off!"  She rushed around him heading towards her bedroom.  "Just give me a moment to freshen up.  I have so much grime on me from this morning.  I won't be long,"

Katie disappeared behind the door leaving Remus alone in the living room.  He glanced around, taking in the detail of her home.  She had made the apartment very cozy and warm.  There were Muggle photographs of her parents on the wall.  She had a bookcase full of assorted volumes on potions and herbal remedies.  There was even a picture of Remus on one of the end tables.  Remus was delighted that she had one of him…but wondered how she got it, as he had never given one to her.

Then his gaze fell on the table – more specifically, the box sitting on the table.  It was a green and gold box that Remus recognized instantly as a Harrods box.  Harrods…which meant jewelry…expensive jewelry.  This must have been a gift to Katie from Parson.  _Who else would shop at a Muggle jewelry store?_  It was a large, flat box so at least Remus knew it wasn't a ring.  _Thank God!_  He knew it wasn't any of his business, but curiosity got the better of him.  He _had _to look.  Glancing over his shoulder at Katie's door, he checked to see that she wasn't ready yet.  Turning his attention back to the box, he picked it up and opened it slowly; careful not to upset whatever it was inside the box.

It was a necklace.  A gorgeous choker necklace trimmed in what looked like little chip diamonds.  Remus swallowed hard because he couldn't rightly tell if it was made of platinum…or silver.  _Well, there's only one way to find out.  _He brought his hand up to touch the necklace with his finger.  Behind him, he heard the door open and Katie walking towards him.    
  


"Ah…sorry.  I didn't mean to be nosy.  I just didn't know you had anything like this."

"I don't…well…I didn't.  Parson just gave it to me.  I was rather taken by surprise."

Remus looked down at the sparkling item with a heavy heart.  _So Parson DID give this to her.  How am I supposed to compete with this?_  "It's beautiful."

"If you like that sort of thing."  Her comment was not what he was expecting.  "Oh, I know that women are supposed to go mad for jewels.  But in all honesty, when would I ever wear this?  I might have one or two occasions in my entire life where such a thing would be appropriate.  And besides…" she took the box from Remus and snapped it shut.  "If he had really wanted to impress a girl, he would have gone with platinum.  It's a much stronger metal and infinitely more suitable for diamonds."

_That means it's pure silver.  Clever way for her to avoid actually mentioning that I can't touch it.  _

"Now," Katie said, raising her eyebrows, "I believe you promised me a lunch.  As I am getting rather hungry…"

Remus chuckled softly and offered her his arm.  She took it willingly.  

To be continued… 


	25. A Sirius Encounter

Return to Werewolf Essays

Return to Previous Chapter

_(AN: Sorry that it has been SO VERY long since I've updated this fic.  I've been busy working on a whole other fic that was supposed to be a little plot bunny and turned out to take me two months to dish out! LOL!  It's called "The Gift" and you can find it at The Werewolf Registry and FF.net if you are interested.  It's a humorous romantic thing involving a cursed sweater that Sirius gets as a birthday gift from his son.  _ _Anyhoo – as for this chapter, well, I had to give Remus a few more moments with Katie!  We'll be back at Hogwarts next chapter for the Quidditch Final and then onto the Shrieking Shack.  I've got about seven weeks to finish this up, so look for regular updates.  Thanks to Durayan for her idea on this chapter.  I can't tell you what it is cause that would spoil the fun.  Thanks to Thing1 for the mush at the end.  And a final thanks to JK for her excellent beta read.) _ A Sirius Encounter 

****

Remus sipped his tea as he gazed out the window at the garden.  It had truly been a peaceful two days vacation.  With all that was going on at school, it was so comforting to be in his own home in familiar surroundings.  He'd been delighted to see Katie again, as well, and rather touched that she'd been tending the garden so carefully in his absence.  It was absolutely breathtaking, for the flowers were in bloom and their soft scent filled the air with a delicious reminder of spring.  Remus drew a deep and satisfying breath.  Then, deciding that he should probably get _something_ done today, Remus turned away from the window reluctantly.  

Katie would be over later in the afternoon but there were a few things he needed to do before that time.  Even though it had been nice not having to think constantly about the situation with Sirius Black, Remus knew he needed to focus some effort and time into thinking about a possible plan for catching him.  And now that he had secured the Marauder's Map, it would be much simpler to do so, for if Sirius came even remotely close to the school his name would show up on the map plain as day.

Remus knew what needed to be done – he needed to focus on Sirius as a whole – his past, his personality, his strengths, his weaknesses.  The best way to do this, Remus decided, was to face him.  Of course Remus couldn't _really_ face Sirius, but he could at least _look_ at his face.   After Sirius had been sent to Azkaban, Remus had, in a fit of rage and despair, destroyed most of the pictures of his schoolmates.   But a few years ago, when he got a letter from Hagrid asking for pictures of James and Lily for a gift he was making for Harry, Remus found his mother's photo album and it was filled with pictures of himself and James and Peter…and Sirius.  Remus had considered very carefully what pictures he should send to Hagrid for Harry, and in the end decided that his parents' wedding picture was an important one that Harry deserved to have, even though Sirius was plainly displayed in the background.  Someday, Harry would know what role Sirius had played in his parents' deaths, and he deserved the chance to see for himself the man who'd destroyed his family.  Remus had sent the picture to Hagrid, along with several others.  

Remus went into his study and pulled out the old photo album filled with wizard pictures of his family from years past.  Not really looking forward to the unpleasant task before him, he paged slowly through the book, laughing at his young image playing with his parents, but he knew he was just delaying the inevitable.  He flipped to the latter portion of the book where there were a few photos from his days at Hogwarts.  He gazed at the pictures of the smiling faces and concentrated very hard on the dark haired, impish looking youth that was Sirius.  

The old questions came freely, for they were the questions Remus had asked many times.  But now, with Harry at risk, he felt a new sense of urgency.  If he could just understand…why did Sirius do this?  How did he succumb to Voldemort?  How did he manage to keep all of this a secret from the rest of them?  And then the even more important questions started coming to mind.  How was he getting into Hogwarts?  Was he in contact with Voldemort?  How could anyone stop him?

Suddenly, a clatter came from below.  It was a distant sound, but Remus had excellent hearing and knew instantly that it came from the cellar.  He waited a moment to hear if it would happen again and sure enough, his suspicion was confirmed; something was going on down there.  Closing the book, Remus got up and headed for the stairs down to the cellar, curious.   Perhaps a stray cat had wondered in? The clatter came a few more times and seemed to be growing stronger the closer Remus came to it.  Without hesitation, he descended the stairs to have a look at what was causing the commotion.

"Lumos," he muttered, taking out his wand.  The dark room lit up and Remus' breath caught in his throat.

It was Sirius.

Heart beginning to race, Remus took a few steps closer to the figure in the shadows.  What would he say?  What would he do?  Should he call for the Ministry to come and arrest Sirius?  Should he wait and hear what Sirius had to say?  It just made almost no sense to Remus that Sirius would even dare come here.  And for the first time in his life, Remus was afraid to actually see Sirius.

Sirius hardly even looked like the man Remus knew in his youth—the full, smiling face in all the pictures in his mother's album.  Sirius' face was gaunt and a haunted look filled his eyes.  His clothes were torn and ragged.  His hair hung about his face, adding to the frightening look of this one time friend. Neither spoke for a good long time.  They just stared at each other.  Then Remus decided to make the first move.  "Sirius," he said as calmly as he could.

"Remus," came the raspy reply.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to thank you."  His voice was low and piercing.  

"Thank me?  For what?"

"For leaving Hogwarts."

"Leaving?  I didn't quit if that's what you mean.  I'm only here – "

Sirius interrupted him with an eerie smile.  "Oh, I know you didn't quit.  But you did _leave_ for a few days and a few days was all I needed."

"I don't understand.  Needed for what?"

"To finish the job my Master was unable to accomplish."  The look on Sirius' face was sinister, sending a chill up Remus' spine.

"Harry.  You…no…you didn't…" Remus was at a loss for words.  Surly Sirius hadn't managed to reach Harry.   Not with Dumbledore there to protect him!

"I was worried that you would figure out a way to stop me, but to my pleasure, you kept my little secret and never told a soul that I was an unregistered Animagi.  So when I was able to determine that you – and half the school, might I add – was gone for the holiday…well…it was rather easy to reach Harry."

Remus shook his head.  "No, I don't believe you.  Dumbledore would never – "

"Dumbledore is no match for Voldemort!  Dumbledore places too much value on trust and kindness and honor!  Dumbledore trusted you and look where it got him!  Because you didn't want to admit to having betrayed his trust, I was able to finally put an end to the Potter line.  Ironic don't you think?"

Remus lunged towards him, whipping out his wand as he charged full of rage.  Sirius quickly held up a finger and said, "I wouldn't if I were you.  For it wasn't only Harry that I was able to reach."

Remus froze.  "What are you talking about?"

With a low laugh that mocked Remus, he said, "I'm talking about a certain female who has become the desired companion of one very careless werewolf."

Remus' heart skipped a beat.

"She's quite beautiful.  Does she know that you are a monster?"

Blood beginning to boil, Remus growled, "Shut up!"

"Come, come, Moony.  Is that any way to treat an old friend?"

"You are no friend of mine.  What did you do to Katie?"

"Nothing…yet.  She's perfectly safe for now.  But you see, I need your help in reaching my Master safely.  With all the commotion at Hogwarts, the ministry has doubled their efforts in searching for me.  So I come to you for safe passage out of the country.  Once I have joined my Master, I'll tell you where Katie is."

"Never!"

"Then I'm afraid she will die."

He couldn't hold back a moment longer.  With a rage he had never known before, Remus charged at Sirius.  He leapt into the air with a cry of anger.  "NOOOOO!" he shouted, but Sirius simply threw his head back and laughed – a dark, merciless laugh that Remus had never heard before.  

"REMUS!" Katie shouted from the stairs.  

Sirius shifted his attention from Remus and headed right at Katie.  As he did, he changed from his sinister form into that of a child.  The child held up an empty goblet and looked very pale.  He started choking and gasping for breath, all the time reaching out to Katie for help.

"_Riddikulus_!"she said with a flourish from her wand.  The child immediately began laughing and playing and frolicking about the room.  Katie grabbed up one of the many empty boxes from the corner and covered the child with it, hiding him from view.  

Remus panted from the other side of the cellar.  "It was a boggart?"

"Yes."

Closing his eyes, Remus shook his head.  "How could I have been so deceived?  I should have known."  He sat down on the floor looking defeated.

Katie walked over to him slowly.  "That's part of why boggarts are so frightening.  We're never certain what's real and what's not."

"It usually changes into the moon," Remus confessed.  "This is the first time that I can remember it not changing into the moon."

"That man…" Katie started, "That was Sirius Black, wasn't it?"

"Yes."  _Dear God – how do I explain this to her?_

"It's no wonder you're fearful of him right now.  An escaped murderer on the loose, breaking into Hogwarts.  You and the staff have been forced to deal with him all year."  

Remus kept his eyes downcast, not daring to look at her.  "Twice he's broken into the castle."  He rubbed his eyes.  "I just don't know how to stop him."

"Do you know what he wants?" asked Katie taking a seat on the steps.

"Most of the staff and the Ministry of Magic thinks he is after Harry – but I'm just not sure."

Katie thought for a moment. Shaking her head she said, "Poor Harry.  It must be difficult for one so young to have to deal with such things as he has had to."  Remus simply nodded in agreement.  "What is he like?" she asked.

Startled, Remus looked up at her.  "Harry?" With a small chuckle, and without thinking, he quickly said, "He's very much like his father."  

Katie stared back at him as he realized exactly what he had said.  Carelessly, he had opened the door to a discussion about James, and Katie was certain to pick up on it.  "Did you know Harry's father very well?"

With a sigh Remus said, "Yes.  He was a very dear friend."

"And Sirius Black?" she asked hesitantly.  "Did you know him as well?"

"No," he said with shortness to his voice that was unusual.  "If I had known Sirius, I would have seen through his charade and possibly stopped him from doing what he did to my friends."

Katie placed a hand on Remus' shoulder.  "Oh, Remus.  You don't believe that what happened all those years ago is your fault?"

"Isn't it?"

She looked at him with sadness in her eyes.  "Remus – no."

"Anyway, it doesn't really matter anymore.  It's in the past – and you can't change the past."  He ran a hand through his hair and stood up.  "But I most certainly can do something now to avoid history repeating itself."  With a new determination, Remus ascended the stairs and headed back into his study.

***

Katie came around the corner from the kitchen to find Remus looking out the window, his suitcase on the floor next to him.  He could feel her eyes on him even though he had his back to her.  _Leaving once was hard enough.  But leaving twice – God give me strength!_

She took a few tentative steps closer to him.  "You're off again, are you?" 

"Yes," he said over his shoulder.  

"I hope all goes well with your exams."

Remus turned around to find her smiling at him.  He chuckled at the comment.  Katie had planted a rather interesting suggestion in his mind the other day about how to go about testing his students.  Since each class had to prove they could actually perform certain spells and manage their way around various obstacles, she suggested that Remus throw everything he could at them and see how they manage from task to task.

"I'm sure it will be the most unusual test the students have ever taken.  Thank you for suggesting it."

"My pleasure."  They stood quietly for a moment in the uncomfortable silence.  Nervously Katie asked, "Will you be home over the summer?"  Her tone changed to that of a tease.  "Or will I be forced to tend to your garden in the heat by myself?"

He smiled.  "I'm hoping to be home over the summer, yes.  It all depends on whether I'm invited back next year or not."

"I'm positive Dumbledore will ask you to return.   Why would he not?"

_Maybe because I've been deceiving him in the most unprofessional way for many years.  _"We'll see.  I hope he asks me to stay on as I'm rather fond of the students."

Again a silence fell over them.  Not wanting to delay the inevitable any longer, Remus clapped his hands together and said, "Well, I'd best get going."

Katie nodded.  She stepped closer to him and slowly wrapped her arms around him to give him a hug good-bye.  Remus embraced her in return and hoped that she couldn't feel his heart pounding away in his chest, for simply being close to her was almost more than he could bear.  

She pulled back from him and very carefully went up on her tiptoes so her face could reach his.  Gently, she placed a kiss on his cheek sending a shiver throughout Remus' body.  Her lips lingered against his skin and Remus felt it was the nearest to heaven he would ever reach.  Slowly she pulled away, bringing her eyes to meet his in a tender moment.  Her face was so very close to his that Remus felt as if he might explode if he didn't kiss her.  His nose brushed up against hers and he closed his eyes imagining what it must feel like to taste her mouth against his.  His pulse was rapidly reaching a point where he found it difficult to resist her.  

_If I don't leave now, then I don't think I ever will.  As much as I want this to happen, I cannot allow it to.  She needs so much more than what I can give her.  _

"I have to go," he said in a whisper.  

"I know," she said, still holding onto him.

Remus brought his hands up to her shoulders and gently pushed her away from him.  He could see that she was fighting back tears in her beautiful dark eyes.  Unable to stand the thought of Katie in tears, Remus gave a smile and ran his hand down the side of her face.  "Look at it this way, with me out of the way you'll have plenty of time plant all of my flowers for fall."

She laughed and shook her head at him.  "I expect you to come and do that yourself!  What do I look like?  Your personal gardener?"

"No, you look like my dear friend."

After another pause, Remus bent down to pick up his suitcase.  He gave her another smile and nod and said, "I'll see you at the end of term."  Before he lost his will power, he Apparated back into Hogsmeade.

_To be continued…._

Continue to Next Chapter

Return to Main Map

Post a Review at Snape's Grade


	26. The Quidditch Final

Return to Werewolf Essays

Return to Previous Chapter

_(AN: Thanks to Durayan and JK for the beta on this one.  Only a few more chapters to go!)_

The Quidditch Final 

****

Upon returning to Hogwarts, Remus knew part of his job from now on would be Harry's protection.  What he didn't know was that Harry wasn't in immediate danger from Sirius Black, but rather from the Slytherin Quidditch team.  They pulled many a prank on Harry and the rest of his team in an effort to advance their chances of winning.  Marveling at the ingenuity of some of the pranks, Remus had to keep a close eye out for any attempt to injure Harry.  

There was a long-standing rivalry between Slytherin and Gryffindor.  It was no secret that these two houses were opposites of each other and to match them up in the Quidditch final always brought the school to a near stand still.  But this year the stakes were even higher.  Remus could remember several times in his own youth when a Quidditch match brought about excitement and even volatile behavior, but he couldn't ever remember it being like _this_!  The week leading up to the match was indescribable – almost as if both teams were preparing for war.

Harry was taking the brunt of the attempted damage from the Slytherins.  They tried every chance they got to take him out of the game.  But to Remus' pleasure, other Gryffindor students constantly surrounded Harry wherever he went.  He didn't look too pleased about this as it was an invasion of privacy, but Remus was certain that Harry knew it was for his own good.  It was simply an act of over-protection on the part of his housemates.

The tension over the match wasn't limited to just the students, either.  Snape had become overly smug about Slytherin's chances to win the Quidditch cup when it was pointed out that Gryffindor could only win the cup if they won the final match by at least 50 points.  He took great pride in the fact that the players on the Slytherin team were ever so much larger than the players on the Gryffindor team, so they were sure to win.  Under her breath one night at dinner, Professor McGonagall pointed out to Remus that even though the Slytherin team was larger in size, that didn't make them more talented than the Gryffindor team.

Remus tried to stay out of it.  After all, it really wasn't fair for teachers to play favorites or root for one house over the other.  But that didn't stop him from wishing with all his might that Gryffindor would indeed win this match and win the cup as well.  It had been so long since they had won and, after the year Harry had been though, he knew it would do the boy's heart good to win this one!  

The night before the match, the Great Hall was bustling with excitement and anticipation for the upcoming match.  Even students from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff were slapping the Gryffindor team on their backs and wishing them luck.  It looked as if no one but those in Slytherin were going to cheer for the Slytherin team to win.  Insults were thrown back and forth and vicious sneers and stares were shot across the Hall.  The teachers up at the staff table tried to keep the peace, but eventually Flitwick suggested that they send all the students off to their own common rooms before things got really out of hand.  

About an hour later, when the staff was sure that all students were tucked away in their proper houses, they decided to take action to ensure a safe and relatively fair match the next day.  Knowing the cunning abilities of the Slytherin students, not to mention Gryffindor House's desire to win the Quidditch cup and put an end to the reign of the Snake, Madam Hooch suggested that some of the teachers take turns watching the grounds overnight just in case someone was tempted to sneak out and place a curse on the Quidditch pitch.  McGonagall offered to take the first shift, Remus volunteered for the second, and Hagrid said he would take the final watch.  Satisfied that the playing grounds would be well guarded, Madam Hooch and the rest of the staff retired for the evening, hoping to get some sleep but feeling just as nervous and excited as the students.  

Remus lingered in his room for the few hours before his shift was to start with the hope of getting a little sleep, but he simply couldn't.  The idea of possibly watching Harry and his team win the Quidditch Cup was just too exciting.  He felt nervous and tense even though he would only be watching, and he had a rather large knot in the pit of his stomach.  It was the same feeling he had in his stomach the night before the Quidditch Final in his seventh year.

James and Sirius both played on the house team for a few years.  The team had always been good, but they had never managed to win the Cup.  On the Hogwarts Express in their last year, James swore to them all that _this_ would be the year.  Remus could hear James' voice in his head, making the promise he would fulfill at the end of the year.  

_"I mean it, Sirius.  We are going to win this year or we will die trying!"_

_Peter chimed in rather quietly.  "Don't you think you should rephrase that?  Think about what happened last year."_

_"Come off it," Sirius sighed.  "You think that was the first time anyone's been injured in a Quidditch match?  That injury was minor compared to some."_

_"I wouldn't call a fractured skull, a broken arm, and broken ribs minor," Peter said._

_"Nor would I," agreed James.  "But at least we won that game!"  _

_Sirius and James exchanged punches and laughed heartily until Remus pointed out the fact they were forgetting.  "Yes, you won the game…but with James in the hospital wing for as long as he was, you lost the next game and were disqualified from playing in the final."_

_Sirius shook his head.  "Now why did you have to go and bring that up?"_

_"Yeah, Moony," said James.  "Besides, I promise that I'll save all major injuries for the final game.  AND I promise to win that game if it's the last thing I do!"_

Remus smiled to himself.  They did in fact win that game and win the Quidditch Cup – and they managed to do it without any real injuries.  It was later on that night that the trouble came when Filch caught them all out of bounds and took the map from them.  

His eyes shifted over to his desk where the map lay.  He hadn't looked at it since he'd been back from the Easter holiday.  There would be a great crowd outside tomorrow and not too many people would be paying much attention to the actual castle.  Thinking it would be an obvious opportunity for someone to try to break into the castle, Remus headed over to the desk ready to have a look and see if Sirius was anywhere near.  But then the thought struck him that if Harry was Sirius' target, it wouldn't do Sirius much good to break into the castle when Harry would be out on the Quidditch Pitch.  Remus ran his fingertips over the blank parchment and opted not to worry with the map tonight.  He glanced at the clock and realized that it was nearly his turn outside at the pitch.  

The night air was cool and crisp and Remus was glad he had worn his cloak.  He found Professor McGonagall by the entrance to the Pitch.  After a long yawn, she thanked him for taking over and headed back towards the castle in the dark of night.

Without even thinking about it, Remus glanced up at the moon. _Waning crescent._  It was a habit of his.  After all, the moon was very hard to resist looking at – especially on a night like tonight.  It was a peaceful night with no real wind.  The trees were all calm and the sounds of crickets and other nighttime creatures filled the other wise silence of the dark.  Closing his eyes, taking in the fresh, spring scent of the night, he leaned back against the wall surrounding the stadium.

A crackling of leaves off in the distance brought Remus out of his calm state and he glanced around to see what had caused the noise.  It was quiet for a moment, but he kept his eyes wide open hoping to catch whoever or whatever it was that made the sound.  Then he heard it again.  His head whipped around to catch sight of something wending its way through the trees.  He couldn't quite make out what it was but he was certain it wasn't human.    Remus drew out his wand and muttered, _"Lumos!" _He aimed the narrow beam of light into the trees.  A pair of pale eyes caught the glow, and stared back at him for a moment, before vanishing suddenly.   _It's not possible…_

Remus doused his wand and moved with inhuman stealth towards the edge of the trees where he'd seen the animal.   There.  A movement in the brush…

"Padfoot?" he muttered hoarsely, cutting into the quiet.

The animal darted away at the sound of Remus' voice.  Remus advanced quickly, lighting the wand again, searching.  There.  Those eyes…Padfoot's eyes…He pushed aside an over grown bush and rounded one of the larger trees to come to a stop at a fallen log.  Hiding in a dug out hole under part of the log was the animal.  Much to Remus' surprise, it was not a dog, but a cat.  A fat, ginger cat with a squished up face and piercing yellow eyes.  The cat stared up at Remus and flicked his bushy tail around as if to tease Remus.  

Confused, he tried to work out exactly what he had just seen.   _A cat…it was just a cat.  Not a dog.  Not Padfoot.  He can't possibly manage magic like that, not after 12 years in Azkaban. _Remus drew a shuddering breath.  Clearly, the encounter with the boggart over Easter had done a number on him.   He rubbed at his eyes and shook his head.  

_I'm losing my mind!  I've let my imagination run away and now my eyes are playing tricks on me.  It was dark.  And I haven't slept tonight.  Let the cat alone._

Turning his back on the cat, Remus strode back over to the Quidditch Pitch and waited out the rest of his shift convinced that he was letting his imagination get the better of him.  Not only that, but his eye lids were getting very heavy from a lack of sleep.  It came as a relief when Hagrid and Fang appeared a few hours later to relieve him of his post.  

"Everythin' go all right?" Hagrid asked with a yawn.

"Just fine, thank you.  Nothing out of the ordinary."  Smiling, Remus wasn't sure who he was trying to convince – Hagrid or himself.

"Well, I'll be takin' over then."

Remus noted that Hagrid didn't seem his cheerful self but he hesitated asking him about it.  "I'm sure you'll have no problems." Turning to leave, Remus heard Hagrid give a mighty sniff.  He glanced over his shoulder at the giant and saw that he was wiping a tear away from his eyes.  Then Remus realized what must be wrong.  "Before I go I just wanted to know how everything turned out with your hippogriff."  

"Not well at all," Hagrid sobbed.  "I tried my best, but them Committee folks'll do jus' about anythin' Lucius Malfoy tells 'em to."

"I'm so sorry, Hagrid.  Really I am.  What is to become of the animal?"

He took out what appeared to be a small tablecloth and blew his nose into it.  "Buckbeak's t' be executed before term is up."

Remus shook his head in sorrow.  "Is there anything I can do?"

"No…there's nothin' anyone can do.  But it's nice o' yeh t' ask."

Remus gave Fang a pat on the head and began his walk back up to the castle.  He truly did feel badly for Hagrid and his hippogriff.  A nagging thought crept into his mind when he pondered what Hagrid had said.  The execution would take place by the end of term, which meant that an executioner would be coming to Hogwarts at some point.  A shiver passed through his body at the thought, but he brushed it away as he entered the castle and headed for his chamber.

***

The weather for the Quidditch Final was near perfection.  Remus arrived in the stands early in order to get a good seat.  He was glad he did so, for the seats were soon filled with shouting students most of whom were waving scarlet and gold pennants.  Only a fourth of the spectators sported Slytherin green and silver.  Remus himself had found a Gryffindor rosette and pinned it to his robe.

Once the players took to the field, the roar in the stadium was deafening.  Lee Jordon's voice could barley be heard over the cheers and shouts from the crowd.  When Madam Hooch signaled for the two team captains to shake hands, the sound died down a bit but came back to full volume once she blew her whistle.

The game was fast and furious.  The Slytherins pulled every trick in the book to try and stop the Gryffindor team from scoring, but the Gryffindors fought back and took an early lead.  Slytherin managed to score but it was only through foul play near cheating.  It was absolutely the dirtiest game of Quidditch Remus had ever seen.  

Dirty tactics aside, Harry was amazing to behold.  Most of the crowd was drawn to watch him on his new Firebolt, but Remus knew that it still took real talent to fly as well as Harry could.  He whipped around the field so quickly that it was quite difficult to follow him at times.  No, it isn't the broom that is impressive, Remus thought.  It's the person flying it.

As the game advanced, the tricks pulled by the Slytherin team grew worse.  Malfoy was giving Harry quite a time with the Snitch and even managed to stop him from catching it by holding the back of the Firebolt until the Snitch flew off.  After that, Harry marked Malfoy as closely as he could, but yet still managed to pay attention to the rest of the game. Upon noticing that Angelina Johnson was in danger of being blocked by the entire Slytherin team, Harry dashed off to help her causing the Slytherins to scatter and leaving Angelina in the clear to score.

The crowd cheered, but then froze as everyone, including Harry, noticed Malfoy chasing after the Snitch.  Harry zoomed like lightning to catch up.  He gained on Malfoy as the entire stadium held its breath.  Would he catch up?  Would he get to the Snitch before Malfoy?  Harry threw himself forward into the dive and wrapped his fingers around the tiny gold ball.

An eruption of joy boomed from the stands as Gryffindor students began chanting "WE WON THE CUP!"  Remus laughed and applauded along with the rest of the bystanders, in total amazement of Harry and his magnificent win.  Down on the field, Harry and the rest of his team were lifted onto the shoulders of the crowd and carried over to Professor Dumbledore who presented them with the Quidditch Cup.

_"Look at that dive!  Just look!  That is genuine talent, Harry."_

_Remus approached the door to the nursery in puzzlement.  Whatever James was doing in there was certain to be interesting.  _

_"James?" Remus asked with a light rap on the door._

_"Come on in.  I was just putting up a few posters for Harry."_

_"A few?"  In fact, James had put up about a dozen posters - all of his favorite Quidditch players performing their best moves.  " Good grief, James.  The boy isn't even a month old yet.  You really think he has an interest in Quidditch already?"_

_"Of course he does!  What boy doesn't?"_

_"James, Harry is only interested in eating, sleeping, and getting his nappies changed!"_

_"Well, believe what you want, Remus, but babies are very susceptible to suggestion.  If I can teach him about Quidditch early, then the chance that he'll be a great player increases.  Take Hamish MacFarlan here.  In his autobiography, he was quoted as saying that he remembers flying long before he remembers walking.  And he said he owed it mostly to his father."_

_"So you want Harry to fly before he walks?"_

_"YES!  I want Harry to be the best damn Quidditch player that has ever lived!  He'll be the captain of his team at Hogwarts.  He'll win the Cup every year.  He'll have offers from every team in Britain.  Mark my words, Remus, you are standing in the presence of greatness here!"  James pick up his tiny son and showed him off to Remus.  "You tell him, Harry.  Tell him that someday he'll sit in the stands and watch you win the Quidditch Cup.  Tell him that you will be the greatest player that ever lived!"_

_"Don't you think you're pressing your own hopes and desires on the boy?  I mean, what if Harry doesn't want to play Quidditch.   What if he's interested in art or science?"_

_"That will be all right.  I want him to be intelligent and do well in school.  But I tell you Remus, I just feel it.  I can see it in the way he looks at these posters.  He'll be the best player around."_

_"And what position will he play?"_

_"Doesn't matter!  He'll be so talented that he can take his pick of which position he'd like to play."_

_Remus laughed.  "Oh, James!  You really have it bad for this kid!"_

_"Well, he does kind of have me wrapped around his finger now, doesn't he?"_

_"Yes he does.  And that's exactly the way it should be."_

Remus couldn't take his eyes off of the sight of Harry beaming with pride and joy over his team's victory.  Harry held the Cup high into the air and chanted with the rest of the crowd, "WE'RE NUMBER ONE!"  _Oh James, if only you could see this!_

Continue to Next Chapter

Return to Main Map

Post a Review at Snape's Grade


	27. Old Acquaintances Return

_AN:  I know I promised to have this fic done by August, but the baby came early and ruined that plan!  In case you didn't hear, my son was born on July 31…and no, I'm not kidding.  He's an honest to God HP baby!  So I'm sorry about the delay, but I hope you all can understand._

Many thanks again to Durayan for spurring me on and alpha reading my fic.  And thanks to JK for the beta read.  Thanks to my readers for actually sticking with me this long.  And lastly, thanks to all the wolves at the Werewolf Registry for one year of howling good fun!  You ROX!

Old Acquaintances Return 

The excitement from the Quidditch final lasted for several days with all of Gryffindor House, even those that weren't on the house team, being applauded for ending the Slytherin reign on the Quidditch Cup.  A slight commotion would erupt every now and then at meal times in the Great Hall, but after a few days of general excitement, emotions began to return to normal.  

Once the euphoria of the moment passed, reality set in that the end of term was near.  June brought warm weather, along with the longing for lazy days beside the lake.  However, as much as everyone wanted to just lounge around, there was loads work to be done.  Students weren't the only ones with great responsibilities, as teachers were busy planning for exams and marking reports.

Remus began preparations for his own final exams by making lists of all the spells and defense techniques he had introduced to each class this year.    It was his intention to test the students in a way that would allow them to prove how well they mastered their lessons.    Being able to recite spells from memory or discuss techniques on parchment was the easy way out, and did nothing to test the students' abilities to defend themselves under pressure.  These students needed to demonstrate that they could perform the task at hand.  Naturally, the sixth and seventh years would have the most difficult course to overcome, but the third and fourth years weren't going to have an easy time either.  

But there were other things plaguing Remus' thoughts.  First off, Hagrid's hippogriff was scheduled for an appeal at the very end of the term.  Since the Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures would be sending an executioner to the appeal, it was almost certain that Buckbeak would be killed.  It bothered Remus greatly to know that an executioner would be on Hogwarts grounds.  It wasn't just for Buckbeak that Remus felt concern, but also for himself.  He had lived his whole life with a nagging fear of the Committee, and their hatchet happy minions, and tried to maintain a good distance from anyone who worked for them.

Another item of concern for Remus was the vision of the large black dog he thought he had seen in the forest.  He had replayed the moment over and over again in his mind, trying to convince himself that indeed it was his mind playing tricks on him, but he just couldn't.  The more he thought about it, the more worried he grew that he had indeed seen Sirius in his Animagus form.  His only comfort was that if it had really been Sirius, another break-in would surely have been attempted.  However, with the work load Remus had currently he really had very little time to focus on anything but the exams and getting his final grades posted. 

The week of the final exams was more stressful than Remus thought it would be.  He, of course, remembered being under pressure as a student, but he didn't expect to feel that same pressure as a teacher.  His nervousness stemmed from the longing to have each of the students perform well on his or her tests.  Not only that, but the moon would be full at the end of the week and that meant that Remus would be in less than top form himself, as always this close to a transformation.  But the tests couldn't be postponed or avoided.  Remus would simply have to grin and bear it.

In all, the tests went well.  It looked as if all of the seventh years would pass their N.E.W.T.s in Defense.  One of the fifth years, Miranda Hawk, got a perfect score on her O.W.L.s, which pleased Remus exceedingly.  However, there were a few minor problems along the way.  First year student, Adam Waddling, couldn't remember the spell for disarming his attacker and ended up in the hospital wing with a broken arm.  And in his last test of the year, Hermione Granger lost her fight with the boggart, which surprised Remus greatly as Hermione seldom failed at anything.  

Once all the third year students had taken the exam, Remus headed to the staff room for a break and a bit of quiet.  He wanted to clear his head before he set about marking the last of his exams.  As he rounded the corner and headed for the staff room, he could make out four people walking towards him.  Two he recognized instantly as Professor Dumbledore and Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic.  Dumbledore called out to him as they drew closer.  

"Professor Lupin, just the man we were talking about.  What a coincidence."  Dumbledore smiled.

"Headmaster," Remus said with a nod, "can I help you with something?"

"Indeed you can.  Cornelius was just asking me about the security of the castle and the other precautions we have set up to help guard against any more break-ins."

Fudge puffed out his chest importantly.  "Many people at the Ministry have been worried about the safety of the students.  I need to assure them that everything is under control."

Remus glanced at the other two men standing behind the Minister and the Headmaster.  Remus didn't recognize the younger one, but the elderly gentleman seemed very familiar.  He pulled his focus back to the conversation.  "There has been no sign of Sirius Black since the last break-in.  With the term being so close to its' end, I don't think we have anything to worry about." 

"Very good, very good indeed," Fudge said with a curt nod.  "At least that's some good news today.  After all, we will have an unpleasant task to perform this evening."

"What task is that?" questioned Remus.

"Unfortunately, we are here to er…take care of a certain hippogriff that injured a student earlier this year."

With a sharp intake of breath Remus realized just how he knew the older man.  "You're from the Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures," he said gravely, looking at the elderly wizard.

"Yes, they are," said Fudge.  "Allow me to introduce you to Walden McNair, our executioner and Randolph Eblin, our committee representative.  McNair, Eblin, this is Remus Lupin."

Hesitantly, Remus extended his hand to shake the feeble, wrinkled hand being offered him.  "Good day," he said looking deeply into the brown eyes of the old man.

"Lupin, did you say?" the man asked curiously.

"Yes, Remus Lupin," Remus said slowly.  Eblin's tired eyes widened in recognition, as he looked Remus up and down.  There was a silence that hung in the air for a moment.

"Have you two met before?" Fudge asked.

"Yes, we have," explained Remus.  "But it was a very long time ago."

"Ah.  Well then, you two can catch up for a moment while the Headmaster and I go over the procedure for this evening with McNair.  Shall we use the staff room?"

"That would be acceptable," said Dumbledore gesturing for the men to enter the room.

Remus kept eye contact with Eblin, not knowing what to say.  It was Eblin who spoke first by asking, "You're the werewolf involved in that…incident… all those years ago?"

"Yes."

"If memory serves me correctly, it was Sirius Black that took most of the blame for the incident."

"Yes."

Eblin shook his head with a small smile.  "We all thought _you_ were the dangerous one.  We should have seen Black for what he was.  But look at you now – a Hogwarts teacher!"  Remus swallowed hard as Eblin sized him up once more.  "I would think you would be teaching Care of Magical Creatures, but I already know that Hagrid has filled that position.  What do you teach?"

"Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"My my…quite impressive.  To think that you were so very close to being executed and now you hold a position that many witches and wizards aspire to.   You should be proud."

"Thank you, sir, but I don't deserve such praise."

"Nonsense," he said with a stern look in his eyes.  "You of all people should know how difficult it is for an accused creature to achieve a verdict in their favor.  You are one of the lucky ones."  He cast his eyes downward and sighed, "You are one of the few, I'm afraid."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Over the last ten years or so I have begun to rethink my position on many of the cases.  I fear that often times we have been too harsh and have cast an unfair judgment.  Even now, with this execution, I have to wonder if we're doing the right thing."

Puzzled Remus asked, "Then why do you stay with the Committee?  Why not leave?"

Eblin chuckled.  "Because, my dear boy, someone has to fill my position.  Better it be I than someone else who might be a crueler judge.  My opinion does hold some weight still.  Perhaps, if I feel strongly about the beast, I might persuade the others to settle on a ruling that doesn't involve killing the creature."

Remus smiled at the man with a new respect.  His opinion might not have saved Buckbeak, but it might save some other creature in the future.  "Well," sighed the old man, "I better join them in the staff room.  McNair has a tendency to make executions more painful than they should be.  I'll need to look over his plans."

"Yes, of course."  As Eblin opened the door Remus stopped him and said, "Thank you.  It was good to make your acquaintance again."

"Likewise," he said with an honest smile before disappearing into the staff room.  

***

Remus spent the remainder of the day in his office.  He kept himself busy marking exams and talking to the occasional student or teacher who passed by.  He had hardly noticed that evening was upon him and it was time for dinner.  If it hadn't been for a rumble from his stomach, he might have missed dinner altogether.  Setting his work aside, he headed down to the Great Hall to take his meal with the rest of the staff.  

The noise level in the Great Hall was above normal, which could be expected as students were celebrating the end of the exams.  Remus took a seat next to Professor Flitwick and soon the two men were busy comparing notes on how well the students did throughout the year.  Remus explained how very pleased he had been in Neville Longbottom's progress stating that he was his most improved student.  Flitwick was very pleased with Brendan Reed, a first year who showed great talent in Charms in spite of his Muggle up bringing.  

In the middle of the conversation, Remus paused to look out at the students and saw something quite peculiar.  Harry was sitting all slumped over with one arm crossed over his stomach as if he were hiding something.  Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley sat with him, looking anxious.  They would whisper every now and then and glance around to see if anyone was watching them.  They were up to something; Remus just knew it.  And he had a fairly good idea just what they were going to try to do, too.

Slowly, the students finished eating and left the Great Hall.  Remus took his time in leaving, as he wanted to watch Harry and his friends in order to confirm if his suspicions were correct.  He watched as they slipped out of the hall and headed for the entryway.  Following them, Remus was careful that they wouldn't spot him. Sure enough, he saw them sneak into an empty chamber just off the entrance hall where he was certain they would wait for the coast to be clear before emerging.

Determined to see what the three of them were up to, Remus headed for his office.  The Marauder's Map was tucked away in his desk drawer.  If his suspicions were correct, Harry and his friends would soon be seen heading for Hagrid's hut.   

Reaching his office as quickly as he could, Remus opened his drawer, pulled out the blank parchment, and pointed his wand at it.  "I solemnly swear I am up to no good."  The lines of the map appeared and Remus watched as three dots wandered to what was the edge of the map.  Hagrid's hut was just far enough away from the castle that it didn't appear on the map.  But Remus knew that there was nowhere else they could be going.  

He looked the map over and spotted Fudge, Dumbledore, McNair, and Eblin in Dumbledore's office.  Hopefully, Harry, Ron, and Hermione would be smart enough to leave Hagrid's hut before the execution party showed up.  They would certainly get into trouble for being out of bounds if they were seen on the grounds this late in the evening.  Then a thought struck Remus.  Maybe they wouldn't be seen.  After all, Harry had use of James' invisibility cloak.  It would certainly be useful to three students who didn't want to get caught breaking the rules.

Remus watched the map patiently.  His eyes followed several students from room to room as he waited for Harry and his friends to return to the castle.  After a few minutes, he heard voices out in the hallway.  

"He'll probably break out into a flood of tears.  Wish I could be there to see it."  

Remus didn't' need to look at the map to know to whom the voice belonged.  Walking over to the door Remus could hear the boy laughing and teasing with his friends.  When Remus looked down the hall, Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle had already passed his doorway, so he called out to them.   

"Excuse me, Mr. Malfoy."  Draco jumped and turned around, startled.  "Might I enquire as to what you find so humorous?"

Draco pursed his lips together in obvious thought.  "We were talking about a fellow we know that er…didn't study for his exams."

It was a bold faced lie and Remus knew it.  "Is that so?  And you think his failure is something to laugh about?"

Draco didn't have a reply for that one.  His eyes fell to the floor, not in shame for laughing at someone, but in shame of being caught.  

"I think it would be best of you all returned to your common room now.  After all, it is growing late."  That much was certain.  Students weren't supposed to be out in the hallways after dinner.  Remus wasn't sure what these three were up to nor was he sure he really wanted to know.  

"Yes, sir.  We'll be going right away," Draco said.  Remus nodded and the students began walking away.  Remus could just make out their conversation at the end of the hall.  

"That was close," said Goyle.

"Yeah, he could have taken away points or given us detention for being out of bounds," replied Crabbe.

"I know.  Professor Lupin is odd that way," Draco said, glancing over his shoulder at Remus.  "Let's hurry before he changes his mind."

Remus waited until the boys were out of sight and then returned to his desk.  He casually looked down at the map and gasped.  The execution party was leaving the castle and heading for Hagrid's.  Remus looked at the edge of the map but didn't see any sign of Harry, Ron, or Hermione.  His eyes darted from the group of dots representing the execution party and back to the edge as he waited for Harry and his friends to appear.  It only took a moment, but it seemed like an eternity.  Remus breathed a sigh of relief as Harry's dot appeared with the others and began moving toward the castle.  

But before he had a real chance to relax, something else caught his eye.  There were three dots with Harry instead of two.  "Ron Weasley" and "Hermione Granger" were with him, but there was also another dot – a dot that shouldn't have been there – a dot belonging to a dead man.  Right next to the dot labeled "Ron Weasley" was a dot labeled…

"_Peter Pettigrew_?" Remus said out loud to himself.  "How in the world…?"  It was impossible but there was no denying it.  Remus ran a hand through his hair in thought, never taking his eyes off of the dot.

His brain began to run through a series of possibilities.  _Perhaps the map is malfunctioning.  After all, Peter has been dead for twelve years.  How could he be out on the Hogwarts grounds?  Even if he were a ghost, we certainly would have seen something from him by now.  No…it can't be a ghost…but then who could it be?  _

Remus didn't quite understand what was going on with the three students, but he could tell that Ron was now chasing after the unexplainable figure of "Peter Pettigrew."  _He must be trying to get away from them.  What the devil is going on?_  Then another dot joined the group.  "Crookshanks", as the map pointed out, must be some kind of an animal.

An animal!  That's it!  That's not Peter Pettigrew out there with Harry!  It's WORMTAIL!  But even still…

With his heart racing Remus stared wide-eyed as another dot bounded towards the group.  The sight of this dot sent a chill up Remus' spine, for this dot was labeled "Sirius Black".

"Good God."

Remus couldn't believe his eyes.  He shook his head in disbelief but never once looked away from the map.  It looked as if a struggle between all the figures was going on.  Sirius seemed to be focused on Ron and Peter mainly and eventually managed to separate them from Harry and Hermione.  "He must be dragging them," Remus said under his breath as he watched Sirius, Peter, and Ron head for the Whomping Willow.

Remus gasped.  "He's taking them to the Shrieking Shack!"

Sure enough, Sirius managed to get Ron and Peter into the underground tunnel.  Harry and Hermione were left behind, but not for long.  The animal that was with them soon found his way into the tunnel and Harry and Hermione followed behind.  

Remus took a step back from the desk, still trying to get a grasp on what he was seeing.  He quickly thought over the events of the past year.  _The message on the blackboard…"Peter is Here"…and Sirius didn't attack Harry, he attacked Ron…_

_Oh hell!  Sirius hasn't been after Harry!  He's been after Peter this whole time.  Peter was never dead.  And I would guess he's been here the whole time, living as a rat!  _

He looked back at the map to see the dots for "Harry Potter", "Hermione Granger", and "Crookshanks" vanish off the edge of the map.  They would soon be in the shack with Sirius and Peter - and there was no telling what Sirius was going to do to any of them.  Without another thought, Remus darted out of the office and raced down the corridor.  He had to get out there before…before…

_Before what? Would Sirius try to kill Peter?  After all, he tried to kill him once before.  It just doesn't make sense!  I have to stop him!_


	28. At the Shrieking Shack

(AN:  Lots of thanks go out to Durayan, Alkari, and Mincot for this one.  It's been so long since I've er…_played_ with Remus that it seems I have lost a bit of my feel for him.  This is the part everyone was waiting for, but yet it is the part I was lest looking forward to writing.  So very much of this is actual text lifted form PoA.  Don't beat me up for stealing it!)

Chapter Twenty-Eight 

**At the Shrieking Shack**

****

Remus ran across the grounds, his mind racing.  It was impossible.  _How could Peter be alive?  There had to be a mistake.  But…no…the map didn't lie…couldn't lie….But where had Peter been all these years?_

_All these years we thought you were dead, Peter.  All these years we…I believed Sirius had killed you._

Remus felt blood suddenly pounding in his ears.  Something just didn't add up here.  _Why would Peter have let everyone believe he was dead all these years? Where has he been?  How has he managed to simply vanish?  Has he spent twelve years as a rat?  Surely not…But he had to know that Sirius was sent to Azkaban for his murder….Why…._

_Maybe Sirius meant to kill him but missed.  So Peter has been hiding all this time afraid that Sirius would hunt him down and kill him for certain._

As he ran, comprehension began to dawn on Remus.  _But that still doesn't make sense.  Once Sirius was taken to Azkaban, why didn't Peter come out of hiding??  Why wouldn't he set the record straight about what really happened?  Why the lie for twelve years? And then…if Sirius didn't kill Peter, it seems unlikely that he killed all those Muggles …. He could hardly have blasted _them_ while missing Peter.  And then….if Sirius didn't kill Peter, was it possible that he didn't kill all those Muggles either?  _Remus felt his breath catch with a moment of wild hope.  _Sirius innocent.  Is it possible?_

Remus had reached the Whomping Willow.  Breathlessly, heart pounding, he picked up a long stick, prodded the knot, and entered the dusty tunnel below.  __

The entrance to the tunnel showed signs of a struggle.  A bit of black cloth from what looked like a student's robe was caught on some of the surrounding bark of the tree.  A broad furrow scraped across the tunnel floor showed that something... _or someone … had been dragged toward the trapdoor beyond.  Remus swallowed hard, hoping that he wouldn't be too late, that everyone would still be alive when he got to the shack.  _Sirius Black isn't a murderer…__

The thin ray of light ahead of Remus signaled the end of the tunnel.  Without hesitation, Remus pulled himself out of the hole and into the house.  Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in here somewhere.  And so, impossible as it seemed, were Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black.  Remus raced from room to room hoping to find a sign of just where Sirius had led them.  Suddenly, Hermione's voice sounded from upstairs.  "WE'RE UP HERE!  WE'RE UP HERE – SIRIUS BLACK- _QUICK!"  _

Without a moment's pause Remus hurled himself towards the stairs.   There was a thin mark in the dust from where something, or someone, was dragged up the steps.  He took the steps three at a time, mind racing toward an unknown danger---_was it Sirius Black or _was_ it Peter Pettigrew?_  Remus raced upstairs following the path to the bedroom at the end of the hall.  Hoping he wasn't too late, he pulled out his wand and sent a spell at the closed door, which opened in a fury of red sparks.  

Glancing around the room quickly, Remus noted that Ron was sprawled on the floor, face pale with his leg at an impossible angle; Hermione was huddled next to the door, her forehead bleeding from a nasty looking gash.  Harry stood, stone-faced, with his wand raised and pointed directly at Sirius' heart.    Crumpled up on the floor lay a skeleton of the man who once was Sirius Black.

Remus stopped short.  Sirius…dear God! 

Remus gasped at the sight of the man who'd once been one of his closest friends.  His skin was sallow and pale.  His hair hung in clumps of matted tangles and was so long it reached his waist.  And then Remus looked into his eyes.  Eyes that had once sparkled with youth had grown dull and nearly lifeless.  But Remus could see a strong determination in those eyes, even now.  There was more to this man than just an escaped convict, and Remus needed to know the truth.   Remus took a desperate chance.

"_Expelliarmus_!" he commanded, causing not only Harry's wand, but also the two Hermione was holding, to fly into the air.  Remus caught them easily.

There was no sign of Peter anywhere.  _Yet the map showed he was here.  _Taking a few steps into the room, Remus looked down at Sirius and asked, "Where is he, Sirius?"

Sirius stared back at Remus with those sunken eyes.  He blinked slowly and Remus imagined he saw something in the other man's eyes.   Raising a thin arm, Sirius pointed a bony finger at Ron still lying on the floor, clutching at his robes in an odd fashion…

As if he were trying to hold onto a squirming rat! 

"But then…," Remus muttered, "…why hasn't he shown himself before now?"  It was the question Remus had been asking himself for the last fifteen minutes, but it wasn't until this very moment that he figured out the last piece.  "Unless – "  It suddenly all came together.  " -unless _he _was the one…"  _Yes! Peter was the Secret Keeper! _ "…unless you switched…" _That has to be it!  They switched places at the last moment and they did it…  "…_with out telling me?"

Holding his breath, Remus waited as Sirius very slowly nodded yes.  Remus suddenly knew with certainty—Sirius Black was no murderer.    With a deep exhale Remus dropped his wand.  For twelve long years Remus struggled with trying to fit all the pieces to the puzzle together.  And now, with only one nod from Sirius, everything fell into place.  

"Professor, what's going on –?"

Remus never heard Harry's question.   Swallowing the lump in his throat, Remus took a few steps toward Sirius and offered him a hand.  He pulled Sirius to his feet and did the only thing he could think of; He embraced him.  It was as if two brothers had finally been reunited after years of war.  It seemed as if time stood still and Remus forgot that there was anyone else in the room.  Very quietly, Remus whispered a gentle, "I'm sorry," so that only his friend could hear him.  Sirius answered back with a very faint, "Remus."  

"I DON'T BELIEVE IT!" Hermione shrieked, interrupting the moment and halting Remus from saying anything more to Sirius.

Time rushed back to its normal speed.  Remus broke away from Sirius and turned to see the young girl standing up and pointing a harsh finger at him.  

"You – you –" she stammered.

"Hermione –" Remus tried to explain.

"– you and him!"

"Hermione, calm down –"

"I didn't tell anyone!  I've been covering up for you –"

_So she does know.  _"Hermione, listen to me, please! I can explain –" But he didn't get that chance as Harry's voice broke out in a sharp cry.

"I trusted you, and all the time you've been his friend!" Harry shouted.

_No Harry, it's not what you think!  _Desperate to salvage whatever trust might be left, Remus said, "You're wrong.  I haven't been Sirius's friend, but I am now – Let me explain…."

"NO!" Hermione screamed.  "Harry, don't trust him, he's been helping Black get into the castle, he wants you dead too – _he's a werewolf_!"

The silence that hung in the air upon this announcement was so heavy Remus could hardly breathe.  Harry, Ron, and Hermione starred at him in fear and disgust.  He knew he would have to explain the whole situation, but as always, it left him cold inside to have to admit once more that he wasn't human.  _Dear God, please let me get through this without falling apart!_

"Not at all up to your usual standard, Hermoine," Remus observed wryly.  Only one out of three, I'm afraid.  I have not been helping Sirius get into the castle and I certainly don't want Harry dead…. But I won't deny that I am a werewolf."

There.  I said it.

On the other side of the room, Ron struggled to stand up.  Seeing the pain on his face, Remus moved to help him.

"_Get away from me, werewolf!_" Ron gasped.  The revulsion in his voice was clear.

Remus froze.   He felt the familiar humiliation that meant no relationship was ever enough, no trust complete enough to accept him for what he really was. "How long have you known?"

"Ages.  Since I did Professor Snape's essay…."

"He'll be delighted.  He assigned that essay hoping someone would realize what my symptoms meant…"  _And that I'd be removed from my position._  "Did you check the lunar chart and realize that I was always ill at the full moon?  Or did you realize that the boggart changed into the moon when it saw me?"

"Both," answered Hermione, evenly.

Remus laughed darkly.  _Of course she would! _Remus smiled, sadly, "You're the cleverest witch of your age I've ever met, Hermione."

"I'm not," Hermione whispered. "If I'd been a bit cleverer, I'd have told everyone what you are!"

"But they already know.  At least, the staff do."

Ron nearly choked upon hearing this.   "Dumbledore hired you when he knew you were a werewolf?  Is he mad?"

"Some of the staff thought so.  He had to work very hard to convince certain teachers that I'm trustworthy –" _And clearly didn't succeed._

"AND HE WAS WRONG!"  Harry broke his silence, voice trembling with anger.   "YOU'VE BEEN HELPING HIM ALL THE TIME!" Harry stabbed an accusing finger at Sirius, who was now sitting on the bed with his face buried in his hands.  Crookshanks sat next to Sirius, purring while Ron tried to get as far away from the both of them as was possible. 

Hoping to set things right Remus said, "I have _not _been helping Sirius.  If you'll give me a chance, I'll explain."  _This isn't working.  Let me try something more obvious._  "Look –" Separating the wands he held, Remus tossed one to Harry and another to Hermione.  He stuck his own wand in his belt and held out his empty hands.  "There.  You're armed, we're not.  Now will you listen?"

Confused and still angry, Harry asked, "If you haven't been helping him, how did you know he was here?"

"The map.  The Marauder's Map.  I was in my office examining it –"

"You know how to work it?" Harry said in amazement

With a wave of his hand, Remus said, "Of course I know how to work it.  I helped write it.  I'm Moony – that was my friends' nickname for me at school."

"You _wrote_ – ?" 

Impatient to get to the truth, Remus didn't wait for Harry to work it out on his own.  "The important thing is, I was watching it carefully this evening, because I had an idea that you, Ron, and Hermione might try and sneak out of the castle to visit Hagrid before his hippogriff was executed.   And I was right, wasn't I?

Remus began pacing around the room as he worked out the whole story.  "You might have been wearing your father's old cloak, Harry –" 

"How d'you know about the cloak?"

"The number of times I saw James disappearing under it…."  _Oh Harry, you have NO idea!  Again h_e waved an impatient hand and continued.  "The point is, even if you're wearing an Invisibility Cloak, you still show up on the Marauder's Map.  I watched you cross the grounds and enter Hagrid's hut.  Twenty minutes later, you left Hagrid, and set off back toward the castle.  But you were now accompanied by somebody else."  Remus glanced at Sirius who was still slumped over on the bed.

"What?" asked Harry.  "No, we weren't!"

"I couldn't believe my eyes," Remus continued without acknowledging Harry's question.  _I have to get through this as quickly as possible – before I completely lose Harry's trust!  _"I thought the map must be malfunctioning.  How could he be with you?"

"No one was with us!" Harry said in disagreement.

"And then I saw another dot, moving fast toward you, labeled _Sirius Black_…. I saw him collide with you; I watched as he pulled two of you into the Whomping Willow –"

"One of us!" said an angry Ron.

"No, Ron.  Two of you," Remus said pointedly.  Without taking his eyes off of Ron he asked, "Do you think I could have a look at the rat?"  Out of the corner of his eye, Remus noticed that Sirius sat up straight and joined Remus in staring at Ron.  The moment seemed so simple, but it had the potential to change everything for both Remus and Sirius and resolve all the conflicts of the past twelve years.  

"What?  What's Scabbers got to do with it?" Ron asked with a hint of worry in his voice.

"Everything.  Could I see him, please?"  Remus relied on his most professorial tone of voice to convince Ron he needed to hand over his pet.

Hesitantly, Ron reached inside his robes and pulled out a very sickly looking rat.  It squirmed and thrashed about, but Ron held onto its tail to make sure it didn't get away.  Remus studied it closely hardly daring to believe that this was happening at all.  He didn't even notice that he was holding his breath.  

The rat squirmed and squealed in Ron's hands.  Remus recognized that high-pitched sound instantly.  A cold chill ran down his spine.  There was an obvious sense of familiarity about the rat, even though he looked a bit thin, but Remus knew without a doubt that he was looking at Wormtail.  

"What?" said Ron, now a bit scared by the way the Remus and Sirius were gazing at him.  "What's my rat got to do with anything?"

"That's not a rat," Sirius croaked in his raspy voice.

"No, he's not," agreed Remus.  There was no denying it.  That rat was none other than an old friend he had believed dead for twelve long years – and it was time for everyone to know the truth.   "He's a wizard."

"An Animagus," said Black, "by the name of Peter Pettigrew."


	29. No More Secrets

_AN: Well, here it is folks - my humble attempt at rewriting one of the most powerful scenes in all of HP. Please note that the vast majority of this is taken directly from PoA.  I didn't write ANY of the dialogue.  Along with that, I am trying to stick as close to the original text as possible, so we had a VERY hard time with punctuation.  My many thanks to Rage Point for her wonderful advice on how to get through this.  And my undying gratitude to Durayan, who basically rewrote most of my additions because I had lost my Remus muse!  LOL!  _

Chapter 29

No More Secrets

Remus waited for this information to sink in, thinking wryly to himself that it was an incredible tale, and that so much depended on convincing these three of its truth.   It was Ron who finally broke the silence.

"You're both mental," said he said, incredulously.

"Ridiculous!" echoed Hermione.

Harry's voice was steady and cold_.  So like James, when he was angry_, Remus thought.  "Peter Pettigrew's _dead_!  _He_ killed him twelve years ago!" Harry said, jabbing an accusing finger at the ragged, wasted figure in the corner.

Sirius' voice was cold and flat. "I meant to, but little Peter got the better of me."    Sirius' eyes glistened with menace, "…not this time, though!"  With sudden and desperate rage, Sirius lunged toward Ron.   Wormtail shrieked and struggled  against Ron's grasp.  Ron tried desperately to defend himself and his pet from Sirius' attack, but went pale and cried out in pain as Sirius came down on his injured leg.

Remus leapt in and pulled Sirius back, surprised at how light the other man was. "Sirius, NO! WAIT!" he cried out urgently.   "You can't do it just like that – they need to understand – we've got to explain –"

"We can explain afterwards!"   Sirius growled and tried with all his might to free himself from Remus' grasp.    Remus was easily the stronger of the two, but Sirius was a man possessed, and Remus had to struggle to keep Sirius restrained.

"They've – got – a – right – to – know – everything!" Remus panted, desperately trying to talk some reason into his old friend.  "Ron's kept him as a pet!  There are parts of it even I don't understand!  And Harry – you owe Harry the truth, Sirius!"

Sirius stopped struggling at the mention of Harry's name.  _That's right.  You owe ALL of us the truth.  _

"All right, then," Sirius kept his hollow eyes fixed on Wormtail.  "Tell them whatever you like.  But make it quick, Remus.  I want to commit the murder I was imprisoned for…."

Oh God, Sirius.  

"You're nutters, both of you.  I've had enough of this. I'm off."  Ron struggled to pull himself up, but Remus quickly pointed his wand at him.  

"You're going to hear me out, Ron."  Remus' tone was firm.  "Just keep a tight hold on Peter while you listen."

"HE'S NOT PETER, HE'S SCABBERS!" yelled Ron, as he tried to force the squirming rat back into his pocket.  Wormtail was fighting him mightily.  Ron's leg gave out and he would have fallen, had Harry not caught him.

Remus cocked an eyebrow and pursed his lips.  _Peter knows he's been caught.  He should know it's no use trying to fight now.   _

Harry, so like his father, turned calmly to Remus.  "There were witnesses who saw Pettigrew die.  A whole street full of them…"

"They didn't see what they thought they saw!" Sirius interjected angrily, his eyes never leaving Wormtail.

Lupin took a breath, and proceeded—carefully, clearly, as if teaching a class.  _If I can just keep things calm, maybe I can buy enough time to convince them.  _"Everyone thought Sirius killed Peter.  I believed it myself – until I saw the map tonight.  Because the Marauder's map never lies…Peter's alive.  Ron's holding him, Harry."  Remus held himself rigidly in his best professorial pose.  

Harry and Ron exchanged a look.  Remus sighed inwardly.  _Please, you must believe…._

"But Professor Lupin," Hermione interrupted, "Scabbers can't be Pettigew…it just can't be true, you know it can't…"__

"Why can't it be true?" Remus asked carefully._ Come on, Hermione…._

"Because…because people would know if Peter Pettigrew had been an Animagus.  We did Animagi in class with Professor McGonagall.  And I looked them up when I did my homework – the Ministry of Magic keeps tabs on witches and wizards who can become animals; there's a register showing what animal they become, and their markings and things…and I went and looked Professor McGonagall up on the registers, and there have been only seven Animagi this century, and Pettigrew's name wasn't on the list –"

Remus laughed, in spite of himself.  _My, but she is thorough, isn't she? Minerva would be proud.  _"Right again, Hermione!  But the Ministry never knew that there used to be three unregistered Animagi running around Hogwarts."  _And to this day they still don't know.  But once this evening is over, there will be no more secrets.  _Remus let his shoulders drop at the thought of finally being free from the guilt he had been carrying all these years.  It would be painful to acknowledge the truth, but at least the burden of having to hide it would be gone.  

"If you're going to tell them the story, get a move on, Remus," Sirius growled.  "I've waited twelve years, I'm not going to wait much longer."

"All right…but you'll need to help me, Sirius.  I only know how it began…"

The door creaking open interrupted Remus.   Frowning, he moved across the room to look out into the hall.  __

_Now that's odd.  _"No one there…"  _Someone had to open the door.  I wonder…_

"This place is haunted!" Ron noted, somewhat uneasily.

"It's not."  _Oh, how I wish that were the truth.  That it was a haunted house and not a refuge for a werewolf._  Remus took one final glace at the hallway before turning his attention back to the situation at hand.  _"_The Shrieking Shack was never haunted…. The screams and howls the villagers used to hear were made by me."  He paused for a moment and ran a hand through his hair.   "That's where all of this starts – with my becoming a werewolf.  None of this could have happened if I hadn't been bitten…and if I hadn't been so foolhardy…."

My fault.  This whole mess is my fault.  He shook his head and started at the beginning.  "I was a very small boy when I received the bite.  My parents tried everything, but in those days there was no cure.  The potion that Professor Snape has been making for me is a very recent discovery.  It makes me safe, you see.  As long as I take it in the week preceding the full moon, I keep my mind when I transform…. I am able to curl up in my office, a harmless wolf, and wait for the moon to wane again."   

Remus drew a shuddering breath.  "Before the Wolfsbane Potion was discovered, however, I became a fully fledged monster once a month."  Remus' face darkened."It seemed impossible that I would be able to come to Hogwarts.  Other parents weren't likely to want their children exposed to me."  _How could anyone want to be exposed to me?_

"But then Dumbledore became Headmaster, and he was sympathetic.  He said that as long as we took certain precautions, there was no reason I shouldn't come to school…"  Remus paused a moment and turned to face Harry.  "I told you, months ago, that the Whomping Willow was planted the year I came to Hogwarts.  The truth is that it was planted _because _I came to Hogwarts.  This house," Remus said with a dismal glance around the room, "the tunnel that leads to it – they were built for my use.  Once a month, I was smuggled out of the castle, into this place, to transform.  The tree was placed at the tunnel mouth to stop anyone coming across me while I was dangerous."

Remus took a deep breath.  He hated telling anyone about his past.  It always brought up the worst kind of memories and emotions.  But he knew these things needed to be explained.  He had to help Sirius set things straight.  Determined to stay calm and focused, Remus continued in an even voice.

"My transformations in those days were…" _pure hell on earth!_ "…were terrible.  It is very painful to turn into a werewolf.  I was separated from humans to bite, so I bit and scratched myself instead."  Out of habit, he ran his finger over the familiar scars on his right hand.  "The villagers heard the noise and the screaming and thought they were hearing particularly violent spirits.  Dumbledore encouraged the rumor… Even now, when the house has been silent for years, the villagers don't dare approach it…"

Remus met Harry's eyes and continued. "But apart from my transformations, I was happier than I had ever been in my life.  For the first time ever, I had friends, three great friends.  Sirius Black…Peter Pettigrew…and of course, your father, Harry – James Potter."  Harry's expression changed, ever so slightly.

"Now, my three friends could hardly fail to notice that I disappeared once a month.  I made up all sorts of stories."  He laugh inwardly at some of the obvious lies he had once concocted.  _"_ I told them my mother was ill, and that I had to go home to see her…"  _What an obvious lie that was!  "_I was terrified they would desert me the moment they found out what I was.  But of course, they, like you, Hermione, worked out the truth…."

Remus glanced over at Sirius, remembering.  

_"__… We used the invisibility cloak to follow you and Madam Pomfrey.  What's under the willow, Remus?"_

That familiar feeling of not wanting to be rejected came over Remus as he played out the conversation in his mind.  He could still hear his friends' voices reassuring him that they wouldn't abandon him.

"Mr. Lupin, we put at your feet all evidence to the contrary that we have never treated you like a monster," James had said, "and pledge from this day forth to help you fight off all injustices that you may face."

Sirius had added, "_Let it be noted that Mr. Black would like to add to Mr. Potter's statement by pointing out that Mr. Lupin is one of the cleverest pranksters he's ever met and would be doing himself a real injustice if he let something like this ruin their friendship."_  

Remus looked over at Wormtail and pondered what he had said all those years ago.  _"In addition, Mr. Pettigew would like to point out that Gryffindors are above such back stabbing behavior."_

Strange, that it had been Peter who made the comment… 

Remus let the memory fade and continued with the story.    "And they didn't desert me at all.  Instead, they did something for me that would make my transformations not only bearable, but the best times of my life.  They became Animagi."

"My dad too?" asked an amazed Harry.

"Yes, indeed," Remus laughed.  "It took them the best part of three years to work out how to do it.  Your father and Sirius here were the cleverest students in the school, and lucky they were, because the Animagus transformation can go horribly wrong – one reason the Ministry keep a close watch on those attempting to do it.  Peter needed all the help he could get from James and Sirius.  Finally, in our fifth year, they managed it.  They could each turn into a different animal at will."

"But how did that help you?" questioned Hermione.

"They couldn't keep me company as humans, so they kept me company as animals."  Remus continued, once again in professor mode, "A werewolf is only a danger to people.  They sneaked out of the castle every month under James's Invisibility Cloak.  They transformed…Peter, as the smallest, could slip beneath the Willow's attacking branches and touch the knot that freezes it.  They would then slip down the tunnel and join me.  Under their influence, I became less dangerous.  My body was still wolfish, but my mind seemed to become less so while I was with them."  Remus closed his eyes, as he touched on long ago, happy memories.__

"Hurry up, Remus," Sirius interrupted.  He was growing visibly impatient.  In fact, Remus couldn't remember ever seeing Sirius look so – dangerous.  He was going to kill Peter if it was the last thing he ever did.  

Nodding, Remus said,  "I'm getting there, Sirius, I'm getting there…well, highly exciting possibilities were open to us now that we could all transform.  Soon we were leaving the Shrieking Shack and roaming the school grounds and the village by night.  Sirius and James transformed into such large animals, they were able to keep a werewolf in check.  I doubt whether any Hogwarts students ever found out more about the Hogwarts grounds than we did…. And that's how we came to write the Marauder's Map, and sign it with our nicknames.  Sirius is Padfoot.  Peter is Wormtail.  James was Prongs."

"What sort of anima –?"  Harry started to ask, but was interrupted by Hermione.

"That was still really dangerous!  Running around in the dark with a werewolf!  What if you'd given the others the slip, and bitten somebody?"

"A thought that still haunts me."  _I dwell on it at nearly every full moon.   _"And there were near misses, many of them.  We laughed about them afterwards.  We were young, thoughtless – carried away with our own cleverness."  _We really were foolish.  No, I was the foolish one.  The others were just wanting to help me._  

"I sometimes felt guilty about betraying Dumbledore's trust, of course…he had admitted me to Hogwarts when no other headmaster would have done so, and he had no idea I was breaking the rules he had set down for my own and others' safety.  He never knew I had led three fellow students into becoming Animagi illegally.  But I always managed to forget my guilty feelings every time we sat down to plan our next month's adventure.  And I haven't changed…"

Remus looked down at his feet, hoping to hide some of the shame that he felt.  "All this year, I have been battling with myself, wondering whether I should tell Dumbledore that Sirius was an Animagus.  But I didn't do it.  Why?  Because I was too cowardly. "  _And cowardly I still am.  After all these years!  _ "It would have meant admitting that I'd betrayed his trust while I was at school, admitting that I'd led others along with me…and Dumbledore's trust has meant everything to me.  He let me into Hogwarts as a boy, and he gave me a job when I have been shunned all my adult life, unable to find paid work because of what I am."  _I owe him my life. I owe him all that I am. "_And so I convinced myself that Sirius was getting into the school using dark arts he learned from Voldemort, that being an Animagus had nothing to do with it."  Remus shrugged and sighed darkly.  "So, in a way, Snape's been right about me all along."

"Snape?"  Sirius spat out the name in disgust and looked at Remus, taking his eyes off of Wormtail for the first time.  "What's Snape got to do with it?"

_Damn…he didn't know about Snape.  Well, this makes things more interesting.  _"He's here, Sirius.  He's teaching here as well."  Sirius pulled a face and looked away.

Remus turned his attention back to Ron, Harry, and Hermione who were all staring at him for an explanation.  "Professor Snape was at school with us.  He fought very hard against my appointment to the Defense Against the Dark Arts job.  He has been telling Dumbledore all year that I am not to be trusted.  He has his reasons…"  He scratched his head thinking about how he could explain Sirius' and his past relationship with Snape without using foul language.  "You see, Sirius here…" he licked his lips, searching for the right word,   "…played a trick on him which nearly killed him, a trick which involved me –"

Sirius gasped.  "It served him right.  Sneaking around, trying to find out what we were up to…hoping he could get us expelled…."

Remus locked eyes with Sirius and gave him a look weighted with meaning.  _I might have forgiven you, but I didn't forget what happened.  _"Severus was very interested in where I went every month.  We were in the same year, you know, and we – er -"  _How do I put this?  Hated the sight of each other? "_– didn't like each other very much.  He especially disliked James.  Jealous, I think, of James's talent on the Quidditch field."  _Snape couldn't fly worth… "_…Anyway Snape had seen me crossing the grounds with Madam Pomfrey one evening as she led me toward the Whomping Willow to transform.  Sirus thought it would be – er –"  _Damn.  How did I ever think I could get through this?  "-_ amusing, to tell Snape all he had to do was prod the knot on the tree trunk with a long stick, and he'd be able to get in after me.  Well, of course, Snape tried it – if he'd got as far as this house, he'd have met a fully grown werewolf –"  Remus faced Harry,  "- but your father, who'd heard what Sirius had done, went after Snape and pulled him back, at great risk to his life…Snape glimpsed me, though, at the end of the tunnel.  He was forbidden by Dumbledore to tell anybody, but from that time on he knew what I was…."

Remus held eye contact with Sirius for a moment.  He had purposefully left out a great deal of the story, and Sirius knew it.  _I want him to trust you, Sirius.  Now isn't the time to go into detail about your little prank._

"So that's why Snape doesn't like you," said Harry slowly, "because he thought you were in on the joke?"

"That's right," said a familiar cold voice from behind Remus.  

Remus spun around just as Severus Snape pulled off the invisibility cloak and let it fall to the floor.  He smiled a dark and humorless smile as he pointed his wand directly at Remus.

Hermione screamed.  Sirius sprang to his feet in alarm.  

"I found this at the base of the Whomping Willow," Snape gestured at the cloak.  "Very useful, Potter, I thank you."  

Snape's eyes roamed around the faces of those in the room, but he kept his wand on Remus.   Victory shone on his face.  "You're wondering, perhaps, how I knew you were here?  I've just been to your office, Lupin.  You forgot to take your potion tonight, so I took a gobletful along.  And very lucky I did…lucky for me, I mean.  Lying on your desk was a certain map.  One glance at it told me all I needed to know.  I saw you running along this passageway and out of sight."  

"Severus –"  Remus started, but was ignored.

"I've told the headmaster again and again that you're helping your old friend Black into the castle, Lupin, and here's the proof.  Not even I dreamed you would have the nerve to use this old place as your hideout –"

"Severus, you're making a mistake.  You haven't heard everything,"  _and you've got to listen! "_ – I can explain – Sirius is not here to kill Harry –"

"Two more for Azkaban tonight."  

Damn it, Severus!  Listen to me! 

"I shall be interested to see how Dumbledore takes this…. He was quite convinced you were harmless, you know, Lupin…a _tame _werewolf –"

Lupin felt ill.  Severus Snape.  All these years later---and Snape is going to hand Sirius back to the dementors.

"You fool.  Is a schoolboy grudge worth putting an innocent man back inside Azkaban?"

Snape's fury at the comment was evident on his face.  Without hesitation, he pointed his wand at Remus and – BANG!  Out of the wand sprang thin cords that wound themselves around Remus, binding his feet and hands and covering his mouth.  Remus struggled mightily against his bonds but only succeeded in overbalancing and falling roughly to the floor, unable to break the fall. 

Sirius yelled and charged at Snape.  But he stopped cold when Snape raised his wand and pointed it directly at Sirius' heart.  

"Give me a reason," Snape hissed.  "Give me a reason to do it, and I swear I will."  Pure venom dripped from his eyes as he faced down Sirius Black.

Helpless, Remus' eyes darted from one face to the other, hoping that Sirius would back down.  So many times Remus had watched these two men quarrel and fight.  Not once had Sirius ever given in and allowed Snape to win.  Remus could only hope that Sirius wouldn't do something irrational this time and cause Snape to kill him.  

Then a quiet, hesitant voice sounded from the corner.  "Professor Snape – it – it wouldn't hurt to hear what they've got so say, w – would it?" Hermione stammered.

Hermione!  Bless you! Good girl!  Get them talking.  Maybe…just maybe Snape will listen! 

"Miss Granger, you are already facing suspension from this school," Snape spat.  "You, Potter, and Weasley are out-of-bounds, in the company of a convicted murderer and a werewolf.  For once in your life, _hold your tongue_!" 

Hermione proved herself a bold Gryffindor, and pressed her argument in spite of the veins standing out on Snape's forehead.  "But if – if there was a mistake –"

"KEEP QUIET, YOU STUPID GIRL!  DON'T TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!"  His anger raged and sparks shot out of the end of his wand.  Remus wiggled his way away from them, trying to avoid further damage.  

_Keep calm.  There will be time to explain at the castle.  If Snape doesn't kill Sirius first.  Or Sirius kill Snape first, for that matter. _

Snape returned his focus to the man standing in front of him.  Sirius returned his furious gaze.  "Vengeance is very sweet," Snape said.  "How I hoped I would be the one to catch you…."

"The joke's on you again, Severus."  Sirius pointed at Ron.  "As long as this boy brings his rat up to the castle, I'll come quietly…."

Remus let out the breath he was holding.  _Good.  At least Sirius is willing to cooperate._  But his relief wouldn't last long.

"Up to the castle?  I don't think we need to go that far.  All I have to do is call the dementors once we get out of the Willow.  They'll be very pleased to see you, Black…pleased enough to give you a little kiss, I daresay…."

Remus couldn't help notice that Sirius' face went white as a ghost.  

"You – you've got to hear me out," Sirius insisted.   "The rat – look at the rat –"

But Snape wouldn't listen.  His face was full of triumph and pleasure.  "Come on, all of you."  With a snap of his fingers, the cords that bound Remus flew into Snape's hands.  "I'll drag the werewolf.  Perhaps the dementors will have a kiss for him too –"

NO!  PLEASE!  Remus had never felt so helpless in his life. 

Harry sprang across the room and stood between Snape and the door, blocking his exit.

"Get out of the way, Potter, you're in enough trouble already," snarled Snape.  "If I hadn't been here to save your skin –"

"Professor Lupin could have killed me about a hundred times this year," Harry declared.  "I've been alone with him loads of times, having defense lessons against the dementors.  If he was helping Black, why didn't he just finish me off then?"

YES!  Good thinking Harry! 

"Don't ask me to fathom the way a werewolf's mind works," Snape scoffed.  "Get out of the way, Potter."

"YOU'RE PATHETIC!"  Harry barked his frustration at Snape.  "JUST BECAUSE THEY MADE A FOOL OF YOU AT SCHOOL YOU WON'T EVEN LISTEN –"

"SILENCE!  I WILL NOT BE SPOKEN TO LIKE THAT!"  Spit flew from Snape's mouth. " Like father, like son, Potter!  I have just saved your neck; you should be thanking me on bended knee!  You would have been well served if he'd killed you!  You'd have died like your father, too arrogant to believe you might be mistaken in Black – now get out of the way, or I will _make you_.  GET OUT OF THE WAY, POTTER!"

At that moment, three young wizards pointed their wands at Snape and yelled the same curse.

"_Expelliarmus!_"

The force of the triple curse literally lifted Snape off his feet and threw him into the wall behind.   He slumped unconscious to the floor, a thin line of blood trickling from under his hair and down his sallow face. 


	30. Peter's Pathetic Plea

_AN: Please know that the vast majority of this chapter is lifted directly from "The Prisoner of Azkaban" by JK Rowling.  I thank her for allowing me to play with her wonderful world.  And thanks to Durayan and Thing1 for all the suggestions and the beta read!_ Chapter Thirty

Peter's Pathetic Plea

_Subtitled: The REALLY long chapter with loads of canon stuff_

_ that Alphie didn't want to write!_

"You shouldn't have done that.  You should have left him to me…." Sirius growled, looking over at a startled Harry.

"We attacked a teacher…. We attacked a teacher…." Hermione had gone pale.  "Oh, we're going to be in so much trouble –"

Remus struggled awkwardly against his bonds to pull himself upright.  _There is still so much to explain.  I only hope Severus didn't ruin everything.  _Sirius came to his rescue and untied the ropes.  _Now, let's do this logically…_

"Thank you, Harry," Remus said, standing up and rubbing his aching wrists and arms.

"I'm still not saying I believe you," began Harry in a suspicious voice much deeper than normal.

Remus nodded in agreement.  After all, he was finding this all very difficult to believe himself.  Everything that he knew – or _thought _he knew – was a complete falsehood.  It was only logical that Harry was having trouble believing it as well.  

Sirius eyed Harry and said, "Then it's time we offered you some proof.  You, boy– " he turned to Ron.  "Give me Peter, please.  Now."  It wasn't a question.  It was a demend.

"Come off it," protested Ron weakly as he clutched Wormtail close to his chest.  "Are you trying to say he broke out of Azkaban just to get his hands on _Scabbers_?  I mean…" 

Remus and Sirius looked at each other.  

"Okay," Ron continued.  "Say Pettigrew could turn into a rat – there are millions of rats – how's he supposed to know which one he's after if he was locked up in Azkaban?"

"You know, Sirius, that's a fair question."  Ron had a point.  And Remus wanted to know the answer just as much as Ron did.  He turned to face Sirius expectantly.  "How _did _you find out where he was?"

Sirius frowned at Remus.  Reaching into his robes, Sirius pulled out an old copy of The Daily Prophet.  He held it up to show Remus and the others the picture on the front page.  Remus stared blankly at the photo of the entire Weasley family on the cover.  Then comprehension dawned.  _Dear God—that's a rat on Ron's shoulder…_

Remus found his voice. "How did you get this?" Remus asked in amazement, still studying the picture.

"Fudge.  When he came to inspect Azkaban last year, he gave me his paper.  And there was Peter, on the front page…on this boy's shoulder…. I knew him at once…how many times had I seen him transform?  And the caption said the boy would be going back to Hogwarts…to where Harry was…."

Remus peered closely at the rat in the picture.    "My God.  His front paw…" His eyes darted from the picture to Wormtail and back to the picture.

"What about it?" Ron asked angrily.  

"He's got a toe missing," explained Sirius

 "Of course.  So simple…so _brilliant_…he cut it off himself?" Remus looked up at Sirius.  

"Just before he transformed."  Sirius returned Remus' gaze evenly and Remus knew, with absolute certainty that Sirius Black was totally innocent.  

Sirius continued his explanation but Remus barley heard him.  He could only think about how negligent he had been in overlooking the fact that Peter could transform.  For months now, Remus was trying to convince himself that Sirius was not using Padfoot as his means of escape.  And yet, he never once though Peter would have used Wormtail for the very same reason.  He almost felt disgusted with himself. 

When Sirius finished his story, Remus glanced at Ron and saw his puzzlement.  "Didn't you ever hear, Ron?  The biggest bit of Peter they found was his finger."  _Put it together, Ron.  I know it's confusing - I just figured it all out myself!  But you must put it together!_

"Look, Scabbers probably had a fight with another rat or something!  He's been in my family for ages, right –"

"Twelve years, in fact," Remus stated.  "Didn't you ever wonder why he was living so long?"  

"We – we've been taking good care of him!"  Ron was pale.  Whether from the pain of his injured leg, or the strain of taking in this incredible information, Remus couldn't tell.  But Ron was listening.  In spite of his protests, he was listening.  They all were. 

But Remus had to point out the obvious.  "Not looking too good at the moment, though, is he?  I'd guess he's been losing weight ever since he heard Sirius was on the loose again…"

"He's been scared of that mad cat!" Ron shouted, stabbing a finger in the direction of the cat that sat quietly on the bed.

"This cat isn't mad," protested Sirius.  "He's the most intelligent of his kind I've ever met.  He recognized Peter for what he was right away.  And when he met me, he knew I was no dog. It was a while before he trusted me…. Finally, I managed to communicate to him what I was after, and he's been helping me…."

Remus opened his mouth to ask, but it was Hermione's voice he heard posing the very questions he had.  

"What do you mean?" asked Hermione, obviously horrified by the thought that her cat was associating with wanted criminals.

"He tried to bring Peter to me, but couldn't…so he stole the passwords into Gryffindor Tower for me…. As I understand it, he took them from a boy's bedside table…."

Neville!  So that's what happened! 

"But Peter got wind of what was going on and ran for it…. This cat – Crookshanks, did you call him? – told me Peter had left blood on the sheets…. I supposed he bit himself…. Well, faking his own death had worked once…."

_The _cat _managed to do all that?  What kind of a cat is this?  Surely this cat isn't another animagus?  _

Remus was just about to ask Hermione about her pet when the tenuous calm of the room was torn apart as Harry broke his silence angrily "And why did he fake his death?" raged Harry.  "Because he knew you were about to kill him like you killed my parents!"

"No."  _I've got to explain!  _" Harry –"

"And now you've come to finish him off!"

"Yes, I have," acknowledged Sirius, eyes fixed steadily on Wormtail.

"Then I should've let Snape take you!" Harry snapped.

Sirius looked as if he'd been slapped.  He turned his gaze to Harry, but said nothing. Harry still doesn't understand! 

"Harry, don't you see?  All this time we've thought Sirius betrayed your parents, and Peter tracked him down – but it was the other way around, don't you see?  _Peter _betrayed your mother and father – Sirius tracked _Peter _down –"

In a furry unlike any Remus had ever seen, Harry bellowed, "THAT'S NOT TRUE!  HE WAS THEIR SECRET-KEEPER!  HE SAID SO BEFORE YOU TURNED UP.  HE SAID HE KILLED THEM!"

"Harry…I as good as killed them."  Sirius met Harry's eyes and his voice softened.  "I persuaded Lily and James to change to Peter at the last moment, persuaded them to use him as Secret-Keeper instead of me…. I'm to blame, I know it…. The night they died, I'd arranged to check on Peter, make sure he was still safe, but when I arrived at his hiding place, he'd gone.  Yet there was no sign of a struggle.  It didn't feel right.  I was scared.  I set out for your parents' house straight away.  And when I saw their house, destroyed, and their bodies…I realized what Peter must've done…what I'd done…."

Dear God.  We can't dwell on this.  We need proof.

"Enough of this.  There's one certain way to prove what really happened.  Ron, _give me that rat_," commanded Remus.

"What are you going to do with him if I give him to you?" asked Ron, uncertainly.

"Force him to show himself.  If he really is a rat, it won't hurt him."

Hesitantly, Ron handed Wormtail over to Remus.  The rat squirmed and squeaked, trying to break free.  But Remus held on tight, hoping to finally get to the bottom of things.  Sirius moved to the unconscious Snape and picked up his wand. 

"Ready, Sirius?" Remus asked.

"Together?" he said with newfound determination.

"I think so."  Remus held Wormtail out.  Both he and Sirius pointed their wands at the struggling Rat.  "On the count of three.  One – two – THREE!"

The flash of white light was blinding, but Remus didn't take his eyes off of the rat.  Suspended in mid air, Wormtail began twisting and contorting wildly.  From the bed, he could hear Ron screaming, but paid no attention.  _We're too close to stop now!_

He rat fell to the floor with a thud and another white flash erupted from him.  Slowly, a human head shot up from the ground.  It was followed by two arms and legs.  After a brief moment of disorientation, a much aged Peter Pettigrew looked up at his old friends in pure terror.

Remus gave a twisted smile.  "Well, hello, Peter.  Long time, no see."

It had been a long time.  Remus thought wryly that the years had been little kinder to Peter than they had been to himself.  Or to Sirius.  Peter's hair was thinning and colorless and his skin was a dirty gray.   His pale watery eyes looked shadowed and fearful.  But it was indeed Peter Pettigrew – the man for whose murder Sirius had been imprisoned.   

Peter was breathing rapidly, wringing his small hands.  His eyes twitched nervously to the door and then back to Remus and Sirius standing in front of him.   "S – Sirius…R – Remus…. My friends…my old friends…" He stammered.

Sirius' anger flared and he raised his wand to curse the traitor.  Giving him a warning look, Remus grabbed Sirius' arm and forced it down.  _Not like that, Sirius.  We have to do this properly._

"We've been having a little chat, Peter," Remus began, "about what happened the night Lily and James died.  You might have missed the finer points while you were squeaking around down there on the bed –"

Peter shook his head in disbelief.  "Remus, you don't believe him, do you…? He tried to kill me, Remus…."

"So we've heard," Remus said coldly.  "I'd like to clear up one or two little matters with you, Peter, if you'd be so –"

"He's come to try and kill me again!" Peter interrupted, pointing his middle finger at Sirius.  "He killed Lily and James and now he's going to kill me too…. You've got to help me, Remus…."

Remus looked at Sirius.  His eyes had narrowed and his lips were pursed.  Remus knew Peter was in real danger – that if Sirius had his way, Peter would be dead by now.  But Remus couldn't allow that to happen in front of the children without real proof first.  They needed to know…Remus needed to know.  

Remus said firmly, "No one's going to try and kill you until we've sorted a few things out."  Remus made sure Sirius caught the full weight of his promise.

"Sorted things out?"  Peter's eyes flew around the room, looking for a way out.  "I knew he'd come after me!  I knew he'd be back for me!  I've been waiting for this for twelve years!"

_What?  That doesn't add up.  _"You knew Sirius was going to break out of Azkaban?  When nobody has ever done it before?" asked Remus

Peter paused momentarily, as if caught in a lie.  Then he shrieked, "He's got dark powers the rest of us can only dream of!  How else did he get out of there?  I suppose He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named taught him a few tricks!"

Sirius laughed loudly.  "Voldemort, teach me tricks?"

Peter jumped back, cringing at what Sirius had said.

"What, scared to hear your old master's name?" Black pressed.  "I don't blame you, Peter.  His lot aren't very happy with you, are they?"

"Don't know what you mean, Sirius –"  Sweat dripped off of Peter's tense face.

Sirius took a step closer to Peter and Remus nearly grabbed him back.  But Sirius didn't attack with his wand or his fist – he attacked with words.  "You haven't been hiding from _me _for twelve years.  You've been hiding from Voldemort's old supporters.  I heard things in Azkaban, Peter…. They all think you're dead, or you'd have to answer to them…. I've heard them screaming all sorts of things in their sleep.  Sounds like they think the double-crosser double-crossed them.  Voldemort went to the Potters' on your information…and Voldemort met his downfall there.  And not all Voldemort's supporters ended up in Azkaban, did they?  There are still plenty out here, biding their time, pretending they've seen the error of their ways…. If they ever got wind that you were still alive, Peter –"

Remus took a deep breath, knowing full well what Sirius was implying.

"Don't know…what you're talking about…"  Peter stuttered and wiped his wet face off with the back of his sleeve.   Maintaining his innocence, he looked up at Remus, "You don't believe this – this madness, Remus –"

Remus swallowed.  "I must admit, Peter, I have difficulty in understanding why an innocent man would want to spend twelve years as a rat."

"Innocent, but scared!  If Voldemort's supporters were after me, it was because I put one of their best men in Azkaban – the spy, Sirius Black!"

 "How dare you," barked Sirius, offended at the implication.  His shoulders straightened and he drew up to his full height, making him look more like the man he had once been.  "I, a spy for Voldemort?  When did I ever sneak around people who were stronger and more powerful than myself?  But you, Peter – I'll never understand why I didn't see you were the spy from the start.  You always liked big friends who'd look after you, didn't you?  It used to be us…me and Remus…and James…."

Peter was no almost gasping for breath.  "Me, a spy…must be out of your mind…never…don't know how you can say such a –"

"Lily and James only made you Secret-Keeper because I suggested it."  Sirius now spoke with such ferocity that Peter actually had to take a step away from him out of fear.  "I thought it was the perfect plan…a bluff…. Voldemort would be sure to come after me, would never dream they'd use a weak, talentless thing like you…. It must have been the finest moment of your miserable life, telling Voldemort you could hand him the Potters."

Remus drew a shuddering breath at the very idea.  He had always assumed that Sirius had been the Secret Keeper.  All these years.  He felt ashamed for having doubted Sirius.

"Professor Lupin?  Can – can I say something?" asked Hermione shyly.

"Certainly, Hermione."

"Well – Scabbers – I mean, this – this man – he's been sleeping in Harry's dormitory for three years.  If he's working for You-Know-Who, how come he never tried to hurt Harry before now?"

"There!  Thank you!" squealed Peter.  "You see, Remus?  I have never hurt a hair of Harry's head!  Why should I?"

_Another good question.  _Remus turned to Sirius, hoping he would have an explanation.

And he did.  "I'll tell you why.  Because you never did anything for anyone unless you could see what was in it for you.  Voldemort's been in hiding for fifteen years, they say he's half dead.  You weren't about to commit murder right under Albus Dumbledore's nose, for a wreck of a wizard who'd lost all of his power, were you?  You'd want to be sure he was the biggest bully in the playground before you went back to him, wouldn't you?  Why else did you find a wizard family to take you in?  Keeping an ear out for news, weren't you, Peter?  Just in case your old protector regained strength, and it was safe to rejoin him…."

Remus smiled.  _You've got him figured out, Sirius!  Well done!_

"Er – Mr. Black – Sirius?" Hermione said politely.  Sirius turned to look at her in amazement.  "If you don't mind me asking, how – how did you get out of Azkaban, if you didn't use Dark Magic?"

"Thank you!  Exactly!  Precisely what I –"

Remus shot a warning look at Peter.  _Shut up!_

It took Sirius a moment to gather his thoughts before he answered Hermione's question.

"I don't know how I did it.  I think the only reason I never lost my mind is that I knew I was innocent.  That wasn't a happy thought, so the dementors couldn't suck it out of me…but it kept me sane and knowing who I am…helped me keep my powers…so when it all became…too much…I could transform in my cell…become a dog.  Dementors can't see, you know…." He swallowed.   It was obviously very difficult for him to tell.   "They feel their way toward people by feeding off their emotions…. They could tell that my feelings were less – less human, less complex when I was a dog…but they thought, of course, that I was losing my mind like everyone else in there, so it didn't trouble them.  But I was weak, very weak, and I had no hope of driving them away from me without a wand…."  His voice fell and became very soft.

Remus closed his eyes, pondering what life must have been like for Sirius over the past twelve years.  When he opened them again, he found it difficult to look Sirius in the eye.  _How could I have ever doubted you?_

Sirius continued with more energy.  "But then I saw Peter in that picture…I realized he was at Hogwarts with Harry…perfectly positioned to act, if one hint reached his ears that the Dark Side was gathering strength again… ready to strike at the moment he could be sure of allies…and to deliver the last Potter to them.  If he gave them Harry, who'd dare say he'd betrayed Lord Voldemort? He'd be welcomed back with honors…"

Peter shook his head, his eyes wide.  He tried to speak, but was only able to mouth inaudible words of disbelief.  

"So you see, I had to do something.  I was the only one who knew Peter was still alive.  It was as if someone had lit a fire in my head, and the dementors couldn't destroy it…. It wasn't a happy feeling…it was an obsession…but it gave me strength, it cleared my mind.  So, one night when they opened the door to bring food, I slipped past them as a dog…. It's so much harder for them to sense animal emotions that they were confused…. I was thin, very thin…thin enough to slip through the bars…. I swam as a dog back to the mainland…. I journeyed north and slipped into the Hogwarts grounds as a dog.  I've been living in the forest ever since, except when I came to watch the Quidditch, of course.  You fly as well as your father did, Harry…"

Remus looked up at Sirius.  _So that WAS Padfoot I saw in the forest!  I knew it! _

Sirius locked eyes with Harry.  "Believe me.  Believe me, Harry, I never betrayed James and Lily.  I would have died before I betrayed them."

Believe him, Harry!  It's the truth! 

After what seemed like an eternity, Harry nodded.  Remus felt his knees go weak with relief!

"No!"  Peter fell to the floor and pleaded with Sirius.  "Sirius – it's me…it's Peter…your friend…you wouldn't…"

Peter grabbed at the hem of Sirius' robe, but Sirius only snatched it away.  "There's enough filth on my robes without you touching them," he spat.  

"Remus!"  Peter now turned to Remus, continuing his search for pity.  "You don't believe this…wouldn't Sirius have told you they'd changed the plan?"

Remus thought for a moment and at long last realized why Sirius hadn't told him about the switch.  "Not if he thought I was the spy, Peter.  I assume that's why you didn't tell me, Sirius?"

"Forgive me, Remus," Sirius said in all sincerity.

"Not at all, Padfoot, old friend," Remus smiled.  He began rolling up his sleeves, preparing himself for the task at hand.  "And will you, in turn, forgive me for believing _you _were the spy?"

A smile pulled form the corner of his mouth.  "Of course.  Shall we kill him together?"

"Yes, I think so."  It was a grim thought, but it had to be done.

"You wouldn't…you won't…." Peter shrieked and scurried over to where Ron lay on the bed.  "Ron…haven't I been a good friend…a good pet? You won't let them kill me, Ron, will you…you're on my side, aren't you?"

"I let you sleep in my _bed_!" Ron said in disgust.

"Kind boy…kind master…you won't let them do it…. I was your rat…. I was a good pet…."

"If you made a better rat than a human, it's not much to boast about, Peter," Sirius pointed out.  

Peter crawled over to Hermione and tugged at the bottom of her robes.  "Sweet girl…clever girl…you – you won't let them…. Help me…."

Speechless, Hermione pulled herself away from the groveling man and backed up against the wall.

Shaking uncontrollably, Peter turned to the last person in the room – the only person he had yet to ask for mercy.  "Harry…Harry…you look just like your father…just like him…."

Sirius snapped.  "HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO HARRY?  HOW DARE YOU FACE HIM?  HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT JAMES IN FRONT OF HIM?"

Ignoring him, Peter whispered, "Harry.  Harry, James wouldn't have wanted me killed…. James would have understood, Harry…he would have shown me mercy…."

Remus glanced at Sirius and knew he was just as revolted by this scene as Remus was.  They walked over to Peter, each taking a shoulder, and threw him back away from Harry.  Peter looked up at them horrified.

"You sold Lily and James to Voldemort.  Do you deny it?" Sirius had his wand pointed at him.

Bursting into tears, Peter wailed, "Sirius, Sirius, what could I have done?  The Dark Lord…you have no idea…he has weapons you can't imagine…. I was scared, Sirius, I was never brave like you and Remus and James.  I never meant it to happen…. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named forced me –"

"DON'T LIE!" thundered Sirius.  "YOU'D BEEN PASSING INFORMATION TO HIM FOR A YEAR BEFORE LILY AND JAMES DIED! YOU WERE HIS SPY!"

"He – he was taking over everywhere!  Wh – what was there to be gained by refusing him?" sobbed Peter.

"What was there to be gained by fighting the most evil wizard who has ever existed?  Only innocent lives, Peter!"

Sirius was very right.  The only thing that had come from all this was the loss of innocent lives.  James and Lily died because of this man.  Harry was sent to live with Muggles who treated him terribly.  And Sirius…Sirius spent twelve years paying mightily for a crime he didn't commit.  What was to be gained?  Remus couldn't even believe Peter had asked that question.

"You don't understand!  He would have killed me, Sirius!"

"THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED!  DIED RATHER THAN BETRAY YOUR FRIENDS, AS WE WOULD HAVE DONE FOR YOU!"

Remus stood next to Sirius' side and raised his wand at Peter.  "You should have realized, if Voldemort didn't kill you, we would," he added quietly.  "Good-bye, Peter."  

Remus and Sirius readied themselves for the attack.  Remus felt a twinge in his heart that the three children in the room would witness a man's death, but they needed to see justice served.  They would understand it all once this was over.   But just as Remus and Sirius were about to utter the killing curse, Harry jumped in front of Peter before they could even utter the curse. "NO!  You can't kill him.  You can't."

What the devil? Remus glanced at Sirius in confusion.  

"Harry, this piece of vermin is the reason you have no parents," reasoned Sirius.  "This cringing bit of filth would have seen you die too, without turning a hair.  You heard him.  His own stinking skin meant more to him than your whole family."

"I know.  We'll take him up to the castle.  We'll hand him over to the dementors…. He can go to Azkaban…but don't kill him."

"Harry!  You – thank you!"  Peter wrapped his arms around Harry's knees and hugged him.  "It's more than I deserve – thank you –"

"Get off me," snarled Harry, pushing Peter away from him in revulsion.  "I'm not doing this for you.  I'm doing it because – I don't reckon my dad would've wanted them to become killers – just for you."

He's right.  And we should have realized that. 

Remus and Sirius lowered their wands respectfully.  "You're the only person who has the right to decide, Harry.  But think…think what he did…" Sirius said.

"He can go to Azkaban.  If anyone deserves that place, he does…."

"Very well," said Remus moving forward.  "Stand aside, Harry."  Harry didn't move.  "I'm going to tie him up.  That's all, I swear."  Harry moved aside slowly.  

Calmly and expertly, Remus cast the spell to bind Peter.  Cords shot from his wand and wrapped around the fat, little man.  He lost balance and toppled over, sending him wiggling and writhing on the floor.

"But if you transform, Peter, we _will _kill you," Remus warned.  "You agree, Harry?"  Harry agreed.

"Right.  Ron," Remus said, turning around to face Ron, "I can't mend bones nearly as well as Madam Pomfrey, so I think it's best if we just strap your leg up until we can get you to the hospital wing."

Ron nodded and Remus walked over to him slowly.  He met Ron's eyes, looking for any sign that the boy would accept him as a teacher rather than a monster.  Ron nodded approvingly when Remus held out his wand.  With a tap of his wand and a quiet, "_Ferula,_" the broken leg was bandaged to a splint.  Ron leaned on Remus' arm as he stood up.

"That's better.  Thanks," Ron said, giving Remus an accepting smile.  Remus couldn't help but smile in return.

"What about Professor Snape?" questioned Hermione?

I almost forgot about him… 

Remus felt at Snape's throat for his pulse and easily found it.  "There's nothing seriously wrong with him.  You were just a little – overenthusiastic.  Still out cold."  _I could wake him up, but he might try to attack Sirius._  "Er – perhaps it will be best if we don't revive him until we're safely back in the castle.  We can take him like this…_Mobilicorpus_."

Snape lifted off the ground as if invisible strings were pulling him up by his arms.  He dangled in mid air like a rag doll hanging on a hook.  With a nod, Remus picked up the invisibility cloak and tucked it into his robes for safekeeping.

"And two of us should be chained to this," Sirius said, kicking at Peter who was still lying on the floor.  "Just to make sure."

"I'll do it," said Remus

"And me," volunteered Ron with resolute determination 

With a wave of Snape's wand, Sirius conjured a set of manacles.  A few moments later and Peter was bound to Remus on the left and Ron on the right.  It would be awkward moving through the tunnel, but it was the safest way to make sure Peter didn't escape.  

Remus looked to Sirius for approval and Sirius nodded.  The group headed for the door, out onto the landing, and down the stairs.  Although there was still much to discuss, Remus felt as if a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.  Very soon now the wizarding world would know the truth about Sirius.  Sirius would certainly be pardoned.  This opened up so many opportunities, not just for Sirius' future, but for Harry's as well.  As they reached the opening to the tunnel, Remus glanced over his shoulder at Sirius and Harry.  He smiled knowing that the future would be much better than the past.

(Side note – I'm betting that "After the End" is updated within a day of this being posted.  It always is!)


	31. Moonlight Misfortune

Chapter Thirty-One

**Moonlight Misfortune**

(Subtitled – The Part We ALL Hate!)

Crookshanks led the way down the tunnel.

Remus, who was next in line, glanced over his shoulder at Peter.  He was whimpering and it was starting to irritate Remus.  When they were younger, Peter would take to whimpering and whining until he got Remus or James or Sirius to do something for him.  Remus knew that at this very moment Peter's sighs and moans were all an effort to try to get Remus to rethink his decision.    But Remus just fixed him with a long, cold stare.  That shut him up.

Behind Peter was Ron, stumbling over the rocky ground, managing the best he could.  Remus knew his leg must be throbbing, but he also knew why Ron needed to be the one keeping an eye on Peter.  And Remus wasn't going to deny him this right.

Behind the conjoined trio floated Snape, suspended in the air by his own wand, which Sirius now held.  Every now and again Snape's head would bump into the ceiling of the tunnel.  Remus suspected that this was not entirely unintentional, and gave Sirius a look.  Sirius shrugged innocently, and muttered something about being a bit out of practice. 

Trailing behind them all were Hermione and Harry.   Hermione had been so clever in the shack.  She really was an amazing student.  And Harry – well, it was quite appropriate that James' son was a part of this procession that would finally see justice done.  

The magnitude of the events of the evening was starting to settle in Remus' heart.  Sirius was innocent and would soon be set free.  This meant so much, not only for Sirius but also for Harry.  The two of them would have such different lives from now on.

And so would Remus.  It meant the world to him to have his friend back.  

Sirius' voice came softly from behind.  "You know what this means?" he said to Harry.  "Turning Pettigrew in?"

"You're free."

Remus smiled.

"Yes…. But I'm also – I don't know if anyone ever told you – I'm your godfather."

"Yeah, I knew that."

He knew about that? I wonder why he never asked me about it?    

"Well…your parents appointed me your guardian.  If anything happened to them…"

Sirius paused a moment.  Remus turned to look at him.  Meeting his eyes, Remus urged him to go on.

Sirius continued tentatively.  "I'll understand, of course, if you want to stay with your aunt and uncle.  But…well…think about it.  Once my name's cleared…if you wanted a…a different home…"

"What – live with you?"  Harry sounded dumbfounded.  "Leave the Dursleys?"

"Of course, I thought you wouldn't want to.  I understand, I just thought I'd –"

"Are you insane?  Of course I want to leave the Dursleys!  Have you got a house?  When can I move in?"

Remus nearly laughed out loud.  Harry apparently shared his father's opinion of Lily's sister and her husband.

"You want to?  You mean it?"

"Yeah, I mean it!"

Remus saw Sirius smile.  It was a full, honest, true smile.  Remus smiled as well, and couldn't seem to remember the last time he felt so happy – so confident – so free.  It really was liberating knowing the full truth of what happened all those years ago.  And it was wonderful having one of his friends back.  

They reached the mouth of the tunnel and crawled out one by one.   As they pulled Snape out, no one bothered to make sure he was particularly comfortable.  He would have cuts and bruises all over, but that didn't seem to matter much.  If Snape had only been able to control his hatred of Sirius and look at the evidence, he wouldn't be in this situation.  Remus felt very little pity for him.

Once they were all out, they started towards the castle.  Peter whimpered again and fidgeted with his manacles.

"One wrong move, Peter," warned Remus, pointing his wand at Peter's chest.

The cool breeze sent a chill through Remus' body.  Something wasn't right.  Remus glanced around at the forest looking for…something.  The forest was almost still, just the faintest rustling of trees moving in the wind.  It was very dark, and hard to see the ground underfoot.     The only light came from the castle of in the distance.  Remus looked up.  There were so few stars shining tonight due to the cloudy sky.  You couldn't even see the moon…

_The moon!_

_OH GOD!_

His eyes darted to a shifting cloud – and the full moon that hid behind it!

His voice caught in his throat and his body froze.  He felt the familiar pull – the tightening in his stomach – the pain in his bones.

He could feel the wolf rising within him, struggling to get out.   

He wanted to scream.  He couldn't remember taking the potion!  Sirius – Harry – they were all in danger!  Remus struggled to get the words out, and failed. 

_Run!_

Somewhere someone was yelling.  Was it Sirius?  It sounded very far away.

He felt his body stiffen and then stretch.  Pain ripped through his body.  He threw his head back, howling in agony.  

No matter how much Remus fought it, the change was unstoppable.  And the wolf was angry.  The wolf had been kept in check for too long.  He wanted out!  He was ready to attack!  Remus couldn't control him tonight.  The smell of flesh filled his nostrils as the wolf snarled and cried out.   Animal instinct and fury replaced human emotion.  The last conscious thought Remus had was that he needed to get away from the group before he hurt someone.  The wolf ripped at the manacles and was free.

And Remus knew no more.

***

My head hurts.

Remus was lying on the ground, quite uncomfortably.  He didn't quite know where he was or how he got there.  He felt something poking him in the back and slowly rolled over to move away from whatever it was.  A sharp pain ripped through his side and he groaned in agony.

He was outside.  He was suddenly very aware of the earth underneath him and the rock that kept poking him in the back.  _How did I get outside? Remus struggled against grey fog, trying to make sense of where he was._

Very slowly, he blinked his eyes open.  The sun was barely rising and the dim orange light shadowed the forest.  _The forest?  How did I…_

Remus opened his eyes wide as the memory hit him hard.  He had transformed.   Without the aid of the Wolfsbane Potion.  And Harry and Sirius and…

_Oh God!_

Remus pulled a shaking hand up to his forehead.  There was a deep gash across the right side and blood had hardened around the cut.  His shoulder ached with pain as well.  His skin was ripped – torn – as if he had been bitten.  He touched the mark tenderly and remembered…Sirius.  Sirius must have transformed into Padfoot to keep the wolf away from the children.  In doing so, Padfoot must have bitten his shoulder.

Remus wondered what kind of damage Moony had inflicted on Padfoot.

He sank down onto his back.  "Oh…what have I done…" he mumbled.  He licked his lips and tasted blood.  Blood…in his mouth.  

_Oh sweet Merlin---NO…. _

He instantly felt ill and rolled onto his side.  His body stiffened and he gave a mighty heave, but his stomach was empty.  Sick and shaking, Remus was flooded with a sour relief that at least he'd not eaten anything…or anyone.  One touch of his hand to his mouth told him that his lip was  split and swollen.  

_Maybe….maybe I haven't bitten anyone._

Remus desperately replayed the events of last night in his head.  He could remember beginning to transform.  _Someone shouted, and it must have been Sirius.  Yes, it was a warning.  Sirius told everyone to run.  But Ron and Peter…they were chained to me.  He remembered ripping the manacle off his own leg, but he could not seem to get a clear image of what happened to the others.   He also knew he had dropped his wand.  _

_Dropped my wand…_

_Which means that Peter wasn't being covered._

_He…he didn't…he couldn't have…_

In that instant he knew that his own carelessness had probably given Peter the chance to get away.  And the stars only knew what happened to Sirius.  Remus could only hope everyone was all right.    

He moaned and wiped the spittle off his mouth.  What a disgrace he was - lying in the dirt bruised and bloodied.  His robes were a torn, shredded mess.  His wand lost.   And the castle was very far away.

He could see it far off in the distance.  He could even hear people's voices.  But there was no use in trying to walk to the castle.  He would never make it.  Remus could not remember ever feeling as tired as he did right then.  He just wanted to sleep.   But the voices in the distance kept him in reality.

They were looking for him.  Of course, they would be.  Best take a werewolf right after the transformation, when it is at its weakest.    He deserved to be locked up for his mistake.  No, not locked up – but executed.  The voices boomed, nearer.  Remus idly wondered if there would be a trial before his execution.     

Not voices…but one voice.  Calling for…him? 

"Professor Lupin!"

Remus lifted up to have a look.

"Professor Lupin!" the voice called again.

"Hagrid?"  The giant man came into view, still yelling out for him.

"Professor Lupin!" he called again.

"Over…"  He coughed, phlegm stuck in his throat.  "Over here!"

Hagrid spotted him and ran towards him.  "Bloody hell."

"Couldn't have described it better myself."

"I didn' mean it like tha'."

"I know you didn't, Hagrid."  

Hagrid bent over and slowly helped Remus stand up.  He was unsteady on his feet and would have fallen over, had Hagrid not caught him.  "Professor Dumbledore sent me out t' find you.  Said you'd be needin' some help."

Remus looked up at his face.  "Thank you, Hagrid."

"Don' mention it.  I've bin in bad situations myself.  Never refused help when it's bein' offered."

They made their way up to the castle slowly and carefully.  Remus had so many questions, but he wasn't sure just how much Hagrid knew.  He'd obviously been told that Remus was out on the grounds, but was that the extent of his knowledge?  Since Remus wasn't too certain about what exactly happened last night, he figured it would be best if he kept quiet. 

Once inside the castle, Remus asked if they were heading to the hospital wing.  Hagrid informed him that Dumbledore wanted to speak with him right away.  The idea of facing Dumbledore both worried and comforted Remus.  He would have the chance to explain – and have things explained to him as well.  

Trudging up the steps to the Headmaster's office, Remus licked his lips once again.  The taste of blood was still in his mouth.  It was his blood; he knew that now.  But what if it hadn't been?  What if he had managed to get a hold of something last night?  What if he had bitten an innocent person and inflicted this curse on someone else?  It was his greatest fear in all the world – and it had almost come to fruition due to his carelessness.  

How could he have ever thought he was safe enough to be around these children?  How could he ever be trusted by anyone ever again?  He put too many lives in danger last night, and he never wanted that to happen again.  He would never take that chance again.  His mind was made up on this matter.  Once he arrived in Dumbledore's office, he would resign.

_AN: I saved my notes for the end!  Thanks to Durayan and Alkari for the beta read.  If you are upset by Barfing!Remus, blame Durayan!  She dared me to do it, not thinking that I would.  If ever Remus needed SOUP! It would be now!  And I thought you might like to know that I'm guessing the fic will be 35 chapters and an epilogue – so not much more to go!  YEAH!_


	32. Bruised and Broken

_AN: This is a reposting of this chapter.  For some horrid reason that I can't fathom, I wrote up this chapter without having read the next little bit in PoA.  Because of that, I missed a few minor details that Remus talks about later that needed to be included in the chapter.  It's not a HUGE deal, but I wanted to get it right._

_Also, as I said earlier, I owe much of this chapter to Durayan and her wonderful talent of filling in the gaps.  She wrote so much of this chapter, it really should be hers!  _

Chapter Thirty-Two

**Bruised and Broken**

Remus felt himself sway slightly on the spiral staircase and he closed his grasp around the railing for support.  He could still taste the blood and bile in his mouth, and every bone and tendon in his body screamed with the aftermath of the transformation.  Still, he knew what he had to do, and focused his mind on facing the Headmaster.  He felt Hagrid's firm grip on his arm, supporting him, and felt a rush of gratitude for this gentle giant of a man.  

At the top of the stairs, they reached the door to Dumbledore's office. Through the heavy wooden door, Remus could hear the raised voices of Snape, McGonagall and of the Minister of Magic.  Remus drew a shuddering breath and   raised his hand to knock, but the door silently opened before him. 

Snape was yelling something venomous about Remus and the folly of trusting such a dark creature. "He could have killed us all!!" he bellowed. 

"Now, really, Severus!!" Minerva McGonagall was just as angry as Snape.  "I've known Remus Lupin for twenty years!  He has always taken careful precautions…"  

Snape's nostrils flared.  "Careful precautions?  Must I remind you that this is the _second_ time I was almost killed by that creature?"

Cornelius Fudge interrupted them impatiently.  "It's clear that the Ministry should have greater control over staff appointments considering the circumstances.  I shudder to think of the consequences had that werewolf attacked a student!"  

The scene was utter chaos, yet in the background, the headmaster stood behind his desk quietly listening to the arguments with an impenetrable calm.  His eyes met Remus' and slowly each of the others turned to look at them.  Remus was shaking, his legs felt like jelly.  Hagrid must have felt this, for he helped Remus into the closest chair.  Snape glared at Remus with disgust and opened his mouth to say something. 

"Well," started Fudge, beating Snape to the first word, "now at least we have _one_ of them in custody."

Remus looked at Snape.  "What have you told them?"   

"I told them the truth!" Snape raged.  "How Potter, Weasley, and Granger helped Sirius Black to escape tonight.  And how _you_ did nothing to stop it!"

"Severus…"

"Not only that," Snape looked from Dumbledore to Fudge and back to Remus, "but he's known all along that Black was using that old shack as his hideout.  It is my belief that he helped Black break into the castle!"

Remus met Snape's eyes evenly, and forced his voice not to shake.  "I assure you, Severus.  I did not help Sirius break into the castle. "

Fudge turned to Dumbledore.  "I had my doubts when you appointed a werewolf, Dumbledore.  I hope that you see the error in your ways.  Imagine how this will look for the Ministry!  We will have parents complaining not only about their children being exposed to a dark creature, but also that he has been assisting a murderous traitor!"

Remus shivered.  "Sirius Black is not a murderer."

Fudge snapped around to look at Remus.  "Black has been convicted of his crimes.   He's a cold blooded and dangerous killer.  There will be a formal enquiry.  You have a great deal of explaining to do!!"

"I believe," Dumbledore said calmly, stepping from behind his desk, "that Professor Lupin is in no condition to answer any of these questions at this time."

Remus blinked.  Was it his imagination or was Dumbledore warning him not to say a word?  What happened?  What did he know that Remus didn't?  

"But Headmaster – " Snape began to protest.

Dumbledore ignored him and turned to Hagrid.  "Thank you for your help this morning, Hagrid."

"S'all right.  I was hopin' t' find Beaky out n' about.  But I seen no sign of 'im.  Don' know how he got out," Hagrid gave a wary look in Remus' direction, "but I hope he's all righ'."  There was more to Hagrid's statement than simple concern for his Hippogriff.    

"Buckbeak… is missing?" Remus asked.

"Yeah.  Don' know what happened.  He's jus'…gone."

"Well, I can assure you that I didn't…" he wanted to say _eat _but decided on a better choice of words… "_harm_ him or any of the other creatures in the forest last night."

"Creatures?" Snape spat.  "He put the lives of humans in danger last night and he's only concerned about the creatures in the forest!  I warned you about this, Headmaster.  There is no way to tame a werewolf!"

"Severus," Dumbledore said looking over the tops of his glasses, "I would think that you would understand what it is to be unjustly discriminated against for circumstances that were beyond your control."  Snape's dark eyes flashed, but he said nothing.  "In fact, I believe that Professor Lupin should be recognized for his efforts to protect the students."

"Protect them?" Snape fumed.  

"Yes, indeed," Dumbledore continued.  "He took a great risk confronting Sirius Black without any aid.  I'm sure he only had the well being of Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley, and Miss Granger on his mind."  Snape was stunned.  "Now, I would prefer to speak with Remus alone for a few moments.  After all, he is under my employ as a teacher at this school."

"You can't be serious!" Snape bellowed in a furious rage.  "You can not allow him to remain on staff after what he's done!  He is no longer a child to be pampered. And I can no longer over look these issues.  As a teacher at this school, and head of Slytherin House, I will do what is necessary to protect my students!  It is clear that he is a threat!  He's dangerous!  If the students only knew what he was – "

"Severus!" Dumbledore said.  Snape fell silent.  "I have heard your arguments and I will be taking them into consideration.  Now, I ask you to please allow me to speak with Professor Lupin _alone_."

Snape hesitated, his eyes shooting daggers at Remus.  The tension between the two men was thick.  Snape suddenly smiled a vicious smile, almost looking triumphant, and gave a curt nod.  With a flourish of his robes, he strode from the room.  

Remus exhaled the breath he had been holding.  His head was pounding.  He touched the cut on his forehead to check if it was still bleeding.  It was.  

McGonagall pulled a handkerchief out of her robes and bent to help Remus.  "Hagrid," she said quietly, "would you be so kind as to tell Madam Pomfrey that Professor Lupin is here in the office and in need of a healing potion?"

Hagrid nodded and left the room as well.  

Fudge remained, determined to have one more word.  "I'm not through here yet, Dumbledore."  He threw a glance at Remus over his shoulder.  "The Ministry will be able to recognize Lupin's actions as intending to be helpful.  After what you've said this morning, there is no doubt in my mind that Black would have killed those students had Lupin not shown up.  However, I still need to know the truth about Black's disappearance.  Having him escape once is bad enough.  But twice – it makes the Ministry appear incompetent, and we can't have that.  Nor can we have a madman running lose.  People are terrified – frightened for their lives!"

"There's no reason to be," Remus said, surprising not only himself but also the others in the room.  "Sirius…is no danger to anyone."  That wasn't exactly true.  Remus knew that if ever Sirius had another chance to kill Peter, he would do it without thinking twice.  

Remus noticed that Dumbledore shot a warning look at him.  _Did I say too much?  What am I supposed to do?  _ 

"He killed his best friends!  How can you say he's not a threat?"

Remus looked to Dumbledore for how to proceed.  The older man raised his eyebrows and placed a hand on the Minister's shoulder.  "Cornelius, I promise to make you aware of any new information I receive on Sirius Black.  But for the time being, I would really like to talk to Professor Lupin about last night in private."  Dumbledore gave McGonagall a look, almost a signal of what she was to do.  

McGonagall opened the door to the hall and waited for the Minister to join her in exiting the room.  Fudge looked from Minerva to Dumbledore, picked up his bowler hat from the desk, and stalked from the room.  The door closed with a thud.

"Albus, it's not what you think," Remus started.

"Oh isn't it?  I think that someone I have trusted for a very long time has been keeping a remarkable secret from me."

That confirmed it.  Dumbledore knew…something.  Remus felt the bottom fall out of his stomach.  The queasiness he felt earlier returned as he summoned all his courage to finally tell Dumbledore the truth.  "Yes, I have.  And it's time for me to explain everything."

The headmaster held up a hand.  "There isn't much need.  Sirius told me."

"Told you?"  _Then that means that Sirius is all right.  _"Then he was here."

Dumbledore nodded.  "Yes, he was.  And he told me a great deal.  About three rather ambitious teenagers and their mastery of the animagus transformation.   About James and Lily switching to Pettigrew for their Secret Keeper.  And most importantly, about the events that occurred in the Shrieking Shack less than twelve hours ago."

Remus slumped back on the couch and looked at the floor.  "And how I ruined everything," he muttered under his breath.  This was now the second time in his life when Remus came very close to actually hurting someone.  Ironically, Snape and Sirius had been involved in both situations.  However, this felt much worse than ever before.  Snape was right – Remus was an adult who should have known better.  He could have killed several people.  Worse than that, he could have passed on his curse – to children even!  And beyond that, Pettigrew was probably now free, leaving behind no proof of Sirius' innocence.  He would never forgive himself for his mistake.  

"I wouldn't say 'ruined' – but your transformation didn't help matters either."  Dumbledore looked very serious

Remus looked up at the old man in desperation.  "What happened?  I – I gather from what Snape and Fudge said that Sirius escaped.  But I…I don't understand how or when or even…"

Dumbledore smiled rather mysteriously.  "Yes, Black's disappearance was very surprising.  It seems that he was somehow able to escape from Fileus' rather well guarded office.  Very odd.   It's almost as if he _flew _away. "   Dumbledore's eyes twinkled.   "He quite completely vanished.  As did Hagrid's Hippogriff.   An interesting and remarkable coincidence, wouldn't you say?"  

Remus was stunned.   _How…_  "I thought the Hippogriff was executed just before sundown."

"It seems that the beast was able to undo his tether.   No telling where it's gone off to by now, but I am sure it's miles away from Hogwarts."

Comprehension began to dawn for Remus, along with many new questions.  "But how was Sirius captured in the first place?  Are the children all right?  Is Harry?  And what happened to Pettigrew?"  _Please tell me he was caught!_

Dumbledore held up a steady hand to silence him.  " Pettigrew, I am afraid, has escaped."

With the possible truth confirmed, Remus sunk even further into his guilt.  He sat in silence, letting his thoughts take over.  _Damn it!  DAMN IT!  How could I? This is all my fault! I'm such an idiot for ever thinking I could live a normal life.      _

Dumbledore continued his explanation.  "Snape, it seems, was able to _capture _Sirius after the dementors left him and the other unconscious."

Remus felt a sudden shock.  "What dementors?"

"The ones that surrounded Sirius, Harry, and his classmate, Miss Granger.  They were hungry and couldn't resist the lure of fresh souls.  There were probably close to a hundred dementors surrounding them."

The blood drained from Remus' face as a wave of horror filled his heart.  "Was anyone – hurt?"

A smile formed on the old man's lips.  "Thankfully, no.  Harry was able to drive the dementors away with his most excellent Patronus."

"But---Headmaster, there are few fully qualified wizards who could have fended off that many dementors with the Patronus charm!  Harry is only thirteen!"  

Dumbledore nodded soberly.  "Yes, that's true.  Harry must have had a very good teacher in order to have mastered that charm so well.  It saved his life.  And Sirius's, and Hermione's."  

A wonderful feeling of joy came over Remus upon hearing the story.  Harry had saved his own life and the lives of his friends with his Patronus.  "What an amazing accomplishment.  Harry should be very proud."

"You should be proud as well," Dumbledore said.

"Me?  No, I made too many mistakes.  I put the students in danger last night.  Hell, I put them in danger this whole year by not telling you I knew Sirius was an animagus!  How many times could Harry have been killed?  How many times could I have helped?"

Dumbledore sighed heavily.  "I need to remind you, Remus, that had you told anyone about Sirius' abilities, he might have been caught and sentenced to the Kiss.  As it is, he is currently alive and – " he held up a finger, "more importantly, there are witnesses to his innocence."

"But who will believe a werewolf and some thirteen year old children?"

Dumbledore smiled sadly.  "You make a good point.  But Harry will not always be thirteen.  Peter Pettigrew will most certainly return to Voldemort, showing himself again to his master and many others, proving that he wasn't murdered.   This ordeal may take years to solve, but it will come to an end.  With his escape, Sirius is now able to get a hold of the newspapers more easily and keep a watch on Harry.  And think of all the places an unregistered animagi can go that Sirius Black cannot.  I find this turn of events most fortuitous."

Remus didn't quite believe what he was hearing.  "Headmaster, you can't be suggesting that what I did…was the right thing to do?"

The older man thought a moment.  "Last week, had you brought this information to me I would have been furious that you hadn't told me sooner.  But as it is, I am glad that I didn't know the truth until last night.  Your deception over the years is the only reason Sirius is alive right now."

Remus brought a shaking hand up to his eyes.  He rubbed them, hoping to dull the ache in his head.  "It still doesn't change the fact that I recklessly forgot to drink my potion last night."

"Ah, yes."  Dumbledore walked over to his sideboard and poured a glass of water.  "I do agree with you about that."  

Dumbledore offered the glass to Remus, who took it.  The glass trembled in his unsteady hand, sending a small bit of water splashing over the edge.  "I don't know what happened.  I have never – _never_ forgotten to take the potion.  When I saw the moon…"  Remus' remembered that awful moment in vivid detail.  He shut his eyes tight, hoping to block out the vision in his head.  Words failed him.  He didn't know what he could say – he couldn't even begin to apologize.

"You must prepare yourself for some difficult questions, Remus.  Parents will most certainly want to know how you intend to make sure this will never happen again."

Remus gaped at him.  "Albus, for the first time in my life, I agree with Severus.  I cannot stay on as an instructor.  The parents will be outraged that I was here at all.  There is no chance that they would knowingly allow their children to be exposed to me.  You would lose students."

"Remus, you have given your students a great deal this year.  Just look at Harry's accomplishments.  I've even noticed a change in Mr. Longbottom's countenance.  You have a gift for teaching."

Remus smiled bitterly and set the glass down on the table next to him.  "I also have a curse.  I cannot allow what happened last night to ever happen again.   I could have bitten any of them.  I could have killed them.    That must never be allowed to happen."

Dumbledore sighed, a frown forming on his face.  "I do not wish to lose one of my best teachers Hogwarts.  You will do the students a great injustice if you resign."

Remus looked away.  "How can you trust me after all I've lied to you about?  How can you trust me after what I've done?'

Dumbledore smiled.  "The same way I trust Severus – and Sirius – and Hagrid."

"But none of them have ever come so close to killing your students."  Dumbledore didn't reply to this.  "I must resign, Albus, and you know it."  He swallowed the lump in his throat.  "I'll report all the student's marks to you and leave for home as soon as possible." 

A gentle rap at the door sounded and Madam Pomfrey came into the room.  "I was told that – "  Her breath caught upon seeing Remus.  "Heavens!  You should be down in the hospital wing!"  Immediately she tackled the wound on his forehead, applying a healing lotion with a cloth.  

"Hold this.  Keep pressure on it so that the bleeding will stop."

Remus did as he was told and held the bandage firmly against the cut.  The lotion made the cut sting a bit, but relief soon followed. 

Poppy poured out some water into a goblet, muttering as she mixed in some healing herbs.  "I would have never believed it.  You should have been brought to me immediately!  But as usual, you wait for the wounds to set in before seeking help.  Really, I would think you would know better by now."

She handed Remus the goblet and he downed the bitter potion.  A warm sensation filled his body.  The ache in his bones began to dull, and his head almost immediately stopped throbbing.  

Not wasting a moment's time, Poppy began examining the wound on his shoulder.  "This looks like you've been attacked by some creature."  She met Remus' eye.  "You didn't…I mean…"

"No, Poppy.  I didn't _eat _anything."

She nodded and went back to work, mending his shoulder.  "Of course you didn't.  And to think Severus would even have the nerve to suggest such a thing.  How I would dearly like to do something painful to that man," she took a deep breath and continued. "Except that then he would require my services, and I'm not so sure I could maintain my professional demeanor with him.  Professional…_tut_!  It's a good thing they took away the Order of Merlin - as if he deserves such a thing.  He probably believes he's done everyone a favor by telling them about you.  Well, if you ask me, he didn't have any right to say one word!"

Remus reached up and grabbed her hand, stopping the healing of his wound.  "Poppy, what are you talking about?  What…did Severus say something?"

Poppy sighed heavily in frustration.  "Oh, Remus."

"Poppy, what is it?"  There was a sinking feeling in his stomach.

"Professor Snape just told the Slytherin's about you while at breakfast."

Remus dropped the hand covering the cut on his head to get a better look at Poppy's face.  _Is she serious?  This is a joke – it has to be.  Severus didn't actually…_

"He announced that they had better be careful in Defense.  That – one wrong move and they could be bitten by a werewolf."

Remus slowly closed his eyes, letting the realization set in.  _So now the whole school knows.  _

"I will address the school at a general assembly this evening, Remus," Dumbledore offered.

"That won't be necessary."

"But Remus – "

"I'm not staying, Albus.  I won't do this to the school.  I won't."  

Dumbledore didn't object.  He only furrowed his brow in disappointment.

"It's settled then."


	33. Saying Goodbye

_AN: Here it is.  Finished.  And I made it before OotP!!!  Hope you like it. Many thanks to Durayan, Thing1, and  Gryffinjack for the beta reads.  And a special thank you to the Tann, Gryff, Doc M, and Mel from the WWR chat room for the help with Remus' wand.  _

Chapter Thirty-Three

Saying Goodbye

The grounds were very still.  The bright sunlight broke through the early morning mist and cast an ethereal glow on the forest.  It looked so peaceful – so welcoming.  But Remus knew better.  That forest had deceived him so many times, and last night was no exception.  He paused at the edge, not wanting to enter its shadowed paths, but knowing that he had no choice.

His wand was still in there.  He dropped it during the transformation, after all.  And it wasn't as if he could simply go into Olivander's and buy himself a new one.  Oh, no.  Werewolves generally weren't granted the privilege of owning a wand.  But Dumbledore had insisted and Remus was allowed to purchase a wand.  __

_"Here, let us see how this one responds."_

_Mr. Olivander held out the wand to Remus who took it in his quivering hand.  The first two wands had been nearly unresponsive, and the third wand hadn't done anything at all.  Remus was beginning to worry that he wouldn't be able to do magic at all.  But the wand maker explained that they simply hadn't found the right combination of wood and core for Remus yet.  _

_As Remus took hold of the wand, a strange sort of feeling came over him.  Something tingled in his arm. If he hadn't known any better, he would have guessed that the wand were alive.  Surely, that had to mean something important.  _

_Pointing the wand at a book on the counter, Remus cast a spell he had heard his mother cast far too many times.  "Accio book."_

_The book flew towards him in a rush of wind.  It thudded against his chest knocking the breath out of him.  _

_"I'd say your wand has finally found you!"  Mr. Olivander said with a broad smile.  "Ash, ten and one quarter inches, with a hair from the tail of a Sphinx."_

_Remus couldn't contain the joy he felt.  He had a wand!  He was a wizard!  He could do magic!  And he would be going to Hogwarts.  It almost didn't seem real.  _

_"You must be very careful with it, Remus," his father admonished._

****

_"I know.  I won't break it."_

_His mother gave him a very pointed look._

_Remus rolled his eyes.  "Or scratch it, or lose it, or anything.  I promise."_

_His father clapped his hand on Remus' shoulder.  "You're very fortunate that Professor Dumbledore trusts you. You should feel good about that. _

_ "Yeah, I know," he said casually._

_His father looked down at him in earnest.  "Remus, don't take this lightly.  Dumbledore has given his word on your behalf. His trust is something that many wizards spend years trying to gain.  Never take that for granted."   _

Remus brushed the memory aside as he trod a path to the Whomping Willow along side the menacing forest that teased him now with its tranquility.  He remembered it was just after they had come out of the willow that he had fatefully lost himself to the moon.  His wand must be close to where he had transformed.

Without hesitation, Remus stepped into the shadow of the Whomping Willow, just out of reach of its branches.  Very slowly he retraced the path the group made the previous evening, keeping his eyes focused on the ground.  The further away from the willow he walked, the more caution he took to not step on any piece of wood, twig or other stick-like structure, for worry that it just might be his wand.   

A soft bunch of fabric lying in a heap on his left caught his eye.  He squinted, not knowing exactly what it was.  And then it hit him – the invisibility cloak!  He remembered tucking it into his pocket just before leaving the Shack last night.  _How could I have forgotten about this?  Harry must be worried that he'll never see it again._

Remus picked it up and shook it out.  Turning it inside and out, he searched for any holes or rips.  Harry deserved to have his property returned to him in one piece.  If there were any tears, Remus would have to have them repaired by a special weaver, and that was certain to be expensive.  Testing it out, he slipped under the cloak and glanced down at his body – or rather where his body _should_ be but wasn't.   The cloak was a bit rumpled but in good shape.  He only hoped his wand was in just as fair condition.

He slipped the cloak off, tucked it in his robe, and continued his search of the ground.  It was only a few moments later that he spotted his old wand.  Relief coursed through him as he expelled a breath he didn't even realize he was holding.  He had lost many things last night.  It was a comfort that he hadn't lost his wand as well.

***

Remus entered his office for what would be the last time.  He had already packed up his belongings from his room in the staff wing.  Now it was time to tackle saying good-bye to the room that held so many personal memories.  It was a task he most certainly wasn't looking forward to.   He licked his lips and set his tattered brief case up on top the desk, right next to the Marauder's Map.

Remus paused and just looked at it, not really noticing who was in what room and not really searching for any information either.  He simply looked at it in silence.  His world had changed so much since he had last looked at this map. How stupid he had been to not wipe it clean before he ran off to find Sirius and Peter!  He left the map right where Snape could get a good look at it. 

_Wonderful.  One more thing I can feel guilty about now.  Perfect._

Remus sighed and pushed the map to the side.  It wouldn't help to dwell on the past right now.  There was so much to do.  He pulled the invisibility cloak out from under his robes and hung it gently over the back of his chair.  Hopefully he would be able to see Harry for a moment before he left.  If not Dumbledore give it back to him.  

He went to work straight away on his files, making sure to leave behind those that the next Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher might find useful.  He made a note listing everything the students covered in the year along with some special concerns he had pertaining to a few students.  Hopefully, who ever would take over in his place would find the information helpful in planning their lessons for the next year.  

He stuffed some of his own more personal files into his brief case and turned his attention to the grindylow in the corner.  It wouldn't be wise to leave it here unsupervised.  And the thought of traveling all the way home with the tank didn't appeal to Remus at all.  After careful consideration, Remus decided to free the grindylow into the Hogwarts lake.  There were plenty of merpeople with whom it could find a home.  After all, merpeople were known to keep grindylows as a sort of pet.

He summoned a house elf through his fireplace.  In no time, a small, squeaky male house elf appeared eager to provide any assistance needed.  Remus told him to take the grindylow out to the lake and set him free.  Apparently thrilled to be given such an important task, the house elf snapped his fingers and the two creatures vanished.  Remus emptied the water from the tank and placed it on the desk next to his nearly full briefcase.  

Something on the map caught his eye.  A dot was moving very quickly in his direction – a dot labeled Harry Potter.  Remus smiled.  Indeed, he would get that chance to talk to Harry.  He needed to return the cloak as well as another item.  And…he needed to explain a few things.  

The dot was now in the hallway.  Footsteps sounded just outside the door.  Remus looked, still smiling, as Harry came into his classroom.  "I saw you coming," he said, indicating the map.

"I just saw Hagrid," Harry said, nearly out of breath.  "And he said you'd resigned.  It's not true, is it?" Harry seemed quite distressed.

Remus sighed.  "I'm afraid it is."  He opened up the top drawer to his desk and continued packing his things into his briefcase.

"_Why_? The Ministry of Magic don't think you were helping Sirius, do they?" 

Remus looked up at him.  Harry apparently didn't want any small talk this time.   But Remus wanted to keep the conversation private, so he moved to the open door and closed it behind the young boy.

"No," he said once the door was shut.  "Professor Dumbledore managed to convince Fudge that I was trying to save your lives."  He sighed.  "That was the final straw for Severus.  I think the loss of the Order of Merlin hit him hard.  So he – er –" _blabbed my secret to the whole school?  No, too childish. _"_… accidentally_ let slip that I am a werewolf this morning at breakfast."

"You're not leaving just because of that!" Harry protested.

Remus chuckled softly.  "This time tomorrow, the owls will start arriving from parents…. They will not want a werewolf teaching their children, Harry. And after last night, I see their point. I could have bitten any of you…. That must never happen again."

"You're the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher we've ever had! Don't go!" Harry pleaded.

Remus just shook his head and emptied out another drawer.  Changing the subject, Remus said, "From what the headmaster told me this morning, you saved a lot of lives last night, Harry.  If I'm proud of anything I've done this year, it's how much you've learned."  Remus stopped packing and looked Harry in the eyes.  "Tell me about your Patronus."

The question clearly took Harry by surprise.  "How d'you know about that?"

"What else could have driven the dementors back?"

Harry thought for a moment.  "I didn't know I could do it until…until right when I needed to do it.  And it just sort of – burst out of me!  And it wasn't like the ones I conjured in the classroom at all.  It was brilliant!  And huge!  And it charged at the dementors, pushing them away from…from us." 

Harry hesitated a moment.  "It was a stag – an enormous, silver stag."  His eyes fell to the floor.  "You told me that a Patronus is a shield – that it's a guardian.  You said they change shape depending on the wizard conjuring it.  Well…I reckon mine is a stag because…because of my father."

Remus smiled sadly.  "Yes, your father was always a stag when he transformed.  You guessed right…that's why we called him Prongs."  

The last drawer held a few books.  Remus placed them in his brief case and closed the drawer.  He turned to face Harry and handed him the cloak from off of the back of chair.  "Here – I brought this back from the Shrieking Shack last night."  Harry nodded in reply.  A sense of mischief filled Remus with delight as he picked up the Maraurder's Map.  "And…. I am no longer your teacher, so I don't feel guilty about giving you back this as well.  It's no use to me, and I daresay you, Ron, and Hermione will find uses for it."  

Harry beamed in delight as he took the map.  Remus suppressed the urge to laugh. 

"You told me Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs would've wanted to lure me out of school…you said they'd have thought it was funny."

Remus closed his case to hide the look on his face.  "And so we would have.  I have no hesitation in saying that James would have been highly disappointed if his son had never found any of the secret passages out of the castle."

A gentle knock on the door stopped Remus from saying anything more.  Remus noticed that Harry very quickly hid the map and the cloak in his pocket.  _A true Marauder!  James would be pleased!_

The door opened to reveal Dumbledore standing outside in the hall.  "Your carriage is at the gates, Remus."

"Thank you, Headmaster."  Taking a deep breath, Remus gathered up the empty grindylow tank and his briefcase.  He had been dreading this moment all morning.  But it was inevitable.  It was time to leave. 

He smiled down at Harry.  "Well – good-bye, Harry.  It has been a real pleasure teaching you.  I feel sure we'll meet again sometime."  He turned to Dumbledore and quietly said,  "Headmaster, there is no need to see me to the gates, I can manage…."

"Good-bye, then, Remus," the Headmaster replied evenly, offering Remus his hand.  Holding the large tank and heavy case with one arm was difficult, but Remus managed to free his right hand.  The handshake was firm and powerful.  Remus could tell that Dumbledore still trusted him, and that meant everything to him.  

Before his will power failed him, Remus nodded towards Harry and left the office.  He would soon be on the train home.  He would soon see Katie again.  And maybe, just maybe he would see Sirius again someday.  He hoped that when that day came, Sirius would forgive him for everything that happened.  For only then would he truly be able to forgive himself.


	34. Epilogue

****

****

**Epilogue**

****

Moony,

It's happened.  He's come back.  Dumbledore is gathering the Order.  Figg and Fletcher have already been contacted.  Look for Padfoot around the twenty-first of June.  You'll receive instructions at that time.

S

The note had come via owl only moments ago.  Remus reread the letter trying to read between the lines for any extra information.  His eyes lingered on the words "He's come back."

_Voldemort._

It had to be.  But there was no mention of how.  

Remus thought back over the last few weeks.  The Daily Profit had been covering the tri-wizard tournament quite closely.  There had been several poorly written articles about Harry.   And after every task there was a detailed report on the efforts of each champion and the outcome of the event.  But after the third task, there had only been a short paragraph stating that Harry had won the competition.  Remus remembered finding it odd that there hadn't been any real details given, but didn't think too much about it at the time.

Now…he wondered…

_Did Voldemort return for the last task?  Did Harry have to face him?  Is everyone all right?_

He folded the parchment up and tucked it into his pocket.  The twenty-first of June was only a few days away.  Sirius would be arriving then, and all his questions would be answered.  For there were many questions Remus needed to have answered, not just about Voldemort, but about … everything.  

_Where did you go after Peter escaped?  Have you been in contact with Harry?_

_Can you ever forgive me for what happened that last night at Hogwarts?_

"Remus?" Katie's voice came from the hall way.

"I'm in here," he called back.

Katie appeared in the doorway.  "I'm sorry I came over without an invitation, but we ran out of Fenugreek again.  Do you mind if I steal some?"

"Not at all," he said, forcing a smile.

Katie pursed her lips.  "What the matter?"

_How intuitive she is!  _Remus let out a sigh.  He had tried to keep almost everything about Sirius a secret.  When he returned form Hogwarts, he had told her that Snape had let it slip to his students that he was a werewolf and that he couldn't stay on without parents growing angry.  It was the mostly the truth, but it wasn't the full story.  

It wasn't that he didn't trust Katie.  No.  It was the fact that he knew giving out any information about Sirius might be dangerous.  And he didn't want to put Katie in that kind of danger.  

But Sirius would be here in a few short days and Katie would most certainly see him.  The time had come for Katie to know the whole story.

"Katie, I have to tell you something."

He signaled for her to have a seat next to him on the sofa.  He told her everything he could remember.  And through it all, she sat quietly, listening.  Amazed at the secrets being revealed.  Anxious as the truth unfolded.  Dumbfounded at the fact she hadn't pieced it all together herself.  And when he finished, she wanted to know more.  

But there wasn't any more to tell.  At least, not yet.  Remus didn't know the rest of the story.  And so they waited in anticipation, both of them, for the twenty-first of June to arrive.  

_AN: Now go and enjoy Order of the Phoenix!_


End file.
